


Are You Ready to Die For It?

by RhosgobelRabbit96



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: AU-Part One Only, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst/Comfort, Asshole Thranduil, Battle of the Five Armies Fix-It, Deepthroating, Explicit Sex, F/M, Foursome - F/M/M/M, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hobbit/LoTR Connecting Years, Kidnapping, Light Bondage, Love, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Multi, Oral Sex, Painful Sex, Rape, Romance, Rough Sex, Sex, Sex Toys, Sibling Incest, Thranduil Not Being An Asshole, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-05-05 15:36:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 60
Words: 112,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5380619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhosgobelRabbit96/pseuds/RhosgobelRabbit96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After 50 years of failed rituals, life-long Tolkien fan & human sorceress Elspeth Locke finds the one that works. The 'Hobbit' movies having provided images of the doomed dwarves, Kili, Fili & Thorin, she uses these to summon them into her world to show them how to avoid their deaths. Will she succeed, or will they perish despite her intervention?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One: Summonings, Chapter 1 - Kili

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: my OC has a voracious sexual appetite and loves with equal passion. While not all encounters are explicit, there are many. The character is not me, though I have drawn from some of my own life experiences to give her an interesting backstory. This is my first writing exercise in a very long time, and written for my own pleasure. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters other than my OC; they are the property of J.R.R. Tolkien's estate, Sir Peter Jackson and the associated film companies. I earn no profit from the work.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first dwarf is invoked.

 "I call upon Cerridwen, Goddess of Rebirth, Transformation and Inspiration. I call upon Arianrhod, Goddess of Fertility, Rebirth and the Weaving of Cosmic Time and Space; I call upon Oya, Goddess of Transformation, revealer of changes; I call upon Etain, Goddess of Love, Transformation and Rebirth; I call upon the spirit of Mnemosyne, Personification of Memory and Mother of the Muses, I beg the favor of the Spirits who may part the Veil between Time and Space, of the Revealers of the Hidden, the Guardians of the Passage – bestow unto me, your servant Elspeth Locke, the power to reach into the Realm Of Middle Earth and summon the Three whom I seek, who exist between the fantasy creation of J.R.R. Tolkien and the visual genius of Peter Jackson, so the Tale lives for me and for them I may change the outcome!" She then placed the production stills into the bowl and poured the mixture over them, watching until the pictures sank.

Once the invocation left her lips, Elspeth felt a force flow through her unlike any she had experienced before, in hundreds of failed attempts over 50 years. _I think this may be it…_

Ever since she had first read The Hobbit she had been looking for a way to save the 3 doomed dwarves: Thorin Oakenshield, and his nephews and heirs Fili & Kili, by bringing them into to her own time so they would not be destroyed; so they could be warned of the actions that cost them their lives. It wasn't until years later, when the Hobbit films had been released that she finally had a specific iconography – images of the three. Her unshakable belief that all well-defined imaginary characters existed in fact, somewhere beyond where most could reach, her conviction that she could find the means to transport them out of their universe and into her own, had finally paid off.

Of course, this was not going to be easy. How does one convince a real being, one who has been living his life in his own reality, that he was first created by imagination and craft, and despite that, can master his own fate? How to explain that in his own universe and reality, his death would be quite real. And what of the complications of pulling them into this modern world where nothing would be familiar and all would seem like a malevolent magic to them?

She had planned it out…they would have to come one by one; trying to manage all three at once would be impossible. She would give each 3 days to absorb what she told them and believe it enough to act when the time came. And trying not to make changes to other facts of either book or film, or without divulging how they came to that knowledge, before returning them to their own place and time. She was prepared to give them whatever they required of her to make the revelation real and tangible, including herself.

Although past 60, Elspeth looked less than half that: still beautiful, with her long, thick mane of gray, white and silver, pale skin, strange grey eyes, which had flecks of gold, silver and black, framed by long black lashes and full, ripe lips the color of plums. Under her robes her body was like a young woman's: full, high breasts, well-toned torso, and short but shapely legs. She was quite small, barely 5 feet. She was intelligent, logical, well-read and educated, with a strong ability to see through to the heart of a situation and find a solution. Her favorite things included music, film, art, history and the current century's technology, even if she wasn't proficient in all of it, not being raised in that era. She also had a profound love of animals and nature, and a soft spot for the misfits of society.

If they needed _her_ to be part of the discovery, if it would help them to accept the reality, for each or all of them, she was more than willing. She found each of the dwarves uniquely beautiful and desirable. And she had wanted this for a very, very long time.

Her red and black robes swirled as she moved to perform the final part of the ritual. She raised her arms to the huge antique mirror, from which a sudden wind gusted into the room, and cried " _Kili!_ "

The mirror wavered, rippled, lost her reflection. As if pushed by an unseen force, the dark-haired dwarf crashed through and into her arms. The mirror went dark.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The name, Elspeth Locke, was created by me as a teenager as a pseudonym. I was into researching Pagan, Wiccan and Celtic deities. I did join a couple of groups, going under that name. I did this out of interest in the subject, not a burning obsession to save any fictional characters. This beautiful image is almost exactly how I see her: http://shooterk.deviantart.com/art/Silver-Bells-409376145
> 
> I had a friend whose nickname was actually 'Pippin;' no one ever called her by her real name (Rosemary). She taught me how to read and write Elvish, and the Dwarf runes, so we could write each other in code. This was in 1967, so we wrote real letters sealed with wax. She could recite the books from memory, she'd read them so often. I am very grateful for having made her acquaintance, as she introduced me to Tolkien's world. I've lost track of her, so all I can say is: Thanks, Pip! I'll always remember you!
> 
>  


	2. Welcome to My World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth has succeeded in summoning Kili into her own world to try to save him from being killed at the end of 'The Hobbit'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

 

Poor Kili – he looked so frightened that for a moment I thought _maybe this was a mistake…_ But I had chosen him first because I knew his youth and curiosity would win out over fear. Looking around the dark and largely empty space, he gulped, looked at me with round dark eyes, and bowed.

"Kili, at your service, my lady."

"I am Elspeth Locke, a Daughter of the Cabal of the Goddess Cerridwen. I have brought you here to change your future, Kili."

"Excuse me, my lady, but where is this place? How did I get here? What do you mean 'change my future'?" The look of fear was quickly being replaced by wonder – and suspicion.

"Are you a spirit? Witch? Demon?"

"I am human with some unique talents, but all your questions will be answered in due time. Leave your weapons here. Nothing will harm you." I indicated a table just outside the door into the house.

"Come with me."

I led him out of the dark studio into my kitchen, a warm space filled with growing herbs and plants, pottery, potions, exotic spices and teas. Wind chimes, sun catchers and prisms hung in the windows, throwing dancing light on the walls, along with a light tinkling sound from the chimes. This was my sanctuary; a room more of the past than the present, where I cooked and concocted, but also designed to make anyone feel comfortable. Not unlike a hobbit hole. I turned to take in his appearance.

"Were you hunting?" He had his bow, so I assumed he'd say yes, but he shook his head.

"Just walking in the forest, but never without my bow, my lady."

"Were you alone - not with Fili?" He started slightly at mention of his brother's name.

"How do you…no, I was alone." This was a relief, as I'm sure watching your brother disappear into thin air would cause no small amount of chaos on the other side.

"You will be here with me for 3 days, during which time I will answer any questions and explain why you are here. Some of this will sound unbelievable to your ears, but I have evidence that all I say is true. I offer any and all means to help you understand."

"After 3 days, I will send you back and bring your brother to me. When his 3 days are done, I will send for Thorin. I will only call all of you here together if my task fails and you do not believe what you learn from me."

"Can I just ask one thing now?" I nodded. "Why us?"

"Because you are the last of your line. Now, will you please sit down – are you thirsty, hungry?"

"Always!"

Trying to provide what they would need was somewhat of a challenge. I was vegan, and the idea of preparing meat dishes made me queasy. But they had to eat and I wasn't about to push my lifestyle onto them. I had purchased a good amount of prepared stews, soups and casseroles, plus bacon, ham, eggs, cheese, lots of bread and butter, jam and anything else I gleaned from story, film and fanfic that they could possibly want, and I knew they could prepare themselves.

Drink, on the other hand, would be a little more difficult. What on earth would the 'ale' they were accustomed to be like? I only drank wine and the occasional strong spirit. I settled on getting a variety of beer, as many in kegs I could find, anything labeled ale, lager, bock or stout. It looked like I was preparing for a frat party: remembering the scene in the film, with all the food and dishes flying about, luckily there would only be one of them here at a time!

I gestured to the overcrowded counter tops, cabinets as I opened them, my small pantry and finally the refrigerator.

"Anything that appeals to you. If it needs warming, tell me."

Kili's large brown eyes widened. "I don't know what much of this is…" I smiled.

"It may not look familiar, but I assure you, it will all satisfy." I started to point out and name some items. When I got to a venison stew, he looked puzzled.

"What sort of animal is a ven-ee-son?" I had to giggle.

"It's deer meat." It hadn't occurred to me that they wouldn't know the word. "It's very cold…shall I warm it?"

"Yes, please. But I don't see where you could build a fire in here."

I laughed out loud; the look on Kili's face was priceless.

"I'm sorry," I said, a little breathless. "I know this is all very overwhelming. I'll try to explain."

Popping the package of stew into the microwave, I named the various appliances and their uses. He watched as the container rotated.

"This must be magic!" It was so endearing, the child-like wonder of this beautiful young dwarf. _Don't start -_ I told myself- _you can't afford to develop feelings for him._

"No, not magic. It is a power called 'electricity', a magnetic force created by burning fuel, diverting water or wind, or capturing the heat and light of the sun."

The microwave pinged and he jumped up. "What was _that_?"

"That signaled us that the stew is ready; sit." I removed, stirred, and set it before him. I indicated the spoon, which he looked at with great interest.

"What metal is this?"

"It is called stainless steel – not something found in your world." _This is going to get somewhat tiresome_ , I thought. _And it's only a meal!_

"I don't know what ale is like in your world, but you can choose any of these. If you don't like it, pick another until you find one that tastes like your own or that you at least prefer."

It took him a couple of tries, finally settling on Samuel Adams Boston Lager. _Funny,_ I mused. _I_ _thought that might be the one_. He ate as if starving…the legendary dwarvish appetite.

"This is really excellent!" he exclaimed. "Did you make it yourself? And why aren't you eating too?" I sighed. _Another explanation…_

"No, I got it all from a … market. I don't eat the same foods as I'm serving you." Kili dropped his spoon into the bowl, having polished off what would have fed at least three people. "You said you were human!"

"I _am_ human. My choice is to be what we call vegan, meaning I eat or use nothing from animals. I do not eat meat, chicken, fish, eggs or dairy products and I don't use or wear anything made from furs, hides or feathers."

"How is that even possible? What else is there?" He looked astonished.

I laughed, "Why, everything _else_ , of course! Fruits, vegetables, grains, seeds, nuts. If it grows on trees or from the ground. It is a moral choice, based on my love of animals. And in my world, it's a health choice as well. Some call it a rabbit's diet."

"Oh, I love rabbit!" Kili sat up. "Do you have any of that?"

"No." I stood up. "Come with me and I'll show you why."

******************************

I led him behind the house, to the enormous penned area, protected from weather, predators and escape. Rabbits ran about everywhere – all sizes, colors, breeds. Some basked in the late afternoon sun, others peering out from their safe zones of boxes, tubes, houses. No cages.

"These rabbits are most precious to me. Each has a piece of my heart and soul. They are what once were called 'familiars' – a term used when accusing someone of being a witch or devil, as they could communicate with the animal – which were most often cats." Kili backed away from me.

"I thought you said you weren't a witch! Do you speak with them? And what are _those_?" pointing at a pair of rabbits whose ears didn't point up.

"No, Kili. Not in the way you think. I understand them and they me, but not in speech. It comes from affinity, the great love I have for them. That's why you won't find anything of theirs to eat or wear or otherwise utilized in my home. They are like my children. Those rabbits are called 'lops,' bred to have ears like that. You'd never find them in the wild. It isn't a natural trait, just like all the mixed colors you see."

"I am aware that in your world you rely on them heavily for food, fur and pelt. It was that way here as well, long ago. As we came to rely on other animals, rabbits became less popular as a food source. They become household pets, but usually gotten for children who mishandled them. Most didn't live past their first year. And if they managed to survive to adulthood, they were poorly cared for, abandoned, tormented or killed outright for sport or out of sheer evil nature."

Some of the rabbits came to the fence, putting their paws on it and stretching to their fullest height, standing upright.

Kili was charmed. "What do they want?" I laughed.

"What do you think? They want food, of course. But I can't give them anything right now - it would cause a minor riot. They eat from the garden - I indicated a greenhouse attached to the fence - and I have a couple of people who come in every day to open the garden for them and clean up after them. They have instructions not to come into the house for this week."

"All these I took in, made sure they were fed and sheltered, given medical attention if needed, and every ounce of love and affection I could give them. A few were born here, as their mothers came to me pregnant. I took preventive measures so there would be no more births among them."

"What do you mean? How could you stop them from doing what comes naturally?" asked Kili, fascinated.

"A special animal healer performs a procedure called neutering for males, where the testicles are removed (I laughed inwardly as his hand went protectively to his own); and spaying for females, where the reproductive organs are removed entirely. The procedures not only make them unable to reproduce, but also calms them and prolongs their lives. Rabbits are prone to some diseases if left intact, and I would have thousands of them!"

As we returned inside, I caught a glimpse of Kili's eyes, filled with an empathy he didn't quite understand.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rabbit sanctuary comes from my own life experience of operating one for a number of years.


	3. Lesson One, Delayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth wants to begin showing Kili what he needs to know, but he has other ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never written a sex scene, so might not be as explicit as when I get further along in the story. Also, the chapters will get progressively longer.
> 
> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

 

 "Now, I will begin revealing to you what you need to know. As I said, I will use any and all means to help you to understand, as it will be difficult for you. Feel free to ask me anything; I will do my best."

He looked up at me through the hair that fell over his forehead, smiled in that naughty way he had. "Does the 'any and all means' include _you_?"

That surprised me. I figured he would be fascinated with my world, the experience, not me. At least, not at first. "Yes, if you want…I am yours completely for these 3 days." The smile widened. "Well then, could we maybe do that first?"

"As you wish." I started for my bedroom. "Come." He moved quickly, agile as a cat and caught me, turned me toward him and began kissing me passionately. It was at this point the reality hit me: I'd actually done it…he was really _here_ , in the flesh, and about to devour mine. It was unbelievable – this was a fictional character – but what I was feeling was no dream.

I started moving backward, pulling him with me into the candle-lit room, removing his clothes as we went. I slipped out of my robe, naked beneath. He was already hard, but hesitated once we reached the bed, pushing me down under him. I thought he was going to plunge into me right then, but pulled back, to look at me.

"You are so beautiful, Elspeth" he said, "but I still don't understand what you really are. You certainly _could_ be a witch…you have bewitched me…put me under your spell. And I don't care if I stay under it forever. Just tell me…"

"Now is not the time for talk. But I am no witch. I am fully human, if a bit small for one." I was only a little taller than he.

"You are perfect!"

And with that he proceeded to kiss, nibble and lick me everywhere, surprising me with his obvious experience. I could barely breathe, but when he got down to where I was already wet, I flipped us over and sucked him until he begged me to stop.

"Why?" I asked. "Is it too much for you?"

He was breathing hard. "I can't hold back much longer!"

I laughed softly. "Then don't…take me however you want.' He turned us back over and drove into me, hard. I came almost immediately; he followed seconds later…

I guess I couldn't hold back, either!

" _Oh Mahal_ …you are amazing…as tight as a virgin." I responded to this by squeezing him so tightly he couldn't withdraw, and felt him hardening again inside me.

"Slower this time, Kili," I said, "I want to savor all of it."

He began to move, very slowly, and as the tension grew inside me again I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him into me as deeply as possible. We began to move faster, but just before I could climax, he pulled out and used his tongue until I cried out and begged for release.

He turned me over, pulling me onto hands and knees and took me from behind, still teasing with his fingers. Despite how surreal this all was, I couldn't deny the pleasure. He sped his rhythm, and we came almost together, then collapsed. He curled around me.

"Do we sleep now?" he asked.

"No - we should get started. There's lots we need to do." He nuzzled through my hair at the back of my neck.

"I know," he murmured, and began arousing me again.

We didn't leave the bed for a long while.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Mahal - Dwarves' name for the Vala Aulë (The Maker)


	4. Lesson One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth shows Kili the written evidence of his, Fili's and Thorin's deaths. He doesn't take it very well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

 "Okay – first you will listen to me, then ask your questions. Clear?" Kili stared at me and answered dreamily, "Can't we do this in bed?"

"No. I need your full attention, focused on what I say and show you – not on me. Distractions can come later. Understand?" He grinned wickedly, nodding.

I pulled my copy of The Hobbit from the pile on the table. "Since your quest has not yet begun in your world, this will not be familiar, but it will come to pass and soon. A wizard named Gandalf the Grey will meet with your uncle Thorin and convince him to attempt to reclaim Erebor, providing a map and key to a secret entrance. Thorin will assemble 12 others, including you and your brother. To avoid having a party of 13, Gandalf will introduce you all to the hobbit Bilbo Baggins, who will join the quest and prove himself invaluable in its success."

"Are you with me so far?" Kili nodded, wide-eyed.

"Can you see the future, Elspeth? Are you a seer?"

I turned to the inside of the book jacket, which showed a picture of the author.

"No. Well, to you it might seem so, but your future is already in the past. This is J.R.R. Tolkien, author of this book and your creator."

"My _creator_? No, no – I was born of my mother, Dís."

"Tolkien created her, too. And everyone you know and every place you've been – your entire world of Middle Earth. He created dwarves, elves, men, hobbits, orcs, goblins and other creatures to live there. He was a language scholar, who basically invented a language first, then developed a race who would speak it, and a complete culture around that race. See here – the map of the Lonely Mountain, Thror's Map. And here, a map of the Wilderland, through which you will travel. Tolkien himself drew these maps. They do not show anything that is real in my world; only in yours."

"The Hobbit was written as a children's story, but after its success, Tolkien began working on a much longer and more comprehensive work **,** The Lord of the Rings, which takes place many years after the events in The Hobbit **.** He actually started working on it a few years before writing  The Hobbit, but it was so complex he could only do some at a time. Interruptions and other obligations also took precedence over his writing. It was some 20 years before that work was finally published.

"Here." I pulled the large tome over. "It consists of three books and a number of Appendices, which contain a wealth of information about Middle Earth, its races, its history, its languages." Here I turned to Appendix E, to the Angerthas. "This is your language, right? Or at least your alphabet." Kili nodded.

"And here, further reference to the nature of Dwarves and the secret language which few others ever could decipher." This was Appendix F. And finally, I went to Appendix A, and pointed out the section of 'Durin's Folk' and the page with the family line. I read aloud:

"The Line of the Dwarves of Erebor as it was set out by Gimli Glóin's son for King Elessar."

Kili looked up "Gimli!"

"Of course, you know Gimli," I said. "Although he's quite a bit younger than you. His father, Glóin is one of the dwarves to go on your quest." Kili stared at me, as this was the first evidence he knew he couldn't dismiss.

"And Gimli himself is one of the major characters in The Lord of the Rings."

"And who in the world is King Elessar?" I shook my head slightly.

"He is part of that story, and you will surely meet him if you survive."

"If I sur…what do you mean?"

I ran my finger down the page, until I came to the line which read 'Thorin II Oakenshield 2746-2941' Next to the second number was a small cross.

"This symbol indicates a premature death, in battle or otherwise."

And before Kili could react, I pointed to the next branch down, which read 'Fili 2859-2941' and slightly to the right 'Kili 2864-2941,' both bearing the same small cross.

He paled "W-what does this mean? We're all going to die?"

"Yes." I gripped his hand tightly; he tried to pull away from me.

"No, Kili, you must stay and listen, for this is why I brought you here."

"No! I want to go home. This isn't real!"

"Do you believe that _I'm_ real? It _is_ real, and you cannot go home until I send you back." He sat down, eyes shining with tears.

"It cannot be true," he said in a whisper.

I read aloud from the Appendix of 'Durin's Folk': "The Dragon Smaug was slain by Bard of Esgaroth, but there was a battle in Dale. For the Orcs came down upon Erebor as soon as they heard of the return of the Dwarves: and they were led by Bolg, spawn of Azog who had killed King Thror. In that first battle of Dale, Thorin Oakenshield was mortally wounded; and he died and was laid in a tomb under the Mountain with the Arkenstone upon his breast. There also fell Fili and Kili, his sister-sons."

Still holding onto him, I re-opened The Hobbit and read to him how Thorin fell, pierced with spears, and was borne off the battlefield by Beorn, of Thorin's last words with Bilbo Baggins, and the funeral, Thorin lain to rest with the Arkenstone and his Elven sword, Orchrist. And finally "Of the twelve companions of Thorin, ten remained. Fili and Kili had fallen defending him with shield and body, for he was their mother's elder brother."

I let go of Kili, who buried his face in his arms on the table. I knelt beside him and rubbed his back, whispering comforting words.

"That's all for now. Tolkien did not write any further details of your deaths, not even exactly how they occur."

I couldn't bring myself to tell him that the next part of his instruction was watching the films, where he would actually see a version of how deaths occur.

"Why? Why did you want me to know this?" Kili asked.

"Because I believe that I can show you how to prevent it, or at least make it not fatal, for all three of you."


	5. Lesson Two: Of Books and Movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth tries to explain to Kili why books and films differ, but either one could be fatal. Kili questions her about her own life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's a lot of dialogue in this section, but I was trying to put myself in their minds. How much explaining would Elspeth need to do? I think quite a lot. It wouldn't do to just plop Kili on the couch and start the movie - this is a strange new world for him.
> 
> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

 Kili tried to sleep, but was restless and irritable, finally getting up and exploring the rest of my home. It was a modest log house, set in a secluded area of the White Mountains of New Hampshire. The only other occupied land in the vicinity was a wolf-dog sanctuary. I loved hearing their song in the night. It made me feel as if I was no longer in the modern world.

The first time the wolves started up, Kili panicked, looking for his bow and arrows. I laughed and he whirled on me.

"Why are you laughing? Can't you hear how close they are?"

"Settle down; they aren't really wolves and they aren't running out there loose." His confusion was plain.

"I don't understand…not real?"

"Oh, they are real enough, but they are only part wolves. Stupid, greedy people breed them with dogs, thinking they'll get a tame pet wolf from the litter. But wolf instincts are too strong and they cannot be made to act like dogs so their owners get rid of them. There are two packs of these nearby in a sanctuary. Each pack has a large area, but they are kept in and separated by fences. I know the man who takes care of them."

"Why would _anyone_ want a pet wolf?"

"Kili, if I were to try to explain to you the mind-set of the people of my world you would grow old and die here!" He sighed. "Is it that bad?"

"Bad enough. Believe me, you and your kin in your own place have it much, much better, even though you're in survival mode most of the time. You have to create so much on your own. You must build your homes, find and grow or hunt for your own food, guard your own families, create objects for trade, barter with those who need what you have, for what you need. Even entertain yourselves. It is a simple existence."

"But it isn't always easy," he pointed out. "We have to fight sometimes to keep what's ours."

"Including your lives," I said. "But it's still easier than what we have to contend with, if we have a conscience."

"My world is all about money, politics and greed. Everything is complicated. Governments aren't really concerned with the needs of the people. We are so overloaded with information that decisions become difficult; often we reach for the easiest thing, even if it's a poor choice. All of us are poisoned: our air is filled with dangerous substances, our water is not always fit for drinking. Our food is manipulated, to make it grow bigger, faster. But even that does not matter, because all of the arable soil has been contaminated. We grow poison and eat poison. Animals also eat poison and are raised in horrible conditions before being ruthlessly slaughtered; one of the reasons that many, like me, no longer eat meat." Kili considered this.

"But you have such marvels, to make your lives easy. This power you call 'lectricity – it allows you so do so much without hard work. You have time to enjoy these…what do you call them again…enter…?"

"Entertainments, yes. But those entertainments have consequences. They are also distractions; they keep us in a state of complacency, so we don't act or get angry at abuse or injustice, or even think about anything other than ourselves and what we want. We have lost a sense of ourselves; truly important things like loyal friends, family bonds, our connection to the natural world - which we are also destroying. Those are the very things you have in your world and you know what's really important. Granted, you have to work pretty hard, but believe me, the hard work is what keeps you connected. We have it _too_ easy. And we are weak as a result."

"Someone once told me that most people are actually asleep, and only a few of us are truly awake. And the ones who are awake are the only ones who really see things the way they are. But there are often too few of them to change things."

"Then you must be one of the awake ones, Elspeth. I think _you_ see these things and care about what's happening." Kili regarded me with curiosity. "But you sound so bitter - why? What happened to you?" I took a deep breath.

"I started life as an adopted child. Do you know what that means?" He nodded.

"Adopted children always feel like a part of them is missing. There's anger, about being unwanted. There's a desire to know where you came from, who you really look like, what the rest of your family might be like - _blood ties._ I had wonderful adoptive parents, who gave me a comfortable, safe, mostly untroubled childhood. They made sure I was healthy, well-educated, following a so-called normal path. They had a son of their own 3 years later. He always hated me. By the time we were in our 20s, we could barely be in the same room. For most of our lives, there was nothing between us, except my parents. Once they were gone, we broke all ties. And so I had no more family."

"I was an odd child. The things that interested me marked me as someone to be avoided, so friends were mostly non-existent. I spent much time alone, reading, studying, learning about all the things in the world that weren't normal - at least not to most people. I had already begun searching for the reality behind the fiction at 12 years old."

"Like what?" Kili asked. "You know a lot about me, my family, my world. But if we were just words on paper, what made you think we were real?"

"I started meeting others with the same belief, who were so devoted to that place and time because the characters and their environment were described in such a way that it _had_ to be real; it became real in our minds. For some, it becomes an obsession, as it did for me. Most 'outgrow' this; once one becomes an adult, these beliefs are frowned upon. No magic, no fairy tales, no such thing as 'other worlds,' 'parallel universes' or 'alternate realities'."

"That's terrible! So all the wonders about life are gone!" Kili was outraged by this idea. "If there's no imagination, how can anyone create or discover anything new?"

"Good question," I said. "We are expected to walk a certain path: go to school; find a job - not something you love to do, but something to make money. Some people find their true calling, but not the majority. Then we are supposed to marry - and until very recently, it had to be someone of the opposite sex; have children; purchase a home, which puts you in debt for 30,40 years; grow old; retire - in other words, quit working; see your children grow up, marry, have children, buy a house. Continue the pattern, over and over and over again. And when you get old, you are mostly regarded as a burden to your children and they find somewhere for you to go until you are 80, 90 years old. And then you die; sometimes earlier, sometimes later. And that's it."

"There was a study done, where people at the end of their lives were asked what they would have done differently, and the most common answer was 'I should have pursued my dreams, or at least tried.' Regret, over the possibility that they wasted their time, they could have been happier with their lives. When asked what they accomplished in their lives, most said 'I had children.' Now, in your world, that _is_ truly important, as it only occurs rarely. You need to keep your population going, for the sake of your peoples' survival. In my world, it's practically all anyone does with their lives: they have children."

Kili asked, "And you didn't?"

"No. I did everything in my power to prevent it. Remember I told you about the procedure performed on the rabbits so they couldn't breed? Well, that can be done on people, but not many choose it, especially if they haven't had children first. I was young and it took years to find a doctor - a healer - who would perform the procedure on someone as young as me, who hadn't had any children. I was told again and again that I would change my mind...which I never did. And never regretted it."

"What if you _had_ changed your mind?"

"I could have done the same as what was done with me - adoption. But I knew I wouldn't. I had something more important to do - find a way to stop you three from being killed."

"But why? What is it that made you care so much?"

"I fell in love."

******************************

"In love with whom?" Kili said, surprised by my answer. "Not the three of us?"

"Well, yes – but not immediately."

"First I fell in love with the story itself. I was only about 10 years old when I read both The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings **.** What hit me the hardest was that the three most interesting characters in the story – the sons of Durin - were the ones who die – just _them,_ out of all the characters. It seemed so unfair, since much of the tale is _about_ them. It was then I began to look for an answer. I came to believe that Tolkien himself knew that his creations might exist beyond the written page. He even created characters based on himself and his wife."

"I did lots of research, some in very dark subjects and joined a number of cabals and covens, looking for the information I needed to create the ritual to summon you. The 'Daughters of Ceriddwen' had some of the necessary knowledge. I started experimenting with rituals, invocations and conjurations. Most didn't work at all; some seemed to begin to work, but would just become haze and smoke. I suppose I was lucky I didn't accidentally invoke something evil. But I was so determined that danger didn't really cross my mind."

"How did you finally figure out what you were doing wrong, or what was missing?"

"It was the films…when they started coming out about 15 years ago it struck me. Reading the books gives the reader a visual totally from their own imagination. Although Tolkien was descriptive in his writing, some people, places and things in the story were drawn rather sketchily, like all the dwarves on your quest. But once there's a visual medium, things change. There were artists upon artists who drew or painted _their_ vision of what Tolkien's world should look like. But if their vision was not similar to your own, you still only had a vague idea and continued to be unsatisfied."

"Alan Lee came closest, but followed Tolkien's descriptions almost to the letter."

I showed him illustrations – including those of the dwarf company.

"He based them on Tolkien's canon – which made all of you much older, as you can see. Many fans and I too, didn't think these were accurate. You all needed more personality, more of an identity. And once that was imagined, the characters had to change in every way, from ages to appearances.

"Many fans of the books never thought films could made that would do the story justice. Peter Jackson, along with his partner and a friend decided to tackle Lord of the Rings. It was a very bold move, for people who had never made a major film. After a couple of years of haggling to make 2 films, they were offered the chance to do 3. It took a couple more years before they had a screenplay – an adaptation of the books – before filming could begin. I cannot explain to you all of what is involved in film-making, for it is a time-consuming process and would take forever, but I'll give you a general explanation."

Kili was hungry again, and thirsty so went after the lager. I heated him another dish, and opened a bottle of wine for myself. I went around the kitchen pruning some of the herbs and other plants while I went through the movie-making process.

"First they do what's called pre-production. Everything has to be mapped out; designed before it is actually created. Some of it even continues once filming is underway. The director and other writers create a script, a written document, containing all the things the characters must say and do, the background of where they are, and instructions for the crews. Then they must hire people, lots of people, to contribute their special skills to the project. These become the crews, each with a number of people who can do more or less the same thing. The device they capture action with is called a camera."

"There are people who create sets, which provide the backdrop, those who work on creating sounds, people who create items, called "props" that the characters will use, or will be in the scene to make it look believable. There are people who make costumes, worn by the characters; people who do hair and makeup – all so the actors, those hired to play the characters, can look and feel like the world they are in is real, and this enhances their performances. And there are many, many more. Thousands of people work on a film like this, and all those involved have to commit themselves to many months, sometimes years, until their work is done."

"And what happens after?"

"Well, once the filming, or 'principal photography' is finished, they do post-production, where a lot of other people do more work to make it look believable. Then hours and hours of film must be cut down to make the length two or three hours long. That process is called editing. Sometimes the actors have to return to do what are called pick-ups, if there needs to be something changed or added. And they have to do ADR, which is the actors speaking their parts over the image because it's usually too noisy during filming and impossible to make it consistent. If you watch closely, sometimes it doesn't exactly match up with the movement of the character's mouth."

"They also add music, which is an essential part of films like this, to create the atmosphere. And finally, the film is released into theaters – special rooms where the film is shown on a large, white flat surface called a screen. People pay to see the film in theaters. This is how its success is measured: sales – money paid to see it, must be higher than what it cost to make the film."

"Jackson and his people, everyone who worked on the films, were driven to faithfully reproduce the books, trying not to change too much of the story. He is a genius at casting: hiring people who would portray the characters convincingly. The films were highly successful, and most importantly, gave _everyone_ a specific visual. It would be difficult, from then on, to imagine any character not looking like the actor who portrayed that character. This was an exciting development for me – hoping that this would work for The Hobbit as well."

"I was extremely disappointed when it was announced that The Hobbit _would_ be made, but not in Jackson's capable hands. I felt it could never be as good, with someone else in control. But by the time everything fell into place, the original director stepped down, and Jackson took over. Again, it was to be two films, and somewhere in the process it became three. More than 10 years had passed from the last Lord of the Rings to the first  Hobbit film. Jackson worked his casting magic again. With the release of the first film, I finally had what I needed – your images. Images that matched what I personally envisioned."

Kili seemed to take it all in, even though it was a lot to absorb.

 _He's much smarter than they give him credit for_ , I thought. _And smarter yet for keeping it hidden._

_******************************_

We moved into the comfortable den, equipped with an large flat screen, fireplace, wet bar and one of my workstations, situated behind the over-sized middle sofa.

"Kili, you have to trust me, that you only need to watch, not understand the _how_ of it. We call this suspension of belief – where you remove the skepticism from your thoughts and let yourself be captivated by what you see and hear. In my world, it is known as fantasy; but for you and the others it will be your reality, and a matter of living or dying."

"I still don't understand – you will show me the future, but it really isn't? For me it is still the present?" He looked bewildered.

"What I will show you is what your deaths _could_  be. No one really knows, as Tolkien didn't describe them, and Jackson altered quite a number of things to create these films, including the way he portrays your deaths. I will show you all the possibilities, so you won't walk into these situations without knowing what to expect. In the films each of you will face a separate foe, which I believe you can defeat as long as you are aware of the circumstances." Kili had yet another curiosity.

"You said before that you would only bring all of us over if you failed to convince us of the danger – why?" I smiled sadly.

"I would rather have you all be alive together in this world than dead in yours. I would keep the three of you out of the battle, and send you back _if I can._ But I will likely be weakened in the effort to bring you all over again, and may die myself before I can accomplish that."

"I think you could adapt to life here, but I would rather see you where you belong: Thorin would rule, Fili would take over when Thorin dies; you would follow Fili if he has no son. That's the way I believe it should have been; I don't think the line of Durin was meant to end."

"So now I'm going to start the first film. I will be nearby, if you need to stop and ask me about something. I can stop and restart, or even repeat a scene. Try not to get too overwhelmed by it. Remember, this is not real in and of itself. The hobbits, dwarves, elves, men, wizards, and orcs are all _actors_ , doing their jobs."

"Most of the really difficult things like the dragon and trolls are created by special effects, done by computers, like what you've seen me working on. Some of the scenery will be done that way as well, but lots of it will be real, as the country of New Zealand where the filming was done, actually looks like that. To you, it may even look like home."

With that, I started The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Kili sat in the middle of the large sofa, watching without comment until he saw _himself_ , standing in Bilbo's doorway with his brother, then he reacted with shock. I had to stop and explain again that these are only actors. Yes, they looked very much like him and Fili, but I showed him pictures of Aidan Turner and Dean O'Gorman, both in and out of makeup and costume. I think that did the trick until Thorin's appearance, where I had to show him Richard Armitage in and out of makeup and costume several times.

"Pretty close, is he?" I asked.

"I wouldn't have guessed it _wasn't_ Thorin! He even sounds like him."

"Yes, he did a superb job, although he wasn't confident he could do it and it was a very important role. And Just wait," I smiled. "Things will get even better."

After that, he was able to sit still and become absorbed by the story.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wolf-dog sanctuary is a real place, in the White Mountains of New Hampshire, where I used to live.
> 
> I realize I didn't deal with Thorin's actual first appearance, but Kili might not have caught it because Thorin looked much younger and didn't speak. Same goes for Thranduil's appearance in the first film. All was based on the Extended Editions.
> 
> Mahal - Dwarves' name for Aulë (The Creator)


	6. Misgivings (Mine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth thinks about the wisdom of getting physically involved with Kili and how that will affect the others. She asks his opinion of how they might behave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

After the first film Kili pulled me back to the bedroom. This time it was far more intense. He knew what drove me wild and didn't fail to get to each and every one of those triggers. It both electrified and exhausted me.

"You're a fast learner, Kili. After just the other night you know exactly what to do to me!" He grinned at me wickedly.

"I just want to pleasure you, Elspeth, as much as I can."

And started working his own magic once again, bringing me to an intense release, an explosion of desire and need. How was I supposed to stop doing this in a couple of days? And what about the others?

"Kili…I want to ask you something. What should I expect from Fili and Thorin? I mean, will they be as anxious as you were to, you know, do this first?"

"Didn't you know what to expect when you brought _me_  here? Just one look at you and I didn't even care what the reason was – I just wanted you so badly. I'd be surprised if they didn't respond to you _exactly_ like I did."

"I've never seen anyone who looks like you, or has such powerful attraction. Even though I was confused about how I got here, you didn't appear to want to harm me. And you were so seductive I wanted to ravish you right that minute. I was just barely able to remember my manners."

"Fili's had more training than me and has learned to control his emotions, no matter how strong, until he has a really good idea of what's going on. The only time he loses that is when I'm in danger – then he doesn't think, just reacts. He's always seen his role as my protector, being my big brother. But I think he'll react the same as I did."

I let out the breath I didn't realize I had been holding.

"Don't worry, Elspeth…I promise, he won't hurt you. He may not even touch you unless you give him permission."

I wondered if I should ask if that was first-hand knowledge, considering the amount of fanfic and fanart I'd found that put them in an incestuous relationship, but I decided to wait until I introduced that culture to him.

"And Thorin?"

This was a question for which I almost didn't want an answer. He exuded power that way Kili had described it coming from _me._ He was probably even stronger, more charismatic, more irresistible than his young nephews. Was I up for such a challenge? I knew he would also be harder to convince of the danger that awaited him. And if I couldn't, it would likely be my undoing.

"Well…," Kili answered hesitantly. "As you probably sense, he is a force all his own. It's nearly impossible to refuse him anything. He won't be so quick; he'll have to be sure that you are who you say you are and about why you brought him here. But once he's satisfied…he takes complete charge; he's the king, even without the title."

Again, I thought of the fandom which planted all _three_ of them in an incestuous relationship, not to mention an overwhelming number of pairings with Thranduil, Bilbo, Dwalin, even his own sister, Dís. I cringed inwardly at the idea of even _hinting_ at this to Thorin, never mind showing it. But it had to be done…part of preparing them for survival had to include their relationships with each other and any others important enough to distract them at a critical moment. I couldn't afford to miss any detail.

"Thank you for telling me. We need to go back to the films." I made to rise, but he pulled me back down.

"Oh, no you don't," he breathed into my ear. "I'm not through with you yet. Right now I want you to think only about me, not them. When they are here and I am not, I want you to remember me."

"And what makes you think I could ever forget you?" I was already halfway in love with him. Not that I'd say anything.


	7. I Think He's Got It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After watching the 'Hobbit' movies, Kili understands what he must do (or not do) to avoid being killed. Elspeth grows somewhat jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

Before starting the next DVD I said, "I have to explain this part first." He turned to me, looking a little frightened. "What?"

"This is where things really begin to depart from Tolkien's story. A love interest for you will be introduced, but she is completely fabricated for the films. The character doesn't exist in Tolkien's canon at all. She is just another human actor. There will be a triangle between you and her, Tauriel, and Legolas, who never appeared in The Hobbit, though he is a major character in The Lord of the Rings **.** They are elves."

Kili started. "Elves! I would never…"

"But you will, at least in the film. Whether she is part of your reality I do not know. But her placement into the story is the cause of your on-screen death."

I did not mention that in many works of fandom they live happily ever after, despite strong resistance to the elf/dwarf pairing. But it will have to be explained, despite a ridiculous twinge of jealously. I wished I could foresee every outcome.

I started The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and left him to be captivated. The spiders bothered him a bit, because they were so horrible. But all I had to say was 'CGI' and that was enough _._

When Tauriel appeared, he just said, "Is that her? She's something else!"

"Yes," with another twinge of jealousy. "Would you like to see what she really looks like?"

"No! Not yet!" I could tell he wanted to absorb the fiction first, but it didn't help my feelings.

He made me stop at the scene between Thorin and Thranduil.

"Who is _that?_ Is he an elf?" I nodded. 

"The character is in the book, but more briefly than the film. It is Thranduil, King of the Woodland Realm, and Legolas' father. He has also been like a father to Tauriel when her parents were killed. But he's dead set against them getting romantically involved. This is why she's receptive to you."

"The _actor_ , Lee Pace, is a very good-looking man, and very tall: a perfect choice for the role." Kili asked for the in and out of costume/makeup comparison.

"He sure looks like the real thing." I laughed, "Well, maybe he is…you'll likely get to see for yourself."

Then came the dungeon scene, the talk of stars and fire moons, the rune stone passing back from her to him, the obvious attraction. And Legolas watching, narrowing his eyes jealously. I couldn't help giggling, thinking of the behind-the-scenes bit where Orlando Bloom came into that scene with a party hat and goblet, and called Evangeline Lily a slut, causing her, Aiden Turner and the whole crew to crack up.

"What's funny?" asked Kili.

"I'll explain it later." I had to leave the room, trying to smother my laughter.

When I returned, he did ask to see Evangeline in and out of costume/makeup. Once seeing her, as well as the others in their true appearances, as well as some of their behind-the-scenes behavior, he really got it. He was watching something completely produced by people and technology. But whether he was actually making the connection to what would or would not occur in his own world, I couldn't tell.

When he gets shot with an arrow through the leg in the escape, I cautioned him about not going to pull the lever that would allow their barrels to go through the grating.

"If you do you will be poisoned and die if there is no Tauriel to come save you. If she is there and does come to your aid, she will have to give you some of her elven grace so you will live. But then she will become bound to you and you to her, and she will try to save you again, even though it ends up causing your death. Understand?" "Got it."

In the scene where Thorin refuses to let Kili come with the rest of the company to the mountain, and Fili refused to go also:

"I belong with my brother," he said quietly, more to himself than to me. "That's exactly what he _would_ say and do."

When Tauriel comes and saves his life, hearing himself saying those beautiful lines 'she walks in starlight in another world…do you think she could have loved me?' I noticed tears in his deep brown eyes.

"It's just scripting Kili, and convincingly portrayed." He nodded. But nothing impressed him like the dragon.

"It looks so real! How can it not be?"

"Remember what I said: this may ALL be real in your universe. Smaug _is_ real, as he exists in the story, but of no consequence to any of you, as you will see. You have more to worry about with Thorin and the gold-sickness to which he succumbs."

"Okay – last movie. Watch closely the parts I tell you." The scene on the beach with Tauriel:

"You've already fallen in love with her, and she's almost there herself. But she can't allow Legolas to see it. See how she's close to tears after you give her the rune stone? I cannot tell you if this will actually happen, since she was not an invention of Tolkien's. If she _is_ real in your world, you're supposed to die trying to protect her. I will show you how to avoid it."

"And if she's not?"

"Then it will likely be as mentioned in the book; you and Fili will fall trying to protect Thorin. And he too will die, despite your sacrifices."

He turned back to Battle of the Five Armies, not showing strong reaction until Azog kills Fili.

"No!" he cried. I came to sit beside him, put my arms around him.

"Kili – I showed you in the book where Azog was killed by Dáin during the battle for Moria, before any of this happens. He is not in this story, so the likelihood of him being the true cause of Fili's death is the same as you dying for Tauriel. Same goes for Thorin – Azog cannot kill him if he's not in the story. _But I just can't be sure_."

I had him watch the rest, still sitting close. Silent tears from the point where Thorin dies to the scene of Tauriel grieving over his body.

"So she _did_   love me after all."

"So it seems." If he detected the note of jealously in my voice, he gave no sign.


	8. I Think He's Got ME!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth struggles to keep things from becoming too physically intense, but it's already too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting just a little bolder with the sex scenes... 
> 
> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes (See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

 "So, I must be careful if Tauriel is real, because she will distract me and I will try to save her. And if she isn't, I have to be even more careful that I don't get killed protecting my uncle."

"Yes, that's it. Bolg is much stronger than both of you, remember that. If it's book canon, I don't know what the landscape will be like. If you can, try to get yourselves into an area where you can either escape or put up a defense that cannot be breached, where no one can shoot at you from behind or above. There will be no dishonor in this, as the battle is won by your side in any event. The dragon is dead, Thorin has already recovered from the gold-sickness and agrees to give Bard and Thranduil what they asked for and more, and most importantly, everyone lives."

"And what happens to us after?"

"That I can't tell you either. There are many who wanted a different outcome, and more saga, so fans of both book and film began to write their own stories and draw their own visions, known as 'fandom', or 'fancan'. Some are poignant, some are funny, some are even pornographic. Some take place at different points in time, some are even based in my time."

"What's 'pornographic'? he asked

"It means sexually graphic – showing more nudity and the actual act, more than is socially acceptable in my world."

I pulled over one of the notebooks I had compiled, showing as many of the artistic variations as I could find, along with some of the written fanfic. He was astonished, and a little disturbed.

"There are others like me, who fervently believe that you and other of their favorite fictitious characters are real, so it is possible that any of _these_ inventions could also be real. It's an extremely popular theme, where you and your brother are soul-mates, or you and Tauriel, or some even stranger pairings." Kili gave me that devilish smile.

"And you would rather it be none of them, right?" _So he_ had _caught it_.

"This isn't about what I want. It's about ensuring your survival. That's what I set out to do, and can only hope I succeed."

"Come on," he said, taking my hand and starting for the bedroom. "There are things you need to know as well."

My heart was pounding, and I almost tried to resist – I couldn't deal with having a 'farewell fuck.' Better to remember our previous times, the amazing sex, how appealing he was. But he had to go; I had to be prepared for Fili and Thorin.

I started to undress. "No, please let me." He came over to me, and very, very gently started kissing and undressing me slowly.

"How did you get such strange coloring – your hair, eyes, lips – even your nipples? Were you born that way?"

"No. My hair was once red, eyes blue, lips pink, like other people. It began to change when I became 40. I don't know if it was some of the things I was delving into, looking for a way to save you, if something _did_ happen with one of the rituals. Within a year I looked like this. Is it disturbing to you?"

"Yes, I find it _very_ disturbing," he said. "It bothers me a great deal that I may never see you again."

My heart dropped into my stomach. This was unexpected. I tried to reconstruct my defenses.

"Well, you won't. I am not part of your story or your world. Once I send you back, I doubt I'll have to use my last resort, of bringing all three of you here. You understand what you must do to prevent your death. I just hope the others accept it as readily as you."

He stripped off his own clothes and pulled me into the bed with him.

"Oh, Elspeth, I think you misunderstand me. What if I don't want to go back?"

"You must. I have to work with the others and you cannot be here." He said nothing, but continued to kiss, nuzzle, nip and lick his way down my body. As he did, I wept silently, even as I responded to every flick of his tongue. He did not see the tears, as he came up, slowly beginning to enter me.

"I know you don't want me to go – tell me."

"I can't – I must do what I intended." I moaned, as he began to move in a slow and teasing way.

"Tell me the truth, or I will not allow you release."

"N-no…I can't. It would be against the purpose. Oh!" He had pushed in hard, then withdrew completely.

"Truth!" he demanded, slipping down to use his tongue again, but never letting me get over the edge. He could not have known, but this was one of my favorite sex games: submission before release.

I don't know how he knew when to stop and start, but he was very good at it. Coming back up, driving into me again.

"Tell me! Tell me you want me to stay!"

"Kili, please! You're asking for something I cannot give you!"

"Cannot or will not? It's just a question. Answer me!" He pulled out of me again, but continued to grind against me, stimulating but still not letting me climax.

" _Mahal_ , but you are a stubborn minx! Tell me. If you didn't have to call the others, would you want me to stay?"

"Please finish!" I begged. "Then we can talk about it!"

"Nope." Out again, down again.

"Kiiiliii! I screamed. "All right, yes! Yes! I would have you stay!"

"And do you love me?" "I do!"

"Okay then," he grinned, coming up, slipping into me once more, finally allowing me to shatter, and letting himself go as well.

"Why wouldn't you admit how you felt?" he asked, after things cooled off.

"I want Fili and Thorin to live, too. I don't see any other way. Besides, I don't know if it's possible for you to remain here indefinitely – and why would you want to? Away from everything you know and everyone you love? And I don't believe for one moment you could be separated from Fili. Your brother is like the other half of your soul, as you are for him." He thought for a time.

"I can't answer to any of that. I just know I will be very unhappy if this is all I can have with you. You know so many things I don't understand – I could listen to you explain things to me forever. Your voice hypnotizes me; you make me want you so badly. And don't think you're the only one who's feeling this super-charged sex we've been having! Has it always been this way for you?"

"No, never, not with anyone else. Maybe it's the fact that we are from such different realities, not to mention different species…well, I've got a couple of other chances to see if that _is_ the reason," He looked crestfallen.

"I wish you wouldn't think about them."

"I know – but I must. Fili has to come tomorrow no matter what."

 


	9. Best Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili has an agenda of his own, and convinces Elspeth to try it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is short; I should have attached it to the previous one, but being a little lazy, I didn't want to renumber the whole thing. So, it stays!
> 
> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

 We talked and talked about the nature of the ritual I had performed to bring Kili here. I had to admit I didn't really know enough about how it actually worked, whether or not it could (or should) be altered. All I was sure of was unless the others came and were informed by me as he had been, they would die.

"So what would happen if I stayed, even after you summon them?"

"I don't know." I admitted. "Maybe nothing. It was my decision to bring you one at a time, to bring you first."

"Why was I first?" At least I could give him an honest answer.

"I thought you would be easiest to convince; that my world would fascinate you enough to believe what I showed you. And...I wanted you. I didn't think you'd want _me_ first, or at all."

" _You_ made the offer!" He smirked a little.

"But the way I said it was not at all direct…you just happened to hear _that_ nuance." I countered.

He laughed. "I told you – you enchanted me from the first moment. Of course I was looking for the invitation, implied or otherwise. Do you want me to show you again?"

Again with that wicked look. _By the Goddess…he makes me so hot!_

"Later," I said, with some effort. "We're working on a solution here."

"What would happen if you just bring Fili over, without doing the part that sends me back?" I thought about it.

 "Well, there's only three possibilities: you would both be here with no ill effect. Or you would vanish back through the mirror at the moment Fili steps through. Or, nothing would happen at all; you'd still be here and he'd still be there."

"Do you think it would be dangerous for any of us?"

"I doubt it, as my first requirement when working on the ritual was that there would be no risk of injury to the three of you." He looked at me with absolute seriousness.

"Then would you be willing to try?" I was surprised.

"Kili, why would you _want_ to be here? I have to focus on Fili, when he comes, same with Thorin."

He got up and began to pace.

"Even after all the research you did, you need to ask that? I love my brother intensely, as he does me. Whatever makes him happy makes me happy. If he wants you, I will not be anything but elated that he will experience the same pleasure as I've had with you."

"And what would _you_ be doing while this is going on?"

"Well, there's lots of interesting things here I could explore. Or I could just join you."

Despite myself, I was feeling a little faint, just thinking about that possibility. _Both of them, together?_ Having never experienced more than one-on-one, it did intrigue me…they were both so incredibly attractive, in their opposite ways. And if Fili was even _half_ as good as his brother it would be unforgettable. I decided to go for it.

"Okay," I breathed. "Let's try."

Kili winked at me. "One thing – let me braid your hair. He'll love that!"


	10. Fili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth decides to try summoning Fili without sending Kili back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

 

I positioned Kili in front of the mirror, but left space for me to stand between them. I lit the candles, filled the bowl on its stand with the necessary items and intoned the rite again, throwing the photos in to soak and sink. Moving to the mirror, I peered into its depths until a vague image began to take shape beyond my reflection. Lifting my arms I cried "Fili!" And then he was _here_. And Kili was still behind me.

He was just as I always imagined – the fair, slightly freckled skin, the golden hair, the braids, surprising golden eyes - not blue, as I'd always thought - the same proud bearing that ran through the line of Durin. He was like a magnificent lion king… _by the goddess, he even_ smells _like an African savannah._ It was intoxicating, and I wanted to be in that jungle with him.

He stared at me in confusion. "W..who…?"

"Fee!" Came the joyous cry from behind me.

"Kili – what are you doing…?" Kili was practically bouncing off the walls, crying, "It worked! It worked!" before throwing himself into Fili's arms and kissing him roundly, eyes shining.

"Brother, we are about to experience a miracle. This is Elspeth, who summoned us here, to save us from certain death!" Fili bowed.

"At your ser…" he started, but I curtsied, saying "No, Prince…I am here to serve _you_."

******************************

We sat in the kitchen, after I gave Fili some ven-ee-son (he didn't know the word either) stew, some brew - like Kili he picked the Boston Lager - and explained how the things in the kitchen worked.

"You can come in and help yourselves to whatever, whenever you want. If you all don't eat it, I'll have to throw it to the wolves."

Fili stood up so quickly he almost knocked the table over. "Wolves! Where? I need my knives!" I had made him leave them in the studio, along with Kili's bow and arrows. It had been quite amazing, watching him pull them out from so many places. He really _was_ a walking armory! It reminded me of some cartoon I'd seen of an elf holding him upside down with a pile of knives on the ground.

Meanwhile, Kili was snickering at his brother's panic. I glared at him.

"The wolves are not a problem, as your _brother_ knows very well and could have told you before now!"

"So, would you like to explain to Fili why he doesn't need his weapons?" I asked Kili, who was still laughing. He could be a brat!

"T-they're half-breeds," he wheezed, still trying to stop his amusement. "People here breed wolves with dogs, but they can't be tamed like a dog. Then they end up at this wolf-place, where a guy takes care of them, like Elspeth takes care of her rabbits."

Fili looked at me. "Can you raise rabbits for food? I thought they had to be hunted, snared." I visibly shuddered.

"Wait a moment and I will show you." I was still in my ceremonial robe, so went to change into jeans and a flannel shirt. They were a little shocked at this; it was more masculine than what they were accustomed to, for a woman to dress in such a way. To their credit, they didn't question me.

They followed me to the small room which had an observation window. This was where supplies for the rabbits were kept, my medical table and instruments, including a microscope on the counter behind the table.

"I didn't see this stuff before. What is it?" asked Kili. Fili was looking around too, wondering but not asking.

"I was taught by animal healers how to take care of minor illnesses and injuries, as well as their general health. With so many, and living in such a remote area, it would have been difficult to take them to one of these healers every time something came up. My helpers also come in here for supplies and to do other things if I'm not available."

I pulled up the shade covering the window. Fili almost crashed into me, as one of the larger rabbits leapt at the window; there was a platform just below, outside. But his reaction was so funny all I could think of was the rabbit with the sharp teeth from that Monty Python movie. Kili was laughing again.

"That thing was going to crash through the window and bite me!" Fili was not at all amused. "Kee! What's so funny?"

"You should have seen your face! Oooh - a giant beastie was going to get you! What a scandal back home: 'Heir to the throne of Erebor killed by giant, vicious rabbit!'" He dissolved into laughter again.

"You see what I have to put up with?" Fili said to me. "He takes _nothing_ seriously."

Kili stopped laughing, came over and swept me up, kissing me quite insistently. "I take _this_ seriously!"

I managed to pull away, feeling myself flushing. "Oh, I see!" Fili stared at his brother. "You worked fast."

"Hey, she _invited_ me!" I was ready to whack them both.

"Tone it down. please!" I hissed at them. "The rabbits are disturbed by the noise." Sure enough, a number of them were thumping, some running for cover. Fili looked out the window, fascinated.

"What are they doing? What's making that sound?"

"They thump when they perceive danger or are frightened. It may not seem frightening to us, but they will panic at an unfamiliar sound. They are prey animals; everything scares them. They can injure or even kill themselves if they get too panicked. Stay in here." I went out the door to the outside, exerting my calming influence until the thumping stopped.

Going back inside, I told them to go into the den, while I lowered the shade, turned off the lights. Taking one more look at the pen - all appeared quiet - I followed them.

"Remember this, both of you. _Don't scare the rabbits_!" They looked ashamed. "I have few rules, but this is number one!"

"Fili, the wolves are in a sanctuary close to here. There are 2 packs in pens. They are not free to roam about. People wouldn't hesitate to kill them. Their caretaker is a friend of mine, and he's very careful to keep them on his property. You'll hear them. My rabbits are not wild, but domestic, former pets cast off by their owners who couldn't be bothered to care for them once their children got tired of them. I don't eat them or use them in any way. They are very dear to me; they own a piece of my soul. I saved them and nurtured them. They will be there for _me_ when I need them."

"Need them for what?" Kili asked. I shook my head.

"That isn't something you need to know. We're going to start now." I headed to the kitchen to get the books.

"Is she strange or what?" Fili asked his brother.

"It doesn't matter,' Kili said, giving him a sly look. "You'll see. Don't you agree, she's enchanting, right?"

"Oh, yes, she's quite something. Obviously it didn't take much for you to find _that_ out! Have you been here the whole time you've been missing? _Amad_ is really worried."

"And you'll be missing with me, for the next 3 days." Kili winked at his brother.

" _Amad_ will be out of her mind! And Thorin will be in a terrible temper. Why _are_ we here, anyway?"

"To learn how you can prevent being killed in the battle next year!" I said, returning with books under my arm and bottles in my hands.

"Battle? What battle? We haven't heard any rumblings of war." Fili looked confused. I opened The Lord of the Rings, the Appendices, pointing out the same things I had shown to Kili and the passages from both books that describe the deaths. And although he didn't cry, I could tell this upset him beyond what showed on his face.

"But you say none of this will be set in motion until Thorin meets with this wizard?"

"That meeting will happen very soon. At that point, you will have maybe 6-8 months to prepare for the quest to begin."

Fili grasped the situation quickly, coming to the same conclusions in regard to the book deaths.

"So, if we remember the original plot in the book, keeping out of the line of fire, we all live. Is that right?"

"Yes." I agreed. "But in the films, your deaths are completely different. You will need to recognize the locations and circumstances around you, but I believe you can all survive."

Kili's impatience was becoming more and more obvious.

Grinning at me, he said, "So…can we move on?"

"It is your brother's option." I reminded him.

He grabbed Fili's arm and pulled him away. They had a whispered conversation, glancing over at me several times. I saw Fili's eyes go wide, then a beaming smile followed. Coming over to me, he bowed slightly.

"Lovely Elspeth, would you do me the honor of allowing me to ravish you?"

"With pleasure." I answered.

Kili slipped away into the kitchen, so he apparently was going to wait until Fili and I had a chance to acquaint ourselves before joining in, if that was really going to happen.

******************************

Some time later I was trembling all over. Fili was indeed just as passionate as his brother, but in a slower and more experienced way. He had kept me standing, while using his mouth over my entire body. Sensing my nearness to release, he pulled me on to the bed on top of him, sliding his hardness slowly into me. It didn't take more than a few deep thrusts before I exploded, him a moment later.

I kissed him deeply. "Oh, Fili!" I breathed into his mouth. "You are amazing!"

"No, I think it was mostly you...I know Kili's been with you, but it's like you've never been touched…virginal."

"So he said, too." I squeezed those muscles and he groaned.

"If you do that again I will take you, and not gently this time." I gave him my best teasing look.

"Are you challenging me, Lion?" His eyes actually had the lazy but dangerous look of the beast in their golden depths.

"Try me," He said, with a touch of warning in his voice. I squeezed, and in a flash he had me off the edge of the bed, on my stomach, buried in me as far as humanly (or dwarvishly) possible. He grabbed a handful of my hair, pulling my head back, nipping at my shoulder and neck, and growling into my ear.

"Do you surrender?" "No!" He bit my ear. _Oh, good...he knows how to play this game, too._

"Oh, but you will." He pushed in hard – surprising, as I thought he was already as deep in me as he could be, nipping my upper back and neck, hard enough to leave marks.

"Do you surrender, my beauty?" His hand snaked around and began rubbing me in rhythm with the thrusts.

"No!" I cried again. He pulled out, turned me over and went at me with his talented tongue. I was almost beyond the point of no return when he plunged into me again.

"Surrender!" I thrashed beneath him and gasped "Please…!"

"Then surrender to me!" I couldn't bear it any more.

"Yes! Yes! I surrender!" And I did, moaning, breathless and throbbing. But he wasn't ready to stop.

"I think I'd better prepare you for later." he said, giving me that beast-like look again, eyes half-closed but missing nothing.

"What? Prepare me how?" I was somewhat uneasy at what was being implied.

"Haven't you ever been taken anally?" I gasped.

"And why would you want to do that?"

"Trust me," Fili said, with a feline smile. "You will be glad of it later."

And with that he pulled me from the bed, positioning himself behind me. I felt something warm and wet, his finger slipping in as he bent me over until my hands touched the floor. Two fingers in…I hissed. He stopped immediately and asked if he was hurting me.

"No, Lion. But if you intend to dominate me this way, do it! It's making me too damn hot!"

"Good…but I won't do this quickly. I want you to feel every inch of me until I'm all the way in. And once I start to move, I will touch you, fingers in you until I find that spot. And you will come hard, but not before I'm ready to come with you. Now…"

I yelped as he started pushing into me, but it wasn't painful, just a surprising feeling of fullness. And did everything he said he would, until I collapsed, onto the floor with him still inside me – but not for long. He let go, whimpering with the intensity of it.

"I think I'm falling in love with you, Elspeth." He breathed into my ear.

"Too late, Fili," I said, nipping at his. "I'm already there."

After a time I roused myself, smiled at the beatific expression on sleeping Fili's face, and left the room on still-shaky legs before Kili could make an entrance. There was no way I was going to do _anything_ with both of them at this point! He pounced on me when I entered the kitchen.

"No, Kili, please…not yet!" He laughed with delight.

"What - did my brother wear you out? Made enough noise in there, the two of you!" I took a glass and filled it with ice and bourbon. Watching me take a healthy gulp, he laughed again.

"Just wait until it's both of us!" I sat down, a little carefully.

"Films first! Maybe all three!" He bent down and kissed me.

"Not a chance!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Amad - mother


	11. Three Isn't Always a Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Separately Fili and Kili are awesome...together they were something else. Elspeth can't get enough. They discuss the best way to prepare for Thorin.

 

We managed to get through films 1 and 2, but they could not keep their hands and mouths off of me, or each other. We returned to the bedroom, where anything that could be done was. Not that I can even remember all of it. There was one point where they were both in me, one in front, one in back, thrusting in furious rhythm until I screamed and screamed in ecstasy. And I _was_ glad of what Fili had done to me earlier. I was exhausted, but sated and mildly aroused to watch the brothers with each other. The bond between them was extraordinary, beautiful to watch, dark and light merging together.

Once we were all spent, we got more drinks (they were crazy for the lager and had seemingly endless thirst) and went back to watch film 3. At Fili's death at Azog's hands, Kili turned to him.

"Fee, you know I wouldn't have left your side if that happened, not even to avenge you. Not to save Tauriel. I would rather let myself be killed right there, with you in my arms."

"I know, brother. We always said we'd leave this world together, go down fighting, but always together." My eyes filled with tears.

"Not if I can help it. So, what's the right answer here, Fili?"

"I should listen to my uncle and not let myself be trapped in that tower at Ravenhill."

"Okay, so you understand this may or may not happen, but you will be prepared either way."

I went through the Fandom stuff – they were fascinated that there were so many stories written about them, so many illustrations. "You two became a huge fan favorite – incestuous or not. You probably were the hottest film icons – _everyone_ loved you! Or, should I say, loved Aidan's and Dean's portrayals of you. But in reality, you two, in the flesh, are far more attractive!" They beamed.

"Now we need to talk about Thorin." I said. "You both can go back, or it seems you could stay, if you want. I'm a little frightened of bringing him over, of how difficult it may be to get him to accept what you two already know." They looked at me with unreadable expressions.

"Would it help if you were here? Or would it be better if I try to do this on my own?"

The brothers exchanged a look I couldn't decipher, but I was beginning to feel a lump growing in the pit of my stomach. I _was_ nervous – Thorin was so intimidating, more stubborn than Fili and Kili, and physically more imposing. I wished they _would_ stay, thinking they might diffuse any situation that put Thorin at odds with me, but it had to be their choice.

Fili spoke first: "He won't listen to us any more than he'd listen to you. Unless he sees it firsthand, he'll deny that anything can happen to him – he thinks he's invulnerable."

Kili interjected: "And he believes there's always going to be someone standing in front of him, because of our loyalty to him. Either us, or Dwalin, or any of the ones you say will go to reclaim Erebor." I thought for awhile.

"But if he sees how the two of you can be saved, won't that give him at least _some_ incentive to consider the truth? After all, he loves you like sons."

"Maybe." Said Fili, "But understand, Thorin's got a lot of pride and will do _anything_ to avoid appearing weak. Asking him to back away from a fight…"

"But I'm not! You saw, how when he got over the gold-sickness, and Kili confronted him, he said it himself, about the sons of Durin not backing down from a fight. I wouldn't contradict that."

"And remember this: just before Fili dies, he tells Dwalin to recall the two of you, that you will live to fight another day. So he did believe, not backing down, but delaying the fight, was an acceptable option."

"That's true. But Thorin can shift moods in a heartbeat - going against everything he's said or done earlier." said Kili.

"So…what do you think? Do I send you back or let you stay in hopes we can create a united front to convince him of the truth? And in case you forgot – if he dies, you both do, too."

"Let us stay," said Fili quietly. "That way if you have to keep us all here as a last resort, we'll already be here."

"That's right," Kili offered. "You told me before that the effort to pull us all through together might kill you." Fili jumped up.

"What!? No, then it's settled. Elspeth is _not_ going to give up her life for us!"

"Hush, Fili!" I said. "I knew the risks when I got into this. I'm nobody…just a fan with a belief that things could turn out differently with an intervention. You are characters who will live on forever, for all those who come after me that will read Tolkien's works, and watch Jackson's films. Even though what they read and see will be tragic, the reality is _you_ will still be there, living out whatever comes later. And I will gladly give my own life to make that happen."

"You can't!" Kili cried.

"Come on, Kili. I told you the average lifespan of people in my universe. I'm closer to the end than not. If this is what I have to do, I will at least feel as though I accomplished something, even if no one knows it but you three. Besides, if Thorin can be made to believe, you will all go back, and never even know if I lived or ever see me again."

"Is there no other way?" Fili asked, voice quavering. "You want us to live, we want you to live."

"No, love. Only keeping all of you here, away from your own world without the possibility of ever returning. And I won't do that. I wish I could send you back without having a memory of me, but then you might not remember what you must do."

They looked miserable, as the realization hit that they really had no choice but to go back now or later.

"We want to stay." Kili whispered. "We want to help with Thorin." Fili nodded in agreement.

"All right." I said. "We still have another day together before I have to bring Thorin. Is there anything you want to see or learn about or do?" They exchanged a knowing look.

"No, no – we can't just spend hours in bed!"

"Why not?" asked Kili. "We can't think of anything better than that!"

"Have mercy on me! What am I going to do if Thorin…I won't be able to walk, much less give him what I've given you two!" Fili smiled.

"We can go easier…we have each other if you need a break."

"What about the other?" Kili asked his brother. "She should know." My stomach dropped again.

"Know what?" Fili looked somewhat abashed, but answered.

"Thorin may want all of us together…" _Oh my goddesses,_ I thought. _An orgy now?_

I knew there was something about me, something that made men, and apparently dwarves too, want to have sex with me. I had no idea why, other than maybe I exuded an over-abundance of pheromones. And I had something in my touch, described as 'electrifying' that pushed them over the edge. I had been dealing with this since I was 17.

As for myself, once I had lost my virginity, I couldn't get enough. I wanted to share this incredible feeling with everyone, especially virgins. And I was the first, for many. Over the years I had tempered, but still the effects, and my own appetite remained. It pleased me, to still give and receive such pleasure despite my years.

For some reason, something about the dwarves made it so much more intense. I got that feeling again, that Thorin would almost be more than the other two combined, and could I handle it?


	12. Thorin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin Freaking Oakenshield - What else needs to be said?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting there; things will move more quickly once past Part 1
> 
> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

After another night and day of general debauchery between the three of us – I could not believe I was keeping up with them, but their enthusiasm kept driving me well beyond what I thought I could do - it was time. We went into the studio, prepared for the ritual; I stood before the mirror with the two of them behind me. _"Thorin!"_ For one terrible moment I thought the mirror was going to shatter, but a second later he was there, in the flesh.

He glared at me, began to unsheathe his sword.

"Witch! By what dark sorcery and for what purpose have you brought me here!?"

 _By the Goddess, he_ is _imposing!_ Before I could answer, his nephews shot past me and launched themselves at him.

" _Uncle!_ " They practically knocked him down, but he thundered one word at them, which I assumed meant 'stop' and they froze. I curtsied, keeping my eyes down, and spoke in the calmest voice I could manage.

"My Lord, it was I who brought you here for the purpose of ensuring your safety and preserving your life against the coming conflict."

"Rise and look at me." He commanded.

"Well, aren't you an unusual creature. What are you called?"

"I am Elspeth Locke" I replied, "A Daughter of Cerridwen, Goddess of Rebirth, Transformation and Inspiration." He looked closely at my ears.

"You are not an elf, are you?" I looked right into his eyes, as dark as a deep ocean.

"I am human and of no particular significance, my Lord." He continued to stare at me coolly. Fili made as if to move, but Thorin put up a hand and he froze again.

"No, boy. I want answers from _her_." He never took his eyes off me.

"And if you are of no particular significance, how is it you are able to hold me and my nephews in this place?"

I decided to play strong, not subservient. I needed him to respect me before I would give him anything.

"I have labored long and followed many dark paths to find the means to bring you here, and for no reason other than to save you and your nephews from certain death. You are held by _my_ power, and so shall stay until I deign to release you. You will _not_ play the overlord to me while in _my_ universe, Thorin Oakenshield!"

He looked astounded that I would speak to him this way, unable to make a response.

"You will lay your sword there, with your heirs' weapons. They are not permitted in my home." He hesitated.

"You will do it NOW, or I will send you back to face your future without the knowledge to avoid your own death!" He unbuckled his sword belt and laid the heavy sword on the table which held Kili's bow and Fili's knives, still keeping his gaze fixed on me.

Fili and Kili, feeling they could move now that Thorin was no longer in control of the situation, set about trying to put him at ease, while I stalked out of the room. If I had a tail, it would be twitching, like a pissed-off cat.

"It's okay Thorin, she's really not a threat. She's trying to help us," said Fili.

"And isn't she the most beautiful woman you've ever seen?" Kili piped up. "And you wouldn't believe the things she can do in b-"

"Kili!" interrupted his brother. "This isn't the time to bring that up!" But Thorin didn't miss a thing.

"And just how long have you two been here?"

"I've been here six days," volunteered Kili, "And Fili's been here for three. You'll be here for three days, too and then we'll all go back."

"But why _are_ we here?" Thorin demanded.

"Like she said uncle," replied Fili, "so she can show us how to save our lives." I could hear them arguing as they came into the kitchen.

"But how can she know what will happen in our world if she isn't a seer or fortune-teller?" At least Thorin seemed calm and was listening to his nephews. Kili answered.

"She will show you, like she showed us – and we believe her!" Fili took it up.

"And we have time to work out a plan, since the story hasn't yet begun for us, in our world because it won't start until you meet with a wizard named…"

"Gandalf the Grey? I _have_ met with him, last week in Bree. Which you two would know if you hadn't gone gallivanting off to…to wherever it is we are!" Fili and Kili paled. Fili called over to me, as I was preparing food for them.

"Uh, Elspeth – I think you better hurry up and tell Thorin what he needs to know. It's started!"

The fact that this meeting had already taken place went a long way toward convincing Thorin that I _was_ telling him the truth. Once he saw the evidence in the book, and then the films (which he had a little more difficulty with – to him it was some form of magic) but he did watch, a rapt expression on his face. I think he really enjoyed Richard's portrayal of him…and who wouldn't; it was brilliant! And just like the other two, Thorin in reality was better, in almost every way. 

He had a very hard time accepting that Azog could possibly turn up again and could threaten both him and Fili. The death scenes affected him quite a bit – he shook with rage and horror. But I kept referring back to the book, in which death by spears and arrows was far more understandable (and honorable). And he got it. He finally got it.

The fandom stuff did not seem to disturb him in the least. When he got to a particular story and some very detailed artwork that put him _in flagrante delicto_ with his nephews. I watched closely, to see if his reaction was shock, or a pleasant memory. It was anything but obvious.

I told Fili and Kili I thought it would be best if we kept our distances that night. My house had 3 bedrooms, two of which I used as work spaces. But each of those had a comfortable bed within a sofa or loveseat. I put the two of them in the room with the convertible sofa - a larger bed they would be happy to share, and showed Thorin into the other. I went to my own room, considered locking the door, decided against it. I knew I wouldn't be alone for long. I did, however, blow out the candles. I had a good idea of who would come in first, but I didn't want to know right away.


	13. The One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody knows why  
> Nobody knows how or when  
> This feeling begins just like a spark  
> Tossing and turning inside of your heart  
> Exploding in the dark

I listened to the whispers going on outside my door. _What – are they arguing about this?_   It went on for some time, finally sounded like something was decided. The door opened slowly, someone slipped inside and closed it quickly. I made no move or sound. Someone crept into the bed and stretched out next to me. I knew it was Thorin…he smelled pleasantly different, from the other two, and just the fact that he didn't attack me immediately gave it away. I held my breath, waiting.

"I know you aren't asleep. I need to ask you some things, away from my nephews. We don't have to do anything else."

"Then why are you unclothed, Thorin Oakenshield?"

I flicked a lighter and candlelight bathed the room. I turned over to look at him and it suddenly seemed like there was no air in my lungs. He was stunning, in that light, with the dark, silver-shot hair and intricate braiding tipped with silver beads, the muscular body covered with dark soft hair. I knew in that moment that I was lost. Despite how I'd felt about the others, I knew Thorin was the one.

I was wet just _looking_ at him: the strength, the royal bloodlines so well-defined, being so close. He exuded power. His eyes pierced right through me – an unusual aquamarine color – but it wouldn't have mattered what color they were. It was the sheer _presence_ in them that was stopping my heart.

If he had any idea what I was thinking, he gave no sign. I found my voice.

"Well, ask or answer, as you've yet to do either."

"Forgive me," he said. "But I believe I lost any thought of what I wanted to say at the sight of _you_. I have never seen anyone – not dwarf, elf or human – as exquisite. And you do not seem intimidated or frightened by me, which is the reaction I usually get." I continued to play it cool, although the only thing I wanted to do was jump on him and show him what I wanted. "And?"

"And I will not be able to think or speak until you allow me to act…I _must_ have you!"

"And is this desire just because you are so bewitched by my appearance?" Oh, I was being so coy.

"No. Although your beauty is a feast for the eyes, it is what I see _in_ you." My heart was racing.

"Then show me." And he was on me, but not in a desperate, lustful way. Hungry, yet gentle…and my whole body melted. Our tongues dueled. I wound arms and legs around him, trying to pull him into me.

"Oh, no." He breathed into my mouth, "This isn't going to be quick, Elspeth. I will taste every inch of you first and have you starving for me." I groaned as he nipped at my throat.

"I will make love to your entire body." He was at my breasts now, hardening one with small bites, the other with his fingers. I was seeing stars as if in pain, but it was pure pleasure. I wanted him inside me; he wasn't giving in…but by his hardness between my thighs I knew this holding back wouldn't be easy for him, either. I reached down and gripped him " _Oh my…by the Goddess…how is this even going to get into me?_   He was huge…but by then I didn't care if he should rip me in half.

As he worked his way down my body. I thought I might pass out when he got _there_ , licking, sucking…and I begged.

"Thorin, please! I cannot stand it any longer! Do it now!" He stopped for a moment.

"I haven't even tasted your other side yet."

"No! Just fuck me! I want you in me _now_!"

"Patience, little minx. I told you this would be slow." He proceeded down, even sucking my toes, then flipped me over as if I weighed nothing. I was really squirming now, continuing to beg. He paid no attention to my pleas, licking behind my knees – a sensation that was more erotic than I would have thought possible. Squeezing, nipping at my buttocks.

"What a sweet ass you have!" And began to enter it with one, then two fingers; I had no idea where the lubrication came from, as it didn't hurt.

"I take it the boys have been at you together?" "Uh…they did." I managed to squeak out.

"Good, then it shouldn't be troublesome or awkward for any of us." He continued his journey up my back and I shuddered, not just from his touch. _They weren't kidding – he's really going to have us all together!_

He was at my neck now, lifting the silvery hair to lick behind my ears, softly kiss down my jaw line, pulling my hair back to get to my mouth again. Using his powerful legs he got me over on my back again.

I stared into the depths of those eyes, hoping I wouldn't see a touch of cruelty there. I felt he had the capacity to inflict pain and wouldn't hesitate if the situation called for it. But what I saw was something very different…but what?

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, yes! Take me now!" He slowly entered me, a very little at a time. I gasped.

"Am I hurting you?" I felt stretched to the limit, but I wasn't about to stop him. Moaning, thrashing I took in more and more of him. It was an amazing feeling, to be pushed so far and so wide.

"No…keep go…oh!" He began to move, slowly but quickening as I met his thrusts with my own. He grabbed my ass again, lifting me, fingers reentering. The hot coil in me was growing tighter, unbearable.

"Faster, Thorin…please go faster!" And he did, until I finally was released, felt the fingers withdraw, hot liquid filling me as he groaned and twitched with his own eruption.

I couldn't move or speak, bathed in the strength of that orgasm. He rolled over to look at me.

"I don't think I've ever become so infatuated so quickly. You are just so beautiful, incredible…"

"And you're more than a match for me, Thorin." I started running my fingers through that wild mane of black hair. I didn't touch the braids – I understood that was an intimate act reserved for family and those pledged to one another. He kissed me deeply again, as if unwilling to say more. I got up, slid into my robe.

"I think I need a drink." He retrieved a nightshirt from the floor.

"Sounds good, maybe food, too. I'm starving!"

******************************

We headed toward the kitchen. He hugged me impulsively, then we kissed, long and deep…and then the sound of coins and a hoot of laughter from Kili.

"I told you so! Now pay up!"

"All right, brother, [more jingling] but tell me what tipped you off."

"Didn't you see the look on Uncle's face? When she told HIM not to lord it over her in her own place!"

"Yeah, that was pretty awesome!"

"Well, he's obviously, finally met his match."

"Then where does that leave _us_? I love her; she said she loves me, too." "And so do I…she didn't know I saw, but she was weeping when she thought she had to send me back!" Then silence.

Thorin started to pull away from me, heading in their direction.

"No!" I whispered fiercely. "They aren't lying or exaggerating – I did tell them, and I meant it!"

"And me?" He stared at me.

"You know I lost myself to you, from the moment you entered my bed." He smiled.

"Don't worry about it, then. I will handle Kili and Fili." He went in.

"And what are we betting on my little ruffians?"

"N…nothing, Uncle," stammered Kili.

"Nothing?" He turned his gaze on Fili.

"And you?" Fili dropped his eyes and did not answer. Thorin sat between them.

"I think you were betting on whether I could withstand Elspeth's charms any better than you two had. And since it appears neither of _you_ could, no bet can be considered."

"It wasn't so much that," said Kili. "It was whether you will deprive us of her now that you're here."

"Deprive? I think that's Elspeth's call, who she wants in her bed." I had gone into the bathroom, but could still hear them.

"Well, we don't know how it was for you, but either or both of us would have her in a heartbeat."

"And just what do you mean by ' _have'_ her? As a girlfriend, consort, wife, casual fuck or what? Since we're all going back in two days and she isn't, what difference does it make?"

Fili and Kili exchanged a meaningful look. Fili finally spoke:

"We love her and would take her any way she wanted – whether it means taking her back with us, staying here with her, sharing her or whatever else we'd have to do. Letting go of her would hurt too much." Thorin studied them, their open, honest faces.

"And if she chooses neither of you? Can you cope with that?"

"What choice would we have then, short of kidnapping her?" Kili sounded miserable.

"So what about you, Uncle? Would you try to keep her?"

"And why would this decision be anyone's but hers? We don't have any right to impose our desires on her. Her motives for bringing us here were pure and unselfish – to prevent our deaths. Is it right to repay such an act by trying to force her to do something _else_ for us?" They at least had the decency to look ashamed.

At this point I decided to enter the conversation. First I went to the bar, deciding on my strongest poison, Green Chartreuse. This liqueur gave me an instant rush, straight down – almost an immediate orgasm (as if I needed another one of those!). But then the warm, relaxing effect of it, like being wrapped in the softest blanket by someone who really loves you, kicked in – like heroin in liquid form. Knowing not to drink more of it, I took a glass of ice water and floated into the kitchen.

"I've been listening to you…and I'm really flattered that you all think I'm worth so much. It has been my honor and privilege to have helped save your future and made your present time with me so satisfying. I can't flip a coin and pick. You all must go back, follow the quest for Erebor and live. I am not part of the story. I need to sleep for a time so I have taken a powerful drink. If you can some up with something that works for all of us, tell me later."

"I would like to have our time, with all of you after I wake. I absolutely want to, as I adore all of you and want the memory of how you all taste, feel, smell, and make love to me. And I think in combination it will be so powerful as to consider my life's work fulfilled – the work of saving you rewarded by all of you saving _me_." With that, I drifted off to the bedroom.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Summary is lyric from "Here With Me" by Susie Suh & Robot Koch
> 
> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes


	14. If Three Is Good, Then Four...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Fright and a Proposal - Elspeth has a life-altering decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

I awoke with a start. It was the middle of the night. The moon was full. The wolves were howling, but not loudly. There was no one with me. Did I dream it all? No – my body felt everything that had been done to it in the past week. But it was too quiet. I got up, moving slowly. Thorin, Kili and Fili were nowhere in sight. _Where the hell are they?_

I checked the other rooms, finally approaching the studio. The door was open. I noticed right away that their weapons were gone. _No!_ My heart shrieked as I ran for the outer door. Flinging it open, I saw the three of them, standing facing each other, knives, sword and bow all raised as if in the next second they would attack.

Stop!” I screamed _. This cannot be happening!_   “Put those down or I swear I will send all of you back this minute!” They made no move.

“There’s no need for this.” I pleaded. “I brought you here to save you, not to have you kill each other!” Suddenly, they all moved, so fast they blurred. I heard the twang of Kili’s bowstring, the clashing of knives and sword.

“No!” I screamed again. My head throbbed…then everything went black.

****************************** 

“I think she’s coming around.” Fili’s voice.

“Oh, thank, _Mahal_ – I thought she was dying,” Kili’s.

“Move!” Thorin, taking my hand and kissing it…wet…was he crying? I slowly opened my eyes and all of them swam into my vision.

“What the hell is going on?” I croaked, throat dry. Fili offered a glass of water to Thorin, who let me sip at it, slowly.

“Why were you fighting with each other?”

“It wasn’t really a fight,” said Thorin. “More like a game of ‘chicken.’ We wouldn’t have hurt each other.”

“So who won?” I asked. Then they were all laughing.

“She…w-w..ants…to…know..whooo!...” More gales of laughter.

“You all scared the _shit_ out of me and you think it’s _funny_?” I glared at them. The laughter settled into giggles. Thorin leaned over, kissed my forehead.

“Oh, _amrâlimê!_ I am so sorry you misunderstood what we were doing. I saw what you drank, tasted enough of it to know how strong it was, and thought you wouldn’t wake for hours yet.” I sat up, carefully.

“So what was that all about?”

“Well, it seems you’ve made promises to all of us, in different ways, so the question becomes one of who has the better claim.”

“Now wait just a minute – I did not make _promises_ or commit to any of you. I am not a territory on which you can plant a flag and stake a claim. All of us have expressed very deep feelings, but most of it was during wanton abandonment of our senses, well oiled with alcohol. Not that anything was said that wasn’t meant – but I guess it’s all got to get sorted out now, doesn’t it?” Kili started it.

“Well, if this is something we _all_ need to sort out, as you say, maybe we _all_ should just…“ Fili picked it up.

“ _Bare_ our feelings at the same time and then…? He looked at Thorin.

“Uncle, don’t you agree, we need to do this _together?_ ”

“Oh, very subtle, Fili!” he said, then looking at me.

“Is this something you _want_ to do?” I felt my cheeks growing warm, not to mention the heat that rushed downward.

“Yes. But there’s two conditions. First – I need to have what’s called a 'safe word'. If I say it, no matter what’s going on, everybody stops. That word will be ‘harpsichord,’ which I believe you are unfamiliar with, so can’t mistake it for anything else. Got it?” They all nodded solemnly.

“And the second?” asked Thorin.

“I want to be blindfolded, at least at first, so I can’t tell who’s doing what.” They exchanged looks.

“And I give you permission to tie me, if that appeals to you, using only the ropes I give you. But if I say the safe word you must untie me at once. I want you to believe that I trust you. Otherwise, anything is allowed, so let’s…”

They needed no further incentive; sweeping me along with them, clothes flying off everywhere. It was an experience beyond description.

******************************

I woke in the late morning to the smells of breakfast – bacon, toast, eggs – and heard the dwarves bantering with each other.  It sounded like things between them were resolved. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go in. It would be so much easier to just let them go back, to handle their lives (hopefully, the desired outcome) and stay out of it.

But would I be able to do it? I started out trying to keep my distance, but that went out the window almost immediately with Kili. _That_   was my fault – I should not have given them the option. But I couldn’t help myself – how could I? I waited my whole life for the opportunity, and figured I wouldn’t ever get the chance again. But it was all based on the premise that they’d be gone. And yet here they were, still.

A knock. “Enter.” Thorin.

“Did you all eat well?” I asked.

“ _Mahal_ …like nothing ever before. Do you always keep such a stock?” I laughed.

“Ask Kili – he knows all about it, having been here first and longest.”

“Why _did_ you bring him first?”

“I thought he would be easiest to convince. You were only supposed to be here one at a time – I figured if I sent Kili back first, he would spill everything to his brother, so when Fili came, he would be less difficult to convince. And when he went back, I assumed they would tell you at least some of it, making it easier for you. But it didn’t work out that way.”

“Why not?”

“Kili didn’t want to go and I really didn’t want him to. It was his idea to try bringing Fili over without sending him back. And they agreed to stay when you came, to help me.” Thorin looked a little puzzled.

“Why did you need their help?” I looked at the floor.

“I thought I would have a better chance of getting you to believe me if they were here to reinforce it. And I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“You.” He laughed lightly.

“Afraid of _me?_ You have the power to move me out of my own world and into yours. _I_ should have been the one to be afraid!”

“You _are_ quite intimidating, Thorin, and you know it!”

“Ah, but you _have_ seen another side of me, have you not?”

“I have. And I would like to see that side again.” In an instant he was in my arms, kissing me fervently.

“I want you, more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. And this time I will make love to you so strongly, in hopes that I can reach into your very soul. I want you to feel that we are connected more than physically, to know that we were meant to be together, no matter how impossible it may seem.”

“What do you mean?” I was the one who was puzzled now.

“After,” he said, and made the most erotic and powerful love to me I’d ever had, despite the activities of the previous night. I felt almost as if I disappeared into him, that we were one flesh. By the time it was over, I was crying softly.

“Why the tears,  _amrâlimê_?” he asked, gently wiping them away.

“I think you know why…Thorin…I…can’t…” My throat closed up and I was crying even more.

“You don’t want to send me back either, right?” I nodded. He took my hand, weaving his fingers through mine.

“Elspeth, did you ever think about going the other way, crossing through the mirror yourself?”

“What?” The question confused me.

“I want you to come back with us. After we retake Erebor I want you to be my Queen.” I sat up too quickly, as my vision swirled.

“What are you talking about!?” He reached up, pulled me down onto his chest and wrapped me in his arms.

“I want to marry you and have you as Queen of Erebor. I love you, and will never love another.” I was stunned into silence.

“I wouldn’t have done this so quickly, but things are moving fast. I would rather have the time to court you properly, but we have to go back soon. You possess power and wisdom equal to my own. Although we are from different worlds, I do not wish to ever be apart from you.” With some difficulty, I found my voice.

“Thorin, you can’t stay here, just as Fili and Kili can’t. It would subvert why I brought you all here. You have a mission, and it isn’t only you who will be affected by its success or failure – it’s your entire race. You must know that.”

“The only thing I know is that I want you at my side, no matter the cost. I have searched and waited for one such as you my whole life. I can’t just leave and forget you.”

“I just don’t know what's possible. I don’t know if I can reverse the ritual for me, or someone has to perform it from the other side. But Thorin…you don’t know anything about me. I won’t live more than perhaps another 20 years. I am past childbearing age; I am human. And we still don’t even know if you will survive what’s coming.”

“I do not care. I would rather have _one_ day with you and live the rest of my life alone, if that was all I could have.” He lifted my chin.

“Look into my eyes, Elspeth and tell me you don’t want this, that you don’t feel the same as I do, that you don’t want me as much as I do you.” He kissed me long and passionately.

 _Can I even answer this?_ I thought. _Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him? Risk death for it?_ I could. I did.

"How can I refuse you?" I whispered. "Yes, I do want to be with you. But I don't know if I can."

“If you cannot come with me, I _will_ stay with you.”

“Thorin, no! You must follow the quest! Everything I’ve done will be for nothing if you don’t!”

“Fili is my heir. He is old enough and raised to be king. It doesn’t have to be me.”

“But again," I pointed out, “We don’t know if he will survive, either. And I very much doubt Kili would be ready to take on that responsibility, if _he_ survives. Not to mention that this would change canon. No, you all must go back.” Thorin’s voice was thick with emotion.

“Elspeth, I will _not_ go without you! Or at the very least, unless I know with certainty, that you can and will follow me. If you need time to research the ritual, time to make it work, you can come after all danger has passed: the dragon is dead and we survive the war, if war does come. I know you didn’t expect this…neither did I. But there it is.”

“I need some time alone. Can you go back and stay with the others for a while?” I was too shaken at the moment to talk further.

“Of course.” He kissed me on the forehead and went out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mahal - Dwarves' name for Aulë (The Creator)  
> Amrâlimê - My love


	15. Farewell to the Wolfman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth seeks the advice of a former lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

_Was he really serious?_ Another of those ‘heat of the moment’ or ‘in the afterglow’ things said but not rationally considered? And if it _was_ serious what was I to do? Did I _want_ to go, even if I could? My head was spinning.

I decided I needed another opinion, from the only person I trusted: Eric, my friend, one-time lover, and caretaker of the wolf-dog sanctuary. He knew what I had been trying to do all these years, but didn’t know I had succeeded. I dressed quickly and left by the front door. With luck, my dwarves wouldn’t even know I’d gone.

It was getting near to noon; Eric would be out walking the fence perimeters, making sure his charges were all accounted for and examining the fences for weak spots. He didn’t worry about the wolves getting out…people living in proximity (the closest being at least 10 miles) to us were often a threat to the animals.

People still believe the fairy tales about wolves and would like nothing better than to kill them all. Eric had fought long, hard battles with the state and town to be able to keep them here. And still had to be on his guard, to be sure there would be no incidents.

The wolves knew me so did not howl, but stood, fur bristling, watching as I made my way around. Eric was kneeling at the far junction of the pens, the alpha males of each pack paying their respects. Seeing me, he got up; we hugged, as we did not see much of each other, or anyone else. We were like two hermits, sharing a mountain. No one came up and we rarely went down.

“To what do I owe the honor?” he said. “I haven’t seen even a glimpse of you these past few months. “What’s up?”

“I did it, Eric. I got them here.” He started, face going a little pale.

“Are you serious?”

"They are in my kitchen, eating breakfast as we speak.” I replied. “Can we please go inside? They don’t know I’ve left the house.”

We sat in his bright kitchen, drinking coffee.

“So,” he said, “you did it. When?”

“A week ago. But it’s not going the way I planned.” He ran a hand through his thick blond hair, letting it fall back over his forehead. I always loved that gesture...and how much I had loved running my own hands through it.

“I guess not, if they are _all_ here. I thought you were going to do one at a time.” I gave a short bark of a laugh.

“So did I. But I couldn’t get Kili to go. I…let things go too far.” He looked at me a little harder.

"No wonder you look like you do. Must have been quite a night. Or _nights_." He sighed.

"Oh, El – you promised me you’d avoid getting physical with them! You knew what would happen.”

"I know, I know. But I can’t even begin to explain to you what they’re like in person…so overpowering. I never made the first move.” I blushed slightly.

“ _They’re_ overpowering? You know damned well how impossibly seductive _you_ are! I haven't forgotten. Even after all this time I can barely stand it…you being this close.” I dropped my head.

“I know, Eric, and I’m sorry. But there’s no one else I can talk to about this. I have a decision to make, but I want the opinion of someone who isn’t biased, and who _does_ know me as well as you.”

“Go on.” he said. I told him all of it.

“You can’t be serious!” he exploded. “Go back with them? You don’t know that it won’t kill you! And even if you live, won’t _you_ then become the distraction that kills them?”

“I doubt it,” I said. “They already know the possible outcomes – and either way I was never part of the story, so I couldn’t be the reason they die.”

“But don’t you see?” he objected. “You _will_ change the story…even if it isn’t the story of book or film. I mean really, Queen of Erebor?!”

"That can’t change the story,” I countered. “It would only be part of what comes after…and no one knows what that would be anyway. Besides, Eric,” I softened. “I’ve been so focused on this almost my whole life, I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be so loved and wanted – and by more than one. Not since you.” He stared straight at me.

“Don’t you think it will end with the same result? And you’d be alone again, and in a world to which you don’t belong.” We sat in silence for a time.

“Dearest Eric,” I said softly. “I think I must go with them, if I can. And if not now, then I must make the same effort as I did to bring them here, to get myself over. Even if it takes years.”

“But you don’t have that many years left, El. Will you spend them all in a futile attempt and die alone?” His eyes filled with unshed tears. I felt myself choking up.

“What else do I have left?” He reached across the table to take my hands,

“You still have me.” I pulled out of his grip.

“No! I will not put _you_ through that again!”

“I don’t care, El. What do I have so much left of, either?”

“You still have the packs, and you can become their alpha. You know Grey Eyes and Wind Spirit will step aside.”

"And what happens if you fail? Will you give yourself over to your warren, let them carry you to where the Black Rabbit can take you, as one of theirs?” he said, with a touch of anger.

“That was always to be my fate if I failed to save the dwarves. You know that, Eric. You know that’s why it could never be, you and I. Not as predator and prey. We made these alliances before we ever met. Had we known at the time, we never would have become lovers to begin with.” He looked into my eyes.

“I do not regret that time.” I let my tears go.

“Neither do I.” We embraced. And were interrupted by howls.

 ******************************

“Oh, shit!” I gasped. “They’ve come looking for me!” Eric, worried more about the dwarves riling up the wolves than anything else, ran for the door. Me, worried that the dwarves would do something to Eric, right on his heels.

But the dwarves were frozen, weapons down, staring at the wolves, who continued to howl. Eric brushed past them, heading for the closer juncture of the fences, where Grey Eyes and Wind Spirit stood, not moving, not howling. With a few words from Eric no one could hear, the alphas turned to their respective packs, giving short, sharp barks. The howling stopped.

I breathed a sigh of relief, even though I knew Eric had complete control over the wolves, and moved to stand directly between him and the dwarves. They took a couple of steps back; Thorin raising his sword slowly.

“Don’t.” I said, in as commanding voice as I could manage.

“I’m only sheathing it.” Fili and Kili followed his unspoken directive, stashing their weapons.

“What are you doing here?” I demanded. “I told you not to leave the house or its immediate grounds!”

“We got worried,” said Fili. “You weren’t in bed or anywhere else we searched.”

“But then I remembered about the wolves,” said Kili, “And figured you must have come here.”

“Elspeth,” Eric, still behind me. “I think you’d better head back. It’s getting late.”

I knew what he meant; the clock had started and the dwarves  _had_ to go back to begin the quest when they were supposed to. Thorin moved protectively next to me.

“And who are _you_ to be giving her orders?” _The king_ _comes forth_ , I thought.

“Thorin, please. This is my friend, Eric. He is the only person who knows what I’ve been trying to do. He knows who you all are, and what the dilemma is now. I just wanted to get his trusted opinion before I decide what to do.”

Thorin and the others remained silent, as I went to finish saying farewell to Eric. I think the passion of it troubled the dwarves ( _jealous_?), but Eric and I knew this was likely forever. And based on the intensity of our earlier relationship, we weren’t going to have a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.

“Be careful, my love.” He looked deeply into my eyes.

“I will. Remember to wipe my computer drives, and make sure all the rabbits are gone.” I was choking up again as I moved away. "And smash that mirror. No one must ever know how I did it."

Before the dwarves could follow me, Eric got in front of them.

“You all _will_ protect and care for her,” he said in an even tone, with just a touch of warning. “Or there will be consequences.” He turned and headed for the house.

Thorin almost started to say something, but a low rumble from the pens stopped him short. Grey Eyes and Wind Spirit were still standing at the juncture, growling deep in their throats, with more than a touch of malice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though the wolf-dog sanctuary is real, the caregiver's name isn't Eric. That's a nod to an old love.  
> The reference to the Black Rabbit is from 'Watership Down' by Richard Adams


	16. We Can Be Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth decides it's worth the risk to attempt to leave for Middle Earth with Thorin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

None of us spoke until we were back in my house, but one by one, each of my dwarves embraced and kissed me, long and hungrily.

“We _were_ really afraid we’d lost you.” Thorin, still holding me.

“Nonsense! I thought you’d all want to have a private meeting, without me. And I needed to see Eric. I figured you’d be at it for hours.”

“Why would you think we would decide on something as important as this without you there?” Kili asked.

“This is about all of us now, isn’t it? We believe you _want_ to come with us.”

“And we all want you to, however it has to work – whoever you wish to be with.” Added Fili.

“What if I can’t make that decision?” I asked. “If I can’t choose one over the others? I will not cause strife between the three of you, especially since things are in motion now. You cannot be distracted, especially not by me.”

“I told you I wanted you as my queen!” Thorin sounded desperate. “Do you think I asked this of you lightly?”  Fili and Kili gasped.

“If there is to be a distraction, it will be because I could not convince you to come back with us, for me. My nephews can and will accept this. They are still very young, and apt to lose their hearts easily and often…”

“Uncle!” They cried as in one voice, then Fili spoke. “Why do you dismiss _our_ feelings for Elspeth as if they mean nothing?”

“You can’t command her just because you are king!” This from Kili.

“Hold it! You are talking as if I were not standing right here! This part of the decision is mine and mine alone. If I decide to go, whether it be now or later, it is still my call, not yours.”

“Elspeth, may I speak with you privately for just a moment?” asked Thorin.

“All right,” I said. I went to the bedroom; he followed. Closing the door behind him, he caught me in his arms, trying to kiss me. I pulled away. “No! You said you wanted to talk to me, so talk.”

“I just wanted to be sure you understood something. They do not realize it yet, but Fili and Kili are bound. They will never really love anyone else as they do each other. We’ve all known it, practically since the day Kili was born. Yes, they have discovered each other physically, but are still unaware how much deeper it goes. If you do choose one or the other now, your bond will be broken on the day they pledge each other.”

“Just watching them together makes that pretty clear.” I agreed.

“But it’s a frightening prospect for me, being _your_ consort. I can’t imagine your people accepting me, being human, someone not even of your world.” He laughed softly.

“ _Amrâlimê_ ,” he pulled me into his arms. I didn’t resist. “I never said I wanted you as consort. I want you to be my _queen_. No one questions a king’s choice of queen, as it occurs so rarely. There are few dwarf women as it is, but one with the qualities to be queen? That’s non-existent. _You_ have the qualities. The people will adore you. But none will adore you as much as I do. Please Elspeth, please come with me!” He actually knelt before me.

“Say you will marry me, or I believe I will die of despair. I know you love me, too, and I promise to make you happy, to feel loved every day we have together!” He was actually weeping now; my own heart felt like it was breaking. I knelt down with him, putting my arms around him.

“All right, Thorin. This _is_ what I truly want, too – to be with you, always. I’m just so terrified that I can’t go through with you, that I will have to work at finding the right ritual and maybe not find one at all. It took nearly 50 years for me to get the three of you through. I don’t think I could wait even another year and neither could you.”

“I will wait for you forever. I told you – I will never love another.”

I was overwhelmed now, needing him desperately, needing the feel of his body on mine, his hands and mouth all over me. I pulled him down to the floor with me, fighting to get out of my clothes, to get his off.  Mouths locked, tongues tangling together, we consumed each other. I was wet, he unbelievably hard and we connected immediately, grinding in rhythm until I cried out, pulsating with pleasure, feeling him grow even more as he gave himself to me, filling me. It was so much more satisfying…the intensity of feeling his love for me. And mine for him.

“I think it would be best to send Fili and Kili back now. We can have the last day alone, and I can work on the ritual. With any luck we can go through together. Are they going to be very angry with me?”

"No, love. I think they’ve already grasped the situation. And as I said, they will have each other, sooner or later.” I sighed.

“I _do_ love them, too. It’s just not the same as with you.”

“They are your family now. It’s good that you love them.” 

******************************

We found Fili and Kili drinking in the kitchen, obviously for most of the time we’d been in the bedroom. They were tipsy, but not really drunk. 

“We know,” slurred Kili in a sad voice. “You’re sending us back and Thorin’s staying.”

“Only until tomorrow,” I said. “Then we will follow.” Fili sat up.

“Then you’re coming with us?  To live in our world as our Auntie Queen?” I laughed.

“I doubt that’s a proper title! But yes, I will try. If it doesn’t work, then I will find another way.”

“She _will_ come with me.” Thorin was adamant. They jumped up then, hugging and kissing us.

“We are going to be a family!” I was relieved that they didn’t seem hurt or unhappy, but I did have a pang of wistfulness, for the special and gratifying hours I’d spent with them, separately and together.

I prepared myself and the studio, positioned the mirror and had Kili stand in front of it.

“You will see approximately the place you were when I brought you over. As soon as you feel you recognize it, step through. Ready?” He nodded, looked over at me grinning.

“See you on the other side, Auntie!” I placed his picture into the bowl, set it ablaze and intoned the ritual. He watched the mirror closely, then stepped up to it and vanished.

“Whoa!” said Fili. “That’s really unsettling to see!”  

“Well, you’re next, so get ready,” I told him. I repeated the process and he too was gone.

“It appears to have worked without difficulty.” said Thorin. “We can only hope it works for us the same way.” I agreed.

But I knew there was something else I would need to give me the extra edge. I went to see my rabbits.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amrâlimê - My love


	17. The Rabbits' Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth goes to her rabbits for the extra psychic power she feels will help her make the transition, which they gratefully give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

“You all know what’s happening.” I told them. “I need you to return a little of what I gave each of you, to give me enough power to go through the mirror. Then you are also free to do whatever you wish, as you will no longer be bound to me. Will you do that for me?”

I closed my eyes, concentrating as they surrounded me where I sat in the center of their pen. I heard them, as many voices into one.

“Yes, beloved. We will give you all you need so you may have joy for the rest of your days.”

“Thank you,” I imparted, “I love you all. May each of you continue in a happy life, or whatever you choose.”

And I felt their spirits pour their love and gratitude into my soul. I had rescued each and every one of them, and nursed them, cared for them, gave them the lives they deserved. I gave them, as I had told Kili, a piece of my heart and soul. This is what they now returned to me: that precious gift. I opened the small barricade, so they could dig out to freedom.

I returned to Thorin. I didn’t know if I could explain it to him, but I felt so empowered now, through the gift given by my little warren. I was confident I could make the crossing with him.

“Rabbits? Rabbits gave you power?”

“Yes. I gave them part of myself when I rescued and cared for them. They were able to give me some of that back. I know it sounds crazy, but if I hadn’t taken it now, I would have when I was near death. They would have been my conveyance to the Black Rabbit of Inlé, who in turn takes them to where rabbits go after they die.”

“This is what Eric and I have in common, this animal bond. Only he can become a wolf after death, the alpha of his two packs. You saw him communicate with the alphas, Grey Eyes and Wind Spirit. They will step aside if he chooses to join them. And in these spirit forms we would meet again, but he would then kill all that was left of me, as I would be prey to his predator.”

“We discovered this about each other after we got involved, which made our life relationship impossible. The breakup nearly killed him. We were just able to stay friends as long as the contact wasn’t too often or for too long.”

“What an incredible story!” Thorin said, with touch of sarcasm.

“No story…truth. After all, you have all manner of strange creatures in your world, don’t you? If you haven’t met up with some of them yet, you will on the quest. Speaking of which, if I am able to come with you, what happens to me when you go? You know I can’t come with you.”

“You can stay with my sister, Dís, Kili and Fili’s mother. You will be far away from the Lonely Mountain, safe from anything that occurs there. Once Erebor is won, both you and she will come to live there with the rest of us. She really has no one else but me and the boys. She is a bit of a hellion, but I think you will get along fine. And she can teach you the ways of our people before you become queen – that should be very helpful. I imagine leaving all this man-made magic behind may be difficult for you.”

“Not so much as you’d think. I grew up during what I call the ‘last charmed era’. We had just come through a war. It seemed like nothing could go wrong. We believed we had everything, including freedom. We used to feel safe, but have had to compromise freedom for ‘security’. And we aren’t safe, anyway.”

“We have weapons that can destroy the entire world and everyone in it. We have too few resources for the enormous population, which keeps growing unchecked. The world is being stripped of everything natural. We allow species of plants and animals to go extinct at an alarming rate.”

“What’s ‘extinct’ mean?" Thorin looked mortified, even without knowing the meaning of the word.

“It means continuing to kill without giving the animals a chance to reproduce, so there’s less and less of them. Or their natural habitat is destroyed, so they can’t sustain a population. Plants which could have provided food or cures for diseases are destroyed without concern, and also cannot regenerate. Extinct means gone forever.” He looked even more shocked.

“But doesn’t that mean that humans could also become extinct?”

“We seem to be heading that way, yes. And this has become a world in which I no longer wish to stay, if there was an alternative other than death.”

“Yet another reason you must come with me. I could never leave you here now, if that would be your fate.” I smiled.

“It won’t happen that quickly. It takes millennia for these things to occur naturally.”

"Then what about these weapons you spoke of – could that happen quickly?” He looked anxious.

“Yes, but we’ve had these weapons about 75 years now. No one is so rash as to use them again since the first time, when my country used them against an enemy to end a war. Thorin love, if I cannot come through right now, please don’t worry that something will happen to me right away. Remember, I want to be with you, too, as quickly as possible. I will waste no time in searching for a way.”

******************************

“I need you Elspeth.” And we had another urgent period of love-making right there on the floor of the den, even though the bedroom was steps away.

 _“Mahal,_ why am I so insatiable for you? I know you are not young, but your body responds as if it is your first time. It is intoxicating, as if I’ve drunk too much ale! Is this some spell you use?” I laughed.

“It is only a few choices I made early in life that may have given me a longer appearance of youth. I was so focused on my life’s ambition I had little time for things that could have aged me: things we call lifestyle choices. Even when my hair changed it enhanced my appearance, rather than making me look older. And I did not bear children, so nothing stretched out. At least not until you three got at me! Are all dwarves so well endowed?” He rolled onto his back, laughing.

“Do you think so?”

“I know so!’ I said, gripping the item in question.

“Do that at your own peril, my love!”

“What peril?” I said, stroking, lightly at first, then with more force. I moved onto his legs.

“What can you do to me that you haven’t already?” I circled the tip of his cock with my tongue. He groaned.

“Hmmm?” I took a breath, “Something to say?”

Without waiting for an answer I swallowed his enormity, right down my throat. My pale hair covered us like a veil. I had trained myself not to gag. I began to suck, with great force, and Thorin arched his back, gasping. A few moments more and he exploded; all of it already swallowed. I slowly backed off, sat up, waiting. He was speechless, catching his breath.

“How…?” was all he could croak. I laughed softly, got off him, stretched out next to him, head on his chest, stroking the soft hairs near his navel. I knew his nerves couldn’t stand that and within seconds he grabbed my hand, stopping the movement.

“Still nothing to say?” I knew he couldn’t yet, so I answered the unspoken questions.

“I learned what’s called ‘deep-throating’ from a film of that name. I practiced until I could do it without gagging. The hard sucking I figured out on my own. I had plenty of appreciation for it, so continued doing it. But usually I only do it if I want to show that I can get you to come fast, even if you think you’re finished. I have less intense techniques left for you to experience.”

“I don’t know what to say,” he rasped. “I have never had that happen before! I can’t believe the feeling…it’s like I could have died in that moment and would have been happy to.”

“So it was acceptable?” I asked coyly.

“You realize there will be retribution for such a practice?” He said, looking at me from half-closed eyes, unreadable.

“But not right now. I will spring it on you when you least expect it!”

Sore as we were, we decided to give it a rest. He wanted to watch the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy, very curious about the future events in Middle Earth. I warned him, though, that no matter how tempting it might be to do things that would change the outcome, he dare not. I went to review my ritual materials and other sources, to see what adjustments might need to be made. I could afford no mistakes.

******************************

We ate by candlelight. I had to explain about my diet choice; he didn’t question it.

He asked, “What happens to everything here once you leave?”

“Eric has a document giving him the authority to dispose of my property as he sees fit. He can sell it, tear it down to make more wolf pens, or whatever. I have the same for him, but now he’ll have to find another for that task.”

“Thorin…there’s one more thing before we go.” From a drawer in the table I pulled out the box of medications. “These are drugs…healing substances which keep me alive. I have an illness, one that could take me early, but I can’t bring them. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner…I was afraid you would change your mind.” He leapt up, took me up in his arms.

“I told you…I would rather have just one day with you and live out the long years of my life alone, if that was all I could have.” He kissed me hard.

“Nothing could make me reject you!” He blew out the candles, picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. Where, despite our pains, he made the most tender love to me I could ever imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't begin to explain the bond that grows between a rescuer and the animals they take in and care for; I only know it existed for me with the rabbits I saved and nurtured.
> 
> Mahal - Dwarves' name for Aulë (The Creator)  
> Black Rabbit of Inlé reference from 'Watership Down' by Richard Adams


	18. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth and Thorin go through the mirror...into Ered Luin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

We made ready to go. I was completely naked, as I didn’t want to risk anything that might hold me back or create anachronisms, even if it was just clothing that didn’t exist in Middle Earth. Thorin would cover me with his coat, once we were through. He belted on his sword.

“Amazing!” he said. “My idiot nephews didn’t forget their own weapons!”

"Not idiots." I countered. "Just young. You wouldn't believe half the stupid things I did at their age – I mean at whatever the equivalent age is! I imagine you probably know this, but they are much wiser than they let on - especially Kili."

"Yes, I'm aware they hide behind masks of youth and irresponsibility, but they have been trained well. I trust them with my life, more than anyone else. Except maybe for Dwalin."

"Ready?" I asked. He nodded. I took a deep breath, marshaled my strength from the rabbits, and set fire to his picture and mine.

 “Hear me, oh Mother Cerridwen! Your Daughter, Elspeth Locke, wishes to depart this world, not for death, but for life with the love I have so longed for. Please allow me the passage, dear sisters. The secret of this ritual will pass with me so none may follow. I offer my blessings to you as long as I shall live!”

A shadow began to rise from the bowl. I stepped back, right into Thorin.

“This never happened before!” I gasped. He enclosed me in his arms.

“I won’t let go of you.”

The shadow grew, changing into the translucent form of a beautiful woman. “Go then, Daughter,” was all she said, and vanished. We turned to the mirror and moved forward.

 

 


	19. Part 2 - Preparation & Passages, Chapter 19 - The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin and Elspeth arrive safely, but Dís is outraged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

For the third day in a row I lay in bed, listening to Thorin and Dís argue. I couldn’t go out without being completely covered, and even then, my eyes were too noticeable. We had been fortunate: Thorin had been close to home when I brought him over, so we didn’t have far to go.

“I’m telling you _again_ Thorin, this is impossible! You cannot marry a human and expect acceptance from our people, especially if you intend to make her Queen!”

“I can and I will, Dís. I love her, she is my One and that is all!” Thorin hissed at his sister.

“She put herself at considerable risk for me and the boys just to warn us, so we don’t _die_ on this quest. She didn’t expect to be coming back with us!”

“It most certainly is _not_ all! How could you fall for such a ruse?” Dís retorted. “How do you know for sure she told you the truth? Maybe she did it just to get here! Her own world is heading for disaster and you let her use you to escape!”

Thorin had never been so furious with his sister. He knew she would argue, but the things she kept going on about, as if I were some strange creature who had no right to exist. Dís knew exactly which buttons to push to get him so riled up that she might win the debate. Especially when she accused him of being led by his cock rather than his brain.

“Dís, I am not going to keep going around and around about this. I made the decision. I don’t regret it and I will _not_  be intimidated into giving Elspeth up!” Dís regarded him coolly.

“Very well. If you insist on doing this I will have no choice but to usurp you!”

I leaped off the bed and nearly ran downstairs. She had never threatened this before and I had no idea if she could do it. But the words gave me a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. From what I understood about usurpation, if the incumbent royal refused to step down, war would follow.

It seemed to be a very long time before Thorin responded.

“I suppose you will do this by force? You will have to raise an army, you will need to persuade one of the other dwarf lords _and_ one of your sons to stand with you. And if you think either Fili or Kili would do _anything_ to thwart my plans, you are mistaken. They also love Elspeth and wouldn’t stand for her to be harmed in any way!”

“Of course they wouldn’t!” Dís was practically shrieking now. “She seduced them, too! And _they_ think with their cocks even more than you! I can reason with them; and if I must, I will tell them about their bonding, even if it’s too soon!” That did it.

“Sister, you have no right to act on any of these threats!” He thundered. “And if you so much as breathe a word about usurpation to _anyone_ , or if you ruin Fili and Kili’s chance to come to their realization themselves, I swear I’ll have you imprisoned for treason! I am still the king _!” “Ha! Not yet you’re not!”_ Dís shouted back _.“Keep this up and you’ll never be!”_

Now I was becoming frightened. I heard the back door open: Kili and Fili coming home from hunting. I leaned over the railing and projected a whisper loud enough for them to hear me.

“Get up here, now! All hell just broke loose!” Dropping their catch and weapons they bolted up the stairs. As soon as they were inside I closed the door, leaning against it, tears rolling down my cheeks. Kili came over, took my face gently in his hands and wiped the tears with his thumbs.

“What, El? It can’t be that bad. They’ve been fighting for days, and it will stop sooner or later. Anything that’s said in one of these arguments is considered ‘heat of the moment’ and not taken very seriously, once things quiet down.”

“Come, sit with us.” said Fili from the bed, ‘and tell us what’s upset you so.”

I climbed up to the middle of bed against the headboard and curled up, they close on either side of me. “Your mother just threatened to _usurp_ Thorin if he doesn’t back down! Can she really do it?” Kili looked to his brother.

“You would know better than me. I didn’t have to study all those principles of governing.” Both of them had gone pale.

“Did she actually say that?” Fili said slowly.”

“Yes! And Thorin told her that she’d have to raise an army, get the support of another dwarf lord and…” I was having trouble even saying it.

“What, Elspeth?” asked Kili. “What else?” I took a deep breath.

"And the support of one of you.” I said miserably. “Then he said if she kept on and told anyone he would have her imprisoned for _treason_!” The brothers exchanged a shocked look.

“And I’m sure Thorin told her that would never happen, because of _our_ feelings for you. Didn’t he?” I couldn’t tell them the rest. Realization they were each other’s One had to be worked out between them. If they were told ahead of time, before they were ready, it could destroy the whole thing.

“Yes, he told her. She seems to believe one of you _would_ join her.”

“Nothing she could say or do would turn us against you.” Kili said, taking my hand. “Trust us…we know how Thorin feels about you. Nothing will get in the way of you two marrying.”

“Maybe it was a mistake for me to come. I feel like I’ve created a rift in your family, which could create a rift among your people. I don’t want to see a war started. That’s what I was trying to get you all out of to begin with…so nobody would die.” Fili put his arms around me,

“We are so very happy you _did_ come.”

It had become very quiet below – one of them must have left to avoid further escalation. Dís hollered up,

“Fili! Kili! Get down here right now and pick up this mess! You can waste time with your little playmate later!”

They both kissed my cheeks, assured me it would be all right, and hurried down. Almost immediately, Thorin came in. He must have been waiting for them to go.

Gathering me into his arms, kissing me gently, he murmured,

“I’m sorry you had to hear all that. Dís can have a very nasty temper.”

 “Is it true?” I asked, “Can she force you off the throne?”

“Technically, yes. But raising an army and getting the support she needs is not going to happen. You know my nephews would never side with her; they love you. Besides, they’re coming with me. She won’t be able to work on them.”

“I know, but she _is_ their mother, and she threatened to tell them they are each others’ One.” I said shakily.

“I will not let her jeopardize any of you, even if I must make good on my word to imprison her.”

“Thorin, I feel terrible about this…I don’t want to be the cause your family, your kingdom have so much strife.”

“Elspeth, look at me.” I did. “Do you love me? Are you _my_ One?” he asked.

“You know I am yours, forever and always, Thorin.”

“Then don’t worry your pretty head. Everything will work out.” He kissed me deeply.

“Come, we are going out for dinner. I’m not hiding you any longer.” 


	20. Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin and Elspeth find a private place; some problems are resolved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

“No! Thorin, you know we can’t do that yet!” I looked at him in disbelief. “It was _your_ idea that I stay hidden until you’ve taken Erebor.” He sighed.

“I know it was. But I can’t bear the thought of you cooped up in here for so long. This quest will take at least a year and I cannot leave you here, especially with Dís, if or until she settles down.”

“What if she doesn’t? I suppose could stay and keep an eye on her, but how could I let you know if she’s starting to act on her threats?” I said. “But we shouldn’t even be talking about it here…your sister has ears as sharp as her tongue.”

“You’re right…” He laughed. “This hasn’t been an ideal situation…we can’t even make love that the whole household doesn’t hear us.”

“I have an idea. Go and pack us up some food. And ale, wine. Do you have a place you go sometimes by yourself, just to think or have quiet time alone? Preferably outside, a place no one else will come?” I asked, with a subtle hint of seduction. He caught it.

“It will be a bit chilly, but absolutely private. You little minx!” He kissed me quickly. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Good to his word, he was back with a sack. I snatched the extra blanket off the bed and we snuck quietly down the back stairs, grabbing our cloaks from the pegs by the door. He’d had mine made on the second day of our arrival, knowing I’d need to hide my hair. It was of the deepest purple I’d even seen, almost black. It was soft and light, but as warm as fleece. I put it on, pulling up the hood; he did as well. No one would look at us twice.

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before now.” He said, a little breathlessly. “But I’m glad _you_ were at least looking for a solution!”

We got off the main street quickly and went up into the hills, wending our way around wooded areas until we came to a small, clear area deeply sheltered by trees, with a small river running through it. The view of nearby mountains was breathtaking.

“It’s beautiful, Thorin.” He grabbed me from behind, almost roughly.

“The only true beauty here is _you_.”

Pulling the blanket from me, he laid it down and sat, patting the spot next to him.

“Come here, my love. I need to show you what we’ve been missing.” I shed my cloak, freeing the long, thick silvery hair from its confines, then quickly lost the rest. There wasn’t much…I was only wearing a light shift under the simple wool dress he had found in a box of unused clothing that had belonged to Dis. It didn’t fit well. Although Dís wasn’t shorter than me, she _was_ built like a dwarf.

I sat down next to Thorin. He pulled me onto him, kissing me like he hadn’t seen me in a year. I, just as hungry for him, responded fiercely. Without even removing his clothes, he slid down until positioned where he could lick and suck me.

“Oh gods, Thorin…I can’t hold back right now!”

The first orgasm ripped through me. He wouldn’t stop until I had another. He released my hips so I could get off him.

“Get your clothes off, naughty dwarf!” I helped. He was so hard I couldn’t believe he hadn’t torn right through his trousers. As I started to go down, he pulled me back atop him.

“No, not yet. I can’t wait either!” I straddled him, slowly impaling myself onto him. This always had to be done carefully, due to his enormous cock and my own tightness. Once I got all the way down, he thrust upward once, twice and I felt him explode inside me.

“We can’t wait this long anymore, Elspeth! It will kill me.” He groaned. “I can’t even think straight about anything except fucking you.”

I leaned down to kiss him.

“And what are we going to do when you have to leave?”

*****************************

 “I don’t want to think about it. I can’t bear it.” he said. I got off, snuggled up to him, covering us both with one of the cloaks.

“But you must think about it, my love. In fact, you have to do more than think about it. Have you seen Glóin and Óin yet?” I asked.

“No, I’ve been too busy fighting with Dís!”

“It’s important for you to stop worrying about me and start making preparations. Timing is critical; I don’t need to tell you _how_ critical, do I?” I said, a little sharply; he needed a push.

“No. I know. I wish I could just take you with me. I know it’s not possible, but I also can’t think of anywhere else for you to stay that’s safe, except with Dís.” I thought about it.

“What about Bree? I’d be among humans, so wouldn’t cause much of a stir.” He sat up so suddenly I thought someone was coming.

“No, no! You absolutely cannot stay there!”

“Why not? It wouldn’t disrupt the story, as Bree has only your meeting with Gandalf, and is not mentioned again. It would get me out of Ered Luin, away from Dís and anyone else there who could cause trouble. Even if it was possible, I wouldn’t stay at Bag End, not even anywhere in The Shire. I wouldn’t blend in with hobbits as well as I would with the people in Bree.”  Thorin shook me by the shoulders, not forcefully, just enough for me to understand his concern.

“As soon as you were noticed, and you would be, you would be raped or worse, every night! Bree is too rough a place. _Mahal_ , Elspeth, I would rather break every canon in every story than put you in such danger!” He was almost in tears, hugging me to him.

“Then have Fili and Kili train me to defend myself, while you make the preparations. I’m a fast learner and stronger than I seem.” He looked so astonished I almost laughed.

“Why is it you always come up with something brilliant? I never even gave that a thought! And I would be relieved knowing you could keep yourself safe until you can come to Erebor, and even after.”

“What do you mean, even after?” He let go and looked into my eyes, with an almost fearful expression. “I have enemies, as you know. You could easily become a pawn…kidnapped…used as leverage or worse. Knowing you could fight would lessen my fear of that happening considerably.” 

“Then it’s settled. The boys will teach you in a private area, away from prying eyes. I will get on with the preparations. Since I have to go north for the clan meeting, Fili and Kili can escort you, get you settled in Bree, then come back for the meeting at Bag End. I can’t see a better solution.”

“Good,” I said. “Hungry?”

“Only for you, my love. Only for you.” Laying me beneath him, he made love to me again and again, until I begged for mercy. We made our way back to the village as it began to grow dark, forgetting all about eating.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mahal - Dwarves' name for Aulë (The Creator)


	21. Until We Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth trains, Thorin prepares, and they spend their last night together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

For the next few months, I met Fili and Kili every day for training. They were a little surprised that it would be them, not Dwalin. But Dwalin, nor anyone else except Dís, knew I was here.

Fili was an expert with knives, Kili with bow and arrow. They were about equal with swords. They worked me pretty hard, knowing I had to become proficient quickly. But once I felt confident, they pronounced me ready and able to disarm, injure or kill anyone who might threaten me.

Meanwhile, Thorin had gone about his own plans. Óin assured him that the signs were there, that this _was_ the time to act. Glóin put together the necessary funds. He finished recruiting the other eight dwarves who had declared themselves sworn to him and this quest. It was nearing time to leave.

Thorin and Dís had a few more heated arguments, some about me, more about Kili and Fili going with him. She thought they were too young and unprepared for such a dangerous venture; Thorin overrode her, saying that his heirs needed experiences away from home if they were to become kings themselves, promising to bring them back unharmed. She threatened some truly horrible consequences if he didn’t.

“And what about _her_?” she asked.

“Elspeth’s going to stay elsewhere, safer than here. No longer your problem.” He refused to tell her where.

We found as many opportunities as possible to sneak off to the clearing, each day getting more and more desperate, with the imminent separation looming.

“I wish I could go with you to Bree. Have at least one more night with you, in a comfortable bed instead of the hard ground.” Thorin looked so heartbroken I began to cry.

“Oh my love, I don’t care about comfort. As long as we are together nothing matters…but tomorrow we…we…have to…” Crying harder now. Thorin pulled me close to him. His own voice was choked.

“We must be brave,  _amrâlimê_. As long as I know you’ll be safe I will be able to go on. Each passing day will be another day closer to reuniting us.” I managed to stifle my sobs.

“But _I_ won’t!”  “Won’t what?”  “Know if _you’re_ safe!” He gave me a tender look.

“Remember, I have 12 other dwarves, all of whom are fierce fighters, a wizard, and a hobbit burglar in my company. You will be on your own. Speaking of which, I have a request from Kili and Fili. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but they want to spend the night with you in Bree. I told them I was all right with it.” I studied him, making sure this wasn’t a prank. He looked at me, with absolute seriousness.

“I still worry that something could happen to them. Neither of them has had much experience-“

“Whatever do you mean, not much experience? They are as practiced as you are!”

I mean with adult women, certainly not one like you. I know how much they love you and I want them to have that pleasure again, as it could be their last.”

“Don’t say that! They know perfectly well how to get around being killed if they remember what I told them. Or do you mean after they pledge to each other?”

“Either way,” he said, “I could not deny them, but you can. I hope you won’t, though.”

“No, I won’t refuse them. How could I?”

“But, tonight you are all mine…” His hands slipped under my cloak (which was all I was wearing at the moment), and was caressing me.

“I want to remember every part of you, to be able to feel you even though you’re not there.”

We were to stay there for the night, determined to get as much of each other as possible. At dawn, we would go our separate ways, aching in both body and spirit

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amrâlimê - My love


	22. Bree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Kili escort Elspeth to Bree and they have an unforgettable night. Elspeth receives an urgent message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

The three of us made good time, arriving in Bree in late afternoon of the sixth day. Kili talked the owner of the Prancing Pony into giving me one of the best rooms, since I would be staying there indefinitely. I ordered up wine, ale and some food. The room was fairly well appointed: fireplace, windows overlooking the fields behind the inn, its own bath, and an _enormous_ bed.

“Well’” I said. “I don’t think we’ll be _too_ uncomfortable!” They looked at me with almost identical expressions of pure lust.

“Just to be sure,” said Fili. “Uncle _did_ tell you it was okay with him?” Always the practical one, Fili.

“Yes. He said it was my choice, though.” Kili looked anxious.

“And what did you decide?” I smirked slightly.

“Why would I be happy about such a large bed if I was going to sleep in it alone tonight? Come on you two…later we will all need some sleep. But right now…”

Whooping with delight, they threw off their clothes, as I shed my own and the three of us fell onto the bed, becoming a writhing mass of bodies, working our way into some sort of positioning.

“We’ve really missed you!” Kili, on top of me at the moment, hands in my tangles of hair, kissing my face all over. Fili, already teasing my lower region with that wicked tongue, made a sound of agreement.

“Oh, I’ve missed you, too! I didn’t forget those days with you both, separately and together.” Fili came up for air.

“We intend to make sure you’ll not forget this one any time soon!”

And they proceeded to have me every which way, until I no longer knew who was in what orifice. But it helped to take the pain from my heart, at least for a little while.

******************************

When I woke I wasn’t sure where I was at first. My head pounded from too much wine, my eyes wouldn’t focus, my body ached everywhere. For a moment I thought it was Thorin with me, an arm across my chest, a leg over mine. But then I realized it was _two_ arms and _two_ legs, one on each side, and remembered. To the left, my golden lion slept, with the peaceful look of one who has just fed well.

To the right, my beautiful Kili slumbered, an angelic smile just curving his somewhat bruised mouth. I felt my own lips, similarly plumped and sore from the night’s activities. The sun was coming up, and they would have to go, to be at Bag End for their meeting. I sighed, content from the intensity of their passion, but sad. Thorin was already gone, and now these two had to leave.

I turned to Fili, gently breathing into his ear. “Wake up, my lion.” His eyelids fluttered, then opened. Those amazing golden eyes. “Elspeth…is it really you? I was dreaming about you.” I said wryly. “You might have been dreaming, but last night was no dream.” He grinned.

“Should I wake Kili or do you want to?” I knew, that in their closeness, they usually woke seeing each other as they opened their eyes.

“No, you go ahead. Maybe he’ll be just as confused for that first moment.” I turned over, pushed Kili’s hair out of his eyes, kissed his forehead, nose, cheeks and chin, before landing on those seductive lips. He did not wake, but put his arms around me, murmuring in his sleep.

“More, Elspeth, more of you, so sexy, so lovely. Thorin’s so lucky…” Fili and I laughed quietly.

He got up and went around the bed, sliding in behind Kili, hugging him and whispered,

“No brother, it’s me. You should wake up now.” Kili opened his deep brown eyes, but what he saw first was me. He practically jumped up, with a look of embarrassment.

“Oh…El!  What’s wrong? Why am I in bed with you? Uncle is going to _kill_ me!” Fili laughed out loud. Kili turned around, looking stunned.

“You, too? We’re dead!”

I was giggling uncontrollably. He looked back and forth, still confused, until he finally took in the room and realized where he was.

“Don’t worry, Kee. Remember? Thorin gave us permission. But you _do_ have to get up. We have to go if we’re to get to The Shire in time.” They cleaned up, dressed and just before they went to the door, Fili turned, hugged me hard and kissed me.

“I want you to have these.” And presented me with two blades: a sharp, slightly curved dagger, its handle beautifully designed, with Fili’s sigil etched into it. The other was a sword, made as a twin to the dagger. Not as long and heavy as their own, it fit my hand exactly, balanced for me as if I’d been using it forever.

“Oh, they are so beautiful, Fili! Did you make them yourself?” Kili interrupted.

“He spent many long hours in the forge to get them ready in time.” Setting the blades carefully down, I threw my arms around him.

“Thank you! I will keep and use them well, as you taught me.”

“I’m glad you like them.” Letting go, I went to Kili, embracing him as well.

“Watch out for yourself.” I whispered. “I will never forgive you if you get hurt.” I stepped back.

“I have a gift for you as well,” and placed in my hands two sheaths, which matched the blades. The leatherwork was delicate, but incredibly strong. And a pair of archer’s gloves, made of the softest leather I had ever felt. His sigil was worked into the sheaths and gloves.

“My god, Kili! These are exquisite! I didn’t know you did such fine work.”

“They aren’t leather, you know. I remembered your aversion to animal products, so these are made from a combination of plant and metal.” I was astounded – the look and feel of them was just like leather. I put the dagger and sword into the sheaths, which fit exactly, each complementing the other. I put the gloves on, which fit like my own skin. And went back to him, the kiss passionate but brief.

“Thank you! You two never cease to amaze me!” I pulled both of them to me, tears flowing.

“I love you both so much. Thank you for these incredible gifts, and the one you gave me last night.”

“Oh, no!” Both of them protesting at once.

“The gift was from you to us!  We needed that. It’s a little difficult to be around you and keep hands off. Once you and Thorin are wed, it’s totally out of the question. This was the best gift of all, because you gave us _yourself!_ ”

‘Well, you can thank Thorin for that,” I said, still sniffling.

“I wouldn’t have dared to suggest it. It was very generous of him. Please, give him my love, when you get to The Shire.” They opened the door and stepped into the hall. I followed, still reluctant to let them go. Before going down the stairs, they turned to me so we could embrace one last time.

“We love you, Elspeth.” “And we will see you again.”

******************************

Once they were gone, I took a long, hot bath. I tied back my hair as much as I could. Dressed, cloak covering me, I left the Inn, headed for the bowyer and fletcher. Kili told me I would have to get a bow that was really right for me, even if I had to have one made. Thorin had given me enough gold to pay for anything I would need, and this was the first thing on my mental list.

If the craftsmen thought it was odd that I kept my hood on, they made no sign. Many came through Bree who wished to avoid identification. I could not find a suitable bow among the ones already finished, so I asked them to make me a specific type, along with arrows fletched blue and silver (Thorin’s colors – they would be easy for me to retrieve). It would be ready in two days.

My next stop was the tailor. I wanted not only practical dresses, but one a bit more elegant, that could be worn to anything not day-to-day. And I wanted a set of ranger-type wear: trousers, shirt, vest, a cloak of deep brown (the purple was a little too remarkable for everyday wear) for traveling. Everything had to be measured, which meant I had to remove the cloak.

Panicked, I looked around, and saw a hat, somewhat like a slouch, that I could scrunch all my hair up into. Excusing myself, I went into a changing stall and tried it…success! Measuring done, I paid for the hat and went to the next shop. I desperately needed shoes that fit me, and boots. I couldn’t bear wearing another ill-fitting item of Dís’. Finally, I purchased nightclothes, shifts, hose and undergarments. At least I would have my own wardrobe, small as it was.

On my way back to the Prancing Pony, some people stared rudely at me. If they happened to notice my eyes, they looked a little harder. I would smile and nod, or say “Good morning.” And keep walking. Yet, despite all my wariness, I failed to notice the figure shadowing me. I had a small meal at the inn, and gave myself the remainder of the day to rest.

The previous night’s activity had left me exhausted and aching. I knew some of this was due to my illness, now left untreated. I wondered how many years of my life I would lose. But I really didn’t care, as long as I could be with Thorin. The thought of him, not with me, sent me into a fit of sobbing until I finally fell asleep. I gave myself the next day to rest as well.

I desperately missed my dwarves. My body would throb with raw desire when I allowed myself to linger on thoughts of Thorin. I wondered what road they would take. I fantasized about Erebor, what it would be like living under a mountain rich with gold and jewels. I wondered what it would feel like to be incinerated by dragon fire, and quickly put that out of mind. I thought about Eric and how he was disposing of my property, and that I would never know. I wished I had my computer…great time- sucker that it was.

I mostly thought about what I could do to keep myself sane for the amount of time I would need to stay here. Fili and Kili had taken the ponies we’d ridden here back to Bag End; the spare would be a pack horse. I wasn’t to purchase a horse unless or until it was time to leave. It would leave my gold supply low, and would cost on a day-to-day basis for stabling and feed. But it would be wonderful if I could go off riding. Maybe I could go to the Shire and at least see the outside of Bag End; nice to think about, impossible to do.

After just two days, I had a particularly difficult time reconciling myself to the idea I would have to spend a whole year or more here. I picked up my purchases, had another sobbing fit thinking about Thorin and finally fell asleep before it was even dark.

And woke sometime during the night, hearing a soft series of sounds; someone was trying the door. I leapt out of bed, grabbing the dagger out of its sheath – had I locked the door? Another advantage of this room was that it had a heavy wooden door, sturdy lock, and for good measure, a bolt across that made it near impossible to break down. I heard some whispers, a creak as someone leaned against the door, testing its strength. I saw that I had, in fact, locked and bolted the door, and let go of the breath I’d been holding.

Part of me wanted to yank the door open, ready with blade in hand, to see who thought they could get at me for whatever reason. But I knew better. Depending on who or what was there, I could be still be overpowered. I went back to the door, dagger still in hand.

“I am armed. Who are you and what do you want?” Nothing for a moment, then scrabbling sounds and footsteps running away. I removed the bolt, unlocked and threw open the door. Stepping into the hallway I saw nothing. Venturing a little farther, I peeked over the railing down into the common room and saw a shadow, slipping out the main door.

I went back to my room; there was an envelope on the floor that I hadn’t noticed. It was sealed with wax, no sigil, which made me smile despite the scare. Sealing wax. You don’t get _that_ with an email! I broke the seal, opened it and read:

_You are in danger._

_Dís_ _recruiting army. Has support of Dáin Ironfoot. Both ready to move in 2 weeks heading for Erebor from Ered Luin and Iron Hills._ _Dís' army to come through Bree – knows you are there. Thorin believes Dáin an ally – needs warning. You must go. Take southern route. Avoid Mirkwood at all costs. Trust no one.”_

It was signed: “ _A Friend.”_ I let the letter fall to the floor from my shaking hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I myself did not know who the 'friend' was who had sent the letter, or even consider it. My thanks to Bleeding Blue Kunoichi on FanFiction.net, who said it was Gandalf, and how could it have been anyone else?


	23. Flight...and a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth hurriedly departs Bree and is met by a helpful stranger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes.

_This can’t be happening!_  I sank to the floor, picked up the letter, read it again.

 _How the hell am I supposed to get all the way to Erebor on my own?_ Trying to remember in my head all the maps of Middle Earth I had studied. The letter said to avoid Mirkwood at all costs, but the other routes were so far out of the way I would never catch up to Thorin in time; I had no clear idea of where the company might be. If Dís caught up with him, it would be all over. If he reached Erebor, most likely Dáin would be waiting in ambush.

But there was no help for it. Thorin had to be warned. I couldn’t afford to fall into Dís’ hands. I had to get out of here. As soon as it was getting light I put on the travel clothes, which thankfully fit well. I had the hat already, and once dressed I was satisfied I could pass for a dwarf or a young boy. I couldn’t go off looking like a woman alone. I raided the kitchen for some provisions, though I knew it wouldn’t last me long.

I gathered everything and hurried off to the stables to see if there was a fast horse I could buy. I couldn’t attempt this on foot. The stable master was nowhere in sight. I looked over the occupants of the stalls, and spotted one I thought would be long-winded and speedy. He was a bit large for me, but I didn’t care. I got him tacked up - good thing for me I had rudimentary experience - horseback riding was something I had done through my childhood. I threw my things into the saddlebags, placed 10 coins (a fortune, but I couldn’t waste time haggling or going elsewhere) on the stool by the door, and raced out.

Once I put Bree some miles behind, I slowed and tried to think how I would navigate through all this rough terrain, with all the dangers I knew lay between me and Erebor. I thought getting lost would be the worst thing to happen, as I wouldn’t survive long. But then I thought about the danger from other fell things: orcs, wargs, goblins, trolls, giant spiders, evil humans – none of which would have any interest in my mission, or would not let me pass, or would kill me outright.

Or I would starve, unless I could bring myself to kill an animal for food. Not likely. I knew how to protect myself from others, but not how to hunt, kill, dress the catch and cook it. The whole idea made me nauseous. Even plants wouldn't be a great option since I had no idea what was edible and could poison myself.

I started to cry again. I never felt so desperate, so miserable. But I remembered Thorin, my love, on the last night, telling me to be brave. I forced myself to stop crying _. Use your brain, silly girl. You are highly intelligent and you know this world well enough to find a way, at least to Rivendell._

“And I know how to fight, and have superior weapons.” I said aloud.

“You do, do you? I guess I should flee!” said a deep male voice behind me. I grabbed bow and arrows and jumped down, using the horse for cover. I came up with an arrow aimed right at the stranger.

“Peace!” he said, putting up empty hands. “I have no intention of harming you. If I did, it would already be too late, as you didn’t even know I was behind you until I spoke.“ I lowered the bow.

“What do you want?”

“For starters, my horse. I know you paid generously for him, but he _is_ mine.” I sank to the ground. _What else? Barely out of Bree, and I’ve already failed._

“Why did you take him?” he asked. “Why so rushed you couldn’t even wait to do business properly?

I remembered the letter: _Trust no one_. I didn’t answer him.

“Fine!” I said, “Take him. Is this tack yours as well?”

“No, I have mine on this animal, We can exchange that, and be on our way.” _Our way? Did he presume to come with me, or force me to go with him? _ I got up.

“You plan on travelling with me? You have no idea who I am or where I’m headed. And I won’t go anywhere with someone I don’t know!”

“Wise decision, on your part. But how will you get to Erebor without help?” he said.

******************************

“Wh…what? How do you…?”

“I know quite a bit about you, Elspeth Locke, human from another place and time. Would you please remove your hat so I may be sure?”

I imagine I looked quite stupid, with my mouth hanging open. Promptly shut it. I wasn’t going to keep asking him how he knew anything, Better to get _his_ explanation before anything could slip out on my part, about myself or where I was going.

I swept the hat off, shaking out my silver/white/grey mane. It felt good in the slight cool breeze. I ran my fingers through it, looking up at him, still mounted.

“Satisfied?" He stared. I was used to that. He dismounted and came closer to me. I backed up.

“Don’t be afraid. I just want to see your eyes.” I stared back, my best haughty-bitch look. Now _he_ took a step back.

“ _By the Valar_ , I have never seen anyone with your look. And I have seen many strange things.”

“Your turn,” I said. “Let me see your face, tell me who you are and how you know about me.”

Lowering his hood, he revealed a handsome, dark-haired, grey-eyed _elf!_

“I am Elrohir,son of El…”

“Elrond!” I exclaimed before he could finish.

“Yes, I am. And I see now that you know much more than you did a second ago.” Of course I did. And I was _very_ relieved he wasn’t a foe.

“So, Elrohir, why are you following me, besides wanting your horse back?”

“My Lord Elrond sent me to get you safely to Rivendell. If you hadn’t left so abruptly, I would have spoken with you in Bree.”

“I’m sorry,” I dropped my eyes. “All I could think about was the letter and getting to Thorin.”

“May I see this letter?” I handed it over.

“Do you have any idea who sent it?” I shook my head.

“I wasn’t in Ered Luin long enough to know anyone besides Dís, who hated me on sight. Maybe it was _her_ , trying to mix me up, get so confused I’d do something stupid, like get myself killed. Then she wouldn’t need to usurp Thorin, as long as he wed another dwarf, if anyone. But I imagine you know all this already.”

“Not entirely.” Elrohir answered. “We knew of your presence the moment you appeared in Middle Earth. You set off a kind of vibration that never existed before. It took my father some time to figure out you were not of our world, but were not here to do us harm. And where you were and who you were with. But it was not until our scouts located Thorin’s company and eavesdropped on their nightly conversations that we got enough information to find you.”

“Thorin told the whole company about me?” I was shocked, as he had not intended for them to know until Erebor.

“No, we only listened to conversations between Thorin and his nephews, when they were alone. They were careful not to breathe a word to anyone else. It’s obvious they all care deeply for you.”

“Is there more that you know?” I asked. No point in repeating anything else they already knew.

“We know of Thorin’s quest for the Lonely Mountain, as they have already passed through Imladris themselves.” This alarmed me…they should not have gotten that far yet. It was too off-canon. What had changed?

“How far is it from Rivendell to the mountain?” I asked, probably sounding hopeful that I could catch up to them.

“You will not be able to find them.” _Damn. Was he reading my mind?_ “It will take us several days to reach Imladris. We don’t yet know where their route will take them _.” But I do_.

“Come, we should go. I will keep you safe.” We exchanged tack and horses and set off.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the time frames and distances are off...but other factors later on made this necessary.  
> See note on Chapter 22 - author of the letter was Gandalf [again, thanks to Bleeding Blue Kunoichi].


	24. Explanations and Curiosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elrohir and Elspeth make their way to Rivendell without incident, having deep conversations and an unbelievable possibility is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

It was interesting travel. He wanted to know where I came from and why. I was hesitant, but I knew Elrond would figure it out anyway. _  
_

“I come from a place not even parallel with Middle Earth. I wanted to save Thorin, Fili and Kili from the death that was fated for them. I did not think it right that the line of Durin should be wiped out all at once. Most of the story is about that – their need to reclaim Erebor and remove Smaug from the mountain. It may be titled The Hobbit, and it’s more or less told from Bilbo’s point of view, but it _is_ really about this quest”.

“I believed they existed, beyond the written page, somewhere that I could reach. It took me nearly 50 years until I got what I needed to accomplish my goal: to bring them to me, to warn them so they wouldn’t be killed. It was during this process that I fell in love with Thorin and he with me, and he begged me to come back with them. I didn’t know if it would work, but I was determined to try. And so here I am.” Elrohir looked a little startled.

“What was the power then? We have never before been visited in this way, and I imagine there are many who would like to do what you did.”

“You have no idea of the popularity of the story.” I laughed.

“It’s been 75 years since the book was published – I know that’s a short time to elves – but for people in my world, it’s practically a lifetime. The book was successful enough for Tolkien to write more, so the trilogy called The Lord of the Rings was published next. The events of _that_ story take place some 60 years after the end of  The Hobbit.”

“Do not ask me anything about it, Elrohir. I cannot change the canon. It’s bad enough, what I’ve done here. But it’s really only going to affect the Durins. They will survive (I hope). Even my telling _you_ all this is may affect more than I intended, but I’m hoping not.”

“You still haven’t explained the power you used.”

“I don’t really know how to. I worked at it, researching, experimenting. I joined a cabal. But what I needed was images of who I was searching for. I finally had them. I did not intend to bring them all at once, but Kili refused to leave when I needed Fili to come. And after that I decided I would need their help with Thorin”

“Once we became involved he wouldn’t leave unless I went with him. So I did the reversal on Kili and Fili. Once they were gone, I had a good idea that if I went through with Thorin, I would be able to cross. I had to use a couple of other things, though.”

“What things? Were you working in the Black Arts?”

“No!  All I did was reclaim some spirit power from my rabbits, which they gladly gave, and to call upon my mother Goddess Cerridwen and my sisters of the cabal to allow me the passage. I swore the spell would never be used again – it became lost with me.”

“Spirit power from _rabbits_?” I laughed at his disbelief.

“That’s the same thing Thorin said! It’s simple, and I know _you_ will understand. For many years I rescued them from terrible situations, torment and abuse and neglect. I nursed them back to health and gave them the will to live. I sheltered, fed and nurtured them. In so doing, I gave each one a piece of my own spirit. They could communicate with me, so when I was preparing to go through the mirror, I asked if they would give some of that back, to empower me.”

“My Lord Elrond will be most interested in all you have told me. You may have opened a doorway unknown to us, that we may study.”

“I wouldn’t recommend anyone from Middle Earth to attempt to go to my world.” I said anxiously.“It is a sad, sick place, which will likely cause its own destruction. I would have died there, but for Thorin.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

“I have been his since I first laid eyes on him. I am only saddened that my own life span has likely been cut short by this transition. I will not have nearly enough time with him as I wish.”

“Can you tell me why this is?” Elrohir wore an expression of profound empathy. His eyes looked sad.

“I am just a mortal human. We only live to about 85 years. I have an illness, which required me to take many, many remedies to try to stay alive as long as possible. But I left those behind when I came through. I couldn’t carry them with me; even if I had, once I exhausted the supply I could not obtain more.”

“But I was willing, and Thorin still wanted me. I don’t know how many years I will lose, but he did not care as long as he could have what time there was.”

“How old are you now, Elspeth? Could you bear him an heir?”

”I am 61 years old. I have never borne a child and never will. Again, Thorin did not care, as his nephews are to be his heirs. He only wanted me.”

“Thorin Oakenshield is 195. Did you know that? His life will only run to perhaps 300,”

“Yes, I knew.” I replied. “But he’s not going to have one hundred years or even 50 with me. I know _that_ as well.”

“That may not be entirely true.” said Elrohir, with an expression of sincerity. “But my father will know for sure.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It may possible for us to heal you, and in doing so, may give you back at least some of those years.” I nearly fell off my horse.

“Are you serious?”

“I am, but again, this is my father’s ability of which I speak, and I am not sure of his limitations. Please don’t allow it to be done if it will harm you or your beloved. It may also affect my father, taking life energy from _him._ ”  “I promise.” I said soberly.

 


	25. Rivendell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth receives a warm welcome at Rivendell, and a nasty shock at the council.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

After so many days and nights I lost track of time. I was very happy I had a companion. If I'd had to do this alone it would have been awful. Elrohir was wonderful at conversation. We had been so caught up in our talk that I was amazed to look up and find we were crossing the bridge to the reception courtyard. I felt like I had been hypnotized and was waking up without memory of anything that was troubling, only refreshed and warm. The roar of waterfalls all around me, the golden light, both within and without, the ethereal architecture. I knew I wasn’t dreaming, but if I had been, I’d want to sleep forever. The next thing I saw was Elrond coming down the long stairway to greet us.

“ _Mae tollen na mar, ion nin_.” “ _Ada_.” They embraced.

“I see you were successful in finding our rare guest.” I bowed my head.

“Lord Elrond, thank you for sending Elrohir to find me, else I’d still be in Bree, waiting for Dís to come kill me.”

“You are most welcome to Imladris, Elspeth Locke. You are our honored guest.” He smiled at me with such warmth I knew why this place was like no other.

“Lindir!” he called. And the dark-haired elf appeared as if by magic, by his side at once.

“Show Lady Elspeth to her rooms, as she will need rest and refreshment. Provide her with all she needs.” I wanted to ask about Thorin and the Company, but felt it would be premature. He would want to speak with his son, of course, to learn what Elrohir had discovered on our journey.

I followed Lindir, thinking I would get lost if I tried to find my way around here. We finally came to a tall pair of doors, exquisitely carved, which Lindir threw open. I gaped at the opulence of it, yet it seemed very simple. He pointed out where the bath was, my clothing (magically brought up when I wasn’t looking) and a tray loaded with fruits and vegetables, a carafe of wine.

“Is there anything else you require, my lady?” Lindir asked.

I couldn’t think of a thing, so I thanked him and he was gone _. How the hell do they do that?_ I thought.

I was starving, so polished off about half the plate and all of the wine. The bath was the size of a small swimming pool, hot fragrant water already filling it. I stripped off my clothes and eased in. It felt amazing. I realized I was so tired I could fall asleep and drown it in, so forced myself out. I somehow managed to pull on a sleeping gown before collapsing into a deep sleep.

******************************

A light tap at the door woke me; it appeared to be late morning.

“Come in.” _Oh, goddesses – Arwen!_ She carried a tray of fresh food for my breakfast, moving to the table to replace the other.

“My father wishes to speak with you, as soon as you are ready, Lady Elspeth” It was all there, the otherworldly, incredible beauty, the deep and musical voice, the glow of her own power.

“Thank you, Lady Arwen.” She looked taken aback, then laughed. “Of course you would know me! Do you need any assistance?”

“Only an escort – I have no idea where to find Lord Elrond.” I replied. “Rivendell is larger and more confusing than my knowledge of it.” She laughed again, like a sound of chimes in soft wind. _No wonder Aragorn fell in love with her._

“I will send someone in a quarter hour. Will that be enough time?”

“Yes, thank you Lady Arwen.” She turned to me then. “You need not use my title, as we are as equals, Elspeth. And consider my appearance no more beautiful than your own.” She went out. 

 _She must have read my mind. But equals? I hardly think so._ I told myself to try and guard my thoughts.

Lindir came for me, and we walked through many rooms and corridors, some of which I recognized, and most I didn’t. Finally we reached Lord Elrond's suite. It was spacious, containing the library as well as his personal space. So much of it was open to the outside it could barely be considered rooms. As soon as Lindir left Elrond appeared, smiling at me. 

"Did you rest well?" he asked.

"Very well, thank you. Everything here is so comfortable it will be hard to leave. Do you know where Thorin's company is, and if there's any way for me to catch up with them?" I'm sure the anxiousness showed on my face.

"No, as it's been at least a fortnight since they departed...in secret, I might add, while I met with the White Council."

"Oh! Then is Gandalf still here? I think he might have been the one who left me that letter in Bree." Elrond shook his head.

"No. Once he realized the dwarves had left, he went soon after. I imagine he'll catch up with them shortly. I believe the Company will need his help getting over the mountains." _Not until the goblins catch them_ , I thought, but didn't say.

I wished so much I could break canon now and tell Elrond about Bilbo finding the ring...but I knew I couldn't. Things had to play out on their own. We spoke some about where I came from, how I had gotten here, how I could get to Thorin before he reached the Lonely Mountain to tell him about the letter.

"I do have a possibility to get you through Mirkwood quickly and safely, which should buy you some time to get closer to Laketown. It will be a narrow window, though." I jumped up.

"Tell me!" I said, excited. Elrond studied me seriously.

"There will likely still be risk. We are having council tomorrow morning. I should know more then. But come now, join me and my family for lunch."

So I would have to bide my time, not to be rude. But only until tomorrow.

******************************

The next morning I was already awake and dressed in my travel clothes, intending to leave immediately, whatever the outcome of the Council. An elf I didn't know came with my breakfast, which I wolfed down. I wasn't that hungry, but who knows how things would go? I might not have another good meal, especially of food I liked and could eat, for some time.

Lindir came for me again and shortly we came to the same outdoor council room from Frodo’s time. Not so many attendees and all elves. I was introduced to Elladan, Elrohir’s twin brother, Glorfindel, Gildor, Erestor, and, to my great shock, Legolas. _What_ _is_ he _doing here_?

Elrond spoke: “This is the Lady Elspeth Locke, of a place called “Earth” which has no connection to our own world, other than in what she refers to as ‘fantasy fiction.’ In other words, in her world, _our_ world only exists as an imaginary place, created by a writer. But there many in her world who believe ours _is_ real _._ Elspeth believed so much she dedicated most of her life to accomplish something even the oldest and wisest of us would have never thought possible.”

“Worlds exist beyond our own; in fact, there are many. She found a way to create a doorway, bringing three from our world into hers, and returning them, along with herself, without harm, without help, and without our even knowing. I myself, with all the power of my prescience, only felt a sensation unknown to me, but strong enough to cause me to explore it. But even then, I could not discover its source.”

“Knowing this had something to do with a company of dwarves, my scouts located them, and by overhearing conversations, learned who Elspeth was and where she could be found. I dispatched my son Elrohir to find and accompany her safely here, to Imladris. The night before he found her, a letter was left for her; a letter which sent her fleeing from Bree, on Elrohir’s own horse!”

This was greeted by soft laughter by most of the elves. Elrohir, looking slightly embarrassed, responded.

“Yes, she moved more quickly and quietly than I would have thought possible in a human!” At this, many of them gasped.

“She’s _human!_?” Elrond nodded at me to speak.

“Yes, I am human.” The room fell silent.

“My appearance may be unusual, but it came about without any help from me. Until my 40th year, I looked fairly ordinary, to my own people. I began to change gradually; within a year I became as you see me. I took it as a sign I was coming closer to finding what I sought. And yet it was still another 20 years before I had the final ingredient that made it possible to break through to bring the three.”

‘And who were the three you were able to take from our world to yours, and why?” The question had come from Legolas, and I had to think fast – he and his father were not supposed to know of the quest.

“I cannot tell you, as it would change the canon of Tolkien.” “Who?” “J.R.R. Tolkien, the author of the work of fiction.”

“And what does ‘change the canon’ mean?” Legolas asked the questions I wanted to avoid. I decided to go with the simplest and most general answer.

“The canon is the absolute finality of the written words, which if changed, compromise the work. In other words, I know the outcome of the story, but the more I reveal, the more could possibly change. For example: you, Legolas are _not_ part of this story, but another story by the same writer, which takes place many years later.”

“Then why am I here?” he demanded.  I sighed. Now I would have to bring up the films; I had hoped I wouldn’t have to explain that, too.  Elrond spoke before I could answer.

“Because I asked your father to send an escort. I didn’t think he would send _you_. Lady Elspeth needs to reach the company, and the only way she can do that is to go through Mirkwood. And you know as well as anyone, she cannot go without someone who can get her safely through.” _Damn it, canon has changed already!_ _And now it’s too late to send him back and get another escort; it would make Thranduil too suspicious._ I tried to hide my anger and fear.

"So why did King Thranduil send _you_?" I asked Legolas. He was startled by my use of his father's name, but answered.

“The dwarf company is currently imprisoned in our dungeons. And while Thorin Oakenshield refuses to tell my father why they were in his kingdom, he thought this request for an escort through Mirkwood was connected. He knows I cannot lie to him, or disobey an order.” I felt cold all over, even in the warmth of the council room.

“So you are to bring me to him, to your father?”

“Yes.” I didn’t like it, but I knew what I had to do.

“I will go with him.” I said to Elrond. "Canon is already broken. The dwarves are too far along on their journey than they should be at this point.”

“And they will go no further. They cannot escape our dungeons.” Legolas smirked. _Oh, yes they will!_  

“I will leave immediately.” I said, and turned to leave the council room, but Elrond stopped me.

“How can you go? If this changed the story, won’t that only corrupt it further?”

“In private.” I whispered. He whisked me into the library.

“What about the warning in the letter?” he practically hissed at me.

“Remember, Lord Elrond. I know what’s going to happen that still _is_ canon. The dwarves _will_ escape Thranduil’s dungeons, if they haven’t already.”

“How? Escaping those dungeons is impossible.”

“The hobbit will steal the keys and release them. They will go to Laketown and from there to Erebor. Once they escape, Thranduil will have nothing to question me about, as he doesn’t even know how I got here or why. I can manufacture any story that will pacify him.” Elrond began pacing.

“You have no idea about Thranduil. He always knows more than you think. And always has a plan to get what he wants. He’s very dangerous, Elspeth.”

“I know that. But I doubt very much he knows about _me_. I can tailor a story that will convince him.”

“I hope, for your sake, you are right.” I welcomed his embrace.

“Then go, my lady. I’m sure you will do what’s right.”

“Thank you for all your help, Lord Elrond. I am forever in your debt.” I turned to go.

“Wait! There’s one thing more, since you must leave so quickly. I told Elrohir I would see to your failing health, and wish to discuss some other things with you. When this is over, if you are able, please return here, so we can attend to you.”

“I will.” He kissed me on the forehead and I started to head for my room.

“Your things have been packed and horse readied. I have given you another animal, one with better navigational skills and stamina; she will not be easily frightened by the things you may encounter. Do  _not_ become separated from Legolas.”

I took my leave of the rest of the Imladris elves. As I followed Legolas through the gate, Elrond turned to his son.

“I don’t know why, but I feel I missed something here…something I forgot to tell her that was critical.”

“What, father? I told you everything she shared with me on our journey here.” said Elrohir.

“It may be something she does not know, either. But I still have this…misgiving.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mae tollen na mar, ion nin - Welcome home, my son  
> Ada - father


	26. My 'Safe' Escort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traveling through Mirkwood, Legolas reacts to information in a brutal manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

It took a week to reach the elven road through Mirkwood. Legolas plied me with questions constantly, which I kept deflecting, until the last night, sitting to eat by the fire.

“All right – there’s so much you want answers to. But I have questions as well. So you ask your most burning question, and if I can’t or won’t answer to your satisfaction, I skip my turn, allowing you a second question. Answers must be honest. You go ahead first.”

“Why can’t you tell me who the three were and why you did it?” Those impossible blue eyes stared directly at me.

“I told you, it would impact the story too much. I _can_ tell you why, though. The three are supposed to die at the end and I wanted them to live. Other than that there is almost nothing to change in the story. They will continue their lives right here, since no one knows what happens to them after.”

My turn. “Do you have a Captain of the Guard named Tauriel?” He looked at least a little shocked.

“How do you know that?”

“She will break canon the most, as the writer did not create her. Do you care for her?” He got up, obviously agitated.

“Are you some kind of witch or seer?” _How many times is_ that _going to be asked?_

“No. I just know how things are supposed to work out and what will cause disruption. And you didn’t answer me.”

“That’s because my affairs are private!”

“And mine aren’t? I should just give up what information you keep pushing me for, that you will then take to your father, who shouldn’t know anything!?” I said heatedly. Before he could respond I went on:

“Well I’m going to _give_ you an answer to a question you won’t ask. You love Tauriel…she probably loves you as well. But your father isn’t having it. You are a Sindar Prince and she just a Sylvan elf. He has told her not to encourage you because it could never go anywhere. Tradition dictates you must marry within your race to keep your bloodline pure.” I may have just pushed a little too hard, as he hauled me to my feet. _He is amazingly strong,_ I thought. _Best be careful_.

“How can you possibly know any of this?" He was holding my arms tight enough to pinch.

“Let go of me!” Slowly he did, backing away from me.

“Explain how you know!” This was getting a little too intense, but I didn’t know how to diffuse it.

“I know quite a lot about you, Legolas. I know where you will be and what you will be doing sixty years from now. Even at the end of your long life, I know where and with whom you will be. But if I tell you, that future could be altered. All it would take is one little variance and it could be the difference between life and death, between good and evil, causing a change in someone’s destiny, including your own. Shall I go on?”  He actually looked afraid of me, trying to cover it with a stony expression.

“That depends.”

 “On…?”

“What you can tell me about _right now_!” He was breathing harder. His eyes were like chips of frozen sky.

“Right now, you need to decide if Tauriel is worth fighting for, or you _will_   lose her. She has already met someone she will fall in love with if you don’t step in. This person will die for her because he already loves her. She will ultimately cause his death, and he is one of the three I am trying to save.”

“And just who is this person she will turn her attention to?” I was in a corner now.

“One of the dwarves you have in your dungeon.”

“You lie!” he exploded. I thought for a moment he would strike me. I sat back down fast, putting my head in my hands.

“What can I do to make you understand? You shouldn’t be here. Elrond made the mistake, not that he knew; him and your father, by sending _you_.” He was still furious but got himself under better control.

“Tauriel is an _elf_. She would not form an attachment to a _dwarf_!”

“Keep denying it and I assure you, she will be lost to you. She is young, by your standards – about 700 years, correct? She _yearns_ , in a profound way, to be free of the oppressive nature of your father’s kingdom. She wants to see the stars, learn of other places she has never seen, out from the darkness of this forest.”

“Tauriel has a deeply romantic and poetic heart, and this is what the dwarf can give her. Because he _has_ seen stars and other amazing sights and has a way of expressing those experiences she wishes to have.”

“It may not be in _your_ nature to express yourself that way, due to your father’s influence. He is so distant, as if his soul is in a deep, dark place and he will not let it out. He drinks too much. He is domineering, absolute. Changing his mind, once set on a course, is near to impossible.”

“And this, in turn, is due to the loss of your mother so long ago. Other than what he may have shown you when you were young, he has suppressed any feeling, any emotion in order to never feel that much pain again. It isn’t that he can’t love; he  _won’t_.” I kept my own temper down, trying to be at least sympathetic. Legolas sank to the ground beside me.

“You win. I don’t have any idea how you can possibly know these things, but I believe you are telling me the truth. Next you’ll be telling me what Tauriel and my father look like, having never met them." I rose to the challenge; probably shouldn't have.

“Thranduil is very tall, taller than you. His hair is whiter, longer. His eyebrows are dark, eyes much paler than yours, almost like diamonds with only a tinge of blue. One of his many rings is a turquoise stone set in silver making it look like an insect. There's also a similar brooch. He wears seasonal crowns, but has others of precious metals. And he has the most exquisite clothes. Vain, haughty…like a faraway star himself. Actually, he is quite beautiful, but cold as ice.”

“Tauriel has very long red hair, an unusual color among your kind, She has green eyes like emeralds. Her skin is perfect. She has full, red lips that you crave to kiss, yet never even try. She is lithe, graceful, yet strong. She is the youngest Captain of the Guard, and the first female. She is very strong-willed, an exceptional fighter, a bit too strict in command of her guards, but they respect her greatly.”

“How am I doing so far?” I asked, somewhat sarcastically. He couldn’t even answer. He’d gone so pale I thought he might faint or something. _Do elves faint?_

“Legolas, are you okay?” He shook his head, his eyes shimmered with unshed tears. I felt terrible, that I had dumped it all on him like that. It was not in my nature to see someone suffer, especially if I caused it. Cautiously I moved closer and slowly put my arms around him. Startling me, he grasped me, head buried in my neck and let go the tears.

“It will be all right.” I said, rocking him a little, rubbing his back. “It will work out…you have an advantage now you didn’t have before. You just need to trust yourself.”

And then he did something for which I was completely unprepared.

*****************************

Legolas moved with lightning speed and I was on the ground under him.

“Let me up! Get off me!” I squealed. He had me pinned down.

“What if I won’t?” The tears had stopped, replaced by something I couldn’t read in his eyes, a smoldering of …what…anger…lust? His mouth came down on mine; I struggled. _This isn’t right_! I thought, _he’s just reacting to the overload of information_.

“Don’t fight me, Elspeth. I cannot stop. And I don’t wish to hurt you.” I was in trouble. He was strong, I had no access to my weapons, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get out from under him, or turn my head enough to stop the kiss. He got his tongue into my mouth; I had to resist the urge to bite. I could feel him growing hard, grinding his hips into mine. _Oh goddesses, he’s going to rape me!_

“No, Legolas! Please don’t…don’t do this!” I cried. “It isn’t going to help you deal with all I’ve said!”

“It isn’t about that, bitch!” I couldn’t believe he just called me that.

“Then what is it…what did I do that you feel you have to do this to me…when I don’t want it…I wasn’t leading you on!”

“No? This is _exactly_   what you want.” He growled this into my throat, where he was biting me, hard. He had both wrists in one hand and used the other to pull off my trousers.

“No!” I screamed. “Yes!” he said, invading my mouth again. Another quick movement had me naked other than for my shirt. Taking his own breeches down, then moving his mouth to my shirt, he tore it open with his teeth. He went at my breasts as if starving. I was beginning to lose the will to fight him.

“I am pledged!” I tried.

“To whom? I see nothing on you to confirm that.”

Now I had to make a choice. Did I let him keep going? Even if I _could_ break away, I was already quite aroused. Should I say who and give away _that_ secret, hoping it would stop him? He brought my arms down to the side, pinning them, moved down until he was licking me with a _very_ talented tongue. I was quickly coming to the point of no return.

“Ah…ah! Legolas, please!”

“Please what?”

 “Stop…it’s…too…”

 “Too what?” He redoubled the movement of that tongue. I was _lost_. Wailing, thrashing as the orgasm slammed through me, he finally stopped.

“I think you rather enjoyed that.” He smirked. His eyes remained cold.

“Bastard!” I spat. He laughed.

“Oh, I think you’ll find more such words before I’m done with you!” Moving up, he was abruptly in me, slowly grinding against me in such a way I came again, suddenly.

“ _By the Valar_ , you _are_ a rare one. So strange…your coloring, so beautiful and exotic. And so tight…OH!”  I had just squeezed, trapping him inside me.

“Better let me move…or I’ll just have to start all over again.” He was right. It wouldn't change anything now.

I relaxed a little and he plunged deeply, speeding up. I couldn’t help myself; I was meeting the thrusts, wrapping my legs around him, crying for him to go deeper, faster until I felt his release in me, and let myself go again.

******************************

As soon as it was over, the guilt washed over me. How was I ever to face Thorin, my beloved, again? Part of me wished I’d kept resisting, but the other part _had_ enjoyed it. Legolas was very skilled. I couldn’t see how Tauriel had resisted him for so long.

“I’m _not_ sorry I did that, Elspeth. Something happened when you touched me. I could not control myself.” I sighed. This was my curse.

“Well, you _should_   be sorry…you may have cost me my betrothed. I know I gave in, submitted to you, but how was I to stop you?”

“If you haven’t made love with Tauriel yet, I suggest you do, as soon as possible. You must claim her as your own, but you also need to touch her heart, as I explained.” Legolas thought for a moment.

“And my father?”

“Once you’ve bonded to her how can he refuse?”

“He could banish her, or both of us.”

“But you are his only heir. Even if it’s class difference, at least she is still an elf. Sooner or later I imagine even stranger relationships will have to be accepted. We all have the same…equipment. What is so different except culture? Love sees no such differences.” He didn't respond.

“But please, don’t do that again. The pleasure doesn’t outweigh the guilt. My intended may forgive a momentary lapse, but not more. Understand?”

“What if I can’t help myself again? You _are_ very seductive, you know.”

“I know. This is not that rare an occurrence for me. Best you just keep your distance; do not touch me unless it’s absolutely necessary, okay? Can you promise me?”

“If that is your wish, I will do my best.”

 “You are usually very disciplined,” I said. “I’m sure you’ll manage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't start out to make Legolas a villain in this story (and he doesn't stay one), but the reason for it will make itself known later.


	27. King of the Woodland Realm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting with King Thranduil, Elspeth is in for yet another shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

We got to the entrance to Thranduil’s kingdom without further incident, and without further discussion that might result in a repeat of that incident. I was frightened now, more than I had been facing Thorin the first time. I had to keep telling myself that he knows nothing. I wondered if the dwarves had escaped yet.

Legolas barked orders in Elvish to the guards, the massive doors opened and we rode in. Horses and equipment were taken, Legolas told me to go with a maidservant to clean up and I would be sent for presently.

I was shown into a comfortable space; my things already arranged. There was a hot bath waiting, into which I went without delay. I felt more than road-dirty, and I had guilt to scrub off. How could he have done that to me? I selected my ‘special occasion’ dress – audience with a king required I look my best. A moment after I’d finished brushing out my hair, there was a tap on the door. A young elf bowed.

“Lady Elspeth, King Thranduil wishes to speak with you now.” I followed through the twisting, winding root-like architecture that was this vast underground wonder; waterfalls, streams and pools seemed to be everywhere. _What is it with elves and all the water?_ I wondered.  _Oh, right. When the Firstborn awoke in Arda, the sound of water was the first thing they heard, and never seemed to grow tired of it._

Eventually, we came to the 'throne room,' which wasn’t truly a room. And there on that high antlered throne, was Thranduil. I curtsied low and stayed down.

“King Thranduil.” I heard him coming down the steps from the throne.

“Lady Elspeth. Rise,” he said stopping in front of me. I did and suddenly he was backing away from me, eyes wide, one hand to his mouth, almost falling back. I didn’t dare move, as two guards rushed to support him.

“How…? This is not…possible.” He regained himself enough to stand on his own again. He turned to a table, poured wine into glasses. Approaching me again, still staring, he held one out to me and I saw he was actually shaking.

“Lord Elrond was quite remiss in telling me what to expect. What are you?” I sipped the wine – it was very good, but went to my head rather quickly.

“I am human, my Lord.” The reaction, similar to the first, but more under control, was one of shock, but there was something else under that.

“ _Human!_  How came you by…do all humans where you come from look like you?" I looked directly into those chilly eyes.

 “No, my Lord. It happened over a period of time, while I was still searching for a method to gain access to your world.”

“And so why did you come?”

“To save the lives of three individuals who would surely perish in the near future if I didn’t intervene.”

"And how did you know this?”

“If it pleases my Lord, it is a very long story, and this excellent wine is too strong for me to remain standing.”

“Very well,” he called over a guard, spoke rapidly in Elvish. The guard moved out quickly. We climbed to a higher level.

“Come.” He ushered me into what I could only assume was his office, considering the huge, carved desk filled with papers and scrolls. A fire burned on the hearth, taking the chill out of this very cold realm. We sat in the comfortable chairs before the fire, still sipping at our wine. He was sitting beside me, not facing me which I found a little odd.

“Speak,” he demanded.

I went through the usual explanation, tailored for him. I was growing fuzzy from the wine, very fuzzy. Had I been drugged? Why? And just before everything went dark, I heard an alarm raised, shouts, Thranduil issuing orders.

******************************

I awoke, not in the room to which I’d been shown earlier, but one far more opulent. The bed was much larger, canopied with layers and layers of some gauzy white material which drifted down on all sides. The sheets felt like silk, the blanket light but warm.

I tried to get up but immediately felt like I couldn’t move; everything spun. I laid my head back down; the wine _had_ been drugged. The only other thing I could see was the carved headboard. Carved with antlers. I was in Thranduil’s bed!  _Not this again! I didn’t even touch him!_

Okay. I took some deep breaths. Maybe it was the closest place they could bring me when I passed out. From drugged wine. I tried to move again, with the same result. I guess I’d be stuck waiting until someone came in to explain. And after a few more minutes, Thranduil entered the room, carrying what looked like a bottle of water. This he set down somewhere, came over to the bed and sat on the edge.

“Good, you’re awake. I’m not going to give you the antidote to the drug in the wine just yet. I don’t want you getting up and trying to run. Not before you hear what I have to say. Don’t be afraid; I’m not planning on harming you.”

“Then why did you drug me?”

“I didn’t want to have to restrain you in some other way and I needed you to stay put.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will.”

He got up, crossed the room. I could hear a drawer opening, something being removed. He went to the bottle of clear liquid and poured a very small amount into a goblet. He came back to the bed, put an arm under my shoulders and lifted me just enough to sip. I instantly felt some of the weakness ebb away, but only the upper part of me seemed to work. He adjusted me into a sitting position and sat right next to me, maneuvering his long legs onto the bed.

 _By the Goddess, he smells glorious!_ A heady combination of leaves, wood smoke, something like cranberries, a hint of cinnamon and vanilla: autumn turning into winter. Some of the long, nearly white hair swept over my hand and wrist, soft as a feather. I wanted to touch more of it. I wanted it all around me. _Stop it!_ I said to myself. _What’s wrong_ _with you? This is no friend to you and yours!_

 _“_ Are you feeling less dizzy?” I nodded.

“Good. Now then, Elspeth, I want you to look at this picture.” He handed me a small, delicate silver frame, in which there was a picture of…ME!

“How…this…?”

“This is the only remaining portrait of my beloved wife Maerwen, who perished in battle many years ago. I have never stopped mourning. I raised Legolas alone. He has never seen an image of her. When you entered the audience chamber earlier, you saw my shock. I thought I was seeing her ghost.”

“Of course, you are much, much smaller, but a perfect miniature. I do not understand how this is possible, that you, a human from another world, and an elleth, long dead in mine could look so much alike. And it isn’t just your appearance. You have the same voice, the same bearing and movement. The same expressions. You even have her scent.”

“You were not born this way, were you?” I could not meet his eyes.

“No. I had red hair, not unlike Tauriel’s, blue eyes, skin and lip tone like everyone else. When I turned 40, the change began. After a year, I became permanently how you see me now. Even when I attempted to turn my hair red again, it would be back to the color it is now almost immediately. No one could explain it. I believe that it came about when I began to discover what I would need to open the pathway, which still took another 20 years.”

“I agree,” I said, “It is a remarkable resemblance. But I still don’t understand why you drugged me, why I’m still only halfway back to normal. What is it you want?”

“I would think it is obvious: I want you.” _Oh, no – what the hell is wrong with everyone in this place?_

“My Lord Thranduil, I understand how this is affecting you, but that is not possible. I am already pledged to another, the one I came through to this world with.” He looked at me sharply.

“And who might that be?”

“Thorin Oakenshield.” He got up quickly, went to the door, whispered something to the guard there. Then came back to the foot of the bed, staring at me.

“You cannot possibly be pledged to a _dwarf_!”

“Why not?” I wondered what kind of answer he could come up with. There was a knock and Legolas entered, giving his father a nod of respect, and looked at me with uncertainty.

“Well?” he asked his son.

“The dwarves escaped through the wine cellar, in barrels.”

“And how did they get out of the dungeons?”

“We have not been able to determine that, only that the Keeper of the Keys nodded off and someone took them. But no one saw or heard anything or anyone.” I kept my face perfectly still. At least the story seemed to be progressing normally. _Thank you, Bilbo!_

Thranduil whirled around to me again.

“Did you know they were here, that _he_ was here?!”

“I told her,” Legolas said. “Why does that matter?”

“Come here!” He practically dragged Legolas to the bed, where the portrait lay next to me. He snatched it up.

“Look at her,” he commanded, pointing at me.

“And now look at this!” He handed over the portrait. Legolas blanched, stammered.

“Is this…my…m.m.mo-ther?”

“Yes.” He looked from the portrait to me several times.

“I cannot believe the resemblance!”

Suddenly, Thranduil drew back, looking disdainfully from one of us to the other.

“Well, your indiscretion just made this whole affair that much worse!”

 _How the_ hell _did he figure that out?_   I remembered Elrond’s warning: _“You have no idea about Thranduil. He always knows more than you think. And_ _always has a plan to get what he wants. He’s very dangerous.”_

“ _Ada_ , please, let me speak with you in private! I can explain.”

“Don’t even think about it!” I snapped. “Tell your father right here and now how it happened, or I will!” Legolas dropped his gaze to the floor.

“I started it. She told me some things that overwhelmed me…I – I…became very upset. She tried to comfort me, but I suddenly couldn’t control myself…I nearly raped her. It’s her touch…it sets off…something...something that can't be contained. She said it wasn't unusual.” Thranduil was outraged.

“And just how do you ‘nearly’ rape someone, when I know it went beyond that!!”  I had to say something; I was frightened now. Thranduil's rising temper wasn't something I wanted to test. 

“Because I couldn’t continue to resist and responded to him. So it technically isn’t rape.”

“And what of your betrothed, Thorin Oakenshield! Do you think he will have you _now?_ He will look upon you as defiled!” I burst into tears. Legolas was incredulous.

“Thorin? _That’s_ to whom you are pledged?” I couldn’t answer through my tears.

“ _Ada_ , she only told me she was pledged but would not say who it was.” Thranduil was still raging.

“It does not matter. He will wage war on us to get her back!” Legolas put a hand on his father’s shoulder, pulling him out of earshot as I continued to sob.

“Maybe not if he considers her damaged. You intend to keep her here? Thorin _might_ take her back if it was just me, under the circumstances. But if it was _you_  he might back off – he loathes you so much I doubt he could bear to even look at her, if he knew you’d had her. So I suggest you get on with it.”

Thranduil looked at him quizzically. “Just when did you get so depraved? I will not take her against her will. But I _can_ change her will.”

“That will work.” He turned to go, then turned back.

“And I won’t object to _your_ choice if you won’t object to _mine_.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Tauriel.”

“But…” Legolas cut him off.

“At least she’s still an elf. You, taking a human? Who do you think will have the more difficult time?”

And with that, he strode off, in search of Tauriel.

******************************

“Get this poison out of my body, now!” I hissed. “You have no right to keep me here!"

“Calm yourself, my dear.” Thranduil had recovered his demeanor. “If you want the rest of the antidote, I need your word that you won’t try to run.” I snorted derisively.

“How on earth would I find my way out of this maze without help?”  I was relieved Thorin and the others escaped. Things are still moving the way they must, regardless of what happens to me.

“You have my word: I won’t run. But neither will I make it easy for you!” He retrieved the bottle, poured out the last of it and handed me the glass. I drank it down without hesitation.

“I will not force myself on you Elspeth, but I do have the means to make you…compliant. I would rather do this in a more honorable way.”

“Honorable? How can you call this anything but what it is: kidnapping; raped by your son, even if I did end up submitting. I can always say I was afraid he would hurt me. You’ve drugged me. You intend to rape me as well! Let’s not mince words here. You want something from me I’m not willing to give, even if there’s no force involved.”

“I will show you the other side of myself: the side no one has ever seen except my wife, and Legolas when he was still just an elfling. I know I appear to have no emotion, no warmth. I have chosen that aspect to be able to go on. If I hadn’t had Legolas to raise, I would have allowed myself to fade and die. But it is  _not_   who I am.” I got off the bed and started circling the room, acclimating myself, wondering if there was a way out other than the one door.

“Why can’t you just let me go?” I said, trying to keep the pleading note out of my voice. “I have to deliver a message to Thorin, beyond anything personal. It’s critical to the company reaching Erebor safely.” Thranduil laughed unpleasantly.

“Safely? They are walking into a dragon’s lair! I doubt there’s anything more critical than that.”

“The dragon will not be a problem for them.” I said.

“What? Of course it will. Smaug is a fire-breathing drake. He cannot be approached, much less killed by thirteen poorly prepared dwarves, most of whom have never even seen the inside of Erebor. If you think _my_ kingdom is a maze, it doesn’t compare.”

“I know things that you do not, Thranduil Oropherion!” using my best commanding voice and using the rest of his name I should not know. _Let him ponder_ that _for a while!_

“The dwarves will anger Smaug, but he turns his rage on Laketown. The dragon will be killed outside of Erebor, by a Laketown bowman, with the last black arrow.”

“I know you are using some enchantment or magic to prevent any from seeing your true face, burned and scarred by another dragon, long ago. I know things that will occur which have not even crossed your thoughts. I know what the future holds for _all_ of you! And unless Thorin gets this message, that future will be altered irreparably to one, which I assure you, will be the last thing anyone wants.”

“You cannot talk to me this way!” he hissed.

“Why not? In my eyes, you're all equal in this world, at least in terms of the future.” He moved closer.

“Is _this_ how you got Legolas to lose control of himself? You told him things you could not possibly know?” I backed up.

“Partly. They were things he needed to hear about the present that will impact his future happiness. He now knows you are preventing the relationship between him and Tauriel to progress. Not by talking to _him_ , but by threatening _her_. And now he has a rival, one of the three I’m trying to help survive, who may die unless Legolas can tell Tauriel how he really feels. And if he fails at that, you will lose your son.”

 _Uh oh,_ I thought _. I really touched_ _a nerve there._ Thranduil was absolutely flushed, getting redder by the minute. Time to diffuse. I straightened my back, to the fullest height I could reach and walked purposefully to the ever-present wine and goblets. I poured two, then began moving towards him, looking fearless, (that wasn’t how I felt – I was quaking inside) trying to keep my hands steady.

“Come, my Lord,” I cooed, trying to hand one of the goblets to him. “You are getting too upset. I can make this a great deal easier…if you’ll allow me. Let us return to the fireside.” I _had_   to get out of this bedroom: it was putting images in my head I did not want to see...or act on.

He actually backed up, like I was offering him a venomous snake instead of a glass of wine _. Is he becoming afraid of me?_

“What’s the matter? Is this wine drugged, too?”

“No.” he choked out. I took a sip, making sure my lips were covered with the wine.

“Mmmm…delicious. You _do_ have excellent taste in wine.” I proceeded to slowly lick the wine from my lips.

“Please?” I offered the goblet to him again. This time he took it, drained it, went and refilled it. The flush had gone. I moved closer; he didn’t back away. He opened the door and walked back to the fireside chairs in the adjoining room. I followed.

“Truce?” I asked. This time, he sat opposite me.

“Agreed.” he answered, no longer sounding unsure of himself.  I looked at him steadily for a long time

“If you will let me get this message to Thorin, I promise to return.” He regarded me coolly.

“Do you think I’m a fool, Elspeth? You will tell Thorin what Legolas did, and my intent. He will never allow you to leave Erebor again.”

“I do not underestimate you, Thranduil, much less think you foolish. I am trying to work it out. I do not wish to see death and war, and certainly not on _my_ behalf. It was Thorin and his nephews I brought into my world. The story ends with all of them killed in battle and the line of Durin destroyed.”

“And why are you so troubled by that?”

“It became an obsession of mine; I just didn’t think it was right, that they were destined for more. And if they die, I doubt the outcome will please you at all. If they fall, Dáin becomes King Under the Mountain. I’m sure you would prefer Thorin, although right now you can’t see beyond your past grievances. He is the rightful heir, and his nephews after him. I think once we get past all this, things can work in everyone’s favor." Thranduil just stared at me. I went on:

"Dáin cannot rule both Erebor and the Iron Hills effectively. He has a son, Thorin III, younger than Thorin’s younger nephew Kili. A child. Would you prefer _that?”_

“No, I would not.”

“Then allow me to take the message. I must try to reach the company in Laketown, before they leave for the mountain…if not, Thorin may be trapped between two other armies before he can open the door, get the dragon out, and everything will continue to be the way it is now.”

“What other armies?” 

“His sister, Dís, and cousin Dáin have raised armies to usurp Thorin. They can’t deal with me being Queen of Erebor. I’m human, and I suppose that’s against their custom, just as it would be against yours.”

“Why can’t I send someone else to deliver this message?”

“Because Thorin will never believe it, not coming from _you_. He will think it’s a ruse, to prevent him from getting inside the mountain by Durin’s Day. If that doesn’t happen, it’s all over. No one will gain anything at all. And the dragon will remain inside. Or worse.”

“What could be worse?” he seemed to be more receptive, now that he was calm and I was giving him information. Unfortunately, I had to escalate again.

“You want worse? How about Smaug forming an alliance with this ‘Necromancer’ in Dol Guldur? Oh, by the way, the Necromancer is actually Sauron. Didn’t know that, did you?” He blanched.

“Armies of orcs are on the march from Moria. Another army, being bred in Dol Guldur, not to mention other foes under Sauron’s control, will be marching on Erebor very soon, if they have not started already. And a yet another orc army, led by Bolg, spawn of Azog, will swoop down from Gundabad to finish all of you. They will take over _everything_ : Erebor, Esgoroth, the ruins of Dale, Mirkwood itself. Control over everything to regain access to Angmar.”

Thranduil said nothing, weighing my statements.

“We are running out of time. Make up your mind!” Thranduil got up, going after more wine. _Gods, he really is quite the lush!_

“All right, I will let you go. But understand this: if you do not return, Thorin will have a third army on his doorstep!”

“I gave you my word…what else do you need?” I had no doubt the threat was real.

He put the goblet down and came back to kneel in front of me (which at least put us level – he towered over me by more than a foot when standing).

“Just this.” And taking my face between his hands, he kissed me very, very gently. I let him. It was so unexpectedly erotic that it sent shockwaves straight down my body. My arousal was instantaneous; I almost wanted to throw myself at him. He rose, opened the door, spoke to a guard.

 “You will have the fastest horse we can provide.” I forced his effect on me down and got up. _Did he know?_

 “Thank you. I will return as soon as the message is delivered.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maerwen - the ficticious name I chose for Thranduil's wife; it means "good"  
> Ada - Father
> 
> Again, it wasn't intended for Thranduil to be such a nasty character, but it seemed the right way to go at the time. However, he'll be redeemed later on.


	28. Message Delivered, Return to the Cage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth rides for Laketown, gets the message to Thorin. She is relieved Kili appears to be unharmed. Thorin wants her to come with them, but she has to tell him of her terms with Thranduil. He is suspicious, but they are out of time. Elspeth rides slowly back to Mirkwood. Legolas offers to help her escape. Thranduil tempts her to drink another drug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

I was led back to my room so I could change for the trip. My travel clothing had been cleaned and expertly repaired. I wondered if the elf who fixed the shirt would think if he or she knew _who_ had torn it, with his teeth no less. I was then escorted to the stable, where a beautiful white mare stood saddled and provisioned. I was given a map, showing where I could cross to Laketown via a bridge and I set off at once. The day after tomorrow it would be Durin’s Day. I prayed the company had not gone to the mountain before I got there.

Thranduil told me the horse would be fast, and she was. But it was a lonely trip without company.  The sun was barely breaking when I galloped over the bridge. I tried to remember where the Company would be – probably at the dock, preparing to go. There seemed to be a crowd gathering a short distance away. I got off the horse and ran.

There! I could see some of the dwarves packing supplies onto a large boat. As I got closer, I finally spotted Thorin, Fili and Kili. Good, I thought – Kili doesn’t seem to be injured or Thorin would be preventing him getting on the boat.

I pushed through the crowd, crying “Thorin! Thorin!” as loudly as I could. He finally looked up. _The hat!_ I swept it off and heard gasps from some in the crowd as my strangely colored hair fell over my back and shoulders. “Thorin!” I screamed again, and he was running toward me.

He caught me up, kissing me like it had been years rather than weeks. He managed to break off, holding me at a distance.

“Elspeth! What on earth are you doing here?!”

”Thank the Goddess I caught you before you left. Thorin, there’s no time…I know you have to get over there to find the door by sundown. But I received this after I’d been at Bree for only two days.” I handed over the letter. He went pale, as he read it.

“My sister and _Dáin!_ This is treachery beyond what I thought either of them capable.”

“They are probably close, if not already laying in wait for you. It’s been maybe a month since I received this. Even though I had the best help, I still almost missed you.” He put his arms around me.

“How did you manage it?”

“Elrond sent one of his sons to Bree to find me. I had to get out before Dís got there. I accidentally took his horse. He caught up with me and escorted me to Rivendell.”

“The day after I got there, I had a meeting with the higher elves of Imladris. And to my great shock, Legolas, Thranduil’s son was there.”

 “Why?” Thorin narrowed his eyes.

“Elrond sent to Thranduil for an escort so I could get through Mirkwood without delay. No one expected that he would send his son. He told me you were already in their dungeons. I don’t understand this, Thorin. Things seem to have sped up for some reason. The Company keeps getting too far, too quickly. The same day I arrived at Thranduil’s Hall was the day you escaped. But at least now things are where and when they should be.”

“How did you get away? Didn’t he lock you up, too?”

“He thought there might be a connection between your capture and Elrond’s request, which is why he sent Legolas. He had to be sure I’d be brought directly to him, so who better? I explained why I had to reach you so quickly; he let me go.”

‘Well, you’re here now, my love. You’ll have to come with us.”

“Thorin, I can’t.”

“What? Why not?"

“I could not have gotten here without negotiating with Thranduil. He gave me the fastest possible horse. But I must return. I had to swear.”

“So he’s holding you _hostage_? Oh, no – you cannot go back. He’ll keep you imprisoned until we take Erebor, and use you to extort certain things from me!”

“It doesn’t matter right now. If I’m not back there tomorrow night, he’ll send his own army.” Thorin stepped back and stared at me hard.

“There’s something you aren’t telling me. What’s happened? Did he…did he _touch_ you?” “

“No, but I don’t know what will happen when I go back.” I felt terrible, not telling him all of it. I could tell he was suspicious…and angry.

“You must _not_ submit to him! I don’t care what kind of mind games he plays, try not to let him get to you!” I looked at him fearfully.

“Does that mean you…you will abandon me? If he _should_ do anything to me? You will give me up? Not love me anymore? Thorin…” I reached out to him, tears spilling down my face. He didn’t hesitate to pull me in, kissing away the tears.

“Never _, amrâlimê_. You will always be mine, no matter what happens. If there is going to be war things will happen beyond our control. Do not ever doubt my love.”

“Elspeth!” Fili had come looking for Thorin; they were ready to go. He swept me up.

“I can’t believe it’s you!” We were all out of time.

“You better go. Is Kili all right?”

“Fine, he’s fine.”

“No arrow to the leg?”

“No – you warned him and we had Bifur go open the gate. The arrow missed.”

“Thank the Goddess! Give him my love…you have to go.” I embraced him, then turned back to Thorin.

“Please, please don’t take any unnecessary risks. I will die if something happens to you.”

“My love…you also, stay safe. If something should happen to me, get to Kili and Fili – they will take care of you.” We kissed, like we were drowning and trying to give each other air.

He turned and strode back to the dock, not looking back.

******************************

I managed to get back to my horse and head away from Laketown before I had to stop to give in to my tears. I didn’t want to go back to Thranduil. I had to. At least It appears that Tauriel never had to heal Kili, making the odds of her distracting him at Ravenhill non-existent. Maybe Legolas had taken my advice and gone after her. Maybe there would be some happy endings. I couldn’t help thinking: _but maybe not for me_.

I rode slowly. As long as I got there by the appointed time, Thranduil would have no reason to act on his threat. I kept trying to find a way around the situation. How could I avoid his advances or escape from the Hall? I didn’t think there _was_ a way around. He had said he wouldn’t force himself on me, but I’m sure he had methods, as he also said, to make me accept him.

I wished I had a way to get word to Elrond. I wondered if the Company had found the door. I was really worried about the usurpers. There were only 14 in the company, and as fierce as they were, they couldn’t defeat or hold off an army of hundreds.

Just before dusk I passed through the gate from which I had ridden out. Guards took the horse and I went in. I was so fatigued I could barely follow an escort to my room. I fell onto the bed without even getting undressed and was instantly asleep. At some point, someone had come in, removed my clothes and gotten me under the covers.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Some hours later, I awoke and found Legolas sitting in a chair near the bed.

“What do you want?” I said grumpily, turning away from him. “Go away.”

“I need to talk to you. You may have saved my future, my very life.”

“So you talked to Tauriel?” I said without turning over.

 "I did more than talk.” He replied, sounding more than a little smug.

“Congratulations.” He got up and walked around the bed, kneeling so we were at eye level.

“I owe you. I will help you get away from my father.” I sat up, forgetting I wasn’t wearing anything. I snatched up the sheets.

“Don't worry about it - I’ve already seen you." His voice was light with amusement.

“Why should I trust you?” I eyed him warily.

“Because there’s no one else who can get you out of here. And because you gave me the courage to find my happiness. Everything you told me was the truth. I opened myself to Tauriel, and she revealed her feelings for me.”

“I’m very happy for you. At least some of us get what we want.” I still didn’t trust him.

“Elspeth, I really regret what I did to you. I wish I had not brought you to my father. If I had known how closely you resemble my mother I would have taken you out of the forest instead of here.” I sighed.

“Just my good fortune. Why didn’t you know what she looked like?” His eyes went soft.

“After she died my father removed every image, every trace of her. It was like she had never existed. I was too young to understand, or even remember her. My father became my whole world.”

“Lucky you.” I said sarcastically.

“No, Elspeth, you don’t understand. He was so caring, loving. He was fully engaged with me, taught me everything about our lives, our heritage, our connection to nature, the trees. Read to me, comforted me, taught me to dance, to ride, to become an expert archer, and to fight. But the one thing he couldn’t teach me was how to love someone other than himself. I don’t think he was capable of it.”

“So you think he will accept you pledging yourself to Tauriel?”

“I do not care if he does or not. If we must, we will leave this kingdom. There are other places we could go.”

“And how do you propose to get me out? He seems to have eyes and ears everywhere. He knows everything that goes on. In fact, why aren’t you worried that he’ll find out your plans?” Legolas smirked at that.

“I am probably the only one who knows his methods and means of getting information. And he wouldn’t suspect me.” A knock on the door made us both jump. My heart leapt into my mouth.

“Enter.” I said. A swarm of servants dispersed through the room.

“What’s going on?” I asked. Looking around at them, gathering up my things, I realized Legolas had vanished.

“By order of the King, my Lady,” one of them said, “you are to be moved to chambers closer to his own.”

 _Great_ , I thought. I wondered if this would affect Legolas’ plan to help me escape. Another noticed my lack of clothing, and handed me a shift from the pile she was holding. They ushered me out. 

******************************

My new suite was much larger and more elegantly appointed. A better furnished prison. I thought I had recognized the corridor, and if I was right, Thranduil’s rooms were right next to mine. A knock. I strode to the door, ready to tell him off, but it was just a couple of maidservants, carrying _more_ clothes, which they proceed to put away.

“Wait!” I said. “These aren’t mine.”

“The King wishes you to have a finer wardrobe, my lady. Would you like us to draw you a bath?” I realized I had not even washed before I fell asleep the night before.

“That would be appreciated.” I answered.

"Can I get something to eat? I’m starving.” I hadn’t eaten when I got back, either.

“We will bring some food, but not too much. The King desires you to dine with him.” _Of course he does. Not going to waste any time, is he?_

I fell upon the food; just like in Rivendell, the Elves seemed to know I was not a meat-eater. After my bath, I went to see what was in the closet: six luxurious gowns, of silk, velvet, other fabrics I didn’t know, all of them exquisitely made. Not wanting to look too alluring, I selected one I didn’t think would flatter me too much. To my surprise it fit exactly. And despite trying to appear less appealing, the gown did nothing to help. It offset my hair, skin and eyes perfectly. Midnight blue, silver trimmed – _Oh, no! These are Thorin’s colors!_

But before I could get to the closet to find something else, the maidservants were back.

“My Lady! You must finish dressing…the King has little patience for being kept waiting.” They fixed the gown, as I had started taking it off. One brushed my hair, the other found slippers that matched. There was another knock – my escort.

I was right. We stopped at the third door after mine, which was opened, then closed once I stepped inside. This was the office again, but there was a fairly large balcony I hadn’t noticed before. It was set up for two to dine. The bedroom door opened and Thranduil walked in. He stopped dead once he saw me, but recovered quickly. He took my hand and kissed it.

“You look ravishing, my dear. Come.” He ushered me to the table. The balcony had a spectacular view of one of the waterfalls over what looked like a garden below, lit by shafts of light coming from who knows where.

“So, you delivered your message in time?” he asked.

“I caught them just before they were ready to cross to the mountain. The horse made all the difference. I am most grateful for that.” I knew I had to watch my words; he could take anything I said as an invitation.

“It is good to know that you will honor your word, if you give it. Please, eat.” Salad, thank goodness.

“Do elves eat meat?” I asked.

“We prefer not to. Why? If there’s food you would rather…”

”No, I don’t eat, wear, or use anything that comes from animals myself.” He smiled, but it was not one of amusement.

“How do you expect to do that, living among dwarves? I’m under the impression they aren’t fond of green food.” _Oh, is that your game?_ I thought. _Keep telling me what a difficult life I will have with them so I’ll think being here is better._

“I believe they will manage to accommodate my choices.”

“Only if Thorin lives through this venture. If he is gone, they will cast you out.” He polished off his second glass of wine. Who knows how much he’d had before I got there.

“No, his nephews, his heirs, will not allow that to happen.” Pouring another glass he asked,

“And why would _they_ have an interest in keeping you in Erebor?” I flushed, looked down.

“Oh, I see. All three of them, then?” I nodded.

“Is this common for humans in your world? To engage in such wanton behavior? Or is it just you?”

“I seem to have an effect through touch. Or so I’ve been told.” I answered, trying to seem unconcerned. I did not like where this conversation was headed.

“Yes, so my son believes. He was not raised to behave like a beast. Our kind go by a strict moral code regarding physical contact with the opposite sex.”

“Really?” I said, with a touch of sarcasm. “Then why are you keeping me here? I’ve already told you I am pledged to Thorin. What happens to your _moral code_ if you succeed in separating us, because you want me to be with you?”

“You keep mistaking my motives, Elspeth. I believe you are the last possibility I have to ever be happy again. And I believe you will have a better life, here...with me. ” He was radiating sincerity, but I didn’t think it was necessarily true.

“Thranduil, I am NOT your wife, however I may look!” I didn’t raise my voice, but was vehement.

“I am not convinced of that.”

“What?!”  I could not believe what I was hearing. He got up, taking his glass with him. _Full-blown alcoholic_ , I thought again; yet it never seemed to get him actually drunk.

“There is a method, by which I, with the help of some of my healers, can determine whether she lives _in_   you, or it is just your outward aspect. Would you be willing to allow it?” I thought it over.

“Will it hurt me physically or mentally?”

“No, but it _will_ make a difference in your fate, if I allow you return to Thorin or not.”

“Fine! Then let’s do it, right now!” I was probably not thinking it through. The words ‘return to Thorin’ were the trigger. I would do anything to get away from here and be where I belonged: with my beloved dwarves.

The three healers came almost immediately; Thranduil had me lie on his bed. They asked me to drink something that tasted like chamomile tea, but had a subtle, bitter taste under the chamomile. And I remembered nothing else.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amrâlimê - My love


	29. Separated From Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth wakes to find she cannot control her own body, yet experiences everything that happens. Thranduil's army advances to Erebor. Thorin almost loses it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

I awoke with the strangest feeling I was no longer in my own body. I couldn't remember anything. I looked at the person lying next to me. Oh, it's my love, the Elven King! He opened his eyes, but he had not been asleep.

“Good morning, _melamin,”_ pulling me into his arms. I loved being close to him; the feel of his skin against mine, that intoxicating woodland smell, the softness of his hair.

“ _Whoa!_   I said. _“What the hell am I doing?”_ But the words weren’t spoken.

I lifted my face to him, and we kissed, slowly, The feel of his mouth on mine, the meeting of our tongues was arousing me, as it always did. _Stop! You said you wouldn’t force me!_ The kiss became more passionate, and Thranduil rolled, so I was under him. We broke for air and he looked into my eyes.

" _Amin mela lle_ , Elspeth. You have brought me back to life.”

_And I’m going to bring you to death if you don’t let me up!_

Again, the words went unheard. I struggled, but my body only responded to the kisses and nips to my throat, soft bites on my earlobe. I tried to push him off, but my arms only wrapped around his back and caressed him, reacting to what he was doing with his mouth. Horrified, I realized what must have happened. Of course, Thranduil had lied.

The supposedly safe ‘test” I agreed to had either gone terribly wrong or Thranduil and his healers gave me something that had pushed my own will aside, replacing it with love and passion for this despicable being. I was a bystander, watching actions that weren’t really mine, hearing thoughts and words but unable to say what I wanted, responding to sensations I wasn’t truly having. No, I _was_ having them

I tried to shut my eyes but they continued to watch as Thranduil moved his mouth to my breasts, my body arching beneath him as the sensation surged. I could feel all of it and didn’t want to. But whatever was occupying my body and brain wanted me to see and feel everything _._

 _No! No! NO!!_ His mouth was at my sex now, licking, sucking, driving me over the edge. “Yes! Yes! YES!!” I cried out. I felt the orgasm, yet I didn’t. This was going to be a living hell!

“Oh, my love…what you can do to me…is amazing!” Thranduil moved up, pushed into me, began to thrust.

“Not half as much as what you do to me.” His hair hung over us like a veil. I loved the feel of it on me. I pushed some of it out of his face, rising to kiss him as he sped his rhythm. He was close, as was I. I flexed my muscles to match his thrusts; with a cry from me, a moan from him, I climaxed again, and he erupted into me

I felt all of it and it made me furious. I was throbbing, as if it _was_ me, the whole of me he had been fucking. I didn't know how I would endure it.

 After bathing and dressing, we went to have breakfast on the balcony. A knock.

“Come.” Thranduil called.

“I already did, twice.” I giggled. _Oh, please! Stop acting like a schoolgirl!_

“Shhh!” He was smiling, but trying not to laugh himself. Legolas bolted into the room.

“ _Ada_ , Smaug has been killed!” Thranduil got up. “How?”

“A Laketown bargeman named Bard, a descendant of Girion of Dale, had one remaining black arrow, and he saw the spot where the scale was missing, which no one ever believed was true.”

“Did the dwarves survive?” Thranduil asked.

“No one knows. But Laketown was completely destroyed by the dragon before he was killed. The refugees have holed up in the ruins of Dale, but I think Bard intends to see if the mountain is open. Dale offers little shelter and winter is upon them.”

“Have the commanders ready their units. And have several provision wagons packed. I imagine the survivors are going to need it. We will go as well.”

“ _Ada_ , you’re not bringing Elspeth, are you?” He glanced over at me, still not reacting to the news about Smaug,

“She doesn’t remember. If Thorin ( _Thorin! the me inside cried)_ is alive, she won’t know him. I want her with me.”

“You mean you want Thorin to suffer losing her to you.”

“That, too.” He glared at Thranduil.

“It isn’t right, what you did to her.” He went out.

“Who was Legolas talking about, _a’maelamin_?” He kissed the top of my head. “It’s nothing. We’re going on a little trip later.” 

******************************

A few hours later we set out, following the army and supply wagons. Thranduil rode his giant elk, I the white mare I’d ridden to Laketown. The day was clear and cold, but I was wrapped in furs so didn’t feel it. _Fur!_ I was screaming. _And you_ knew _how against that I was, you bastard!_

It was a long march, but I didn’t care. I had the complete attention of my lord, especially at night. We had a very comfortable tent, warmed by braziers, and little else to do but move forward to Erebor. He made love to me so many times I forgot where we were headed. _But I didn’t, screaming inside to no avail. This was the _last _place I wanted to go, trapped as I was._

After two days travel, Tauriel rode back to us from the front. We were almost there.

“My Lord, the scouts report the dwarves have survived, but have barricaded the front gate.”

“I wonder if Thorin has succumbed to the madness.” Thranduil smirked.  "It matters not. We will claim what is ours one way or another. Has there been any report of Dís or Dáin’s armies?”

“The scouts to the west have not reported. To the east, they say Dáin’s army is only a day’s march.” Tauriel turned her horse to go.

“Tauriel! Tell Legolas to speed up the march. We want to be there before them.”

We arrived at Dale at nightfall and made camp some distance from the western entrance. No one was aware of our arrival. The braziers at Erebor’s gate could be seen in the distance; survivor fires lit up areas of Dale. Thranduil’s command tent was set up in the center, not far from where Legolas and Tauriel made theirs. Between the two, around the camp the sounds of lovemaking could be heard by practically everyone.

I knew some of this uncontrolled lust was because of possible impending battle.

“I want to make you scream loud enough that the dwarves can hear you!” Thranduil whispered to me. And he might have succeeded. He had never been that rough with me before.

Somewhere deep in my memory I had flashes of four writhing bodies, velvet ropes. _Yes!_ The inside me cried _:_ that _really happened with me and Thorin and Fili and Kili. I told them they could use the ropes. I did a lot of screaming that night! Remember_ them _, damn you!_ But the outward me never responded, except to Thranduil’s ability to pleasure me.

I think Tauriel outdid me, however. Her cries seem to go on and on with few interruptions. The troops were betting on who went more rounds, how long they lasted, how loud we were, and who knows what else.

“Pay it no mind,  _melamin_. You are only human; elves can go on for hours or even days.” Thranduil soothed.

“I wish I was an elf then, so we could do that, too. I’m sorry for my human weakness.”

“I love you just as you are.” _You mean just as you’ve made me,_ I fumed.

In the morning, most of the force had moved to the front of Dale, one unit into the courtyard, and the supply wagons following us in last. A dark-haired man came out from an upper level, looked around. The troops parted for him; he moved through them as we rode in.

“My Lord Thranduil,” said the man. “We did not look to see you here.” _Bard._

“I heard you needed aid.” Thranduil answered. The wagons rolled in and the survivors began handing out the food and water.

“You have saved us,” said Bard. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

"Your gratitude is misplaced. I did not come on your behalf; I came to reclaim something of mine.”

The command tents were moved inside the city walls. I went to help set ours up comfortably, while Bard and Thranduil continued their conversation about what was inside the mountain and to whom it belonged. Bard begged to go to talk to the dwarves before any offensive action was taken. Thranduil agreed and Bard rode off to the gate. Tauriel poked her head into the tent.

“Good night, Lady Elspeth?”

“At least as good as yours, Captain.” I replied. We laughed _. I doubt she’d laugh if she knew what Legolas had done._

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A few minutes later, Bard was returning and Thranduil rode out to meet him. There appeared to be an argument. When they rode back in, the cause of it turned out to be one thing: me. Apparently, Thorin had asked Bard who was leading the Elven army and somewhere in there he mentioned Lady Elspeth, Thranduil’s consort. Thorin had been furious and demanded that Thranduil come to the gate with me.

“Come, Elspeth. Someone wants to see you.” _Noooo! Thorin can’t see me like this!_ I was screaming inside.

We rode to the gate, where all the dwarves were standing at the top of a wall of rocks. Thorin, Fili and Kili gasped to see it really was me.

“I’m coming down, no weapons.” Thorin hollered. There seemed to be an argument among the dwarves. He called down again.

“My nephews won’t allow me to come down alone. None of us will be armed. Will you and the lady please dismount?” We did. A rock near the bottom of the wall swung open and the three dwarves came out.

They walked slowly up to us. Thorin and Thranduil exchanged cursory nods. Fili and Kili bowed.

“Elspeth! What are you doing here?” Thorin asked me. I turned to Thranduil.

“How does he know my name?” _Thorin! I’m trapped inside myself!_ He tried again.

“Elspeth, you know me! My love, my betrothed!” I backed up, practically hiding behind Thranduil.

“Why did he say that to me? _You_ are my love, my Lord,” looking up at Thranduil who bent down, kissed me for several seconds, long enough to make the dwarves uncomfortable and angry.

“What did you _do_ to her?!” Fili said from clenched teeth.

“She belongs with us!” Kili took a step forward. Thorin stopped him.

“I will give you anything you want. Just let her go.” he said.

“Why would I do that? She’s more precious to me than anything in that mountain. And she is devoted to me, as you can see.” He picked me up and put me back on my horse. I leaned down to kiss him.

“Go ahead back, _melamin_. I will be there shortly.”

“Don’t be too long, _mela en' coiamin_ _."_ I turned my horse and rode away. _No!_ _Thorin! Help me!_

Thorin was rigid with rage, Kili and Fili barely managing to hold back from launching themselves at Thranduil.

“If there’s nothing you want from me, why did you bring her?”

“So you could see what I took from you.”

“You don’t love her. She was pledged to me!” Thorin was shouting now. Thranduil didn’t move, an expression of smug satisfaction on his face.

“I know. My faithful son brought her to me the same day you escaped my dungeons. She told me herself, after she woke from the drugged wine I gave her.”

“Thranduil, I will wage war on you until the end of all days, if I must. This isn’t anything more than an act of selfish possession, to make me suffer. You’ve succeeded – I _am_ suffering. But I _will_ get her back.” He started to walk away, flanked by Fili and Kili.

“Thorin, just so you know: I need her, for reasons I do not have to explain to you. Even if I must keep her in a state of forgetfulness, I will never give her up.”

“I will kill you.” Thorin glowered.

“You can try.” He mounted the elk.

“But even if you manage it, you won’t know how to clear her mind. She will be lost to you in any event.” He turned the elk, then looked down at Thorin.

"And I want my gems. If you do not return them, I will put Elspeth in this state permanently. The vestiges of her true being are still reachable. But if I change that, the woman you knew will be gone forever.”

As soon as he was out of sight, Thorin collapsed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Melamin - My love  
> Amin Mela Lle - I love you  
> Ada - Father  
> A'maelamin - Beloved  
> Mela en'coiamin - Love of my life


	30. Part 3 Battle of the ? Armies, Chapter 30 - Gandalf Brings Hard News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several matters come to light while the armies await battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

The door in the wall opened again. Dwalin ran out, followed by Óin.

“Is he all right? Dwalin asked, kneeling. Óin knelt as well.

“I think he’s just passed out.” Óin dug a vial out of his bag, uncorked it and passed it beneath Thorin’s nose. He began to rouse.

“Thorin! Uncle! Please wake up!” Kili and Fili, splitting a sentence as usual. Thorin opened his eyes.

“I’m fine. Let’s get back inside.” Dwalin and Fili pulled him to his feet.

“What was that all about?” “Wait until we get inside,” said Kili.

Thorin and his nephews sat away from the others. “What should we do?” Fili asked.

“I think I have to tell the rest of the Company about Elspeth. I know – I wanted to wait until everything got settled, but this changes much. Let’s go.”

They returned to the gate. “Everyone, please, hear me.” Thorin began to explain. When he got to the point of his proposal to Elspeth, to make her his Queen, there was an eruption.

“What!” “You can’t!” “A human…on the throne?!” “Impossible!” “Can’t she just be your consort?”

“ _Takata_!” Thorin roared. “Right now that isn’t the most important thing! Thranduil has her. He’s done something to her that she doesn’t remember me, or them – nodding at Kili and Fili – or much of anything,”

“He’s got complete control over her. Not only do I have to get her back, I have to figure out how to undo what he’s done to her mind.”  He nodded to Bilbo.

“That’s another job for you, Master Baggins, since you seem able to pass unseen.”

“Anything I can do, Thorin.” Bilbo said.

“As far as the rest goes, just before we left Laketown, Elspeth brought me a message: my sister Dís and my cousin Dáin   Ironfoot have joined forces to usurp me because of my plans to wed Elspeth. Surprisingly, they haven’t gotten here yet. But if they should, we haven’t a defense except this wall.”

“Why didn’t you just keep her here when she came with the message?” Bofur asked. “It sounds like she wasn’t under some elvish enchantment then.”

“Because she had to promise to go back once she brought me the message. Thranduil gave her a horse that got her here in time, before we left for the mountain. She was afraid Dís and Dáin would be lying in ambush for us. Until we know for sure, we must assume they will still get here.”

“Why is the whole elven army out there, if Thranduil isn’t looking for an exchange?” Asked Balin.

“I think it’s a show of force. And he wants his gems.”

A shout came from the wall. “Thorin, someone’s coming!” There was a horse and rider approaching.

“It’s Gandalf!”

“Someone go let him in.” Gandalf looked like he’d been through hell and back.

“Bombur, get Gandalf some food,” ordered Thorin.

“We’re glad you’ve come, even though you are late!” Gandalf eyed Thorin wryly.

“I see it didn’t stop you from going into the mountain when I specifically told you to wait for me.”

“We had to get the door open before the keyhole became invisible again.”

“And then? You didn’t have to go in, did you?” Gandalf said between bites.

“I sent Bilbo in to find the Arkenstone. Unfortunately, he woke Smaug. We tried to kill the dragon, burying him in molten gold, but it didn’t work. He thought we were in league with the people of Laketown, and went to attack them. You probably know the rest.”

“Did Bilbo find the Arkenstone?”

“He did. I plan to bury it outside the mountain as soon as possible. All I had to do was touch it once and knew what it would do to me if I kept it and used it.”

“A very wise decision.”

“I also plan to give most of the treasure away as needed. We have our home again. That’s what is most important. We will help Dale rebuild. Any dwarf who wants to come to Erebor will be welcome. Except for my sister and Dáin and anyone who followed them. They are traitors and will be treated as such.”

“I believe that will no longer be an issue.” Gandalf finished his food and took out his pipe.

“Why not?”  Thorin asked, suddenly feeling very cold.

“Thorin, there are armies of orcs moving in on all sides, from Moria, from Dol Guldur. I’m afraid your sister ran into one. None survived.” Despite his anger at Dís, tears ran down Thorin’s face.

“How can I tell Fili and Kili? Their mother…”

“I will tell them if you wish,” said Gandalf sympathetically. Thorin shook his head.

“No. I am their only family now. It should be me. And what about Dáin’s army?”

“It seems they are still waiting to hear from Dís, encamped just a few miles away. They should move, as an orc army is marching south from Gundabad. You could use Dáin’s help if you’ll pardon him. I could go there next, to warn them, and to offer the pardon. Besides, you should learn his side of it. Perhaps your sister fed him misinformation, to get him to join her.”

“I suppose I could do that.” Thorin grumbled, “But I don’t like it.”

“Thorin, every able body out there and in here – elves, dwarves, men, may still not be enough to repel the orc armies. But all must try. If orcs take over the mountain, the gateway to Angmar will be opened. And if that happens, Middle Earth will be doomed.”

“Moria orcs are already moving. Our old enemy was breeding armies in Dol Guldur; they are on the march. Lady Galadriel managed to remove him, only just. I fear he is possibly recouping in Mordor.”

“I must go now, if I’m to reach Dáin’s army in time. Prepare yourselves,” said Gandalf, walking to the gate, Thorin following.

“What about Thranduil, Bard?” Gandalf opened the small door, bending to go through.

“They have agreed to stay and fight. Everyone’s lives are at stake now.” Gandalf galloped off to the east. Thorin went in and took his sister-sons into another hall.

“Fili, Kili…” he choked, tears welling in his eyes.

“What is it, uncle?” “Did Gandalf bring bad news?”

“I’m afraid so. Your mother’s army ran into an orc unit on the way here. S-s-she’s dead.” They looked at him in shock.

“No!” “She can’t be gone!” They both began to wail, and Thorin, with his own tears falling harder, hugged them to him, just as he had when they were small and their father had been killed.

“I am…no, _we_ are the only family left.”

“And Elspeth too, right?” Fili asked, lifting his tear-stained face.

“Yes!” murmured Kili. “We _will_ get our Auntie back!”

“We will do whatever we must, to bring her home to us.” Thorin sniffed, hugging them to him again, until all their tears were spent.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takata - Be silent


	31. Unexpected Ally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Legolas brings Thorin an offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

With nothing to do except wait for the armies to show up, Thorin holed up in a corner, trying to come up with a plan to get Elspeth away from Thranduil and get her mind cleared. He knew he would likely need Bilbo to sneak around to learn what was done and how to undo it.

He would have to wait for the battles to end, for the negotiations to begin. With any luck, Thranduil would retreat back to his kingdom as soon as he got his share. Then Thorin would have to go there to settle trade and passage rights.

Still, even with Bilbo, who knew his way around from when the dwarves were in the dungeon, finding Elspeth might be difficult. Thranduil would have her in his rooms, an inner sanctum well hidden from outsiders. Finding out what she’d been given even harder. It was looking impossible. Thorin put his head in his hands and kept wracking his brain.

Dwalin found him. “Thorin, the King’s son wants to see you.”

“What does he want?” Thorin was in no mood for further humiliation from elves.

“He will only speak with _you_.”

“Fine. Send him over. Make sure we are not disturbed.”

Legolas approached “Hail, Thorin, King Under the Mountain.” He bowed. Thorin nodded.

“Prince Legolas, what can I do for you, or is it on your father’s behalf that you have come?”

“My father does not know I am here. I want to help get Lady Elspeth out of his clutches. Her mind is clouded by a drug made by our healers. He tricked her into drinking it. Her true self is still there, just prevented from control.”

“He said he could make that state permanent if I do not return the gems. Is it true?”

“I’m afraid so. Another dose of the drug and she will forever be as you saw her. No trace of the real Elspeth will remain.”

“Why? What is the reason he wants to keep her, besides torment me?” Thorin hoped there _was_ more.

“She looks exactly like my mother, who was lost in battle more than three thousand years ago. My father is the way he is because of that, It is a defense, against feeling that much pain again. He believes Elspeth can restore him."

“But that does not excuse what he’s done.” Legolas looked grimly at Thorin

“And nothing can excuse what I’ve done.” 

“What – you mean because you brought her to your father instead of escorting her through the forest?”

“Yes, but there’s something else.” Legolas continued to look straight at Thorin, but there was something in his eyes, a look of true regret.

“The night before we arrived from Rivendell, I…I tried to rape her.”

“You what?!” Thorin could not process this; the shock was so great he couldn’t speak.

“I lost control. She…said some things that overwhelmed me. She tried to comfort me, but her touch…I don’t know what happened. I have never done anything like that before." Thorin went from shock to blind rage, reaching for his sword.

“You said _tried to_ rape her…did you or didn’t you?” Thorin asked through clenched teeth, fighting for self-control. Legolas stood his ground. If Thorin was going to kill him...

“I did. It was only that she began to respond. But I take responsibility. None of it was her fault.” 

“I should kill you right now!” Thorin was still seeing red, but knew he was going to need Legolas’ help. He calmed himself.

“But if you help me to recover Elspeth I will _try_ to overlook it.”

“I did beg her forgiveness and told her I would help her escape…before my father changed her. Now it may be difficult to get her to leave. Captain Tauriel is on our side and will help me. I will do whatever it takes, even if it costs my life.”

“I believe you mean well. Wait here a moment.” Thorin went down to the gem room and retrieved the box of Thranduil’s heirlooms.

“Here,” he said, holding the box out to Legolas. “I believe they are all in there. If any are missing, we will find them and send them later."

“Thank you. This may help to gain some goodwill from the King.” He turned to go.

“Legolas,” Thorin said, as the elf turned back to him.

“That was well done. You were brave to have admitted this directly to me, and it’s plain you truly regret your actions.” 

“I do. I had no right to lay a hand on her. Elspeth is a rare woman: beautiful, kind, intelligent and loyal. You deserve her; my father does not. I will make contact when I have a plan in place.”

 

 


	32. The Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dáin pledges his army to support Thorin; the battle commences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

Some hours later the sound of marching was heard coming from the east. The dwarf army halted just below the ridge. Gandalf rode up, with Dáin behind him. He called for Thorin to come down. Once face to face, Thorin and Dáin tried to work out an agreement. Dáin had not known about the demise of Dís’ army until Gandalf informed him.

“Why, Dáin? What could Dís offer that made it worth betraying me?”

“Cousin,” replied Dáin, “She was out of her mind about this woman you want to marry and make Queen. You know how I feel about humans, Thorin. She felt it was an insult to our entire race."

“But beyond that, I think she believed you would jeopardize the fortune of Erebor by giving too much of it away. Removing you would solve both problems, in her mind.”

“And what did _you_ think?" Before Dáin could answer Thorin continued. "I will tell you the truth. Yes, my chosen One is human, but a very special human. She is not of our world. She knows the outcome of this battle: she likely saved me and Fili and Kili from being killed in it. And I love her, beyond measure."

“Do you think I decided this without thinking? Have I ever done anything that would bring further hardship to our people? Have I _ever_ served my own interests first?” Dáin dropped his eyes.

“I am King Under the Mountain. I have the Arkenstone. But I am not my grandfather. I do not wish to rule with that kind of absolute power. I will not fall to the sickness surrounding this treasure.”

“Yes, I plan to give away a great amount of the gold. We don’t need such an excess. We owe the people of Laketown a debt of honor, and I want them to be able to rebuild Dale as quickly as possible. We will help them.”

“But first we have orc armies to eliminate. You have an army. Will you fight?”

“You are my King now, Thorin. I will be honored to serve.” They touched foreheads, as dwarves do.

“I’m sorry about your sister.”

“As am I. I’m all the family the boys have left now.”  Dáin laughed.

“As if you haven’t been there for them their whole lives!”

“Dáin, I have one thing I need you to watch for. Elspeth showed us how all three of us would die today. They would be trying to protect me and take many arrows. I would be hit with both spears and arrows. If you see us fighting in the open, try to get us somewhere we can’t be hit from above or behind. I cannot lose my heirs.”

 “Don’t worry, Cousin. I shall have your back.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alert horns sounded. The Company and Dáin grabbed weapons and ran out the small door to join Dáin’s army. Thranduil’s forces had formed a semi-circle before the gate; two forces of orcs flanked them. Dáin’s army entered the center, forming their own block. The men and women of Laketown guarded the entrances to Dale. As the orcs ran towards them, the elven archers showered them with arrows, taking out the most of the first and second lines. While they restrung, the swordsmen charged and engaged. The archers shot a second round, moved back and the dwarves charged, spears, swords and hammers. The archers continued to fire.

Part of one orc unit separated and began to move towards the city. The Laketown force kept them at bay. Higher up inside the city, another unit of elven archers fired down on the orcs. Orcs broke through the walls of Dale, only to be met by the last unit of Thranduil’s swordsmen, which he led, and another group of Lakemen led by Bard. The orcs continued to pour in from every direction. On the field, the dwarves and elves continued to hold their own, but another force of orcs pushed through and a unit of orc archers took the high ground.

Then from the north rushed another army led by Bolg, bringing with them giant bats, goblins, and wargs. The armies fought furiously, and just when it seemed the hellish hordes would overrun elves, dwarves and men alike, another horn sounded from the west. Elven armies from Lothlorien led by Lord Celeborn, and from Rivendell led by Lord Elrond joined the battle. Fighting wore on. Eventually, the eagles also arrived, and that was the end, as they destroyed the bats as well as many other enemies.

There were terrible losses on all sides, but what few orcs remained fled to the east. It was over.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Battle scenes are not something I do well with, so this one was short while still eliminating most of the enemy. And I had to have a way to get Elrond there to verify why Thranduil was holding Elspeth.


	33. Negotiations & Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claims settled, agreement and pledges made. Thranduil refuses to release Elspeth. The rest form a plan to rescue her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

Thorin was wounded, but not badly. Fili and Kili, wounded worse, as they _had_ been shielding Thorin, but were expected to recover. Elven healers worked on all of the injured, especially Lord Elrond, whose abilities exceeded all others.

Once the work of clearing the dead from the field and Dale was completed, and the orc and other enemy bodies burned in enormous pyres, Gandalf called the leaders to council: Elrond, Celeborn, Thranduil, Thorin, Dáin and Bard. Also Balin, who was in charge of cataloging the treasure horde, and Bilbo, at Thorin and Gandalf’s request.

Claims were settled, agreements made. Thorin was more than generous, not just with the distribution of treasure, but offering assistance in rebuilding Dale, and even Laketown, if it was desired.

Plans had to be made to get the carcass of Smaug out of the lake, lest it contaminate the water. Once it seemed that the negotiations were concluded, Thorin stood and addressed Thranduil directly.

“Now, you will return my intended to me, with her mind clear and body unharmed. Or, as I told you, and I will say now in front of these others: if you do not release her, prepare for war, as I will not stop!”

The others were mystified, except Elrond, who was still unaware of the situation although he knew who it was Thorin meant. Thranduil rose also, pulling himself to full height.

“I told you I would never give her up. You can maintain a constant state of war between us, but it will not matter!”

“Where is she?!” Thorin launched himself across the table, but was prevented from reaching Thranduil by the others.

Gandalf boomed out: “Stop, everyone! We will get to the bottom of this.”

“Am I to understand you are holding the Lady Elspeth prisoner?” Elrond asked Thranduil.

“Not at all,” replied Thranduil evenly. “She is my consort, and willingly so.”

“He lies!” shouted Thorin. “He did something to her!”

“Where is she now?” Elrond asked.

“Where _he_ cannot trouble her. She does not know him.”

 Gandalf, Bard and Celeborn, still not understanding, looked to Elrond. Elrond deferred to Thorin.

“You may as well tell everyone what’s going on here.”  Thranduil made as if to leave.

“No - you will stay. We all would know of anything that will disturb this hard-won peace!” This coming forcefully from Celeborn, and Bard nodded grimly.

Thorin, anger still evident, explained in the shortest possible way, who Elspeth was, why she was here, and everything since. Gandalf turned to Thranduil.

“Why have you done this? Clearly, she came here to be with Thorin, not you.”

Elrond finally remembered what he had felt when Elspeth departed Rivendell. The thing he had forgotten.

“She resembles Maerwen, doesn’t she?”

“Not just a resemblance. I believe she may be incarnate.”

“Where is she, Thranduil?”

“I am not obliged to tell you, nor anyone else here.” There was steely resolve in his voice.

“All we want is to see this person in question and speak to her as to whether she _is_ content to stay with you.” Gandalf stated.

“I had her taken back to the Realm.” Thorin got up again.

“Then we go there.” And his voice held no less resolve.

“I think not,” said Thranduil. “My kingdom is under martial law. I have discovered traitors among my closest subjects and until I determine if there are more, no one enters and no one leaves.”

”And who are these traitors?” asked Elrond.

“Tauriel, captain of the guard, and Legolas, my son and heir.” Thorin’s heart sank. His allies had been found out.

“We cannot prevent you from leaving, but there will be further action taken until we are satisfied you are being truthful,” said Gandalf. “Even if I must call upon the other members of the White Council.” Thranduil stalked out without another word.

******************************

Thorin sat down, a look of despair on his face. “Legolas and Tauriel were going to help me get her out. I don’t know if this is what they’re accused of, but I think it must be.” Elrond patted his shoulder.

“We will find a way. Thranduil seems to have had a mental break, because of Elspeth’s resemblance to his long-dead wife. I didn’t sense anything when she was at Rivendell that would lead me to believe she was anyone other than herself.”

“He gave her something that drugged her into forgetting me or anything else, other than that she is his.” Thorin said bitterly. “He brought her here just to torment me, to see that he had changed her, claimed her.”

“Legolas came to me just before the battle and confirmed this. But even worse, whatever was used on her isn’t permanent; another dose would make it irreversible. Thranduil threatened this if I didn’t return the White Gems of Lasgalen. I gave them to Legolas before he left.”

“Would you know how to reverse the effects of this drug?” Thorin asked Elrond.

“Most likely. I’d have to be sure of the formulation, but the healers who prepared it will have that answer.”

“So, what do we do?” Thorin said. “The place is impenetrable by force, at least any force I can call upon.” Gandalf turned to Celeborn.

“Can the Lady Galadriel open the gates to the Woodland Realm?”

“I believe so, especially if Thranduil is distracted and Lord Elrond is with her, although she is still weak from Dol Guldur. But once inside, Thranduil’s guards would likely prevent a complete search of the place. And no one truly knows the size of that guard. I think it would be easier to get into Thranduil’s mind, and that she can certainly do.”

“So we need to lure him out?” asked Thorin. “I can’t think of anything else he could possibly want that would work. He’s gotten what he wants out of Erebor. He’s got the love of my life. What more?”

Celeborn and Elrond exchanged a look.

“No! You two cannot be thinking what I think you are!” Gandalf seemed alarmed. 

“What?” Thorin felt his spirits lift slightly.

“If one of the three elven Ring-Bearers should perish, Thranduil is next in line, as he is the last other elven leader.”

“But none of them _have_ perished.” Said Thorin, confused.

“Thranduil doesn’t know that.” 

*****************************

 "We could make him think something happened to Círdan the Shipwright. He’ll never be able to verify it – it would take too long.” Elrond explained. “And if we had a ring that _looked_ like the one Círdan bears – which I’m should you could forge, Thorin...”

“There’s flaws in that plan.” said Gandalf. “Thranduil will never believe it…not coming right after this war and what was discussed here. We would have to wait some time before trying it. And _I_ have Círdan's ring."

“I don't believe Thranduil is aware that Círdan passed that ring to you, Gandalf. And I think I may have a way around the other problem as well.” Elrond smiled.

“Círdan’s messenger, Galdor is at Imladris. If Lady Galadriel, myself and, Galdor, showed up at the doors, with ring in hand, it would appear that Galdor was travelling with the news of Círdan’s demise.”

“First he would have come to Imladris, as he would need me. Secondly, he would have to request the Lady of Lothlorien to attend as well. Both of us are needed to present the ring to Thranduil.”

“He has wanted this for time out of mind. It could be the one thing that would draw him out.”

It was settled. Elrond would return to Rivendell, Celeborn to Lothlorien with their respective armies. Dáin would stay at Erebor, Bard would return to Dale. Any reports Thranduil would receive would look like all the participants in the battle were going home.

Logically, Dáin would remain with his army to make it appear he would stay to attack Mirkwood with Thorin. Gandalf also decided to remain at Erebor. He would go with the elves, when they came with the ‘news,’ and had the real ring for Thorin copy.

Thorin took Bilbo aside shortly after the plan was made.

“Are you still willing to sneak into Thranduil’s Hall?”

“Of course,” the hobbit replied. “But if they get Thranduil to come out and I get in, what am I trying to do? I doubt I could find Lady Elspeth that quickly.”

“You aren’t going to find her, at least not at first. You will go to the dungeons, to release Legolas and Tauriel. I don’t think that would take you too long.” Bilbo grinned.

“Yes, that I can do. But how will _they_ get out? It’s not like I can put them into barrels!”

For the first time since long before the battle, Thorin laughed. “No, but I’m sure they have ways of getting out unseen.”

“Once they join the rest, we will prevent Thranduil from returning inside. Then you can look for Elspeth.”

“But I don’t even know what she looks like,” said Bilbo.

“You will, as she is unlike any other being in Middle Earth. She is quite small, for a human, close to Kili’s height. She has long silvery hair and strange grey eyes. I don’t think you will have any trouble identifying her.”

“But what if I can’t get her to come with me?” asked Bilbo, worried.

“Tell her the King requests her presence. If she still won’t come, return to the gate. Once Thranduil is in the grip of the other elves, he won’t be able to do anything. Legolas or Tauriel can get her.”

 

 


	34. Attempted Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth pretends to be under the influence of the drug even though it has worn off, but Thranduil figures it out. She tries to run but is caught and drugged again. Thranduil decides it's time to marry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Thranduil, I had already returned to myself. The drug had worn off days ago. I pretended it hadn’t. The healers checked me to see why it was lasting so long. They told Thranduil it was probably because I’m human and it would last longer than on an elf. I was terrified they would figure it out and make me take that second dose. I guess my performance was convincing, as Thranduil would not yet consent to it.

I heard about the battle and offered prayers of thanks to my own Goddess and any others I could think of that Thorin, Fili and Kili survived. As soon as Legolas, who was aware I was acting returned, he told me of his conversation with Thorin about helping me escape.

“I also told him what I did to you.” My jaw dropped.

“Why? I should think you wouldn’t be standing here. Wasn’t he angry?” Legolas snorted.

“Oh, he was about a second away from running me through. But I said none of it was your fault and how incredibly ashamed I was. I don’t think keeping secrets like that are healthy for anyone. I want things to run smoothly between our people. And you wouldn’t want to keep such a secret from Thorin. Secrets have a way of being found out.”

“Thank you! I was so worried about having to tell him myself.” I hugged him.

“You weren’t at fault, Elspeth. You should not have had to bear that burden.” He hugged back.

“Can you keep up the pretense a little longer? You must not be given the drug a second time, while still under the influence of the first. I have no doubt my father would force both doses on you if he learned you're pretending.”

“I’ll keep it up as long as it takes.” It was only a couple of hours later I heard about his arrest, along with Tauriel. I was despondent. If their plans had been discovered, I was doomed.

I figured Thranduil wouldn’t be far behind, so I got ready to play sweet, loving Elspeth. How I hated this! It wasn’t as bad as when I was there but not there, unable to control any of it. But I had to give him exactly what he expected. Thranduil was no fool; the smallest deviation would alert him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I heard the door from the corridor open into his office and slam shut. One of his advisors was with him.

“I cannot believe the two of them! She defies my orders and aims an arrow right at me! I broke her bow, had my sword at her throat, not that I would have actually cut her. And my _son_ stops me and says I will have to kill _him_ if I harm _her_! My own flesh and blood!”

“Well, they can spend some time in the dungeon while I decide whether I charge them both with high treason!” He was pacing back and forth like a caged tiger.

“My lord, please calm yourself. Wait until the battle stress and the aggravation of having to negotiate with the dwarves wear off before you make such a harsh decision.”

“Oh, it’s never going to end! Thorin is going to make my life miserable anyway, trying to take Lady Elspeth away from me. I told them all at the table that we are under martial law, but that doesn’t mean he won’t try.”

“Dáin’s army remains at Erebor, and that meddling wizard, too! Why would they stay if not to launch an attack?” I decided this was my cue; I quietly opened the adjoining door.

 “ _Mela en' coiamin!”_ You have returned!” Thranduil dismissed the advisor, swept me up, kissing me hard. “You are not injured? I have been praying you would be safe!”

“Just a few scratches _, melamin_.” He was still in armor, which I began helping him to remove. “I have missed you so." I showered him with kisses, despite the fact that he smelled of blood and death, as I pulled off the rest of his clothes. He carried me to the bed, torn open my gown and ravaged me.

I knew this would happen…the other end of battle lust. I wished it was Thorin’s battle lust and tried to fantasize how it would be when I got back to him. It wasn’t easy, as everything about the two of them was so different. The texture of their hair, the feel of their skin, the height difference, both well-endowed except that Thorin had more girth. Despite being equally passionate, they couldn’t be more opposite.

I couldn’t play-act having sex with Thranduil. He knew what to do to me to get a response. If it hadn’t all been so deceitful, I might have come to appreciate him, if only physically. But my anger, which was buried deep at the moment, would overwhelm me as soon as I was alone.

I didn’t want to be with him. I wanted Thorin. I hoped what I’d overheard about Legolas and Tauriel was only what Thranduil considered their treasonous behavior and not about their plans to get me out of here. 

******************************

Time dragged on. I heard nothing. I played the game, submitting to Thranduil several times, day and night. For all their outward aloofness, elves have hyper sex drives. Just walking along any corridor, whether rooms of members of the court or the guards' wing, or even the servants’ quarters, at any given hour and the sounds of passion would be emanating from more doors than not.

I kept telling myself Thorin would come for me; it was too soon to make a move, whatever he was planning. Legolas and Tauriel remained in the dungeons, but it seemed their plot had gone undiscovered. Still, they couldn’t do anything locked up.

A month went by. It was getting harder to keep up the pretense. Every time Thranduil touched me I wanted to scream. I kept my ears open, trying to glean any small hint that something was changing. When it came, it was the worst thing that could have happened. Thranduil figured out I was faking. He was so furious I thought he might really hurt me.

“ _Lle wethrine amin!_ How could you do this to me, Elspeth? Haven’t I treated you well? Given you everything you needed, worshipped your body, told you every day how much you mean to me?”

“Yes, you’ve done all that, but there’s one little problem… _I don’t want to be with you!_ “

“You wanted me when you were under the influence of the drug.”

“But my true consciousness was screaming the entire time. Please, Thranduil. Let me go. Why would you want to keep a partner who’s so unwilling anyway? Do you think if you keep drugging me I will develop real feelings for you?”

“I cannot let you go; even if I have to give you the full amount of the drug to make you at least appear to love me. I could live with that.”

“But I couldn’t! You would be killing my spirit! Please, let me go!”

“I can’t. I can’t bear the idea of not ever seeing you again.”

“You know Thorin will never stop trying to rescue me.”

“I haven’t seen any sign of it so far. How long will you wait before you realize he may not come? And if he does, he can bang his head against the doors of my Hall for all I care. He’ll never get in here.”

“Then you’d be better off just killing me right now!”  I ran. I knew I wouldn’t get far, but I couldn’t deal with him anymore. Guards came flying after me. As soon as I was cornered, I grabbed at the sword one of them was pointing at me. The guard was not quick enough to prevent me from wrenching it out of his hands.  _Thank you, Fili!_ _All that training didn't go to waste._  I reversed the sword and held it just under my chin. Everyone froze.

“I’ll do it! I swear! You all need to back off…NOW!” Thranduil pushed his way through the guards.

“Stop! Not one more step!” I yelled. He stopped a few feet away, not close enough to get to me. I let the tip of the sword pierce the soft skin; a thin line of blood trickled down my neck.

“Elspeth, please!” Thranduil pleaded with me. “Put the sword down!”

“No!” I want to be let out of here!” I was so distraught I didn’t hear other guards sneaking up from behind. They seized and disarmed me. “Bring her back to my chambers and send for the healers.”

He had them put me on the bed, but they held me there. Thranduil approached with ropes, soft but unbreakable, and proceeded to tie me to the bed. My screams and struggles went unheeded. He took one of the guards aside and whispered something to him. When the guards left, he stood at the foot of the bed, watching me squirm.

“Untie me!”

“No."

He dropped his robe and crawled up until he was over me.

" _Lle naa vanima_ , all riled up like that, adrenaline pumping through you.” His hand went between my legs.

“Already wet. And up here, pretty hard.” His tongue teased a nipple. He was pretty hard himself. Moving up more, he pushed into me. He began licking the trickle of blood off my neck. Pleasure began to build in me as he continued to move, pulling almost all the way out slowly, thrusting hard all the way in without mercy.

“I should do this to you more often. Chase you down, tie you up and have my way with you, just like I’m doing now. You can’t resist; it feels too good.”

He stopped moving for a moment, then was kissing me hard; the long silky hair brushing my face and shoulders.

“I like having such complete control over you.” He began moving again, speeding up gradually. I wanted him to stop. Then I didn’t.

“Yes! Yes! Please Thranduil, harder, deeper!” I lost all restraint and kept urging him on until I came; a few seconds later so did he.

He didn’t untie me. A short time later the healers came in, with a familiar bottle carried by one, the other a short hose and funnel.

“Now, my darling, will you drink this or do we have to force it down your throat?” _No.no.no.no.no!_

******************************

Thranduil called his advisors. “I want to wed her tomorrow. It will be a simple affair. Have the dressmakers create an appropriate gown, order the kitchens to prepare a feast, whatever are her favorites, and alert the court. Tomorrow at sundown. Without fail.”

****************************** 

I came swimming up from sleep, confused and alone. Where was my love? My beautiful, perfect Elven King?  _No! He’s done it again, the bastard!_

I put on a gown, brushed out my hair and went to find my _a'maelamin._  

The Great Hall was a flurry of activity. White and silver stars swirled around the walls and ceiling. At one end, a beautifully decorated table on a riser. At the other end of the room a small round dais with a trellis over it, was covered with white night-blooming flowers. Between these were set several long tables, everything crystal and white, more flowers. I asked one of the servants if we were having a feast or ball. “Why, no, my lady, preparations for your wedding.” _My…what?!! He can’t!_

“Oh, everything looks so beautiful! I am so happy!” “Yes,  _híril_ _nin_. We are all looking forward to it.” The court dressmaker hurried toward me.

“Come, _híril nin_ , we must do at least this one fitting! We ran lightly to her work area. I was giggling the whole time. It was so exciting! _Not this air-headed behavior again! Act your age!_

The dressmaker and her assistant slipped the incredible gown over my head and began to hem and fit it, though it didn’t need much. It was purest white silk seeded with white gems. The train flowed behind like a cloud. It was like nothing I’d ever seen.

“Do you think  _hîr nin_ will like it?"

“King Thranduil will not be able to take his eyes off you!” _Or his hands, either. This can’t be happening! Oh, Thorin! Where are you to save me from this nightmare!_

Finding no sign of my beloved. I returned to our chambers, to find a small box and a note propped up by the pillows on the bed. The note read “Elspeth, my love and soon-to-be-wife. I would like you to wear these for our wedding ceremony. They are heirlooms, the White Gems of Lasgalen. I will not see you until sundown, when we will be united as one. I love you. Thranduil" _Oh, no – it’s tonight! I think I shall go mad...right now._

I hugged the note to my breasts and opened the box. The necklace was exquisite! It would feel like wearing stars…I am the luckiest woman alive! _Someone_ _help me! I can’t marry him – I’d rather die!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mela en' coiamin - Love of my life  
> Melamin - My love  
> Lle wethrine amin - You have deceived me  
> Lle naa vanima - You are beautiful  
> A'maelamin - Beloved  
> Hîr Nin - My Lord  
> Híril Nin - My Lady


	35. Rescued, But Not to Erebor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plan to rescue Elspeth does not go according to plan, but thanks to Legolas the rescue party gets there in time to stop her from marrying Thranduil. Elrond tells Thranduil he is going to Valinor, even if they have to force him. He agrees to go. Elrond and Thorin take Elspeth to the healers; she is not permanently damaged, and Elrond takes her to Rivendell to be fully healed. Legolas and Tauriel wed and assume reign of the Woodland Realm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

I didn’t know that rescue was in play just outside the doors of the Realm. Gandalf, Elrond, Galadriel, Celeborn, Círdan’s advisor, and invisible Bilbo. Thorin, with Dáin’s army just beyond the bridge, out of site. Elrond signaled the guards inside. And the doors opened slightly – just wide enough for Bilbo to slip inside. Elrond requested to see the king.

“I don’t know if it is possible for King Thranduil meet with you now, as his marriage ceremony is to take place shortly.” said the guard. 

“This will not take long. This is Galdor, a messenger from Círdan the Shipwright. He brings the sad news of Círdan’s death. The third elven ring of power is to pass to King Thranduil.” Galdor handed the guard a sealed envelope, which contained the false document verifying the death.

“He must come: the ring must pass from Lady Galadriel’s and my hands to his.”

The guard left, closing the door behind. “Good thing Thorin wasn’t standing here, too. This marriage can only be to Elspeth. Let’s hope we’re in time to interrupt it.” From a side entrance somewhere came Legolas and Tauriel, looking the worse for wear, as Thranduil had not even released them for the wedding.

“We’re glad you are here,” said Legolas. “We were imprisoned as soon as we came back from the battle, not for our plans to help free Elspeth, but for treason, as we both disobeyed and raised weapons against our king.”

“Did you tell Bilbo where to find Elspeth?” asked Elrond.

“I told him to check the Great Hall first, as they are supposed to be getting married. If she’s not there, I told him to check my father’s chambers. But where is Thorin?”          

“He’s behind us, with Dáin’s army.” said Gandalf.

“I don’t like this,” said Galadriel. “Thranduil should have come by now.”

“Then we will have to go in.” said Elrond. Legolas spoke a few words and the doors opened. The guards, seeing who led the party, had to let them pass. Gandalf signaled to Thorin and the army swarmed over the bridge.

With Legolas and Tauriel in the lead, everyone proceeded along the vast hallways. No one stopped them because Legolas was with them. Despite the fact that he had been in the dungeons, he _was_ still the Prince: he must be allowed to pass. No one dared approach the army of grim dwarves. The enormous doors to the Great Hall were closed, but Legolas and Tauriel threw them open, and everyone poured in.

No one noticed when Bilbo appeared suddenly, standing behind those in the doorway. The dwarf army began to circle the room in an offensive line. The court gasped, startled, but did not move. Looking in, they saw Thranduil’s tall figure, and one much smaller standing on the dais where the wedding was taking place.

“Stop this travesty!” Boomed Gandalf. Everyone jumped. Thranduil slowly turned.

“And just why are all of you here, disturbing my marriage vows?”

“Marriage!?  No! Elspeth!” Thorin burst into the room and ran for the dais. He took hold of me and turned me around. I struggled to get away from him. _Oh, thank the Goddess! You just made it!_

“ _You_ again! Why can’t you just leave us in peace – this is our wedding!” Thorin’s heart sank. Had she been given the second dose of the drug, damaging her permanently? Thranduil moved to take me from Thorin, at which point Elrond, Celeborn and Galadriel stepped in. Thranduil looked at them in some confusion.

“So it’s true? You have come to give me the third elven ring? I thought it was a ploy to stop the wedding, so I didn’t respond. Is Círdan truly dead?”

“No.” said Galadriel and Celeborn together. “And you are not worthy of the ring even if it were true.” Elrond approached.

“My old friend, it is obvious you have been too unhappy for too long. It is time for you to sail for Valinor. Pass rule of the Woodland Realm on to your son, and take your leave of this land. If you won’t go willingly, we will _take_ you to the Havens, even if we have to drag you the entire way.” Thranduil sat suddenly on the floor, and said nothing.

Thorin was still struggling with me, as I was still deep in the separation of spirit and body, trying to get away.

“Lord Elrond! She’s been drugged again! I don’t know how much.” Elrond came over, put his hand on my head and concentrated.

“We are fortunate; her essence is still there.”

“Oh, thank _Mahal_ ,” Thorin cried, nearly weeping.

“Come,” said Elrond. “Let’s get her to the healers.”

Legolas went to his father and knelt.

“ _Ada_ , I will miss you terribly, but they are right. It is time for you to go.” He put his arms around Thranduil and raised him up.

“I will miss you as well, _ion nin_.” He appeared completely resigned.

Thorin and Elrond came in, without Elspeth. Everyone looked at them in shock.

“No, she will be all right.” Elrond said, “The drug took a great toll on her, but I will take her to Rivendell, as she has other issues for which I mean to help. When she is whole and healed, she can go to Erebor. And to you.” He smiled at Thorin.

“We will take the very best care of her, as if she were part of our family.”

“For which I am most grateful.” As much as he wanted her with him, Thorin knew this was necessary.

Dáin’s army withdrew and marched back to Erebor with Thorin. Galadriel and Celeborn departed for Lothlorien. Thranduil would travel with Galdor to the Grey Havens, where he would at last sail to the Undying Lands with, hopefully, some peace in his heart. Gandalf would accompany Bilbo to the Shire. Elspeth, very weak but able to say her goodbyes, went with Elrond to Rivendell.

Legolas and Tauriel announced their intentions to the court and were wed within a few days. Their coronations were the following day. Their first priority was to rid the forest of the spiders and other foul things in hopes it would recover to its original state.

Second, would be to bring light and views of the sky into as many of the underground chambers as possible. Legolas ordered this as a wedding gift to Tauriel, so she could always look up and see the stars.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mahal - Dwarves' name for Aulë (The Creator)  
> Ada - Father  
> Ion Nin - My son


	36. Part 4 – Paradise Gained…and Lost, Chapter 36 – At Last, Erebor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth finally arrives at Erebor, accompanied by Elrond, Elladan & Elrohir, Arwen, and Bilbo. Elrond has healed her, not only of the drug Thranduil gave her, but of her illness, and has slowed her aging process. Kili & Fili created splendid royal chambers for them. Elspeth & Thorin finally have their reunion; their wedding is to take place four days later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

As spring spread through Erebor and New Dale, everyone felt in a festive mood. Although the work progressed slowly, spirits were lifted. Flags and pennants were threaded through the streets and overhead. Store merchants and market vendors painted and brightened their signs and wagons. The central fountain was restored and rainbows appeared often in its mists.

Flowers bloomed everywhere. Children flew kites in the warm breezes. Other than the most damaged outer buildings and wall, the city showed little resemblance to the broken, deserted wreck it had been when the survivors of Laketown had sought refuge there.

In Erebor, the great halls had been cleared of treasure and dragon filth; once again the golden light filtering in was not reflected from coins. The vast horde was reduced significantly, as true to his word, Thorin bestowed the largest portion to Dale, and made gifts to re-establish trade between the Shire, Rohan, Gondor and the Southern Realms. And a very large amount to Dain, to pay the Iron Hills army and for those remaining to work in Erebor.

He buried the Arkenstone in a place known only to himself. When he passed on, no one would ever be able to find it. He had come to realize that none of these coins, gems and artifacts could ever be of more value to him than his family. Family. It seemed forever since the day at the Woodland Realm, when he had to let Elspeth go with Elrond. But when the Spring Equinox was two weeks away, he finally had news that she was on her way! And Elrond’s family was accompanying her.

Kili and Fili, overjoyed and excited, took it upon themselves to prepare as many of the mountain hall’s repaired areas to look their best, as well as overseeing the temporary blockages to the mines and areas that were still too dangerous. They weren’t going to have their Auntie falling into any pits! But their biggest project was by far, the royal chambers.

Thorin would not use either his father’s or grandfather’s rooms. He slept (when he slept) in a small guestroom, refusing to put any effort into anything but the other work that needed to be done.

“When I know Elspeth is well and on her way will be time enough to prepare for that. And I want her to have some say in it. After all, they will be her chambers as well.” He had told his nephews. But now he allowed them to begin.

And in the forges, Thorin labored over the pair of rings he and Elspeth would exchange, as well as the delicate diadem which would be her crown. And unknown to them, he also made rings and marriage beads for Fili and Kili. They had finally pledged one another, but had yet to wed. He intended to hold his own wedding as soon as possible, depending on Elspeth’s condition.

******************************

Finally, word came from a high lookout that the party from Rivendell was approaching. Everyone scrambled to get ready, barely getting the welcoming party together as the group approached the gate. Elrond was off his horse in a moment.

“Hail Thorin, King Under the Mountain!” Thorin had done away with his father and grandfather’s names as a salutation. He was determined to bear none of the stain of madness and greed that tarnished them.

“My lord Elrond, welcome to Erebor.”

“My sons, Elladan and Elrohir,” Thorin knew they were twins, but dressed so differently they could easily be told apart.

“My greatest thanks to you, for escorting Lady Elspeth from Bree to Rivendell safely.” He bowed to Elrohir.

“It was my pleasure, King Thorin.”

“My nephews, Princes Fili and Kili. Fili is first heir.” They were trying to look regal, but smiles kept breaking out. The door to the coach opened and an extraordinarily beautiful, dark-haired elleth stepped down.

“My daughter, Arwen.” She swept a low curtsy.

“My Lords.”

“Lady Arwen.” Thorin took her hand and kissed it. “I know you have been much involved in the care of my beloved during her time at Rivendell. Thank you.”

“She has been as a sister.” Arwen replied. All eyes turned to the carriage, as Elspeth was helped down. Despite the need for cordiality, Thorin went immediately to her, swept her up, and kissed her deeply.

“You look so well, my love! How do you feel?”

“I am healed, in body and mind. And more.”

“What more?”

“Lord Elrond’s abilities not only healed me from the drug, but my illness is arrested. And I seem to have stopped aging. We may have a full lifetime together. If that’s what you still want.” She seemed oddly subdued.

“What I still want… _Mahal_ , this is incredible! It has been the only sadness I could not reconcile to…and you tell me it will not happen!” He swept me into his arms again.

Kili and Fili, unable to hold themselves any longer, rushed over, pulling me out of his embrace.

“We have missed you so much!” “Welcome home!” They covered me with kisses until I had to cry, “Stop! I can’t breathe!” We all laughed.

Thorin went to Elrond and embraced him.

“I don’t know what to say…you have given me a gift beyond what I hoped. I am forever in your debt.”

“She did most of the healing herself. I believe she wants to be able to stay with you as long as possible. It took much of her own strength, the force of her love for you. I have never encountered anything like it, especially in a human.”

“Nevertheless, my deepest thanks, to you and to your daughter. Elspeth looks incredible. But why did you bring your entire family? Not that you aren’t all welcome.” Elrond smiled.

“I assumed you want to wed as soon as possible. We have come to look upon Elspeth as family…so we invited ourselves.” Thorin laughed.

“And I couldn’t be happier that you did!” Elrond looked over to his sons.

“Do not forget our other guest!” They went directly to the carriage. The small person they helped out was “Bilbo!” Thorin cried and ran to the hobbit, picking him up and hugging him as if he were a child.

“Good to see you too, Thorin! But put me down, please!” Bilbo squeaked. “You didn’t think I’d miss this wedding, did you?”

“You must have barely gotten home to the Shire…to come back this quickly.”

“They ransacked Bag End, thinking I was dead, auctioning off all my things. I haven’t been able to get it back together yet. This was a most welcome distraction.”

“ _You_ are a welcome distraction. Most of my people have never seen a hobbit. You won’t lack for attention here. And the Company will be overjoyed to see you.” Elrond motioned to Thorin.

“There’s one more thing. I hope it won’t be a problem.”

“Nothing could be a problem for me now.”

“We passed though the Woodland Realm on our way. King Legolas and Queen Tauriel want to attend the wedding. Elspeth told us what happened when he was escorting her through Mirkwood. I didn’t know how you felt about it.” Thorin smiled.

”Legolas came to me himself and admitted it, taking full responsibility. I told him if he helped me get Elspeth away from his father, I would try to overlook it.”

“So you can forgive him?”

“I already have, and sent a messenger to invite them myself.”

******************************

Once all the guests were settled, Thorin led me to the royal suite.

“Fili and Kili did most of the work, but I wouldn’t let them completely finish it. I want you to be able to add to it, or remove anything you don’t like.”

“I’m sure I will love it.” We stopped before the ornately carved wooden doors.

“Ready?” Thorin asked. I nodded and we went in. It was spectacular! Everything was carved from stone and wood, with detail I would not have thought possible on such hard materials. Every piece of furniture was comfortably fitted with soft cushions of variations on blue and silver.

But the centerpiece of the suite was the bed: on high risers, surrounded by curtains, it was, if nothing else, kingly. Ornate, without being overdone, it had cleverly carved leaves, vines, trees and hidden among that were all manner of forest animals – predominantly rabbits.

“They especially wanted you to love this bed.” I was choking with emotion.

“I do love it! They are so talented, and so considerate to make things feel like home.”

“I love the bed too, but I’d love it more with you and I in it!”

“Do we have time before the evening meal?” I murmured, looking at him through lowered lashes.

“About three hours – do you think that will be enough, considering you won’t be able to walk afterward?”

“We’d best get started then!” We were actually a little shy with each other at first…separation can do that, but it didn’t take long to become reacquainted. We were fierce with each other: nipping and biting, licking, kissing, sucking. New positions, on and off the bed. I lost track of how many orgasms I had. But finally sated, I lay next to my love, curled up together.

“I sometimes thought this day would never come.” I said. “So much has happened.” Thorin kissed my forehead.

“But it all worked out as you said. I’m alive. Fili and Kili are alive – pledged now.”

“Are they? That’s wonderful!”

“We reclaimed the mountain, the dragon is no more, and I did not get undone by all the treasure. I’ve given so much of it away and it still feels like there’s too much.”

“Everything looks amazing. I can’t believe the progress you’ve made in such a short time.”

“Wait until you see Dale – New Dale, I mean. We worked on that first so they had good shelter for the winter.” A soft chiming signaled first call to supper.

“Do we have to go now?" I asked.

“No. There’s three bells. I don’t usually go until the third, so we have time to get cleaned up and dressed.” He grinned. “If we didn’t have so many guests we could skip it, but…” I kissed him lightly.

“We have time now. All of our lives.”

The banquet was, of course a huge amount of food and lots of drinking, talking, laughing. Those from the company who had not met or seen me were somewhat taken aback, as were the other dwarves I didn't know. I overheard lots of comments:

“Is she really human?”

“She doesn’t look like anyone of any race I’ve ever seen”

“She’s not even from Middle Earth?”

“Still, she is small, like us.”

“I don’t care – she’s really beautiful. Look how stunning they are together!”

“I’ve never seen Thorin so happy – if it’s because of her, I say, be glad for them. We will have a happy king and a beautiful queen!”

Just before it was over, Thorin announced that we would be wed on the Solstice, four days away.

When everyone had their fill of food and drink, we all began to drift around the vast halls, talking in little groups, creating bigger groups. Some started to slip away, ready for bed. Kili and Fili found us, and as usual, were practically bouncing.

“Four days? Geez, uncle. Don’t you think that’s kind of soon?”

“Shush, Kili.” Fili admonished him, then turned to us.

“If anything, I’d ask why wait so long?” Thorin laughed and I giggled a little.

“Traditionally, dwarves wed on Durin’s Day But I refuse to wait another six months for this. So I’m going to change the custom; _Mahal_ , I may even write a new law! Why should anyone wait for any day? If a couple wants to wed, nothing should stand in their way.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Kili agreed. “As long as we have a wedding!”

“So what about you two? Have you decided when you will wed?” I asked. Fili, with as innocent a look as he could muster, turned to Kili.

“Speaking of any day…how’s tomorrow?” He asked his brother.

“Whenever you want, dearest brother. After all, we aren’t having a royal wedding, just family and friends.”

“Then tomorrow it is!” They kissed.

“Wait a minute!” Thorin said, a little too loudly. “You can’t plan an event like that with so little notice!”

“Oh. I guess we forgot to mention it, with Auntie Elspeth arriving, all the guests and such.” said Kili, looking just as innocent.

“We already have it planned; you just have to show up to give us away.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow at dusk, in the Crystal Garden.”

“Who’s officiating?”

“Balin, who else?”

“Come with us, now!” Thorin began leading me away.

“Where are we going?” I whispered.

“You’ll see.” The four of us went straight to the royal chambers, our sitting room.

“Sit, all of you.” Thorin went into the bedroom.

“What’s he up to, Auntie?” Kili asked.

“I have no idea.” Thorin returned.

“I know you two were too busy to do this for each other, so I did.” He handed each of them a small box. Inside each was a ring and a marriage bead.

“For each other. I hope they suit you.” They were both up in a flash, tears flowing.

“Thank you, uncle! They certainly are better made than either of us could do.” 

“It’s the least I could do, considering how much work you put into all of this.” He indicated the room, spreading his arms to encompass all the rooms.

“We both love it!”  Hugs and kisses all around.

“We aren’t quite done, but the rest will be a surprise.” Said Fili, winking at his brother.

“Past our bedtime. Goodnight, Uncle Thorin, Auntie Elspeth!” Hand in hand, they opened the door and were gone. Their rooms were only across the corridor.

******************************

Thorin turned to me, with a somewhat mysterious smile.

“They don’t know, but I have another surprise for them, too.”

“What?” I asked.

“Their mother isn’t dead.”

“She isn’t? Where is she?”

“In a room, on the other side of the mountain, where the boys never go.”

“But I thought…you said it was high treason, punishable by death.”

“It is. But just as I chose to pardon Dáin, I have pardoned Dís as well. I can’t see Fili and Kili marrying without her there.”

“So they have no idea?”

“I’m having her show up at the wedding. That way each of us can give one to the other, their mother and me.”

“Oh, Thorin, that’s going to be wonderful! I can’t wait to see how they react!” Then I thought about it.

“I can’t be there, right? Dís still hates me.” My eyes started burning…tears were sure to follow.

“Please, Elspeth love, try to understand. This is their _mother._ No matter what you think of her, she loves them beyond life itself. And they her. I don’t want anything to cause a problem at that most precious ceremony. I know a place you can watch from a distance unseen. I am so sorry.”

“And what about _our_ wedding?”

“No. She plans to return to Ered Luin right after.”

“So your only other living family member would rather go into self-imposed exile than be anywhere _near_ me.” I said, bitterly. “Why does she hate me so?”

“It’s not you. It’s because I’m  breaking a tradition that goes back thousands of years. Dwarves are forbidden to marry any but other dwarves. You see how it is; even brothers, committing _incest_ , is far more acceptable than any dwarf marrying outside our own.”

“Thorin…are you sure…?" He drew me close.

“Don’t think for one second that we won’t marry in four days. It was hell, being without you. Even after we got you away from Mirkwood and you had to go to Rivendell, I was nearly out of my mind, not knowing how long your healing would take. I told you before, there is nothing that will stop me from loving you. Nothing.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mahal - Dwarves' name for Aulë (The Creator)


	37. Joyous, Complicated Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth tells Thorin she is expecting, but there's one very big problem...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

“In that case, you’d better sit down. Have you got anything stronger than ale or wine up here?” Thorin looked at me, puzzled.

“No, but I can send for brandy, or maybe whiskey. I’m not sure what’s in the cellars.”

“Get it.” Still looking confused, he went to the door, called over a guard and gave him the message. “You’re scaring me a little, Elspeth. What possible news could you give me that I would feel the need to be sitting and drinking something strong?”

“You know about what happened with Legolas, on the way from Rivendell to Mirkwood?”

“Yes, I know. It _wasn’t_ your fault. Is that what you’re talking about?”

“No. It is far, far more serious…”

There was a soft knock. Thorin went to the door, took the bottle and glasses from whoever was there and set them on the table in front of the fireplace. I took the bottle, looking to see what it was. It wasn’t brandy. I opened it; some kind of whiskey. I poured a little, tasted it. Quite a kick…right to the head.

“This will do.” I said, pouring him a full glass. “You had better take a good-sized gulp of that first.” He complied, then looking into my eyes and taking both hands in his.

”Now please, my love. Tell me what this terrible thing is.”

“I’m with child.” He dropped my hands, and without even pouring, gulped a large amount straight from the bottle.

“I thought you couldn’t…”

“That’s true. In my world I could not conceive, then age made it impossible. Elrond told me in the course of my healing. He couldn't tell me much more than that."

Thorin got up, pulled me up and kissed me, deeply.

“Elspeth!  What, did you think I would not want this? That I would not want _you? Mahal_ , this is the best news!

“You aren’t thinking it through. There are five possible fathers, all too close in time to know for sure whose child this is. _Now_ do you understand?”

“F-f-five? Who else?” He was so shocked he had gone blank.

“Yes: you, Kili, Fili, Legolas, Thranduil. Five.” He sat and stared into the fire.

“So it could be any of ours?”

“Yes. And as far as I know, there’s no DNA testing in Erebor.”

“What’s that?”

“In my world, there are tests that can determine parentage. I can’t explain how it’s done, other than they get the material to test by swabbing the inside of your mouth, or using a hair pulled from your head. They take yours, then the baby’s and do some scientific mumbo-jumbo and out comes a graph for each. They call what’s on these graphs ‘genetic markers.’ If they line up, then you are the parent. If not…”

He continued to stare into the fire. I put my head in my hands and began to cry.

“You don’t want me now! I’m tainted, defiled. Thranduil said this would happen, when you found out what both of them did. You’d cast me out! Bad enough I’m human, but now, maybe pregnant by an elf, I’m untouchable, unclean by either race’s standards!” I managed to stop the tears.

“I’ll go. I don’t want to create a scene.” I started to get up. He pulled me back down.

“No, don’t go.” His voice was shaky.

“Elspeth, look at me.” I started to pull away.

"No, I can’t.”

“Look at me!” He got his hands on either side of my face, forcing me. His eyes, those beautiful, deep aquamarine eyes bored into mine.

“I love you.” He shook me slightly.

“How many times do I have to tell you before you believe me? I love you. Nothing will change that. Even if this child isn’t mine, _it is_. Do you understand? I will raise the child with you. I am going to be his or her father.”

“It does not matter. It is still _your_ child, and I will never abandon you. You are mine, _amrâlimê_. I will love you always and forever.” I threw my arms around him.

“Oh, Thorin…how is it that I deserve you?”

“No, my love. I’m still amazed that _I_ deserve _you_!”

 We went to bed. He made love to me, very gently, as if I would break beneath him. Almost asleep, then:

“Thorin?”  “Hmmm?”  “Amrali astû zu.”  "Amralizi ya."  We slept, finally together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mahal - Dwarves' word for Aulë (The Creator)  
> Amrâlimê - My love  
> Amrali astû zu - I love you  
> Amralizi ya - I love you too


	38. A Beautiful Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin & Elspeth visit Bard's home in New Dale. Fili & Kili wed in the evening, and have a surprise guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

Next morning, we agreed it would be best not to say anything, except maybe to Elrond, about how he knew and if there was more. Since I hadn’t started to show, no one had any idea.

“Shouldn’t we tell Fili and Kili?”

“ _Durin’s beard_ , NO!” He yelped.

“Can you imagine those two, being told one of them might be a father? It would be a nightmare! They would follow you around like a pair of slobbering puppies, always looking to feel your belly, trying to talk to the baby, to make sure you were sitting down enough, eating enough, begging you to tell them which one of them it might be.” I laughed at the imagery, which was undoubtedly true.

We were going to New Dale today. Thorin needed to speak with Town Master Bard, and I wanted to see how it looked. Even at a distance it was bright and colorful. It was dazzling. The sun was high and light bounced off the mostly white buildings. Street vendors and shops were everywhere, and it seemed that all the citizens were out, shopping, meeting friends, just enjoying the day. And staring at me. _What was I doing with the King?_ Thorin had forbidden me to cover my hair.

“They’re going to have to get used to seeing you as you are.”

Bard lived in a fairly large house, but by no means the largest, with his three children. He had so far refused to accept the title of King...Town Master was as far as he'd go, and that with reluctance.

Thorin knocked; the door was answered by the youngest, Tilda. She gasped and curtsied.

“Your Highness!” Thorin picked her up.

“Now Tilda, I told you not to call me anything other than Thorin or My Lord, and no curtsies!” He put her down and she saw me. Her mouth dropped open.

“Are you the Fairy Queen?”

“No little one. I’m a person, just like you. But I will be Queen very soon.” She continued to stare at me.

“Tilda!” Her older sister called.

“It is rude to stare at anyone, much less the Queen!” Tilda ignored her.

“You are very beautiful. Why is your hair that color?”

“I honestly don’t know, Tilda. It used to be red. It just changed.”

“Like magic?” I laughed.

“I guess you could call it that!” Sigrid came out from the kitchen, wiping her hands.

“Oh. It truly is!  Welcome to our home, my Lord, my Queen.”

“Not quite yet, Sigrid. You can call me Elspeth, or Lady Elspeth if you wish. Thorin went up to her, kissed her on the cheek.

“Where is your Da?”

“In his study. Shall I bring you some refreshment?”

“No, thank you dear. We won’t be long.” He knocked on a door somewhere I couldn’t see. I heard it open and close.

“May I sit down?” indicating an armchair. “Oh, by all means, Lady Elspeth. Would you like something to drink? Or eat?”

”What have you got?”

“I just baked some cinnamon buns. They’re Da’s favorite.”

“That sounds delicious. Thank you.” She brought one out on a plate, with a glass of lemonade. I thanked her again and ate the bun _. Why am I suddenly so hungry?_ I could have eaten two more of the tasty buns, but restrained myself, even though Sigrid offered.

“Where is your brother?”

“Bain’s helping the stone masons fix the outer wall.”

“That must be hard work.”

“He likes it. Says it’s helping him build muscles, and it doesn’t stink like fish.” I giggled; so did they.

Shortly, Thorin emerged from the study, followed by Bard. He looked much better than when I'd seen him last, having barely escaped Laketown, trying to take care of the survivors.

“My Lady Elspeth. I trust you had a safe journey?” He kissed my hand.

“Thank you, Bard. Yes, long but pleasant.”

“She came with all of Lord Elrond’s family, and Bilbo Baggins. The wedding will be on the Equinox. I expect you and your family to be there.”

“We wouldn’t miss it! I’ll make those changes you suggested, my Lord. We’ll see if that solves the leverage problem.” They were still having difficulty getting Smaug’s body completely out of the lake.

“Good. See you at the wedding.” 

******************************

We took our leave, walked around the town a little, then returned to Erebor so Thorin could prepare for Fili and Kili’s wedding. As dusk approached, Thorin led me down to the tiny alcove above the gem garden. It had a perfect view through a space between the stones. I would even be able to hear.

“Either I will come for you after the ceremony, or if I don’t, return to our chambers and wait for me. It will depend on when Dís leaves.” Kissing me quickly, he left.

I watched as dwarves began arriving. All of the Company, including Bilbo, and a few more I didn’t recognize. Balin stood waiting on a natural rise in the stone. The cave had crystals growing from the floor, like clusters of flowers, which had grown large over years. The walls, floors and ceiling glistened with smaller ones: amethyst, green, pink and white. The room had an ethereal feel to it. There was a natural light source, but it was difficult to see exactly where it came from as much of the light was reflected.

Fili and Kili entered, resplendent in their robes of red and green. Fili had managed to contain Kili’s hair, braided similarly to his own. The marriage beads showed in the single braids that fell in the back. They looked radiant, and I felt my heart leap with joy for their happiness.

They were obviously waiting for Thorin, who came in moments later – alone. _Where was Dís_? I wondered. Thorin nodded to Balin, who began intoning the ritual, in Khudzul, which I didn’t understand at all, but it sure sounded a lot like “Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here…”

Thorin stole a look up and winked at me, though I didn’t know if he could actually see me.

Then Balin got to the part with a question. The question was most likely ‘who gives this man (or dwarf in this case), to be wed?’

“I do.” And Thorin walked up to stand next to Fili. The next question, obviously the same one, where I guessed Thorin was then supposed to stand next to Kili. But from the back of the room came a voice I knew well, from all the arguments she and Thorin had after my arrival.

“I do!” Everyone slowly turned to see Dís, striding up to stand next to Kili. She didn’t get there before the brothers were all over her.

" _Amad_ _!_ ” “How is it you…?” “We thought you were gone!” “So happy you are here for our marriage!” She hugged them both to her.

“I’ll tell you everything later. Let’s get you two _wed_ , finally!”

They returned to their places, the ceremony resumed. Soon they were exchanging vows, then the beautiful rings Thorin made for them. Wrapping their arms around each other, they kissed; a kiss that left no doubt as to how much these two belonged together. Everyone applauded and cheered. The lump in my throat turned into happy tears. And then it was over. The party filed out, and I noticed Thorin wasn’t there.

“Come, I’ll escort you back to our chambers.” He was suddenly behind me, tears still in his eyes.

“Isn’t Dís leaving?”

“She is, but they want her to at least tell them what happened to her.”

“I’d kind of like to know that myself.” I said.

“I’ll tell you all about it. Once she leaves, you can come down and join the party.”

“Thank you for letting me watch. It was so beautiful, I’m sure I’ll never forget it.”

“I wish you could have been there with me, but I’m glad you got to see it, too.”

While I waited for Thorin to come back for me, I stared into the fire and thought about our conversation about the child. In my own world I had not wanted children, had in fact done everything in my power to prevent it. It wasn’t that I couldn’t conceive (I'd suspected I might have been infertile anyway); I didn’t want to.

I had chosen to be sterilized in my mid-twenties. I went through menopause at 45. I had no idea how I could be pregnant now. Maybe it was being here. If I had stopped aging at a normal rate, the leukemia from which I had suffered disappeared, was it possible other things actually had reversed? Was the sterilization undone, or as if it was never done? I was afraid of pregnancy, especially now. This was not the modern world. Women of all races died in childbirth. Did they know how to do a C-section, if it became necessary?

I was so deep in thought I never heard Thorin come in.

“Elspeth? You’re thinking so hard it will start leaking out!” _Thank goodness that can’t happen!_

“Oh, just random thoughts…I supposed I’m a little fatigued.” He came around in front of me.

“You look pale, or _paler,_ at any rate. Are you all right?”

“I think so…hungry, though. I forget I’m eating for two now.”

“We can go down. Dís has left. They wanted her to stay, of course. But I have given her the governorship of Ered Luin and she was anxious to get back. I told Fili and Kili they could visit whenever they wished.”

“So how is it she wasn’t killed with the rest of her army?” I asked.

“She survived because she had gone ahead to scout, heard the attack, realized she was outnumbered and hid. She couldn’t go back, and was afraid to come here. She had no way to send a message. So she just kept heading east, hoping she would run into Dáin’s army or would at least find the dragon gone and our Company here. We were in the middle of battle, so she kept to the rear of Dáin’s army, following them everywhere.”

“When we returned from Mirkwood she came to me and begged to be forgiven. We agreed she should not stay here, but return to Ered Luin. With the unspoken agreement that she would not return until or unless she accepted that you were here, with me.”

“I wish it didn’t have to be that way; that she could stay with the rest of her family.” Thorin smiled.

“A family that now includes you, and the child. Maybe once she learns she will have a new niece or nephew, she may change her mind. But then it would be up to you, whether or not she may.”

“If she can bring herself to at least be civil to me, I have no problem with it.”

“She will have to be more than civil: you will be Queen!” He pulled me up. “Let’s get some food into you!”

We went down, where the party was being held in one of the smaller banqueting rooms. The Great Hall was still being cleaned up; with our wedding only 3 days away and the coronations to follow the week after, stopping work on it was out of the question. Fili and Kili’s wedding was small and they were content to have their party in a more intimate setting.

 They were fairly drunk, as was the rest of the party, but at sight of me, they rushed over.

“I’m so happy for you!” I told them, smiling tearfully. I noticed Kili had already lost most of the braiding in his hair, except the one in the back where the marriage bead rested.

“And we are so happy you were able to see it! Great idea to have you watch from the alcove.”

“Thank you for sacrificing being there so our mother could participate.”

“She is your _mother_ , my loves. How could I do anything but?” And we reveled.

Until I blacked out.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amad - mother


	39. Stunning Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth is examined by Óin, Elrond & Arwen, and it is revealed that she is carrying more than one child and is only 2 or less months away from delivery. Arwen further stuns everyone when she announces the parentage. Kili & Fili are outraged upon learning about Elspeth's rape. A message comes from Legolas that Thranduil never went to Valinor, and is likely going to try to abduct Elspeth again. Thorin orders heightened security.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

I heard voices, coming from far away. For a moment I thought I was coming out of one of Thranduil’s druggings, and my heart lurched; but soon I remembered what happened. As I opened my eyes, there were at least five pairs on me: Thorin, Fili, Kili, Óin, Elrond. There were others, too. Arwen, Elrohir and Elladan were at the other end of the room.

“What’s wrong with her?” Thorin was asking Elrond.

“I think you know, since the circumstance is so unique. Her pregnancy may be complicated.”

“Pregnant!” Kili and Fili, together of course.

“Why didn’t you tell us, Auntie?”

“That is just the best news ever!”

“Enough you two! Let Lord Elrond and Óin examine her!” Thorin had to practically drag them off.

Óin proceeded to lay both hands on my stomach; Elrond rested his on my head. Elrond indicated to Arwen to join him, and I felt her gentle touch join his. After a few moments Óin withdrew his hands suddenly.

“I don’t believe it!” Thorin was there in an instant.

“What? What is it?” Óin looked up at him.

“It seems there’s more than one in there!”

“Twins?”

“No, I think there’s maybe three.” Thorin staggered; Elrohir and Elladan caught him before he could fall. Elrond and Arwen broke their contact simultaneously.

“Four,” said Elrond. Arwen shook her head.

“Five,” she said softly.  I almost blacked out again.

“Five? How can there be that many? I’m not even showing yet!” Thorin had been seated by the elven brothers. He looked as if he would not have made it on his own. Fili and Kili moved to stay beside him.

“Not just that,” said Óin, looking like he was witnessing a…miracle.

“I think you’re more than halfway to term.”

“What!” I think that was Thorin and both nephews together. Elrond looked from Óin to Arwen to Thorin.

“Less than two months,” he said. Arwen nodded and spoke,“maybe even sooner.” 

Thorin was able to get up and knelt, taking my hand.

“How is this even possible?” he asked Elrond.

“Elspeth is an anomaly in our world. How her body is able to do anything is a mystery to us. It almost seems like everything happens more quickly than it should.”

“ _Ada_ ,” said Arwen. “None of them have the same father.”

This stunned even Elrond. I put my head in my hands, pulling them away from Thorin.

“It’s impossible!” I cried. “Even in my world this never happens, not even with fraternal twins. Let alone with more than two!” 

“What do you mean?” Thorin asked, quietly taking my hands back.

“There are two types of twins. Identical, like Elladan and Elrohir, means it was one egg that split. Fraternal is two separate eggs, fertilized by two different sperm, but still come from the same male. What we’re talking about is five different sperm into five different eggs. And it wasn’t simultaneous – how could it be?” Thorin exchanged a look with Fili and Kili.

“What?” I asked. “No…you don’t mean…” At that moment, Thorin asked all the others to step out.

******************************

“That night we all…or even with just them, before I got there…” Thorin was having a hard time getting the words out. Kili and Fili were speechless. _Slobbering puppies_ , I thought. _Here it comes!_

“Something happened between us.” I tried to keep the panic out of my voice. “With all three of you and me. I have to ask: did any of you, all of you, manage to get into me at the same time, and come at the same time?”

“NO!” In unison.

“But there were times it was really close, like one right after the other.” Kili was the one to say this. I shook my head.

“It still shouldn’t have happened. No, not _you_.” They all looked incredibly guilty.

“I shouldn’t have even been producing eggs, not at my age. That’s why I didn’t worry about it.”

“So you think three of the babies are _ours_?” Fili, who started having that look Thorin had described.

“You heard what Arwen said: one per father.”

“We’re going to be fathers!” Fili and Kili whooped with joy. They hugged each other, then got Thorin into their embrace.

“All of us! All at the same time!” I thought Thorin might realize how dangerous this was going to be for me. But he caught their infectious delight. All three of them swarmed me. They were weeping with happiness.

I wished I could be as happy, but I was thinking I could die from this. Their excitement finally wore down as they looked at me.

“Auntie! What’s wrong?” “Elspeth?”

“There’s two more, remember?” Thorin slumped to the floor.

“Well, one of them has to be Thranduil’s, right?” Fili asked. “That bastard!”

“Yes, one is his.”

“So who else?” Kili demanded. They didn’t know about Legolas, and I really didn’t want to tell them. Thorin looked at me, took my silence as assent for him to tell them.

“Between us and Thranduil…it was his son, Legolas. He raped her on the way between Rivendell and Mirkwood.”

“No! He’s one dead elf!” They jumped up, ready to run from the room.

“Stop!” Thorin’s voice rang out. They froze, turned.

“I knew. Remember him coming to talk to me, just before the battle? He told me then.”

“Why didn’t you kill him, right then and there!?” Fili was furious.

“That was when he swore to help get Elspeth away from his father. And I had no alternative. His offer was my best chance.”

“But what he did was a _crime_!” Kili was no less angry than his brother.

“Kili,” I said gently. “It started out that way. I wasn’t strong enough to fight him. The last thing I tried was to say I was pledged, hoping he’d stop. But he wanted to know who, and I couldn’t tell him it was Thorin. At the time, you were all in the dungeons and I didn’t want to jeopardize your escape. So I gave in, submitted, responded. That’s why it isn’t technically rape.”

“But,” said Thorin, “He told me he took full responsibility for it, that no matter what, it wasn’t at all Elspeth’s fault. I have forgiven him. In fact, Legolas, _King_ Legolas and Queen Tauriel are coming to the wedding.”

I had never seen the two of them stunned into silence before.

“And I have also made a decision.” I told them as firmly as I could put it.

“I think Legolas and Tauriel should take the elven babies to raise as their own”. Before anyone could respond to this I said,

“Now, I am exhausted, so please, everyone just let me sleep for awhile. We can discuss it more if needs be, later.” Thorin picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. Once he settled me in, he kissed me lightly.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” I smiled.

“Not unless you’re as tired as I am. Otherwise I won’t get any rest at all.”

******************************

Thorin went out, gathered the rest of them and went in the sitting room of Fili and Kili’s chambers. He didn’t want to disturb Elspeth, but also didn’t want to be too far away.

“How dangerous is this going to be for her?” He asked Elrond and Óin. They exchanged a meaningful look.

“We cannot be sure. No one in Middle Earth will have ever dealt with this before. A human, giving birth to five at once, of two other races than her own, barely allowing for a proper gestation?” Óin shook his head.

“All we can do is make sure the best healers among men, dwarves and elves attend her, those having seen most mysteries and complications within their own. We may have other things to consider.” Elrond’s concern was plain. Thorin became distraught.

“I cannot lose her! Not even for the sake of the children!” Elrond looked mortified.

“You can’t mean trying to remove them before they are born?”

“I do. I know the abhorrence of such an act, but her life means more to me than those of the unborn.”

“And what of the other fathers? Only one of them is yours. Do you know who the others are?” Thorin struggled with revealing the identities of the others. Fili responded that he and Kili were fathers of two others.

“It happened while we were in her world, mostly. Once after she came here. Thorin, you can’t kill our children! If they live, we won’t have to find another way for our line to continue…for succession to be ensured.” Thorin went to them, arms around them.

“I am aware of this. Do you not think I want my own to live as well? But I don’t want to lose Elspeth.”

“And the other two?” Óin was the only one in the room unaware of this. Elrond made as to speak, but Thorin made a gesture: this was his to tell.

“The other two are elven: Legolas and Thranduil.” Óin’s eyes went wide with shock.

“Well, I would assume the King, since she was captive to him for some time, but the Prince, too?” Óin wasn’t about to make any anti-elf comments with Elrond and his children in the room.

Elrond had begun to pace, a habit when he was unsure what to say next. Arwen spoke up.

“I think we’d best not overlook one thing. All of these children are going to be half human, and not human of our own world.” There was a profound silence, as everyone took this in.

“You mean they might have some abilities other than the races of this world?" Asked Thorin.

“Who can say? But it is something that must be considered. And what of the children of Legolas and Thranduil – are they aware?”

“No. At least not as far as I know. Elspeth told us just before she went to rest that she had decided to let Legolas and Tauriel raise them.” Kili became angry.

“And do you think he’s told Tauriel about what he did? I don’t think so! She might not have married him if she knew the truth.”

“Kili,” said Thorin. “It isn’t up to us to worry about that. He doesn’t even know about the pregnancy.”

“Then let’s get them here right now and tell them!”

“I agree, they should be told.” Said Elrond. “With your wedding only three days hence, it would be well to have everyone’s minds at ease.”

“Can Elspeth get through the wedding and coronation, or will she need to be confined until after the births?” Asked Thorin.

“I think that can be left to her. We must trust that she can read her own body’s signals. But I do recommend she get as much rest as possible between now and then, and be sure she eats sufficiently.” There came a knock at the door. Fili went to answer, and returned with a letter.

“It appears we have a message from Mirkwood.” He handed it to Thorin, who opened it and read:

_“To Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain. There has been disturbing news from the Grey Havens. King Thranduil never reached Valinor. It is believed he left the ship shortly after it sailed, swam to shore and is in hiding. We do not know where. We must assume he will attempt to abduct Elspeth again. Request permission for Queen Tauriel and myself to come early for the wedding, as I would speak with Lord Elrond. Respectfully, Legolas Thranduilion, King of the Woodland Realm.”_

It looked for a moment that Thorin might explode, the letter gripped hard in his shaking hands. Fili, already standing, grabbed one arm and Kili was there in an instant, on his other side. Both of them read the letter, shock registering. They sat him down. Kili took the letter from Thorin, handed it to Elrond. After reading it himself, Elrond went to kneel before Thorin.

“Do you want to respond? I can send my sons to do this and accompany their party here. It would be best it this were kept just among those here.” Thorin nodded, got to his feet and went to Fili’s writing desk.

“Óin, I know you have other patients to attend. Please tell the servants of the chambers to prepare rooms for the Woodland Realm party immediately on your way. We will keep you advised.” Óin left

Thorin wrote a quick response, sealed the letter and handed it to Elrohir. Elrond embraced his sons.

“Ride swiftly and see they arrive here safely and as soon as possible.” To Thorin he said:

“I do not imagine Thranduil did this because he knew of Elspeth’s condition, but I cannot rule it out. He always had some unknown talent, a knowing of events of which he should not be aware, beyond what his network of spies could report.” Thorin got to his feet.

“I’m not taking any chances.” To Fili and Kili he gave orders to increase guards around the mountain, and at the borders.

“And tell Dwalin I want guards outside the doors to our chambers at all times. Elspeth is to go nowhere where without an escort of at least four. I don’t wish to upset her, but she must be made aware.”

“I will stay with her as much as she will allow.” Said Arwen. “I fear this news will be difficult for her.”

“Thank you, Lady Arwen. I’m glad you are here for her. Allow me to inform her myself, then you may go to her.” He kissed Arwen’s hand and went across the corridor to his own chambers, leaving Elrond alone with his daughter.

“Do you have any knowledge of Thranduil’s whereabouts, _lell nin_? I myself cannot glean any signs.” Arwen sighed.

 “No, _Ada_. But I am greatly afraid this matter will end in grief.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lell nin - My Daughter  
> Ada - Father


	40. Beyond Heartache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin alerts Elspeth about Thranduil, then goes to see Dwalin & Nori. He never returns. An exhaustive search doesn't turn him up. Fili is required to become King Regent for the sake of the kingdom. There are many who believe Elspeth should leave Erebor. Legolas & Tauriel arrive. Elspeth reveals her pregnancy but Tauriel is unaware one of the babies is his. They have no knowledge of Thranduil's whereabouts. Elspeth despairs, thinking Thorin dead, and asks Elrond to put her in a state of unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

I knew the moment Thorin came in something was wrong.

“What is it?” I was ready to get up in an instant, but he came quickly to me to prevent it.

“ _Amrâlimê_ , I know this will not be easy to hear. We just received word from Legolas that Thranduil never got to Valinor. He jumped ship and no one knows his whereabouts. He and Tauriel asked to come early, so he could speak with Elrond. I agreed.” I stared at him in stunned silence.

“Elspeth, do you wish to postpone the wedding and coronation? I will understand if you do.”

“NO! I will not let that evil being control our lives! We will proceed as planned. I will be your wife and queen – nothing will stop that. We’ve had to wait so long already…” I was close to tears. He held me.

“I’m not just talking about that. It is also your condition. We are all concerned about your strength and the stress of the ceremonies on top of this. I have already taken steps to increase security. It is the worst time for this…with so many coming, it will be harder to catch Thranduil if he happens to get through the defenses, if he is indeed coming to abduct you.”

“Do you think he knows about the children?” Thorin shook his head.

“Lord Elrond seems to think not, but couldn’t be sure. Lady Arwen wishes to come to you now, if you’d like. I have much to do, or I would stay with you myself.” He kissed me and got up.

“Yes, it would be wonderful to have her keep me company. Thorin, please watch out for yourself, too. I don’t think Thranduil would hesitate to have you killed at this point.”

“I know. I will be careful. I’m going to speak with Nori and Dwalin right now.” He went out. I felt a chill come over me, as if I would not see him again. I knew Dwalin would die to protect him, and Nori’s spy network was probably the best in all the kingdom. But I was afraid, more than I think I ever have been in all my life. There was a light tap and Arwen came in. Her aura calmed me, as it always did.

“Be at peace, _mellon nin._ I will watch over you.”

 But nothing could have prepared me for the heartbreak that would follow.

******************************

The first sign of trouble came when Thorin did not return. That night and the next day the mountain was in an uproar with every able-bodied dwarf searching even the dangerous, deserted mines to no avail. I was questioned again and again about his movements of that night. Dwalin’s frustration was plain.

“Are you _sure_ he said he was coming to talk to me?” I sighed.

“How many ways can I answer you with the same information? He said he was going to talk to you and Nori. This was after he received the letter. He sent Fili and Kili to tell you to increase the guard around the mountain and at the borders. There were to be guards at our chamber doors at all times. I was not to go anywhere without a four-guard escort. The last thing he said was he had lots to do, or he would stay with me. And sent Arwen to watch over me.”

“And Elrond’s sons?”

“They went to get the Mirkwood party early. They left right after the letter came.”

“And no one else went with them? Could Thorin have decided to go with them?”

“No, not without telling me he was going. And why would he? This would hardly be the time for him to take off on a whim, especially to that place.”

“Not unless he changed his mind about everything.” Dwalin stated this with the same hard stare he’d had for hours. But it was the first time he had brought _this_ up.

“What are you saying, Dwalin? You think he would change his mind about our marriage, about his own coronation? Leaving me unprotected with children on the way? You’ve known him all your life. Is this _really_ something you think Thorin would do of his own accord?” I was so tired of this interrogation I was ready to scream.

“For the last time: Thorin loves me. He would not leave like this. Something has happened. Why don’t you get out there and look for him instead of questioning me? I have no ulterior motives. I just want to know what happened. Now go!” He left without a word. Fili and Kili rushed in.

“Are you okay, El? He’s been at you for hours, we know. Can we get you something, anything?” They were as distressed as I was. If Thorin went missing another 3 hours, at midday, Fili would have to take over, as King Regent.

“I’m all right, my loves. I’m just so tired, so frightened. What if he never comes back?” They put their arms around me. I began to cry, again.

“Don’t cry, Elspeth. We agree, something must have happened to Thorin. There’s nothing that would keep him away from you. He’d have to be dead or captive. We know how much he loves you. We’ll find him.”

“Are you going to call off the search?” I was afraid to even ask the question. Fili took my hands in his, looked straight into my eyes.

“No, we will keep looking as long as it takes. And we will take care of you.” He didn’t look as confident as he was trying to sound.

“I think there’s already been some talk of making me leave, from those who don’t accept me. I am not a dwarf, not married to one, and certainly no queen. They think I don’t belong here.” Kili had that murderous look in his eyes.

“Over our dead bodies!”

“No, Kili. You can’t afford to side with me if there’s so many against me. Fili has to rule until or unless Thorin is found and he can’t go against the laws that are still in existence. If I must go, I’ll find somewhere in New Dale, so I won’t be going far.” A knock. A message. Legolas and Tauriel had arrived.

“How on earth did they get here so quickly?” I was stunned. Fili answered.

“Elladan told me they were already on their way…more than halfway. I guess they felt it was too important to wait for an answer. They all practically galloped the rest of the way.”

“Let’s get this over with. I want to speak with them alone first.” They looked at me with alarm.

“You can’t do that! What if he, or they, attack you?”

“They won’t. They may leave abruptly, but no one should stop them. Please, bring them.”

******************************

The king and queen of Mirkwood, looking frightened and road-weary, entered. I bade them sit, take food or drink if they wanted, and got straight to the point.

“You know Thorin is missing. In a few hours, Fili will have to take the throne, even if only temporarily. Obviously, Thorin’s and my wedding is postponed, as are the coronations. The letter you sent, while alarming, would not have made him leave in and of itself.”

“I need you to tell me honestly: have you any idea, no matter how small or insignificant, as to where Thranduil might be?” They glanced at each other. Legolas answered.

“No, Elspeth. I am truly sorry that this has happened. If we had any knowledge of my father's whereabouts, I would tell you.

“Why do you think he didn’t go to Valinor?” I asked.

“I can only assume he had second thoughts. It was not his decision, he was forced into it and didn’t really want to leave.”

“What happens to you if he tries to reclaim the throne?” Legolas thought.

“If I refuse to relinquish, there are a few options. He could raise an army and force me, upon pain of death, long-term imprisonment, or permanent exile. He could challenge me to single combat, to the death. Or he could have me assassinated.”

“Where would he find an army?”

“There are many among the Realm who are still supportive of him, who are angry, believing I forced him off the throne and sent him to Valinor against his wishes.”  I looked at him candidly.

“And which do you think most likely?” Legolas smirked at that.

“I think he’d raise an army from his loyal people. He hates doing things alone and without an audience.” Tauriel finally spoke.

“Do _you_ have any idea, other than trying to reclaim the throne, why he would come back? And would he try to eliminate Thorin to get to you?”

“I think it is a possibility. But there is another reason…one you don’t know.” I took a deep breath.

“I am with child.” Their reaction to this was almost laughable, if it wasn’t so serious. Legolas recovered himself first.

“Is it my father’s?” I snorted a laugh.

“Yes and no. I think, Tauriel, you should step out for just a little while, please.” She looked shocked, but left the room without a word. Legolas knew what I was about to say.

“Is it mine?” He had gone as pale as he was that night on the road.

“Could be. You never told Tauriel, did you?” He shook his head. I looked at him sharply.

“ _You_ were the one who told me keeping secrets was a bad idea…they come back to bite you in the ass. Don’t look now, but this one’s about to take a great big chunk out of yours.” He looked grim.

“She’ll probably leave me.” He said, with heartrending sadness.

“It doesn’t sound like you’re on solid ground with her anyway. Am I right?” He nodded.

“This may also be hard to hear. I am carrying five children” He stared at my belly.

"You aren’t even showing! How can you know this?”

“Between Lord Elrond, Arwen, and our best healer, Óin, they told me. And I’m going to have these babies in less than two months. No, don’t ask. No one understands it. I’m not from your world.”

“And – here’s the craziest part – all of them have different fathers. One’s Thorin’s, one is Fili’s, one is Kili’s, one is yours, one is Thranduil’s. You can think however badly of me you like regarding the siring of the dwarf children. But I had decided, before Thorin went missing, that I would give up the elven children for you and Tauriel to raise.” He jumped up, began pacing, saying nothing.

“Quite the dilemma, don’t you think? You have to make some decisions. And before you start feeling sorry for yourself, consider this: I may die trying to deliver them all. Some or all of the babies may not survive. My last question to you is this: do you think your father got wind of this, and that’s why he decided not to go to Valinor?” Legolas sat down, head in hands.

“I don’t know. It’s always possible with him. He finds out things in ways even I don’t understand.”

“So now I leave you to decide what you want to do. You can go back to the Realm if it would be easier for you. Since everything has been cancelled, there’s no real reason to stay. Just let me know what you want to do about the children, if anything.”

“I still need to speak with Lord Elrond before I go.”

“By all means; I’ll have a guard escort you. I am sorry for this, Legolas. I know you are too. But sorry isn’t going to help us. _Quel marth_.”  He went out, took Tauriel’s arm and they followed the guard to the royal guest wing.

*****************************

I went across the corridor to Fili and Kili’s sitting room. Fili got up.

“How did it go? Sit. We’ll get you something to eat.” Kili went to the door, spoke to the guard. I started to laugh, it turned into tears.

“El! What’s the matter?”

“Oh, it’s just that before we found out about the five, and thought there was just one, I asked Thorin if we should tell you. He said no, that you two would follow me around like a pair of slobbering puppies, always wanting to touch my stomach, talk to the baby, make sure I sat enough, ate enough. And what did you just do? Told me to sit, ordered me some food...we laughed about it before…before…he…

I dissolved into tears, sobbing as if my heart would break, which I was starting to think it would. They really couldn’t comfort me. I knew Thorin was gone, whether dead or captive or wandering, I would never see him again. My love, for whom I came here, was gone.

A knock. How I was beginning to hate the sound; it was always bad news. It was Balin.

“I’m sorry to have to do this, but Fili must come to take the oath now. We can’t wait any longer.”

“You may as well crown him.” I said dully. Balin looked at me with horror.

“Don’t say that, my lady! Thorin…”

“Thorin is GONE!” I screamed. “He’s gone and won’t be back! Put Fili on the throne; there has to be a king!” Kili and Fili rushed to me, held me so I wouldn’t collapse. Kili picked me up, carried me to the bedroom and put me on their bed.

“Ask Óin to come on your way. She needs something to calm her down.”

“You need to come too, Kili. As Fili’s second and royal consort.” said Balin.

“I’ll come when Óin gets here. I don’t want her left alone.”  Another knock. I bolted up. Kili prevented me from getting up. It was Arwen.

“I’ll stay with her, Kili. You go ahead with them.” Elrond was right behind her.

“No need to send for Óin; I will sedate her without anything medicinal. It’s safer for the babies. And I will stay with her as well.”

“Thank you, thank you both.” Kili followed his brother and Balin out. Elrond came over to me.

“You believe Thorin is dead?” he asked me. I nodded. “I don’t feel him anymore.”

“Do you know how, or why, or whom?”

“I don’t know, but I think Thranduil had something to do with it.” Elrond looked at me sympathetically.

“Do you want me to just allow you some undisturbed rest, or do you wish to be suspended, like I did at Rivendell at first?”

“Suspend me, but only if it won’t hurt the babies. Could you help me back to my own bed? Kili and Fili will need their rest when they return.” He and Arwen helped me across the hall, to the bed Thorin and I had barely gotten to share.

I felt sick at heart. I wanted to disappear. I would hold on for the sake of the babies, but beyond that, I saw nothing but the abyss. And I wanted to go into it.

Elrond laid his hand on my brow, spoke in Elvish and I knew no more.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amrâlimê - My love  
> Quel marth - Good luck  
> Mellon nin - My friend


	41. Thranduil Wins...For Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth finds herself back in the Woodland Realm, delivered of the children. She remembers that Thorin was missing. The 3 dwarf children were taken to Erebor; the 2 elf babies were in the room with her. Thranduil explained what had happened, that she could not remain in the dwarf kingdom with Thorin missing and even though he's taken her again there will be no coercion. Tauriel left when she discovered one of the babies was Legolas' child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

When I awoke, I thought at first I had died. Everything was white and soft, like clouds. I thought I heard angelic music. A familiar voice said something like “she’s waking up, get ready” and I slowly opened my eyes. I thought I was seeing double. There were two beings watching me, very pale, very blonde-white hair, blue eyes that were light on one, deep on the other. I blinked, but they did not vanish.

“Elspeth…Elspeth…can you hear me? Wake up now.” The voice was familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it.

“Is it supposed to take this long?” Another voice, also somewhat familiar.

“No, but Elrond had her in suspension, not just a short period of sedation. She’ll come around.”

I started to feel a sense of dread. Things were coalescing in my mind. _Thorin’s gone, I have five babies to deliver in only a few weeks, Thorin’s gone, Fili has to be crowned, when are the babies due, Thranduil didn’t leave…Thorin’s gone…_ and reality came crashing in.

I knew who they were. I was no longer pregnant. I knew I wasn’t in Erebor. I knew whose bed I was in… _Oh, no, how did this happen?_ “Welcome home, _melamin_.” Thranduil.

I opened my eyes fully and sat up suddenly; pain washed over me and I slumped back down.

“What did you do? Why am I here? Where are my babies?" Agony through my body. "Oh…oh…what is this terrible pain?”

A cool hand was laid on my brow and the pain lessened. Something was pressed to my lips and I drank; the pain lessened even more.

“Better?” Thranduil asked. I nodded.

“Tell me. How did I get back here?”

“My people got you during a raid.”

“Raid for what?”

“Why for you, my dear. You have been out for quite a while, about month, since we brought you here. You were delivered of the babies less than week ago, which is why you are having pain. It wasn’t an easy time, so it was just as well you were not conscious.”

“Are they all healthy? Where are they?” I heard panic in my own voice.

“It was complicated, but they were all delivered without harm or injury. The children of Durin have been returned to them, in exchange for their treaty that there will be no further attempts to take you from here. Legolas’ child and mine are right here.”

He indicated a large, beautifully made cradle, not far from the bed.

“They are asleep now, but will need feeding soon, if you are strong enough. They are beautiful, and I could not be prouder, _mela en' coiamin._ To have been given both another son and a grandson at the same time…”

“So you knew. Is that why you wouldn’t go to Valinor?” 

"I was not ready to go. Not as long as you still lived. I didn’t learn of your pregnancy until I reached Mirkwood and found everything in an uproar.”

“What uproar?” I was too weak and fatigued to even be angry. I just wanted to know what had happened.

“Tauriel left, after she discovered one of the children was Legolas’. We do not know where she went, but it’s likely she went to Rivendell, to wait until another ship is leaving for the Undying Lands. She said her heart was broken. Legolas chose to abdicate the throne, and I have assumed Kingship once again. When you are stronger, we can discuss our possible marriage, which I won’t force you into.”

"And in Erebor? Did you have something to do with Thorin’s disappearance?”

“Yes and no. He left the mountain for reasons unknown. He was captured by one of my raiding parties, but slipped away from them.. No one has seen or heard anything of him since, and he has been presumed dead. I do not have him imprisoned, and I did not kill him.”

“His nephews tried to attack us, thinking both of you were my prisoners, but they had to make a choice: either you or their children. They chose the children, obviously, as I would have, had the situation been reversed. Our agreement contains provision for you to see them on a regular basis, but not in Erebor. We will find some neutral area, so no one feels at risk.”

“And what of Elrond and his children? Didn’t they try to stop you?”

“They had to agree to stay out of it. Elrond knew I was perfectly capable of bringing you out of the suspension and having healers to deliver the babies. And since the dwarves made the agreement, there was no need for their further involvement. Is there anything more you wish to know?”

“So that’s it, then? You’ve gotten me by default?”

“Do not think of it in that way. Once Thorin went missing, there was no protection for you there. Fili may have assumed the throne, but did not have any right to force the populace of Erebor to accept you, as Thorin would have. Had he not wed his brother, I suppose he could have married you, but that wasn’t going to happen. He would have had an uphill battle.”

“The only other place for you would have been at Rivendell, but I would not let go of these children, and you are their mother. You can still go there, of course, but the babies stay.”

“Please Elspeth, try not to hate the situation. I know you don’t love me, but I  _do_  love you. I will not drug you or make you do anything. I bear enough guilt as I forced you into this, even if you were unaware at the time. I hope you will be mother to these children, but if you don’t want to do that either, they will still be taken care of. Elven births are quite rare, as it is with dwarves, so there will be no lack of attention and love showered on them.”

“Even though all these children are half human?”

“I believe many of the old prejudices will die out with the births of these five. Their existence will go a long way towards resolution between all our people.”

“Are the dwarven babies all male too?

“They are. It is the most miraculous event we have seen in Middle Earth. It is the hope of everyone that these five are a sign of good things to come.”

"Get some rest now. When the little ones awaken, if you aren’t able to nurse them, or you need anything at all, pull on this cord and someone will be in immediately.”

“Thranduil?” He turned. “Where have you been sleeping?”

“You know elves don’t always need sleep. Why?”

“This is your bed, your room.” He sighed. 

“I have been sleeping or resting next to you, but I swear I have not touched you. I just wanted to be near you and the children.”

“You may continue.” He stared at me with incredulity.

“You don’t mind me being here?”

“No. Something about you has changed. I don’t feel you are being deceptive like before, and I believe you don’t want any harm to come to me or these children. So yes, as long as you continue to respect my wishes, you may stay.”

“Thank you. I have things to see to, but I will return later.”

******************************

I lay there, thinking. How could things have changed so? Here I am, back to where I was so desperate to escape from before and don’t feel threatened, or even held against my will. The ache in my heart for Thorin was still there, but I felt resigned that he must have perished somewhere outside Erebor.

I understood why I couldn’t stay there, why Fili and Kili could not protect me. But at least I didn’t have to worry about those three children. I knew they were well-loved and would be brought up where they should be, with their fathers, and among other dwarves, in their culture. And I would be able to see them, as well as spend time with their fathers, whom I loved dearly.

And I _was_ wanted and needed here. If I could trust that Thranduil was being honest with me, I would be comfortable to remain. Maybe it would be all right. Maybe this was what I deserved, for doing what I had done: I didn’t get to have a happy ending. At least I had these little ones who needed me.

They began to stir, little whimpers coming from the cradle. I got up carefully, taking the few steps to it. I realized I hadn’t even seen them yet. And looking down at those perfect, ethereal beings I felt my heart lift despite my sorrow. They looked like their fathers, so were as difficult to tell apart as twins. They had elven ears and white/blonde hair, but beyond that, there was no telling whose genetics they would favor.

I lifted the one who was fussing most, sat in the chair next to the cradle, and offered a breast. Ooh! It hurt a bit, but once the milk was flowing it was fine, even comforting. The chair rocked gently. I actually began to feel better. I would need help with the other one if he woke while his brother was still nursing and realized I was fortunate to have so much assistance adjusting to this new role and life.

I felt a little sad, that I couldn’t do this for my dwarven babies, but I couldn’t have nursed all three of them anyway. I wasn’t even sure I could nurse these two adequately. I was so intrigued watching the child suckle that I never heard the door open.

“The perfect picture of motherhood,” said a familiar voice. Legolas was smiling from the doorway.

I smiled up at him.

“They are beautiful, if I say so myself. I can’t tell them apart. So which one is this?” He went to the cradle and lifted the other, still-sleeping infant.

“This one is mine.”

“Don’t they have names?”

“Not yet. We were waiting for you. I’ll show you how to tell which is which.” He knelt next to me and pointed out a tiny star-shaped birthmark, just under the left ear.

“My father’s child has one in the exact same spot, only it looks like a tiny heart instead of a star.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry Tauriel couldn’t handle this.” He smiled, a little ruefully.

“It was probably for the best. She was unhappy despite my best efforts to give her what she needed. The child just gave her the best excuse to leave.”

“Elspeth, the means by which my child was conceived was terrible, and I’ll never be able to make that up to you. You have given me a great gift, beyond what I deserve, for which I will always love you.”

The child I was nursing had fallen asleep. The one Legolas was holding was starting to fuss.

“Here,” I said. “Help me switch them.” He laid his son in the circle of my free arm and gently pulled his brother out of the other. _That is so weird_ , I thought. _A brother and a son at the same time, the same age._ He held the child over his shoulder, gently patting his tiny back. I got the other to begin nursing. So when Thranduil entered the room and saw this scene of parenthood and domesticity, he almost wept.

“By the _Valar_ , I will never forget the sight of this as long as I live!” He took his sleeping child from Legolas. “We will need to have a naming ceremony very soon.”

And in that moment I realized this must look very much like another scene, a very long time ago, when Thranduil’s wife, whom I so strongly resembled, had given birth to Legolas. And I remembered Legolas telling me how loving and caring his father had been, raising him.

I lost all sense of hurt, anger and loss, replaced by contentment, even love.

Maybe I _would_ have a happy ending after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Melanin - My love  
> Mela en' coiamin - Love of my life


	42. Part 5 - Watch Them Grow, Chapter 42 – Reunion…Of More Than One Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth, Thranduil and Legolas go to New Dale for the first time so all five children would be together and she would see dwarflings for the first time. They all resembled their fathers quite strongly, and each had a birthmark behind the left ear. Once back in the Realm, Elspeth goes to Legolas, a somewhat regular habit. But after hearing some information about Legolas' early relationship with his father, she returns to Thranduil. At first he thinks Elspeth is Legolas; she then seduces him and explains her acceptance of both of them, separately and/or together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes
> 
> As the next few chapters referencing the five children will maybe show, I know nothing at all about child development, having never had any of my own (yes, that is part of me in Elspeth). If it's really blatant, let me know & I'll fix it!

As the three-month mark for the children approached, my first visit with Kili, Fili and my other three children was coming up. I was nervous. I wondered if they would think of me as having 'defected', that I should have stayed in Erebor. Or that I had abandoned them because of Thorin’s disappearance.

Thranduil had made arrangements with Bard to use the recently remodeled Town Hall, which contained smaller spaces for business, trade or government, surrounding the outer perimeter of the large assembly room. Its biggest advantage was the inner courtyard, almost the size of a small park. If the weather was fair, we could be outdoors but out of sight. It was a warm summer day when our party arrived and we were quickly ushered into the hall before anyone took notice.

There was always a threat to the children; though most welcomed this miracle quintet, there were others who considered them an abomination. Children of both elf and dwarf fathers, born of a human not from their world, were looked upon as evil spawn. We had to be very careful but even more so whenever the five were brought together.

The party from Erebor was already in the courtyard, the babes laid on colorful blankets spread on the grass. Kili was up first, running toward us. He swept me up, laughing, breathless.

“El! It’s so good to see you! You look wonderful!” We kissed rather passionately…I was probably the only person Kili and Fili kissed this way besides each other. Legolas and Thranduil exchanged a look of what…surprise, confusion jealousy? I made sure they would carry their sons, as I knew greetings between me and the dwarves would be pretty physical. We did, after all, have a history, and I was the mother of _their_ children, too. Fili was there in a moment, also embracing me enthusiastically while Kili checked out the elflings.

“Look, Fee! They are so beautiful…almost like twins! Bet it’s hard to tell them apart!” Legolas pointed out the unusual birthmarks. Fili and Kili gasped.

“Just like ours! Even in the same spot!”

We headed for the blankets so we could all sit, and I could finally lay eyes on my other children. As I had expected, each took after his father: Thorin’s child Toril had the blackest hair and bore a tiny thunderbolt; Fili’s son Frerin II was blonde and had a sun; and Kili’s Kalin, had deep brown-auburn hair and a crescent moon birthmark. “I guess we’re gifted with celestial babies!” I laughed. “Except for Thranduil’s. I think Aranhil is a heart baby for a reason.” Kili and Fili stared for a moment, looking from me to him. As if in answer to them, Thranduil and I exchanged a more-than-friendly kiss. Much had changed in the past month. They were quick to recover, however.

“Oh! said Fili. “I am so happy for you both!” Kili echoed the sentiment. If they had any resentment of the relationship, it was not at all obvious.

A number of other dwarves of the company, the babies’ wet nurses and Bilbo rounded out the party, everyone looking at the quintuplets, laid in a row, cooing and waving arms and legs as they were oohed and aahed by everyone. Bilbo had remained at Erebor after Thorin's disappearance, first helping with the search, then waiting for a west-travelling caravan.

“We heard you weren’t conscious when they were delivered,” said Bilbo. “Do either of you know the order in which they were born?” This question directed to Thranduil and Legolas.

“The healers wouldn’t let us stay in the room, but we were told it was in reverse order of conception.” Thranduil explained. “The first out was Aranhil, then Elenion, Frerin, Kalin, Toril.”

“So Thorin’s was conceived first, and born last?” Bilbo again.

“Yes. And everything else that will wreak havoc on our family trees.” said Legolas. “Elenion is my son and my father’s grandson, while Aranhil is my brother, my father's son and Elenion’s second cousin and they are same age.”

“Oh, you think that’s confusing? Toril is Kili’s and my first cousin once removed, and he is our nephew, while Kalin and Frerin are first cousins to each other, our sons, _and_ nephews, and Thorin’s grand-nephews, yet they are all brothers of the same age.” Fili laughed.

“Well,” I said. “For me it’s easy, as all of them are my sons.” Thranduil smiled at me.

“And they all have the most beautiful mother in Middle Earth.” Everyone raised their goblets of wine or mugs of ale in salute.

“To Elspeth, mother of the five most amazing sons ever born.”

Bombur had prepared a small feast for us, which was quickly devoured. The day was over too soon for all of us. I felt the maternal pull as I had to leave Kalin, Frerin and Toril behind. We would meet in another three or four months, if all went well, but not in the same place. We could not establish a set pattern in case ill-wishers were watching.

“I’m so proud of you. You’re taking _such_ good care of them. Thorin would have thought so, too.” I said to Fili and Kili as we said our goodbyes.

“Are you going to marry Thranduil?” asked Kili.

“Maybe. But if so, it won’t be for a while. I have to be sure. I’m still mourning for Thorin. But the change in him has been remarkable.”

“We noticed,” said Fili. “As long as he treats you well and you are happy, we will be, too.”

******************************

By the time we finally reached the Realm after the long trip back, it was past dark. As the rear gate opened I thought I saw shadows moving in and around the trees. I grabbed Legolas’ arm and whispered:

“I see movement out there!”

“Relax, _hiril nin,_ " he smiled. “You don’t think we would have gone without more of an escort, do you? They didn’t need to be visible, just vigilant. We don’t take risks with the children.”

“Will you tell me if they discover anything, anything at all? I will rest easier if I know, even if it’s disturbing.”

“Of course. No secrets. Will I see you later, or are you too tired from the trip?”

“Maybe. Let me get them settled, take a bath, unwind a bit. Give me a couple of hours.”

What I _didn’t_ mention to Fili and Kili was that while Thranduil slept with me, it wasn’t intimate, beyond kisses. Legolas and I had a sort of friends-with-benefits relationship. I wanted to dim the memory of that night on the road from Rivendell. He was lonely since Tauriel had left him. And we _did_ have a child together.

Thranduil was completely aware of it. With him, I was still reluctant because of his previous treatment of me. If this hurt him, he never showed it; he was trying to win my trust. But I _was_ beginning to want him. I didn’t know how that would work, between the two of them, but I’d deal with it when the time came.

Feeling refreshed, I decided I would go. As I started to slip out the door, Thranduil softly called out to me, “Elspeth, must you go? The room feels so empty when you are gone.” I never spent the entire night with Legolas, as I had to be near the babies.

“I’ll be back in awhile. I’m sorry, Thranduil. But know that I _am_ getting closer.” I told him and went out.

Legolas’ room was at the other end of the long corridor. I tapped lightly and he opened the door immediately.

“I’m glad you decided to come after all.” He embraced me, kissing gently. Because of that night, he was never rough with me unless I initiated it. He was, after all, an amazing lover, never failing to please me, helping keep a rein on my hunger. I sometimes wondered if he thought about his mother while making love to me, because of the resemblance. But he had no memory of her, and only one glimpse of an image to compare.

He always seemed to be completely absorbed, totally _present_ while with me, as if no one or nothing in the world mattered except me. After he brought me to climax three times, letting himself go the final time, we lay quietly.

“He finally said something as I was leaving.”

“Really? Isn’t that the first time?”

“Yes. All he asked was if I had to go, that the room felt empty when I was gone.”

“Will you allow him?”

“Honestly, I’m starting to want to. I’m just conflicted about it.”

“Because of before? You still don’t trust him?”

“No – it’s because of _you._ I don’t know if I can just stop. And how in the world will _that_ work?”

“Why do you think you would have to…stop?” I looked at him evenly. “What, do you think you can _share_ me?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time. I slept with my father right up until I was no longer an elfling…and then some.”

“Do you mean you _slept_ , or was it more than that?"

“Well, for one thing I learned how to pleasure both ellon and elleth from him, from watching _and_ participating.”

"And?”

“And, I guess, there were some times, in the heat of it while I was learning…” His ears were starting to turn pink. I laughed, not too loudly.

“The dwarves do much the same thing. How do you think I got pregnant by all _three_ of them?” He looked slightly shocked.

“So continuing our…activities…would not be much of a problem for you, would it?” he asked.

“Not for me. Apparently not for you either. We’ll just have to see what happens.”

“I’d like to see what happens right now!” And made love to me yet again.

******************************

I returned to the king’s chamber, feeling inquisitive with the information I had just learned. I usually bathed before I got into bed with Thranduil. I purposely did not tonight. They didn't have the same smell: Legolas was more of trees, pine and oak, with a subtle bit of apple. Though different, it was still intoxicating. 

I could never tell if Thranduil slept, or was just at rest. But once I settled in beside him, I got the reaction I'd anticipated. He turned to put an arm around me, like he always did.

“Oh, _ion nin_ …it’s you. It’s been so long…” I turned to face him.

“No, _meleth nin_ …it’s me.” His eyes flew open, looking at me with a mixture of horror and desire.

“Elspeth? What…I thought you…”

“You thought I was Legolas, didn’t you? I didn’t wash his scent off. I wanted to see what you would do.” He pulled away from me.

“Why? Why did you do that?” I moved until I was on top of him.

“So you would know that _this_ isn’t going to be a problem.” I kissed him, more deeply than I had in the past few months, letting my tongue tell my intent. I felt him growing hard beneath me. When I finally took my mouth from his, saw the intense fire of lust in his almost transparent blue eyes. But he was still trying to hold back.

“Elspeth, you don’t have to…” I cut him off with another kiss, even more passionate than the last. I felt whatever resolve I might have been holding onto disappear. I wanted him.

“Oh, but I _do_ have to. You’ve behaved yourself…now you don’t have to. So do it!  Take me, fuck me, let me feel that magnificent cock inside me!” I didn’t have to urge him any further. With a low growl he rolled over so I was under him, feasted on me until I was begging for release. He bit my neck, leaving a mark.

“So you are ready to submit? You will respond to whatever I do and beg for more,  _rwalaer nin?_ ”

He was right there but did not enter me, even though I arched up and ground my hips against him. “Oh, yes!” I cried, “Please Thranduil, do it!” He wouldn’t, but went down to assault me with his tongue. I thrashed and moaned.

“Will you submit?” “Yes, yes! I’ll do anything you want, but let me come! Do it now!” I was practically howling with frustration.

“Well, since you begged so prettily…” He plunged into me, and thrust, slowly, grinding into me, using his pubic bone to keep me excruciatingly close but still not there. I was writhing madly. “I want you, oh oh…Thranduuuuil!” And finally gave me what I begged for. A few more hard thrusts and I felt him spill inside me.

“Why tonight?” he asked, once we’d gotten past the throbbing. “Why, with the smell and taste of my son all over you? Not that it wasn’t arousing…”

“I did it so we all can move forward. I can be with both of you, separately or together. Like I did with the dwarves. You all aren’t so different in your…practices, you know.”

“I haven’t touched Legolas for years.”

“He told me. He also told me how you taught him, _showed_ him. I’m not saying anyone has to do anything. Just that it’s all right. No questions, no secrets, no rivalry, no jealousy. Someone’s having trouble coping, we talk it out. No games. Is that acceptable to you?”

He looked at me under nearly-closed eyes, through impossibly long lashes.

“Would you like me to show you?” 

“Bring it.” And he did.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiril nin - My lady  
> Ion nin - My son  
> Meleth nin - My love  
> Rwalaer nin - My lustful one


	43. I Forgave, But Never Forgot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another 3-month meeting; the children were crawling - fast! Kili, Fili & Elspeth speak of Thorin, that there's still some hope he lives. Elspeth admits that despite her comfort with Thranduil & Legolas, she would leave them if Thorin was found. Thranduil senses something of this as they make their way back to the Realm. The three meet once home and Elspeth tries to explain her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

Another three months passed quickly. The children were developing fast – faster than a human child. But then, they were conceived fast, gestated quickly and were born sooner than was expected. At 6 months, they were sitting, standing, crawling, and fast! If they got past you, it was a chase, usually involving more than one person to capture them. I wondered how many casualties there had been with elves or their offspring, considering all these high platforms with nothing surrounding them. And in Erebor as well.

Not for the last time I wondered what it was with these races, that they built these enormous habitats with almost no safety measures. I remembered somewhere in the fanfic/art world I had seen something showing walkways and stairways, captioned "Middle Earth has no rails; Middle Earth _needs_ no rails." A clever takeoff on Boromir's statement to Aragorn in the 'Fellowship' film: "Gondor has no king; Gondor _needs_ no king." Doesn't anyone ever fall off? Considering they all loved to get drunk, whether on wine or ale...one would think the accident rate would be pretty high. _Oh, well_ , I thought, _a discussion for later_.

It was time for me to visit with Kili, Fili and the other children again. I wondered if they were as far along in their development. Summer was almost over, but it was still fairly warm, at least during the day. There was a small, deserted settlement slightly east and south from the Realm, which had been cleaned up. This time we arrived first, but shortly the party from Erebor came along. I couldn’t believe how fast my dwarf children had grown. And just like the elflings they were crawling like speeding racers.

Much of the day was spent in trying to keep them corralled in the center of the settlement, but everyone was having fun, running after them. I remembered watching litters of baby rabbits, when they came out of the nest once their eyes were open, trying to keep them from running in all directions. I teared up slightly at the memory. I missed having them around. Fili caught it.

“What’s wrong, Elspeth?”

“It’s nothing…I was just thinking about my rabbits, wondering what they did, how they are faring now that I’m not there. Each of them had a choice, whether to transform, leave the world, or develop colonies now that they were free." Fili looked surprised.

“They have colonies?’

“Oh, yes. They build complex systems of holes, tunnels and chambers, called warrens. They mostly stay below ground until they come out to feed, at dusk and dawn. And they always have at least one sentry, who watches for danger, and if that’s perceived, the sentry thumps a rear foot. Those below stay there; those above bolt for holes until the danger is past.”

Fili looked amazed. “So that's what yours were doing, when me and Kili made too much noise. They're that smart?” 

“Some things are just instinct, but their world is complex. They are very special creatures. I miss them terribly.”

There was a shout – one of the little devils had gotten away and the chasers ran after him.

Fili looked at me, some sadness in his golden eyes.                                                                                                                  

“You remember, we told you we weren’t finished with your rooms in Erebor? We had an area planned so you _could_ have some rabbits. We’d always find nests with babies, no mother in sight. We figured if you hand-raised them, they would be tame.”

I had just taken a sip of wine, choked a bit, coughed.

“Don’t _ever_ move a nest. Their mother purposely stays away from her litter to draw predators away from them. She only feeds them once a day. You’d have to observe the nest for a day, to see if the mother comes. Or you could check them, to see if their little bellies are full. If you don't see the mother, and they’re thin and whining, she probably won’t be coming.”

“Can you raise them if their mother is gone?”

“Yes, but it probably would result in sickly rabbits. They need to stay and nurse with their mother for 4 months at least, if they are to get all they need to be strong and healthy. Taken too soon, their odds of survival are slim, though not impossible.”

“You know so much about them. But from what you’ve said, it’s just as well we never did that project.”

He was silent for a time. ”Do you still think of Thorin?”

“Oh, Fili, how can you even ask that? He is…was…the love of my life. There’s not a single day that I _don’t_ think of him, and ache for the loss. Every day…there’s always a small spark, the one that won’t stop believing he’s out there somewhere, that until we have definite proof of his death I can’t reconcile to it.”

Kili came over, breathless and flopped down. “Your turn, brother. I can’t keep up with them!”

Fili kissed my cheek. “It’s the same for us.” And got up to chase after the children.

“What was that all about?”

“We were just reminiscing about Thorin, if there’s still a possibility he’s out there, maybe with no memory, or something. That until we have proof otherwise, we keep believing.”

“Are you happy, staying with them?” He gestured toward Legolas and Thranduil; they had managed to catch their sons, who were kicking and hollering to be put down.

“I would be lying if I said no. They treat me very well. I have reconciled past injuries, both physical and emotional with both of them, and we’ve become close.”

“But, if Thorin was alive, I would most likely leave them. That’s why I can’t marry Thranduil. I just can’t bring myself to do it. That little bit of me that still has hope tells me not to.”

Fili had caught Kalin and came to deposit him with his father.

"I hope it's nap time soon," said Kili. "They _must_ be wearing out by now."

"Not as much as they're wearing us out. It will end up being nap time for parents!" Fili grinned, running after his own offspring. I had to laugh. After all, I wasn't doing the chasing - I had enough to do at home.

"I’ll bet next time we get together they’ll be walking. If you think this is hard, just wait! If they’re as fast on their feet as they are crawling…” Kili was on his back, holding Kalin over him, making the child gurgle with delight.

“About hoping for Thorin, we wish it could be that way too; the way we all envisioned it. Every time I come out from our rooms and see the sealed doors across the hall, I just want to sit down and cry.” Fili came back with Toril, handed him to me and returned to catch his own. Frerin was probably the fastest of them all. Poor Fili!

Thranduil and Legolas came to sit beside me, laying Elenion and Aranhil down. They were sleepy and were soon out like lights.

“I never thought it could be so exhausting, just trying to keep them from crawling away.” Legolas said.

“Ha!” This from Thranduil. “Try being as old as I am and doing it!” I had to laugh – they glared at me.

“Wait until they’re walking; this will seem like chasing snails. Quit griping, you two! You know you love it.”

Fili had finally captured Frerin, who was winding down. Kalin and Toril were already fast asleep. He laid his son next to Kalin, and flopped down himself. “I’m done…nap time, indeed.” He closed his eyes. And watching him do that seemed to have a domino effect, as the other three adults were soon lying down. I was the only one who hadn’t been running around all day: I was like a beacon of calm, with nine sleeping, softly snoring bodies all around me. It was so peaceful.

******************************

Before long the shadows lengthened, and I had to wake them to prepare to go. We packed up, said our goodbyes. The babies were put into carriages, along with the rest of the caretakers. We all rode, and turning our horses toward our respective homes, we parted. I was always sad at this point. I really did miss Fili and Kili, and seeing my other sons. But having spoken of Thorin, I was more glum and quieter than usual as we rode through the trees.

Thranduil reined back next to me. “What is it _meleth nin_? You’ve hardly said two words since we started for home.”

“It’s nothing…I’m just a little tired.” I could never figure out how he knew when I wasn’t telling all.

“You were talking to Kili and Fili about Thorin, weren’t you?”

“It’s hard not to when I see them. It’s a pain we share, a hope that never quite fades.” I said. “Forgive me, love. It’s just something that can’t be helped. I don’t think much about it when I’m _here_ , with all of you. I _love_ our lives here.” 

This wasn’t completely true. If Thorin _was_ ever found alive...

“Is that the reason you won’t wed me? In case, by some miracle, Thorin turns up? You would still go back to him?” Thranduil reached over, taking the reins of my horse and pulled her to a stop. “Elspeth?”

 I lowered my eyes to the ground. “I don’t know. It would depend.”

“Depend on what?” I had walked right into this line of questioning. I really didn’t want to keep talking about it.

“A number of things. I’m very at home here, and would be reluctant to return to Erebor. The three of us have created a similar bond, like I had with Thorin and his nephews. It would not be broken lightly. And what kind of condition Thorin might be in, which I have to assume would be pretty bad. I mean, if he didn’t have a loss of memory, or wasn’t locked up somewhere, I think he would have found his way back by now.” I met his eyes.

“Please don’t fret over this, Thranduil. I’m here now, with you. Stop worrying about what might be and love me as you have been. I hold back nothing with you, or with both of you – I give myself over completely, and think of nothing but that moment we are having. Is that not enough to make you content, not doubtful?”

“It should be…I just cannot bear the thought that you would leave, after everything that’s been said and done between us.”

Legolas noticed we were not at the rear of the company and rode back to find us.

“Is everything all right, _Ada_?”

“It’s nothing, just a small matter. We’re working it out. If I think it needs further discussion, I will include you. But not right now. Go back to the front.”

“If it concerns the two of you, I should know. We agreed there would be no secrets.”

I sighed. “Can we please get back, and after we’ve all had baths, rest and food, we can talk about it, okay? This just isn’t the time or place for it.” Legolas turned around without a word and returned to his lead place. Thranduil let go of my horse’s reins. “ _Lle vesta_?” he asked.

 “Yes, I promise.” With that, he rode up ahead of me and we continued on to the Hall.

                                                                        ******************************

Having taken care of the necessities, we met in Thranduil’s office, in front of the hearth, drinking wine. I spoke first.

“Legolas, your father thinks that if Thorin should show up by some quirk of fate that I will leave the two of you to go back to him. While I can’t deny this is a possibility, there are some factors that would decide it for me.”

“What factors?”

“If it _should_   happen, it would depend on Thorin’s mental state – if his memory was compromised, and he didn’t know anything about the past. And it would depend somewhat on our own bond. After a time, I don’t believe it could be broken for any reason, if it’s strong enough.”

“And that would be as strong as it needs to be if you would marry me.” Thranduil wasn’t giving up easily. “I don’t understand your reluctance. It’s not like before. _I’m_ not like before.”

"No, you aren’t. And you’ve been so patient and careful with me. But it hasn’t been even a year yet…I … I’m still mourning. Please try to continue being patient." I reached out and touched him on the knee.

“I _do_ love you now, you know. I love both of you, and not just because of the children.”

 He took the hand and kissed my palm; he knew this was a trigger for me. I tried to ignore my growing heat.

“And you, Legolas. Are you having any problems with this arrangement?”

“No. I think you’re being more than fair, to both of us.” 

“Will you be joining us tonight _, ion nin_?” Thranduil asked his son. Legolas got up, finished his wine.

“No…I think I actually need to sleep, after chasing children all day.”

"Lightweight!" Thranduil teased him. 

"We'll see who's got more stamina once they're running, o  _yaaraer_!" Legolas retorted. 

Thranduil was licking my palm, and I almost moaned out loud.

“I will see you both tomorrow.” His father was now licking between my fingers and I did moan.

Legolas hadn’t quite left the room, so I knew he heard it. Did he hesitate? It seemed he did. But then he left, closing the door behind him.

Thranduil pulled me up, into his embrace, hand forgotten, using that tongue to tangle with mine. He pulled the ties of my gown and it slipped down, pooling around my feet. His mouth moved down to my jaw line, to my ear and started down my neck. I was going weak in the knees.

“I’m going to fall!” His arms tightened around me.

"Then let me make you more comfortable.” He slipped his own robe off; I wasn’t the only one aroused. He sat on the couch, I knelt, ran my tongue around the head of his cock and sucked gently. He arched, head back, groaning. I moved slowly, running my tongue around the shaft; then suddenly swallowed him.

“Aah, Elspeth… _Daro!_ ” I knew this meant stop. “Ngh,ngh.” I refused, going faster, sucking harder.

“You’re going to make me come, right now!” I didn’t stop, and he poured down my throat. It was the first time I had done this since allowing him to touch me.

“ _Tolo hi_.” He pulled me up to sit on his thighs, pushing my hair out of my face. He kissed me deeply, but not urgently.

“Tonight was the first time you actually said you loved me. Were you aware?” I looked into his eyes, eyes that no longer held that icy look. “I meant it.” I breathed into his ear, which I then nipped. Elf ears are extremely sensitive; he moaned quietly.

“I never thought I would hear that from your lips, other than when I had drugged you.”

“What can I say? I guess you kind of grew on me. Even before, I used to think that I could have appreciated you, at least physically, if there hadn’t been all the deception. You are so beautiful; I love the feel of your skin against mine, the softness of your hair, the way you smell. You make me feel so wanted, so loved. How could I keep denying you?”

The whole time I was talking, I was moving my hips, grinding slowly, and he became hard again.

I positioned over him and slowly moved down, until he was all the way in. While not as thick as Thorin, he was quite long. I squeezed, he gasped.

“I cannot believe how tight you are, how strong those muscles. You are irresistible.” And he seized my hips and thrust up into me. “Oooh!” I cried softly.

“Am I hurting you?” He stopped moving. “No, it’s just that you’re so long and I’m so little. Don’t stop…I want to feel every inch.” He resumed thrusting into me, finger on the little hardening nub, which drove me wild. I was close; within moments I cried out, feeling the orgasm explode through my body. He thrust a few more times, and I felt his release.

“Oh, Elspeth! This is so much better when you truly want me. I’m so sorry I ever forced you. I hope someday you can forgive me.” I got off him.

“Let’s go into bed…I really need to stretch out.” He picked me up, carried me into the bedroom. The babies were sleeping soundly, like a pair of cherubs. Once settled in, my head on his shoulder, I made one more confession.

“You know, not all the ‘forcing’ was bad. Remember when I tried to run away, and you tied me to the bed?”

“You’re serious?” He sounded surprised. I looked up at him.

“I find it extremely arousing. I just need assurance that if I want to stop, it stops.”

“You’ve done this before, I assume.”

“Only once, with Thorin, Fili and Kili. I asked them to blindfold me so I wouldn’t know who was doing what, and to tie me up if they wanted, which they did. But I gave them a ‘safe word,’ and their promise that if I said that word, they would stop whatever they were doing; and if I was tied, they had to untie me immediately.” Thranduil managed to look both shocked and aroused at the same time.

“And?”

“And I never had to use the word. It was an incredibly erotic experience. When I found out I was carrying 5 babies, from 5 different fathers, I had to take them aside and ask if they had managed to get more than one of them to come in me at the same time. They denied it, but agreed that it was sometimes very close, like one right after another.”

“Do you believe that’s when it happened?” I thought about it. 

“I don’t know…I guess it’s possible. I had Kili in my world for 9 days, Fili for 6, Thorin…3 days in my world, a lot when I came here, right up until he had to leave. When I went to Bree, Fili and Kili escorted me and then spent the night, before they had to get to the Shire.” He raised an eyebrow.

“Did Thorin know?"

“Of course. He told them it would be all right with him, but the decision was up to me. I wouldn’t have denied them. Thinking about it now, if Toril was the last born, he had to be conceived first. So it must have been that night in Bree, with Fili and Kili."

“After Rivendell, it was the day before arriving here, with Legolas; you know about that. And only a few days between him and you. I don’t know for sure, as I was unaware for some time. Did you…?”

“No. I may have been a bastard about many things, but I would never have done that.” He turned over, propping up on an elbow so he could see me clearly.

“Elspeth, can I ask you something, just out of curiosity? If I’m out of line, you don’t have to answer.”

“I told you before – no secrets. What is it?”

“Where you come from, are all the women…do they all…I  mean…” I laughed, that he couldn’t get the question out.

“You mean are all women as sexually active as me? Perhaps some; maybe only the ones who do it for payment. I’m a little different. I believe I have an over-abundance of what’s called pheromones, something that attracts men to me, that they almost immediately want to have sex with me. I have something in my touch that adds to the effect. And I have a hunger and need for it, but only with those I choose. There’s a term for it, ‘nymphomania,’ but I don’t really think that fits. Nymphos will usually take just about anyone. As I said, I choose.”

“Something happened, with people of this world; everything became intensified. I hadn’t been with anyone for a long time. But when I got Kili over, it just never stopped. And he wouldn’t leave, so I had to bring his brother while he was still there. Same thing…one time, and Fili didn’t want to go either."

"Then both of them together. That was the first time I’d been with more than one lover. And I wanted more.”

“And then Thorin, same thing, But then it _was_ different, stronger. He refused to leave unless I came with him. And I loved him enough I was willing to try. I had no idea if I would even survive it. But obviously, I did. He had already asked if I would wed him and be Queen of Erebor, even before we came back.”

“And so that’s what happened to Legolas while you traveled here from Rivendell – your ‘special’ talents?”

“Yes. He made me angry because he wouldn’t let up trying to get information. So I gave him some he didn’t expect, mostly about Tauriel. First he got angry, then accepted that somehow I knew what he needed to do. Then he kind of dared me, as a further proof, if I could describe you and Tauriel. So I did. At that he was so unnerved I thought he would pass out. He cried. I put my arms around him and rubbed his back, trying to calm and comfort him. Then he attacked me."

“I think the overload of information, getting physically closer to him so those pheromones got to him, and finally touching him was what pushed him over the edge. Don’t hold it against him…it wasn’t really all his fault. Thorin forgave him, and he and Tauriel were to attend the wedding, before Thorin went missing.”

“So, have I covered everything to your satisfaction?” He shifted to be on top of me.

“Well, I think I could get a little more satisfaction…” I laughed, met his kiss and, surrounded by the combined mass of our hair, made love once again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meleth nin - My love  
> Ada - Father  
> Lle vesta - Do you promise?  
> Ion nin - My son  
> O Yaaraer - Oh Ancient one  
> Daro - Stop  
> Tolo hi - Come here


	44. What To Do With The Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten more years have passed. Elspeth had completely settled into life with Thranduil and Legolas, but the latter spends much time away. Elspeth decides to visit Erebor with the children, who have matured so much they are often mistaken for young men twice their years. She still grieves for Thorin; Fili and Kili comfort her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

Just as I thought, the children were all running and talking at 9 months. By the time they were 3, they were like very small adults, able to carry on a conversation and more than able to get into trouble, especially when they were all together. By 5 years they were riding, training with weapons, and began to really grow. The dwarf children were all taller than me, which made them tall for dwarves. The elven children were much taller, obviously favoring their fathers’ genes. Elenion's hair took on the shade of his father's, more blonde than white, and his blue eyes darkened to that brighter color of Legolas'.

They had not yet begun to exhibit any deviations, but I didn’t really think they would until they were older, if at all. Other than their remarkable speed of development and growth, they had a kinship and affinity for each other. Although raised in different cultures, they were perhaps bound by my human blood, which ran through them all. When they were together, it was not like elves and dwarves, but something made of all races.

Whatever it was, they became the catalyst for a continuing peace and a growth of understanding between elves, dwarves and men. There were still some who thought they should be eliminated, but it seemed less with passing time. Nevertheless, they had all been schooled to understand why they might have enemies and how to protect themselves.

By that time, we had stopped having visits in neutral territory, and they became more frequent, especially once the boys were riding. Trips between the Woodland Realm and Erebor were commonplace, and any animosity between their fathers non-existent.

I finally wed Thranduil on the Autumn Solstice of the year the children turned five. By that time, I had little hope that we would discover what had happened to Thorin. And after that long, I believed Thranduil had completely changed and would never again be that distant, impassive soul.

The wood elves had some trouble accepting this, but the change in their king’s behavior outweighed the old beliefs that a human Queen was unacceptable. I was respected, if not loved by most. The Realm became more like the other elven domains, Lothlorien and Imladris.

The work done by Legolas for Tauriel, the openings that allowed for light and views of the sky lifted the hearts of all the elves. I had convinced Thranduil that having so few enemies would allow for the destruction of most of the dungeons, to open that dark and depressing place to the sky, to plant more gardens and allow the water to flow and cascade where it would.

Legolas became restless, often disappearing for weeks on end. “Should we worry about him?” I asked Thranduil, on one of these occasions when he took off again after only a few days back.

“No, _a’maelamin._ Legolas has been looking for something or someone for a long time, even before Tauriel. I doubt he even knows what it is, but I think he’ll know it if, and when, he finds it.”

“I hate to say it, but I think he does better when there’s strife. No one likes battles or war, but for some reason, it kind of wakes him up, puts the sparkle back into his eyes.”  Thranduil thought for a time.

“I believe you are right. I never thought about it, but I would guess that is true for many. Peace is not comfortable if one is a warrior.”

“ _Lle naa belegohtar, meleth nin_. Do you miss having to fight?” He kissed my forehead.

“I would rather be with you, above all things. I fought because it was imperative, when there were good reasons. Mostly it was to prevent evil from overwhelming our world. I watched so many fall in battle, including my own father, my first wife, many, many friends and comrades. I never want to see that again. The only thing that would cause me to put on armor again, to pick up my sword, would be if you, or our children were in danger. For that, I would give my life.”

He always referred to both Aranhil and Elenion as “our children.” Although Legolas was there for his son during his earliest years, as Elenion grew more independent, he started leaving. Elenion looked to us now. When Legolas _did_ return for his brief stays, although he devoted all of his time and energy to his son, the child would beg and beg to go with his father when he was ready to leave.

It was heartbreaking to see: Elenion in tears, crying “ _Ada!_ Please don’t go!” or “ _Ada!_ Please take me with you!” Legolas, already mounted, telling him:

“Later, _ion nin_. When you are older.” And would ride off, without looking back. Aranhil, his brother and constant companion, would put his arms around Elenion, saying:

“Don’t cry, Nion. He will be back before you know it. Come with me…I have something to show you.” And would lead him away, to whatever he’d done, or found, anything to comfort his brother.

“You know,” I said to Thranduil, following one of these partings, “I used to think the heart birthmark on Ara was proof of your love, that it would finally unite us. But I think now it's an insight into the kind of adult he will become; one of such empathy and compassion. Maybe he is meant to be a healer.”

“You may be right, my love. But I still like your first reasoning best. Come with me… _I_   have something to show _you_.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh, I see…like son, like father? Though I don’t think what you want to show me will be anything like what Ara wants to show Nion!” Now Thranduil was laughing as well.

“Absolutely not!” And we went off to our chambers. Even after this amount of time, he could still find new ways to pleasure me, pushing me beyond what I thought were my limits of ecstasy.

I sometimes thought about what would happen to Thranduil when I finally died. Granted, I was not aging like a normal human, but I was not immortal, like him. I prayed he wouldn’t fall into despair, the way he had after losing his first wife.

But I was happy, despite the rough beginning to our relationship. I would have never believed it, that I was captured, drugged, taken by this seemingly cruel elf. Taken away from the dwarf I had fallen in love with, enough to leave my own world, not knowing if I would survive. Finally rescued, only to be snatched back again, but this time, won over, treated like a queen long before I became one.

*****************************

Time seemed to go by in a blink. The children were now nearly 12, but could pass for twice that. It was time for a visit to Erebor. Thranduil declined to go this time, as there were emissaries from Rohan and Gondor visiting; it was time for new trade agreements. Legolas was still away, somewhere. Aranhil and Elenion came with me, anxious to see their brothers. As usual we were accompanied by an honor guard of six, but the ones we didn’t see were probably twofold more.

As soon as we reached the gate, Toril, Frerin and Kalin came bursting out, embracing their brothers with abandon. Every time I saw them I was amazed, not just at the growth, but the beginning of adulthood just below the surface of their faces. Since I saw Aranhil and Elenion every day, the changes weren’t as noticeable. But once I had seen their dwarf brothers, I could see the same changes in them. At 12 they looked – and often acted - like 20 or more.

The three practically pulled me off my horse. “ _A_ _mad!_ ” “We’re so happy to see you!” “How long are you going to stay?” “Where’s Uncle Thranduil?” I laughed at their enthusiasm.

“You get bigger and more beautiful every time I see you! Your _adadaz’amad_   had ambassadors to meet with, so he’s staying home. I might stay the week, if you all don’t mind.”

“Mind? We are always happiest when you stay more than a couple of days,” said Frerin.

“And our fathers are always glad, too!” Kalin piped in.

“And we get to spend more time with Elenion and Aranhil,” said Toril.

“Well, go off and have fun, while I go in to see everyone.” They raced off, to who knows where.

I walked into the vast entryway of Erebor, approached first by Dwalin, who picked me up and swung me around. “Elspeth! So good to see you.” I would not allow any of the company to call me ‘Queen Elspeth.’ “Fili and Kili are in the treasury with Balin…complaining there’s too much gold in the coffers again.”

“Are they running out of places to give it away?”

“Not yet…no one ever sends it back! We sent the Shire double this year, and they sent back double of everything: ale, pipeweed, huge amounts from the fields. The pumpkins alone filled half a train of wagons.”

“I hope they leave themselves enough to get through the winter.” He snickered.

“You know hobbits…always a full larder, besides what they send out.” I laughed.

“I’ll see you at supper.” I started down to the lower halls, rather than up to the main hallway. The vaults and treasury were located at the far northeastern side of the mountain. It was a long walk. Not for the first time I wished I had some engineering training. I could start teaching the dwarves how to make motorized walkways, or little tram cars, or something!

I finally arrived at the treasury; the door stood open, so I stopped to listen before letting them know I was there.

“How are we supposed to keep this operation flowing properly when there’s always a surplus?” That was Fili.

“Why don't we just keep putting it in the vaults?” Kili answered. Fili sounded utterly exasperated.

“My dear brother…Balin just told us the vaults are full, absolutely stuffed.”

"Then why don’t we just build more vaults?” Kili, sounding like they overlooked the simplest solution.

“Lads,” said Balin, “the only way we’re going to keep this from happening is if we stop mining. And we can’t ask the dwarves of Erebor to do that…it’s their livelihood. And what would they do if they didn’t mine, eh? We are not suited to lives of leisure. Kili's right; building more vaults would solve the problem...for now.”

"Then I will order it done immediately." Fili said, obviously in agreement.

“Knock, knock!” I called before stepping into the doorway.

“Elspeth!” Fili squeezed me so tight I could barely breathe.

“Good to see you, too.” I gasped. Kili and Balin went a little easier, but with no less delight.

“Where are the boys?” asked Fili.

“Oh, you know, ran off with their brothers as soon as we got here. Thranduil had to deal with business, so I’m here alone.”

“How long will you be staying? Not that we wouldn’t be happy for you to stay as long as you want.”

“At least the week, if that’s okay.” 

“More than okay! We never get to see you much on your _usual_   visits.” I caught the hint in that…since I was alone, there was an implied invitation.

Despite the fact they were wed, they were always hoping to get that opportunity. I imagine our first encounters were always at the back of their minds…as they were in mine. The suggestion alone gave me that rush, like a pre-orgasm.

“Are we done for now, lads?” Balin looked weary…he was getting on in years.

They agreed; all of us made our way up one of the rear stairways. It was much shorter than going practically back to the gate, but it was a lot of stairs. As we approached the kitchens, tantalizing aromas wafted our way.

“Oooh! That smells _divine_ ,” I said. “Is Bombur cooking tonight?”

“When we tell him you’re coming he won’t let anyone else plan the menus or prepare the main dishes and the desserts. We eat best when you’re visiting!” Balin excused himself and went off to his rooms.

******************************

“So, do you have more affairs of state to attend to, or are you at your leisure?” I asked.

Both Kili and Fili bowed and said, “At your service!” I laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind!”

We reached the wing where the royal chambers were housed. As we approached the doors to their rooms, I could not help stopping in front of the sealed ones opposite; the ones to the suite Thorin and I had shared so briefly. Tears filled my eyes, rolled down my face, and I put one hand on the carved wood. “Thorin.” I whispered.

I never, ever did this when Thranduil was with me in Erebor. But when I came alone, which was rarely, this always happened. I had to see the doors. I had to visit the tomb, even though it was empty. I still grieved for my lost love.

Kili and Fili gently pulled me into their rooms, and in the privacy of that space, and with the only two who could understand what I felt, I cried. I cried like I did on the night he was lost. They cried with me. They undressed me and themselves, and took me into their bed, where we comforted each other. This wasn't sexual, just a true comforting to let go of our sadness.

I managed to get myself under control and went to my own designated rooms to clean up and get ready for dinner. I could hear the five boys erupt into the room next to mine; technically Aranhil & Elenion’s room when we were visiting, but the other three wouldn’t separate willingly, even though their own rooms were just down the hall.

I opened the adjoining door and, raising my voice I said, “Hands!” They obediently stuck them out for inspection. Relatively clean. They didn’t look like they’d been rolling in mud, so I didn’t force them to change. Dinner at Erebor, unless there were visiting dignitaries, was a very casual affair, held in a small banquet room, or sometimes even in the kitchen. Tonight there would at least be the members of the company, unless they were travelling, the children and me.

Occasionally food fights would break out. Kili and Fili, still kids themselves for all their years and responsibilities, were more often than not the instigators. The children followed their example, even Ara and Nion, who lived under stricter rules. I noticed, with a little sadness, that Nion and Tori were spending more time quietly together, while the other three would be off playing games or riding or fishing. I had the feeling this was because they both had absent fathers. At least Nion had, up to a point, before Legolas started taking off. Toril had never known Thorin. But the two likely felt a connection.

Kili, Fili and I stayed at the table after the rest had left.

“What’s Tori like when we aren’t here?" I asked Fili. “Does he spend more time alone than with his brothers?” Fili thought about it.

“Well, Frerin and Kalin are rambunctious, as you undoubtedly know - like we were at that age. They tend to pull Tori with them even if he doesn’t really want to do what they want to. He usually gives in. I think if he was left to his own devices, he’d stay in the library all day, or take his pony and go off in the opposite direction from his brothers.”

“Do you think he’s becoming too sad?” I pushed a bit more. “Does he get as much attention as the other two?”

Kili frowned at this. “Do you think _we_ don’t give him as much?”

“No, love, of course not. I mean in general. Only because he’s had to grow up without his father – his _father_. You two should understand that, having been raised by your own uncle. It’s not quite the same.”

“I have no memory of my father.” Kili said. “So I only ever had Thorin. Fee, how much do you remember?”

“I was only about 5 when he was killed, so my memories are pretty sketchy. But we also had our mother, all the time. Toril hasn’t really had that, either.” I dropped my eyes guiltily.

“Then did I make a mistake, leaving him with you two and his dwarf brothers? Should I have kept him in the Realm? I thought he needed to be raised in his own culture. That's why I didn't argue about it, after they were born and discovered Thranduil had given all of them to you. But I also knew he would be without _both_ parents.”

“No,” said Fili. “I think it was the right choice, to let us raise him here. Had Tori been the only dwarf in the Realm, it would probably have been worse for him. He’s sensitive, not self-contained like Thorin was.”

“We’ve tried very hard to make sure he knows we love him as much as our own,” Kili said, “and made sure he knew as much about Thorin as we could give him.”

“I don’t doubt you did,” I responded. “I just noticed that he’s spending more and more time with just Elenion when we’re here.”

“Is Legolas still taking off?” Kili asked. I snorted.

“He’s hardly ever home. He comes back for a couple of days, never more than a week. He does spend most of his time with Elenion when he _is_ there, but it breaks Nion’s heart every time he leaves again. He’s had to almost look to Thranduil as his father, who at least pays him the same attention if not _more_ than he gives to Ara.”

“Don’t worry, El. We’re probably seeing glimpses of the adults they’ll turn out to be. Not all of them are going to be fighters.”

“When Legolas takes off, it’s always Ara who takes charge of Nion and distracts him. He’s so good that way. I told Thranduil he just may turn out to be a healer.”

“That would be wonderful…there never seems to be enough of those,” Said Fili. “Especially if there’s war or other conflict. But in peacetime they probably don’t have too much to do.”

“Let's go to your sitting room. There something I want to talk to you both about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A'maelamin - Beloved  
> Lle naa belegohtar - You are a great warrior  
> Meleth nin - My love  
> Amad - Mother  
> Adadaz’amad - Uncle  
> Ada - Father  
> Ion nin - My son


	45. Tales Will Be Told

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth starts telling Fili and Kili what will happen before and during the War of the Ring, partly as she knows she won't live forever and wants them to know what is coming. Also for the sake of their sons, who will still be young by their races' standards, but reminding them they are half human and may not have the longevity of dwarves and not the immortality of elves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

Once settled in front of the fire, they grew concerned. “What is it, El? Is it serious?” Kili looked nervously from me to Fili.

“No, not really. I’ve just been feeling a little on edge because of what I know about the future. The boys are growing up fast and by the time they are fully adults, we will be in the middle of another war."

“But that’s still like, what – 50 years away?”

“That’s right,” I said, “but there will be rumblings of it 10 to 15 years before things really start getting bad. The last day Thorin was with me, one of the things he wanted to know was about those events. I let him watch the films, but I had to impress upon him how important it was for him NOT to do anything that could change the outcome.”

“The rest of you really know nothing about it, especially not Thranduil and Legolas, who didn’t have the same experiences as the three of you did, coming into my world. They weren’t at risk the way you three were.”

“But I thought we weren’t really going to be affected by all that.” Kili, looked nervous again.

“That’s not entirely true. Those events are going to affect _everyone_ in every part of Middle Earth, whether they were written about or filmed or not. I just have to be careful how much I let you know, so you don’t accidentally say or do something wrong.”

“Why now, Elspeth?” Fili asked. “If there’s still so much time. Why tell us about it now?”

I looked at them with sadness. “Remember, I am still mortal, and whatever Lord Elrond did when he healed me only slowed things down, not stopped completely. I don’t want to die before those I love have at least some idea of what’s coming.”

“You’re not sick again, are you?!” Kili cried.  “No, no.” I soothed. “I’m fine.”

“But I’d rather you know just in case something _does_ happen to me. Since neither of you will be directly involved as far as I know, I don’t have to worry about you so much. Thranduil will have to withstand attacks on the Realm. Legolas will be _very_ directly involved, as he will be going on that particular quest, along with your friend Gimli. And what a tale there is in that!”

“What! What! Tell us! We love to tease Gimli!” They got that old mischievous look I knew too well. 

“Don’t you dare! Not one word about this to him, or I tell you nothing! You must promise me.”

They looked so disappointed I had to laugh, but they did swear.

“I hardly know where to start this, and it will take a few days, as I don’t have either book or film to speed up the process. I want you to listen very carefully, as I’m sure the story will impact you in some way. Your uncle Dáin, who was to be King Under the Mountain when Thorin and you two were 'killed,' is slain in front of the gates of Erebor, standing over the body of King Brand of Dale, Bard's grandson. I imagine all of you will fight in that battle as well, but there are no references to you, of course.

“Who is doing all this attacking? We wiped out a ton of orcs, goblins, wargs and whatever during the battle – how many can there still be?” asked Kili. His brother lightly whacked the back of his head.

“Brother, I cannot believe how naïve you can still be! You know these creatures breed like rabbits. Oh, sorry Elspeth! There’s certainly no connection!” I laughed merrily.

“No apology necessary. It's the truth. But you are correct; as long as the conditions are right, they spawn at an alarming rate. Believe me, you haven’t seen anything yet."

"But, I’ll start where it makes the most sense. You know about the rings, obviously, since Thrain possessed one. So you must know about the One. Well, on your quest, when you were all captured by goblins except Bilbo, he found it.”

“Seriously? He never said anything.”

“No. Only Gandalf suspected it. Remember coming out of the goblin tunnels, and Bilbo didn't show up until later? Everyone thought he was gone. I think it was you, Fili, who asked how he got past the goblins. Gandalf tried to brush it off, but Thorin said he wanted to know. That was when Bilbo gave you the speech about him having a home and you didn’t, but he would help get yours back, remember?”

“How could we forget? Thorin was absolutely ashamed of himself, as were most of us. This little halfling was braver than the lot of us.”

“Bilbo had fallen well below of where the rest of you were. And he ran into a creature, Gollum, who had possessed this ring for over 500 years. He had been fishing with his cousin, who fell into the Anduin and found it. Gollum murdered his cousin to get it, was driven out of his family and spent the majority of his life underground, living off raw fish and dead goblins. The ring has the ability to prolong the life of whomever possesses it, and it makes its wearer invisible.”

“So _that’s_ how Bilbo got around some things!”

“Yes. That’s how he got out of the goblin tunnels unseen, and why he sometimes seemed to appear out of thin air. He used it to get you out of the spider webs, and killed some of them. That’s where he got the name ‘Sting’ for his blade. That’s what the spiders said when he stabbed them: “It stings!” He could understand their speech while wearing the ring.

"He used it to get you out of the dungeons. The elf guards got drunk and nodded off. Bilbo stole the keys; no one ever saw him. It was also how he got in to free Legolas and Tauriel while they were trying to get me away from Thranduil."

“None of us will ever forget the barrel incident! It was kind of fun.” Kili laughed.

“Speak for yourself!” said Fili. “Most of us almost drowned!”

“Then he used it when he went into Erebor to look for the Arkenstone and managed to avoid the dragon. He was wearing it during the battle when he got hit in the head, and was unconscious and invisible. No one found him until he woke up and took it off. He still had it when he returned to the Shire.”

“Gandalf suspects that it is the One Ring, but Bilbo claims to have lost it. Gandalf goes off for a long while and never verifies if it's still in his possession. Bilbo’s nephew, Frodo, will be born about 25 years after our children, loses his parents and Bilbo adopts him."

”When Bilbo turns 111 he and Frodo, who shares the birthday, throw a big party. Bilbo is leaving the Shire, to return to Rivendell for the rest of his days. Gandalf shows up for this party, having not been in the Shire for many years. He notices Bilbo doesn't look much older. Bilbo makes a speech at the party, telling everyone that he’s leaving, puts on the ring and vanishes. To him it was a great prank, as few in the Shire knew of his plans to leave. Even Frodo isn't completely sure.”

“Gandalf, somewhat angry at Bilbo's stunt, insists he leave the ring behind, bequeathing it to Frodo along with Bag End. Whomever has the ring becomes possessive of it, beyond reason. And the more they use it, the greater the ring's hold. Bilbo is able to let it go, after Gandalf intervenes and because he didn't use it much, if at all, after returning home.”

“Gandalf tells Frodo to keep it hidden and leaves immediately for the library at Minas Tirith, hoping to find a way to tell if it’s the One Ring. Once he finds the answer, he also sees that Mordor has become active once more; towers and gates rebuilt, orcs breeding and knows the Enemy, Sauron, has returned.”

“The same one that was at Dol Guldur, who bred all those spiders that infested Mirkwood and later a lot of the orcs that fought us here, at the mountain?”

“The same. When Galadriel banished him from Dol Guldur, he fled to Mordor. Sauron sensed the ring had been found when Bilbo discovered it, and so was trying to get it…desperately. It's the one thing he needs to wage war on Middle Earth again, and this time he would succeed. The Ring's power is formidable."

******************************

At this point I needed a break. Fili sent for refreshments and wine.

The boys came tumbling in, so we went to put them to bed before I continued. I spent some extra time with Tori, trying to get him to tell me if he was unhappy, but he acted quite normally and assured me he was fine, thanking me for staying longer and for bringing Elenion for company. 

“You and Nion are becoming close, aren’t you?” He shrugged. “I guess.” _So like his father, both in looks and manner._

“Does Nion talk to you about his father going away sometimes?”

“He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t understand why. He thinks it’s his fault, like he did something wrong.”

“Oh, Tori…that’s not it at all. Legolas loves Nion with all his heart. He’s looking for something, something I think we will all know at some point. Do me a huge favor, _inùdoyê_ ; try to keep your brother reassured that he did nothing wrong. Thranduil and I will always be there for him, no matter what. Okay?”

I smoothed back his thick black hair…hair which brought painful memories: my hands caught up in his father’s hair as we made love.

“Yes, _Amad_ , I will try.” I kissed his forehead. “ _Zâyungi zu_ , _inùdoyê_. _Hurun ganat."_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amad - Mother  
> Inùdoyê - My son  
> Zâyungi zu- I love you  
> Hurun ganat - Rest well


	46. Tales Told, Interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth continues telling Fili and Kili about the events of the next 50 years, getting the story as far as Rivendell, but they shift shift the conversation to questions about her relationship with Thranduil and Legolas, which leads to other activities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

We all settled down again. “Do you have any questions so far? They shook their heads. “Go on. It’s fascinating.”

“Gollum believes Bilbo stole the ring, and his need to get it back is beyond imagining. Gandalf and Aragorn – I’ll talk about him later – go looking for Gollum; Gandalf assumes he might have information about Bilbo that could be tortured out of him, and he was correct. The Enemy now has just two words: ‘Baggins’ and ‘Shire.’ But it’s enough. Gandalf and Aragorn finally catch Gollum, and bring him, of all places, to the Woodland Realm, to keep him under lock and key.”

“So Thranduil lets him go?”

“No, he escapes…and not because an invisible hobbit with a set of stolen keys comes along!” We all laughed at that.

“The elves feel sorry for him, so they start escorting him outside, to enjoy the air and to climb trees. They keep a rope on him, but Gollum learns to keep to the highest branches. On one of these occasions, the guards are attacked by orcs and by the time the elves slaughter or chase them off, Gollum gets away.”

"Gandalf returns to the Shire and by using the test of fire, proves the ring Frodo has _is_ the One. Gandalf urges Frodo to leave the Shire for Bree; he is accompanied by his friends, Sam, Merry and Pippin. Sauron releases the Nine to find the ring, and it’s a near miss that they don’t catch and kill the hobbits."

“The Nine? The Nine _whats_?” asked Kili. Fili looked like he was going to whack his brother on the head again; I stopped him.

“Don’t bother, Fili. It’s obvious Kili didn’t pay attention when you studied history!”

“The Nine Fallen Kings of Men, my love: the Ringwraiths. Raised from the dead, broken out of tombs that should have been impossible to escape. The Nine who were given rings; you should remember this:

 _Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,_  
_Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,_  
_ Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,_  
_One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne_  
_In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie_  
_One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them,_  
_One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them_  
_In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie._

“Oh,” said Kili, “that I _do_ remember, but I guess it didn’t mean much to me at the time.”

“They serve the Dark Lord, Sauron. Their leader is the Witch King of Angmar, and you should know where _that_ is.” Kili and Fili nod in agreement. They were really rapt; I went on.

“The will take over a tower in the realms of Gondor, called Minas Morgul. More orc armies will breed there. At this point in time, these Nazgûl are disguised as Black Riders and are scouring the Shire and places nearby for the Ring. Gandalf had said he would meet Frodo in Bree; he goes to Isengard to see his superior, Saruman the White, for advice. Unbeknownst to Gandalf, Saruman has joined Sauron and is building an army of his own. Gandalf realizes Frodo is in danger, but he is prevented from leaving and is imprisoned on top of Saruman’s tower, Orthanc.”

“How does Gandalf get out of _that_?”

“Same way you all escaped the attack by orcs and wargs after the goblin tunnels…he gets hold of a moth, sends it to Gwaihir, Lord of the Eagles, who comes and carries Gandalf to Rohan. Rohan’s outlying villages are under attack by hostile forces, as Saruman seeks to destroy the people of that realm, as part of Sauron’s greater plan to eliminate all men. Rohan’s king at that time, Theoden, grandson of Thengel, has been corrupted and taken over by Saruman through one of his own people, and refuses to help Gandalf, other than allowing him to take a horse. And, of course, Gandalf takes the  _best_ horse, Shadowfax, which makes Theoden very angry.”

“Gandalf is in a hurry, trying to get to Frodo before the Nine do. The hobbits are in Bree, where Gandalf said he would meet them; obviously he's not there. But, watching them in Gandalf’s place is a Dúnedan Ranger named Strider. Frodo falls, accidentally gets the ring on his finger and vanishes, right in the middle of the tavern. Strider grabs him and takes him up to a room.”

Kili and Fili exchange a look and smirk at me.

“No, _not_ the room we spent that night together in!  _Mahal_ , don’t you two ever stop thinking about sex?”

“Don’t _you_? Especially about that night?”

“Okay, okay – you’ve got me there! My toes still curl up at the memory!” It _was_ a particularly arousing memory.

“The other hobbits find Frodo with Strider, frightened by his dangerous appearance. Strider creates a safe place for them, disguises another room to look like the four of them are sleeping there. The Nazgûl stab the fakes and become enraged when they realize they’ve been tricked.”

In the morning, Strider tells them they can’t wait for Gandalf, and he begins leading them to Rivendell, on foot. They find Gandalf’s mark at Weathertop, and decide to stay the night there. The Nazgûl find them and attack while Strider is scouting the area. He gets back just in time to prevent the Witch King from taking the ring, but not before Frodo is stabbed in the shoulder.”

“The arrow that would have hit you, Kili, if you had opened the gate while escaping in the barrels, was the same thing: a Morgul weapon. The poison in it kills you slowly, painfully. Only elvish medicine, administered quickly, can save a victim of this.”

“The Nazgûl continue their pursuit. Strider and the hobbits reach Trollshaw. At that point, if it’s book canon, Glorfindel, a high elf of Elrond’s council, shows up and puts Frodo on his very fast horse, which outruns the Nine, delivering Frodo to be healed by Elrond. Or, if we’re talking film canon, Elrond’s daughter, Arwen rides in on that same very fast horse and gets Frodo across the Ford at Bruinen.

“Frodo is almost dead, so she performs a similar ritual to the one Tauriel would have used on you, Kili, if your story had followed film canon, giving some of her immortal grace to keep him alive until Elrond can heal him.”

“Why don’t the Ringwraiths just cross the river to get the ring?”

“Because, whichever elf is there calls the river to rise, drowning the Black Riders.”

“Why is it two different elves?”

“In Tolkien’s world, there are very, very few women, as you know yourselves. This may be acceptable in writing, but not so in film. Arwen is only mentioned once in The Hobbit, and in the Appendices of Lord of the Rings. If that part hadn’t been written in, there would be only two women in the story.”

“So, they all get to Rivendell. Frodo heals. Gandalf is there. Frodo thinks this is the end of his journey; it isn’t. Elrond tells Gandalf the ring cannot stay in Rivendell, that the elves cannot hold against both Sauron and Saruman. And the very sad reason for this is that the elves, almost all of them, are leaving Middle Earth for the Undying Lands. Their time is over.”

“Seriously? Why?” asked Fili.

"They were the first race here, they had done what they intended. They were ready to go and leave stewardship of Middle Earth to the race of men, hoping a leader of the royal bloodline can be found."

"Elrond calls a council, attended by his high advisors, Strider, Gandalf, Frodo, Bilbo, Glóin with some other dwarves, including Gimli; Boromir, older son of Denethor, the then-steward of Gondor, and…ta-da!…Legolas. This meeting was also observed by Sam, Merry and Pippin, who were hiding nearby.”

“Elrond tells the council that this is everyone’s problem, so must together come up with a plan to accomplish the only solution. The ring has to be carried into Mordor and thrown into the fires of Mount Doom, where it had been made. Bilbo talks about how he found it, about Gollum. Legolas informs them of Gollum's escape. Boromir talks of a dream, and how he was sent to see if it is true…that the One Ring has been found. His father also wants it, to fight Mordor.”

“Strider is revealed to be the last of the line of kings: Aragorn, son of Arathorn. Frodo is asked to produce the ring, which has an irresistible pull on everyone there. They all start to argue about what should be done, even though Elrond already told them. Frodo steps up and says he will carry the ring to Mordor. Gandalf says he will go with him, and one by one, others volunteer: Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Boromir. Sam, Merry and Pippin demand to go also. They form the Fellowship of the Ring.”

"Aragorn is who Legolas is looking for. You may remember that scene in the film, where he confronts Thranduil, saying he’s not going home; Thranduil tells him to go north, to find Aragorn. But that isn’t book canon, as at the time, Aragorn is about 10 years old. But I believe that is why Legolas is going off so much now – he’s looking for Aragorn.”

“I think it’s still too early. Aragorn right now would only be about 17 or 18, living at Rivendell as Elrond’s adopted son, under the name “Estel.” He’s actually in hiding; as the last of his line, there are those who would like to eliminate him. He has yet to get to the Dúnedain, to become a Ranger. So, no. I doubt Legolas will find him for quite some time. Doesn’t mean he’ll stop looking, being one of the most stubborn elves I’ve ever known!”

******************************

"Then why don’t you tell him he’s wasting his time looking right now?” Kili asked, confused.

“I don’t think I can. I think he’s supposed to be wandering. I also think he’s one of those who need to be fighting. Peacetime bores him. He’s not so alive unless there’s conflict. And I think Tauriel leaving makes it difficult for him to stay in the Realm.”

“Correct me, dear Elspeth, but aren’t _you_ helping him with that, in your way?” I laughed.

“I guess we all have no family secrets, do we? Yes, I have been. It started soon after I had the children. I was trying to get the idea of Nion being a child of rape out of my mind; Legolas was really devastated by Tauriel’s leaving and needed me. I wasn’t allowing Thranduil to touch me yet, although I let him sleep with me, to be near the children.”

“It was after one of our early visits with you, that I discovered elves are not so different from dwarves in their sexual proclivities. Legolas slept with Thranduil for most of his childhood into early adulthood. He told me that was how he learned how to please and satisfy both male and female elves, from watching and _participating_ with his father.”

Both of them looked incredibly shocked. “What?” I said. “ _You_ both did, with each other long before you pledged, with Thorin, and with me, and with all of us. Why does it shock you?”

Kili gulped, tried to get past it. “But I thought elves were such purists, mating for life and all.”

“Just like dwarves, right? They too don’t have near as many elf maidens as they do males. They may be more discreet, and they don’t marry in same-sex relationships, but they certainly exist.”

“And?” Fili was looking at me with an expression I couldn’t quite read.

“And, one night, I didn’t bathe after I’d been with Legolas, so when I got into bed with Thranduil he reacted as if that’s who I was. Imagine _his_ shock when he realized it was me! But I had the answer I needed, that it wouldn’t matter, if it ended up being us all together. That was the night I finally gave in and let Thranduil have me.”

“And was it like with us?” Kili seemed to have that same expression.

“Not so much…a few times. I think with them together it was never quite comfortable. It either had been too long, or their adult relationship was too distant. I think it might have heated up, if it had gone on longer, but it didn’t. That’s around the time Legolas started leaving. It could be that had something to do with it.”

“You mean he didn’t want to be with both of you?” asked Fili.

“More like he didn’t want to be with his father. With me it still was all right.”

“Did it go on after you married Thranduil?”

“Very occasionally, during those rare times he was at home. In fact, he wasn’t even at the wedding.”

“Do you think he was jealous?”

“I doubt it. He had opportunities before then, ones he didn’t act on. But, my loves, I am wondering why this line of questioning? I can’t quite put my finger on what you’re thinking.”

They exchanged a look, something passing between them, a decision as to who would speak.

Fili was apparently designated. “We wondered, if you are…being…uh, exclusive. You know, keeping faithful to…” He seemed to not be able to finish the question, so I did.

“Are you asking whether I commit adultery?” Fili went red, but nodded. Kili looked at the floor, biting his lip.

“I haven’t, other than with his son, and that seemed not to bother him. But with the two of you?” At this they looked up.

“How would he even know? You are also fathers of my children. I had relationships with you long before he entered the picture. I wouldn’t have even married him, but it was to show the Realm that I was more than a consort, and that the stigma of a human-elf union was over. They needed a queen. He understands my appetite. So, if that’s what you’re asking: yes, I can.” The relief they showed was palpable.

“Well then,” I said, “order us up some more nibbles and wine…I’m tired of talking anyway, and can think of better things to do with my mouth about now!”

They were grinning at me like a pair of jack o’lanterns.

******************************* 

It had been quite a long time since that night in Bree, but our bodies remembered like it was yesterday. I was hungry for them, in a way I hadn’t felt before…I had only been with elves for so long, I had almost forgotten the raw sexuality of dwarves, the difference in the way they felt, all the body hair, the way they smelled, the passion of tongues on me, the size of their cocks...I lost all sense of myself and melded with them completely, climaxing again and again, having both of them in me.

When we could do no more and collapsed in a heap, I said to them, “I really, really missed this, with the two of you.” “The feeling is mutual,” said Fili. Kili whispered, “You should visit alone, for a long time, more often!” “Yes, I should!” I laughed, a little breathless. “But we have to be careful…the boys.”

“You mean you’re going to your bed? You won't stay and sleep with us?” Kili sounded unhappy.

“How else are we to avoid having them know about this? I don’t want to leave either, but…”

“Why don’t we just explain it to them? If we explain it like we did to each other, and they take it as acceptable, they would be less likely to say the wrong thing.” Fili, the rational.

“Do you think they would understand what this means?” I asked. “They _are_ still kind of young.”

“They may be young but they know what it’s all about, some more than others.”

I sat up fast. “Are you telling me they’ve already…at _their_ age?”  Kili shrugged.

“We haven’t outright asked them, but we think at least Rin has. And if he has, Kali won’t be far behind. And they’ll make sure Tori gets in on it, too.”

“But they’re only eleven years old!” I was nearly at a wail.

“But they’re accelerated…they look and act 10 years older. And 21-year-olds certainly know what and how, and they _do_!”  Kili was smiling broadly.

“Don’t you think they’ll be confused? They’ve grown up knowing _your_ relationship, that you are their fathers and I am their mother. But I don't think they see us together in any other way. And I have no clue how Ara and Nion will deal. I haven’t thought they could be active, so it’s possible I’ve missed the signs.” I was still unsure.

Fili got up, slipped into his robe, “We’re going to clear it up, then. Right now. Brother, are you coming with me?” Kili got up, belting his own robe around him. I made to move myself.

“No, El. You stay. We’ll get all of them. Just cover up.”

It was pretty late, but I knew they most likely would not be sleeping. They would probably all be in one room. When the five of them were together, they were inseparable.

In a few moments, they were ushered in. If they were shocked that I was there, in this room, in their fathers’/uncle’s bed, obviously not dressed, they gave no sign. None at all.

Fili and Kili moved chairs, so they could all sit, facing the bed, after which they shed their robes and got back in with me.

Fili started. “Do you all understand what this means? Us in bed with your mother?”

Frerin, with a nonchalant wave of his hand, said, “You’re having 3-way sex.” I tried hard not to gape. 

Kili then, “Do you think this is wrong?”  Kalin smiled. “No, _Adad_. You all love each other. Why would it be wrong?”

I studied my elven offspring. “And you two? Are you disturbed or offended by this?”  “No _, Naneth_.” said Elenion.

Aranhil was shaking his head. “Ara? You don’t look at this as a betrayal of your _Ada_?”

“I don’t,” he replied. “I don’t think he would, either. You had sex with Uncle Legolas, and with all three of you together.” I gasped.

“You knew about that?”

Elenion laughed. “We always knew.”  Ara added, “We were happy about it.”

“Why?” I was floored. 

“Because it meant you loved them the same, and they loved you the same, so you all loved us the same.”

Kili regarded Toril, “And what about you, son?”  Tori shrugged.

“I think if my father was here he’d probably be in there with you, for the same reasons Ara and Nion said…it means no one is loved any more or less than anyone else. It’s all just love.”

Fili took a deep breath. “Have any of you done this yourselves, with anyone? Don’t say; just raise your hand.”

Frerin’s practically shot up; Kalin’s only a little slower. Ara, too.

“C’mon, brothers…don’t be shy about it. They’re asking,” encouraged Frerin.

Toril was red, Elenion was pale, but they both raised their hands as well.

“ _All_ of you?” I was stunned. They all nodded.

Kili and Fili looked at each other, then at me. “You see? They weren’t brought up to be embarrassed or ashamed of something natural between their parents.”

“Okay boys, you can go back to bed now. See you in the morning.” I thought they would just all march out, but they each came up to us in turn, embraced us and said they loved us. I was almost in tears.

Then they moved the chairs back to where they’d been, and left.

“So,” said Kili, “does that answer it for you? You can stay right here, all night if you want.”

“I’m still in shock.” I said. “Do you think they’re experimenting with each other?”

“Undoubtedly,” answered Fili. “Where else would it start? As you said before, all races on Middle Earth have a marked lack of females.”

I relaxed. ‘Life never ceases to amaze me.” Settling in under the covers I quickly fell asleep, with them curled against me on either side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mahal - dwarves' name for Aulë (The Creator)  
> Adad - Father  
> Naneth - mother  
> Ada - father


	47. Hope Is Rekindled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth goes riding and finds evidence that Thorin may yet live. She rushes back to Erebor and returns with Dwalin; Fili and Kili following, units of guards with them. More clues are discovered. Elspeth sends a message to Thranduil demanding a more thorough explanation of the night she'd been taken. He and Legolas ride in the next day, and when confronted, Legolas admits it was his doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

When I woke I was reminded so strongly of that morning in Bree, how they thought they were not where they should have been and that Thorin would kill them. I giggled at the memory. Fili and Kili were sleeping soundly; I had to climb over Fili to get off the bed. They didn’t wake, but shifted closer to each other. I loved them so much it made my heart ache.

I went to my room to bathe and dress. The boys were nowhere in sight. Either they were down having breakfast or already out doing what they did all day. I knew Fili and Kili would be tied up most of the morning with the necessary tasks of running the kingdom. I went to the kitchen, grabbed a few bites and went to the stables for my horse. I loved riding in the autumn, through fallen leaves, crisp air in my face, hair streaming in the wind, the smell of wood smoke.

I skirted around the outer wall of New Dale, now completely repaired. On the far eastern side was the orchard bursting with apples and pears, workers picking them. I rode over and took an offering of each. Continuing around, then following south along the eastern shore of the Long Lake I came to the beginning of the River Running, where stood the remains of an ancient bridge. I dismounted and stood looking into the rushing water while eating the pear; the apple went to my horse. Sometimes there were interesting objects along the banks: pebbles worn smooth by the water, tiny skeletons of freshwater fish and crustaceans, an odd bit of metal.

Staring into the water, I saw a shining, tubular shape, and climbed carefully over the stones of the bank until I could reach for it without falling in. I clutched it and climbed up above the rocks before looking at my prize. My heart stopped. This was one of the beads Thorin wore in his braids. Silver, with his sigil etched into it. It could not have come from anyone but him. I scrambled back down, this time heedless of the slippery rocks, desperately searching for another, or anything else that might be along the banks. Everyone had given up on Thorin, assuming him dead or captive or unaware of who he was or where he should be. There had never been a single clue, until now.

Feeling I could not trust myself not to fall into the freezing water in my anxiety, I got back on my mare and galloped for Erebor. I flung myself off, leaving the horse to a groom and ran into the gate. Dwalin was there, as usual. I couldn’t speak, I was gasping so hard.

“Elspeth!” he looked at me with alarm, “what’s the matter? Is it one of the boys? Did someone try to hurt you?” I kept shaking my head, finally holding the bead out in my palm. He plucked it from me and studied it.

“ _Mahal_!” he roared, “this is Thorin’s! Where did you find it?” He grabbed my shoulders

I was still breathless, but managed to squeak out, “The ruined bridge over the river. On the eastern bank. I looked for more but was afraid I’d fall in. You go, Dwalin! See if you can find more.”

“Can you ride back? Show me exactly where you found this?” I nodded.

“Just need a fresh horse. But Fili, Kili…?" I started.

“I’ll send someone for them. Come!” He practically dragged me with him. Shouting for guards to saddle up, grabbing a messenger to send for the king, Dwalin wasted no time, and we set off at speed. As soon as we reached the spot, Dwalin flung himself off his horse and practically tore me off mine.

“Show me!” he shouted. I picked my way down again…my footprints still visible in the wet, rocky earth. I pointed to the spot in the water, and Dwalin waded in without a moment’s hesitation.

I heard more horses thundering toward us; more guardsmen, Fili and Kili. Seeing me, they threw themselves down and ran over. “What! What did you find?”

“Dwalin has it…one of Thorin’s beads. I found it there.” Indicating where Dwalin was bent over in the frigid water, gently sifting with his hands. 

“Give it to me!” Fili shouted to Dwalin, who stood up, dripping water from his hands and sleeves. He reached into his coat pocket and stretched his hand out. Fili took the bead from his hand, looked at it closely and sank down slowly, as if his legs could not support him.

“Let me see it!” Kili said, and snatched the bead from Fili’s hand. “It is! It’s Thorin’s! And it doesn’t even look like it’s been in the water long."

“How? How could it show up here, after so much time?” Fili looked horrified, as if this meant something more sinister.

There came another thundering of hooves. An entire squad approached; Dwalin and Fili started giving orders to search the entire area carefully. I finally allowed the tension to drain out of me and nearly fell, if not for Kili holding me up.

“El, you should go back to the mountain; you’ll catch your death. It will be freezing by nightfall.” I shivered.

“No! I want to be here if they find anything else!” Kili knew better than to argue with me. He went to Fili and there was a small debate. But Fili seemed to give in. Kili came back to me.

“All right, he’s sending for food, tents, blankets, braziers. We can all stay, and there will be dwarves working in shifts all night. If there’s anything else here, we will find it!”

******************************

Once the camp was set up, I had to go in to warm up. I _was_ freezing. Kili tried to get me to eat something but my stomach was in knots and I doubted I could keep anything down. He wrapped me in blankets and then wrapped himself around me, with his chin on my shoulder.

“You probably won’t sleep either, will you?” I shook my head.

“How can I? So close to finding an answer finally...”

“El, I don’t want you to get your hopes up too high…we may find nothing else, or we may find a body.”

“I know that, Kili. It just brings up all the memories, of the n-night he w-w-ent mis-sing.” I was still shivering, but also trying to hold back tears. And failing miserably. There was a disturbance outside, shouts. I jumped up, Kili right behind me. Fili came in before we could get out of the tent.

“We found the other one!” he said. “On the opposite bank. Which probably means he went across, one way or the other.” He took my hand and placed both beads in it, curling my fingers around them.

“We will keep looking, as long as it ta—“

He was cut off by another cry from further down the river and we all rushed out. One of the searchers was standing on the western bank with something in his hand. Fili ran to him and snatched the item away: it was the clasp that held hair gathered in the back…Thorin’s. I thought I would go mad with the tension.

A couple of hours later, they found his belt. At that point, it was decided to wait until daylight to search along the easternmost edges of Mirkwood. I couldn’t understand why all these things hadn’t been found years ago, when the massive search was conducted, until I remembered. I’d been abducted again; I wasn’t here for that search. But I wasn’t going anywhere this time. Not before this search was exhausted. I was becoming angry at Thranduil all over again, for having taken me the night Thorin disappeared. I wanted answers from him and I wanted them now.

I asked someone to bring me writing materials and designate a messenger. And I wrote:

_Thranduil,_

_Evidence of Thorin has been discovered. I am staying at camp on the eastern shore of the River Running until we find out for sure. Nion and Ara are staying with me, unless you need them. If so, I will send them with an escort. Relay the message to Legolas if he should happen to return. I think you owe me more of an explanation.  E._

I sent this, knowing that he would come promptly, even if business had to be delayed.

Once it was full dark, I tried to sleep, with Fili and Kili curled up with me for warmth. We were restless, anxious for daylight.

“Do you think we’ll find anything else?” I asked. “All of these things could have fallen off if he was swimming across.”

“Or they could have been thrown in by whoever might have abducted him.”

“That’s why I wrote to Thranduil. He told me the night he raided Erebor to bring me back to the Realm, that Thorin was captured by one of the raiding parties but had escaped. If they were going to take him to Mirkwood, they would have been travelling directly _west_.”

“Then why are these things being found _now_ , at the southern edge of Long Lake?” asked Fili.

“Good question – that’s why I’m demanding a better explanation. Meanwhile I think searching the forest edge is our best option.”

******************************

Toward dawn there was another sound of approaching horses. Fili went out to see who it was. I heard Frerin’s voice and knew it was our sons, all of them. Fili was arguing with them.

“But _Adad_ , we want to help look for Thorin, too! Isn’t it better to have more people looking?”  I went out, with Kili right behind me.

“Fili! Let them help! I’d feel better if they were where we can keep an eye on them, too!” I called. Kili echoed his approval.

Fili said, “Fine! As long as they’re never alone. There’s always the possibility this is a trap.”

I felt cold go down my spine; I had never thought of that, so focused was I on Thorin’s whereabouts. Of course, they were always at risk. I went to Ara.

“Your father is most likely on the way. Yours too, Nion, if he happens to be at home.” They looked surprised.  “Why?”

“Because they were responsible for bringing me to the Realm the night Thorin disappeared. I think they know more than I was told. Or at least Thranduil does.”

Dwalin was barking orders to the units, telling them where to go. Each of the children was assigned to one of these, and everyone rode off. I decided to stay in camp, in case Thranduil and/or Legolas showed up.

Hours went by. I was restless, but didn’t dare leave. Late in the afternoon, I could see riders coming from the north at the edge of the wood. Yes, both of them; the blonde hair was recognizable even at great distance. I went into the tent. Shortly, they both came in, still windblown from the fast riding.

“Elspeth!” Thranduil said. “What is going on?” Legolas just stared at me.

“I think you know more about that night than you told me. I want the truth, now!”

“Do you think I was lying to you?” He went to his knees in front of me. “Please!”

“You told me Thorin was captured outside the mountain, and escaped one of your raiding parties that was coming for me. That the party would have taken him back to the Realm.”

“No, _meleth nin_ , I told you he was captured but escaped. I never said they were bringing him to Mirkwood.” I looked at him intently, to see if there was any deceit in his eyes.

“Would there be any reason why they would have been going south, then? Because _that’s_ where we’re finding his things!” I pointed toward the river.

“No, I swear! If I had known then they had even taken him, I would have left him in Erebor. I gave no orders to take him prisoner. You must believe me!”

Legolas finally spoke. “It was my fault, _Ada_.” We both looked at him.

“I was in charge of that particular group. I told them to go south to the edge of the lake with Thorin and hold him there until I was sure you had gotten Elspeth away. Once I got the signal, I sent for them to bring him back to Erebor, but he had gotten away. I assumed he would make his way north on his own.” He dropped his head. “I’m so sorry. I should have said something.”

Thranduil rose and took his son by the shoulders, shaking him hard. “Why? Why did you not tell me when this happened?”

“I  misunderstood you. I thought you wanted him out of the picture, so there would be no more fighting over Elspeth. I thought he would return to Erebor on his own. But when no word came, I thought it would be best to maintain the illusion that no one knew what happened to him.” Thranduil stared daggers at him.

“Then you will go, right now, and assist with the search along and into the forest. I do not want to see hide nor hair of you until the dwarves tell me they have stopped looking. And even after…you will look on your own until you have exhausted all possible avenues. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, _Ada_. I will not return until I discover the truth of what happened to Thorin. I swear it, to you both.” He turned and left.

Thranduil turned back to me, looking stricken. “I am sorry. If I had known any of this before…” He knelt again, “I would never do anything to jeopardize my relationship with you, even before you began to trust me. Please, please don’t blame me for this, Elspeth!” And sobbed into my lap.

I put my hands into his hair, forcing him to look at me. “I believe you, _a’maelamin_.” I kissed him gently. “But I will remain here until I find out what happened.”

“Then I will stay with you.” Relief showed strongly in his face.

“No. Return to the Realm. You still have business to conduct. And I am not fit company while this is going on.” The relief was being replaced by a look of incredulity….and sadness.

“Elspeth, tell me the truth. Are you still mourning Thorin? Will you leave me if he is found?”

“Yes, I am still mourning.” I let tears slip. “I can’t think beyond this, of what will happen. I don’t know.”

“You are breaking my heart!” he cried. “After everything we’ve been through, Elspeth. I _will_ die this time if you leave me!” And before I could say another word, he stormed out, leapt onto his horse and was gone.

I let myself go, crying as my own heart broke. _What can I do? I can’t stand it, that I may have to hurt one of them. What_ will _I do, if Thorin_ is _alive?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mahal - Dwarves' name for Aulë (The Creator)  
> Meleth Nin - My love  
> Ada - Father  
> Adad - Father  
> A'maelamin - Beloved


	48. Losing It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a month of searching with no results, Elspeth receives a message from Thranduil begging her to come home. Feeling there's not much more she can do at Erebor, she returns to the Realm, but something in her has changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes
> 
> Warning: This chapter and the next are more sexually graphic than previously.

The searching went on. After a week, Fili and Kili insisted I stay in the mountain. The cold was getting to me, so I agreed. But I was still on pins and needles, unable to sleep or eat. Every day that went by was leading me into despair once again. After two weeks, Ara and Nion came to me, asking if we could go home. I sent them on with an escort.  Two days later, I received a note from Thranduil. I was almost afraid to open it.

_Dearest Elspeth,_

_Please come home. You can always return if they find anything. I swear I won’t try to hold you back. I need you here and the boys do too. You also need to be taken care of and I know there’s no one there for you, as they are all involved in the search. I want to hold you and comfort you, no matter the final outcome. I love you so much. I can’t bear that you are so unhappy right now. Let me take care of you. Please._

_Your loving husband, Thranduil_

He was right, of course. I should let Fili and Kili and Dwalin and everyone else take care of the search. They wouldn’t stop. Legolas said he wouldn’t stop. I did belong in the Realm, to be cared for until there was an answer.

I left a note for Fili and Kili, and rode for home, with a heavy heart.

******************************

As soon as I entered the back gate, Thranduil was there, sweeping me off my horse and carrying me to our rooms,

“Oh, thank the _Valar_ you are all right! Why did you ride alone? You are freezing!” He set me in front of the fire and wrapped me in blankets, then wrapped me into his arms, murmuring comforting words in elvish. I knew I had been right to come back…all the love and comfort I needed was right here, holding me.

“I.I’m…s.s.sorry…if I.hurt.y.y.you,” I started, still so cold. Thranduil picked me up again, brought me to the bed and began undressing me.

“You are in shock,” he said. “I’m putting you into a warm bath.” He carried me into the bath, dropping his own robe. He sat, keeping my back against his warmth. His hair and mine mingled together in the fragrant water. It felt wonderful… _he_ felt wonderful. I felt the chill leaving my bones.

“Why are you so good to me?” I whispered. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Of course you do, _a’ maelamin_. You have been through so much since coming here from your own world, some of the worst of it at my hands, for which I will never forgive myself. But _you_ have graced me with your love and trust, given me another son and a grandson, tried to heal my older son, and brought me back to life. You deserve everything I can give you and more.”

He turned me toward him and kissed me tenderly. “I love you so my heart feels like it will burst with it.”

I continued turning my body, until I was facing him, straddling him. “Then show me.” I kissed him, hard, insisting with my tongue. In seconds he was hard as a rock, and thrust into me, almost too roughly. I didn’t care…I wanted it to hurt. I felt that physical pain would lessen the emotional pain. “Yes, yes! Harder!” I cried, biting one of his nipples. “What’s gotten into you?” he gasped.

“You. You’ve gotten into me. I want you to fuck me senseless!”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” I bit the other nipple, drawing blood. He arched, pushing in harder.

“But I want you to. Please, Thranduil, punish me, I deserve the pain!” I needed him to help push Thorin out of my mind. I knew he could do it, with enough encouragement from me.

"All right, my love, if that is what you want. But we must get out of the water.” He pulled out of me, got both of us somewhat dry and carried me into the bedroom.

“Tie me!” I commanded. He obeyed, putting me on my stomach. “What…” I started to ask.

I felt the lubricant. “I’m going to take you anally, but use something else as well. And it won’t be gentle.”

“Yes!’ I said. “Make me beg you to stop, but don’t. I’m not even giving you a safe word.”

This was something I had never done before, and it made Thranduil freeze in preparing me. “Elspeth, this could be dangerous…there will come a point where I may not be able to stop.”

“Good! I don’t want you to stop until _you_ want to.” This was really asking for trouble, as I knew well.  Elves have a much greater capacity and stamina…he could be at it for hours.

Reaching into the nightstand drawer, he took out a sex toy, one that would stimulate me in both of the most responsive spots, especially with me facing down. Once it was lubricated, he used it, just enough to get me moaning, then pushed it in all the way. He then slid into me, the length of him pushing into nearly unknown territory, and began to move. The effect was immediate and I came with enough force that the toy slid out.

“No, no…can’t have that.” He said and inserted it again, continuing to thrust, doing it harder and deeper. This made me yelp but I wasn’t going to give in and ask him to stop. He started to speed up, reached under me to keep the toy in place. Now it was starting to become unbearable, but I still wouldn’t say anything, other than “Yes! More! Make me scream!” He really moved then, and it _was_ hurting, but the pleasure had become overwhelming, and as I came I did scream. My thrashing pushed Thranduil beyond as well, and I felt him let go.

“Are you done?” He asked. “Do you want me to keep going?”

“Yes!” I panted. “But put me on my back now. Lick me, bite me, fuck me, show me no mercy!"

 Once I was retied, he looked at me, with a very worried expression. He had never seen this side of me.

 “Are you sure? I think you’re going at this too hard.”

 “I’m sure!  Just do it!” So he proceeded, everything I asked for and then some. 

 “I can’t do any more…please, let me untie you, no more pain.” he whispered. Tears clung to his long eyelashes.

 “All right…for now.” I said. “But this isn’t over.”

******************************

 Untied, wrapped in his arms, he asked me why.

“Because I’ve earned the torment. I haven’t been fair with you, and you’ve done nothing but try to please me, no matter what. I’m not worthy of the love you give me!”

“Elspeth, Elspeth, _a’maelamin!_   Don’t say such things. Why do you think you’ve been unfair to me?”

“I’ve continued to hope Thorin would be found; I’ve continued to have sex with Fili and Kili, and even still with Legolas, when he’s here. I want to give my whole heart to you, to love only you, but I’m weak. I despise myself for my weakness!  I can’t expect you to forgive me, to continue to love me the way you do, when I have no control over myself. When I hurt you!”  I was sobbing now.

He tightened his grip on me. “No, you have been mostly honest with me…I know what you’ve been doing. And I knew you would eventually tell me. It doesn’t matter. _Amin mela le._ If you need to be with the others, I understand. They are also the fathers of your children. None of them would try to take you from me. You couldn’t be in this much psychic pain if you _didn’t_ love me.”

“I’m using you to inflict physical pain on me to try to drive these other needs away. That’s unconscionable. You should cast me out for it.”

“Never! Even if you were still keeping yourself from me I could not. I believe you came to this world for Thorin, and I have expected that you want to go back to him. But I also believe you have come to love me with at least equal passion, even if you don’t believe it. You are mortal and won’t outlive me, so I want to be able to have as much time with you as possible. You mean everything to me, even if I am tormented.”

“Oh, Thranduil! Keep me here; don’t let me go back to Erebor. Tori, Rin and Kali are old enough to come here on their own. Every time I go there, it’s too overwhelming. If I stay here, with you, I don’t even think about it, about the life I was supposed to have there. I need to stay in the sphere you weave around me.”

He kissed me gently. “All right, my love. But I will not force you to remain, if you really wish to go. Are you in pain, anywhere? I can give you something to ease it.”

“No, nothing I can’t tolerate. I need to feel it. I think I can sleep now. Please stay with me.”

“There’s no place I would rather be. Sleep, _meleth nin_. I will be right here.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meleth nin - My love  
> A’maelamin - My beloved  
> Amin mela le - I love you


	49. Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth continues to go downhill, especially when Fili calls off the search after 6 months. Thranduil, in desperation, sends for Elrond and Arwen, Fili and Kili, and Gandalf. Legolas finds Gandalf while still searching for Thorin. Gandalf tells them Elspeth has built a wall around her psyche that only Thorin may be able to get through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes
> 
> Warning: This chapter is even more graphic than the one before.

Elspeth received reports from Erebor several times a week, but beyond the discoveries made at the river, there were no further clues. She began to think the worst. If Thorin had wandered too far west, further into Mirkwood, he would have been heading toward Dol Guldur. And as yet, no one had been able to determine what might still lurk there. But there was no evidence of which direction. And if he had wandered into those woods, who knows what dire fate he might have met. Scouts were sent even further south, but if he had gone into the Brown Lands, he would not have survived.

Still, they continued to search, going as far as Rohan to the very edge of Mordor, to Minas Tirith. Other parties went to the Iron Hills and to Rhun. Dáin scoured his mines, thinking it possible Thorin could have managed to get in and no one recognized him, or, having no memory, would have worked there, thinking that was where he belonged. Nothing. After 6 months, Fili had no choice but to call it off. He couldn’t continue to delegate that much manpower when work needed to be done in Erebor.

He and Kili wanted her to come, perhaps to reassure her they had exhausted all possibilities of finding any further trace of Thorin. But she had demanded that Thranduil keep her in the Realm. This news put her into a state of withdrawal: she refused to get out of bed, attend to any of her duties, or even communicate with Thranduil, Every healer had been sent to try to reach her, but even they could not rouse her. She cried all day and slept so fitfully that Thranduil had to sleep in Legolas’ room. There had been no word from him either, and his father was getting worried something might have happened to him.

In desperation, Thranduil requested that Elrond, along with Arwen, come to see if he, with the strongest healing powers of all, could pull her out of the downward spiral before it was too late. He also sent out scouts looking for Gandalf, who had not appeared anywhere in this area for several years. Lastly, he asked Fili and Kili to come to the Realm, since she would not go to them.

Unexpectedly, Gandalf arrived first, accompanied by Legolas. It had been theorized that since Thrain had ended up in Dol Guldur, without anyone knowing he was there for years, Thorin may have either gone or was taken there, and was wandering the ruins as his father had done, in madness. But no one would even approach the place. Legolas had spent months tracking Gandalf until he found him in the Shire, visiting Bilbo.

Thranduil was sharp with his son, but once he heard how far Legolas had gone in his own search, and decided to find Gandalf, he couldn’t really continue to be angry with him.

Gandalf asked, “So, what is wrong with Elspeth, that no one has been able to stop her from this self-destructive path she is on? Last reports I heard was that she was perfectly happy, here with you and her sons,” directing this to Thranduil.

“She has been like this since Fili had to call off this second search after 6 months. After the items were discovered outside of Laketown, she wouldn't leave Erebor; after a month I convinced her to come back. She was already changing.”

“What do you mean, ‘changing’?” This was a touchy subject, because of Elspeth’s constant demands for rough treatment and even rougher sex from Thranduil, who complied most of the time but hated it.

“She…wanted me to mistreat her, in every possible way. Almost to the point of torture.”

“And you did this? _Ada_ , how could you?” Legolas was distraught at this.

“It’s not that I wanted to…she controlled it. If I wouldn’t go past a certain point, she would lock herself in the bathing chamber and tell me not to return until I was more willing to hurt her.”

“How long did this go on?” Legolas wouldn’t let go of this horrific revelation.

“Until she heard the search was called off. Then she stopped everything, She speaks to no one, refuses to leave the bedroom, eats practically nothing and cries constantly. I can’t even sleep with her as she’s so restless and nightmare-ridden.” Thranduil looked as though he might fall apart at any moment.

“Tell me what you have tried, or had your healers try.” Gandalf spoke to him gently.

“We tried everything. She wouldn’t drink any of the usual remedies and I was loath to force her. None of the healers could reach her mentally. They all said she had built a wall around herself that could not be broken, at least not by them. This is why I sent for Elrond and his daughter. They are my last resort, besides you.” A knock at the door; a guard whispered that Fili and Kili had arrived.

“Bring them, right now.” Thranduil ordered, and shortly the King Under the Mountain and his Royal Consort entered. They bowed to Thranduil, nodded to Gandalf and Legolas respectfully.

“What can we do? I feel terrible that calling off the search has put Elspeth in this state.” Fili asked.

“Can we see her?" Kili looked as if someone had punched him in the stomach.

“No,” said Gandalf. “First let me see if I can uncover anything myself.” And went into the bedroom.

“I take it you haven’t had any success either?” Fili asked Legolas.

“I have not. I finally found Gandalf in the Shire…he didn’t know about any of this, so I brought him here to see if he might have a solution. Also to ask about Dol Guldur, if there might be something that would pull Thorin into that place, as it had his father.”

******************************

They all sat down at the fireplace. Thranduil, with head in hands, remembered the night this started, with Elspeth acting like an animal, begging him to punish her. Admitting her continued liaisons with the three sitting right here.

“ _Ada?_ ” Legolas said, “Can you tell me more about this behavior?” Thranduil raised his head, pushing stray hair out of his face.

“It started the night she showed up after the search had been going on for the better part of a month. She rode alone and was in shock and freezing. I took her into a bath, just trying to get her warm. And she went at me like never before – bit me so hard she drew blood and demanded I torment her. I…had to tie her to the bed…no matter what I did she was not satisfied until I couldn’t go on with it. It got worse and worse…to the point I started avoiding her.”

“Well, that should have put an end to it!” Legolas was still angry. Thranduil gave a rueful laugh.

“I wish!” he said. “If I stayed away for more than a day or two, she would start screaming at the guards to find me. If everyone in the Realm didn’t hear her I would be surprised.”

Fili, with as much calmness as he could keep in his voice asked, “Why? What reasons did she give?”

Thranduil took a deep breath before speaking. “She said it was because she wasn’t being fair to me. She was still mourning for Thorin. She was still” – he was having trouble saying this – “still having sex with all of you. I told her it didn’t matter; you all fathered children with her, just as I did. How could I be angry about that?”

“Are you?” asked Kili. “After all, she is married to you. Didn’t you take vows of faithfulness?”

“No, it is not part of the ceremony, as it is implicitly known that we mate for life. But she isn’t an elf, so it was not even considered. And I know about her needs…we had a long conversation once, about how people in her world behave. She is not like most. I’m sure you are all aware of this.”

“In fact,” he went on, “if Gandalf can’t resolve it and Elrond hasn’t arrived, I would be grateful if you - he looked at Legolas- “and/or you two” – looking back at Kili and Fili – “would see if you get a similar physical reaction, or if it’s only me.” The three of them looked back at him with surprise.

“Do you mean all of us?” Kili found his voice first.

“However, whatever. I’m desperate; I’ll try anything if there’s a shred of hope. I cannot lose her. I believe she will die if no one can reach her, and if that happens, I will fade and follow her.”

“No! _Ada!_ You cannot do that!” Legolas threw himself onto the floor in front of Thranduil. “Go to Valinor, but do not ask me to watch you do that again!”

“I know, _ion nin_. I only stayed because you needed me, after your mother died. I have never regretted that. But once you were grown, you saw what happened. I shut down everything except the minimum I needed to keep performing my duty as king of the Realm. And I drank, and drank – trying to numb that pain. I became cold…and cruel. I can’t do it again.”

He looked at Fili and Kili, who were silent through this intimate discussion. “And you two…I know she has a special relationship with you and loves you both very much. I can’t believe she will give you the same angry, demanding behavior.”

Gandalf returned. “She is in another place, one from which I cannot recall her. My fear is that only Thorin will be able to reach her…and we all know how impossible that will be, unless he is found.”

*******************************

They sat in shocked silence. They were running out of options. Legolas got up. “I will try first,” and went into the bedroom.

He was almost frightened at Elspeth’s appearance. Her face was pinched, her hair was in snarls. She wore nothing under the covers. Her eyes were the only thing that looked alive, and they were glittering brightly, as if with madness. Her wrists and throat showed marks of restraint. She regarded him with a frightening eagerness.

“Ah, Legolas! So you have returned. Maybe you will do what your father won’t. I would never believe he could be so weak.”

“Elspeth, _meleth nin_ , why are you carrying on so? You know my father loves you more than life itself, yet you are forcing him to hurt you.”

“Because I deserve to be hurt! I need to be punished!” she screamed at him. “Now, come here, and bring the ropes!” He took several steps back from the bed.

“No, I will not hurt you. I love you. Wouldn’t you rather I hold you, comfort you?” She laughed, a most unpleasant sound, nothing like her usual light enchanting one.

“Comfort? Did I say anything about comfort? I want you to get over here and FUCK me like you never have before! Do it like you did when you started to rape me! I want you to stick your cock in me so far I bleed! Or even better, do it in my ASS – that hurts even more! And I will beg you _not_ to stop!”

She got off the bed and started toward him. Her body, while still tempting, was becoming skeletal. Her ribs were showing; there were bite marks everywhere. “What’s the matter with you? You’ve never denied me before! Or have you become as weak as your father?”

That did it. Legolas felt tears burning in his eyes as he opened the door. And she screeched behind him. “Send in a _real_ man, since you seem to have stopped being one! Someone who will do what I want!” He closed the door behind him and sank to the floor against it, letting his tears fall. Thranduil went to him, knelt and put his arms around his son. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I had hoped she would be more receptive to you.”

“She looks horrible! This is not the Elspeth I know and love! It’s like someone else is living inside her. I have never heard her say such things. Is this what you’ve had to deal with for all these months?”

Thranduil nodded. “She’s even crueler to me. That’s why I’ve tried to stay away. I know, it’s hard for you to believe I would give into her demands, but sometimes I can’t bear it. Once I give her only a little of what she wants, she’s calm for a short time. I try not to hurt her as much as she wants it. Otherwise, this is how it is.”

They both got up, went back to sit at the fireplace. Fili and Kili were pale and voiceless. Thranduil looked at them sadly. “You don’t have to go in if you don’t want to. I don’t think she would react any better to you.”

“No,” said Fili, “we came to help and we must at least try. Maybe it will be different with the two of us. Ready, brother?” he asked as he rose. Kili got up as well, looking far less certain. “Okay,” he said in a small voice. Fili took his hand and they went in.

She had returned to the bed. They stared at her, no less appalled than Legolas had been. She stared back, with a hunger in her eyes they had never seen. “Oh good!” She said. “Fili and Kili, who never, ever disappoint me. So you won’t now. Get your clothes off and come here!”

Fili whispered to his brother, “I think we should try to go along at first…there’s two of us, so we can keep her from hurting us, which I think she might do if we refuse.”

Kili whispered back, “But we aren’t going to really hurt her, right?” Fili shook his head. “Not willingly, but it may be what she needs.”

They stripped and approached the bed, one on either side. Elspeth wore what could almost be described as an evil smile. She barely looked like herself. They got in simultaneously. She was facing Fili. “My golden lion! You will savage me, won’t you?” Fili tried to kiss her and she bit his lip, drawing blood. “Yes! Blood!” she cried, and proceeded to lick it off. Fili nodded to his brother, and he put his arms around her, holding tightly. She struggled at first, but then accepted this as part of the torment she was hoping for.

“Come on, Fili! I can’t get away from you as long as your brother holds onto me. Bite me! Lick me! Fuck me as hard as you ever did! I need you! I need you both inside me, like you know how to do, one in each hole. And do it HARD. No lubrication, you have to make me BLEED!!”

Kili breathed into her ear, “Now, El, you know we can’t do it without oil. It would hurt us more than you.” He started biting at her earlobe, then the back of her neck. “Harder! Do it harder!” she urged him. Fili started nibbling at her breasts, and she demanded the same from him. He bit a little harder. “No, Lion! Use your SHARP teeth!” He did bite, and this time he drew blood. “Oh, thank you! Thank you!” she cried. Kili pierced her earlobe, which bled profusely, spilling over her shoulder and trickling down between her breasts.

“Lick it off, then kiss me. I want to taste it!” Fili complied. She sucked the blood from his lips, his tongue. Worried she would bite him again, he got his hand down between her legs and began rubbing. She arched her back, as best she could with Kili not losing his grip, and moaned loudly. “Yes, yes! Fingers!” She was wet enough, so he plunged his index and middle fingers into her, continuing to use his thumb on her clit.

Kili took his cue, and let go of her with one hand to lubricate it. She didn’t struggle away. He got her slippery, and stuck in one finger, then two. “More! Give me more!.” They both did as she asked. Again, as the signal passed between them, they positioned her, putting one leg on Fili’s shoulder for better access. He pushed his cock into her, hard and fast. She squealed loudly, and Kili followed with the same force. “Harder! Both of you, hard as you can!”

While they unleashed as much force on her as they could, there was an alarming sensation. They could _feel_ each other thrusting into her. She had lost so much weight. It was strange, still erotic. She knew it, too. “Amazing! You’re feeling each other inside me! But you’re not hurting me enough. Get us upright!” Without disrupting their connection, they did, so she could ride both of them. “This feels too good…bite me, both of you! Draw more blood!” Kili bit into her other earlobe; it bled like the other. Fili bit her neck until he felt the skin give. She bled, and he felt like a vampire, sucking at the blood and then kissing her so she could taste it. There was something intoxicating about the act.

Unbelievably, the sensation of rubbing up against each other inside her was pushing them to climax, but they couldn’t gauge where she was. With a quick glance, they decided to finish and see what she would demand next. They pounded into her with as much force as they had ever used, even with each other, and came almost together. “Nooo! You can’t be done already!” She moaned, feeling them start to pull out of her. “Tell us what else to do.” Fili said, breathless.

“Tie me up!” She commanded. “I want Fili under me. You have the thicker cock, so I want that in my butt. Kili, you are going to bite me, wherever I tell you. Do it right and you can fuck me, be able to feel your brother inside me again!” Fili positioned himself, Kili tied her. She complained the ropes weren’t tight enough, so he pulled at them until she told him to stop. They were chafing her wrists and ankles, but she didn’t care.

“Fili, get in me!” He did, making sure he thrust in fast and hard and she screamed. He knew it hurt her and started to feel liquid flowing from inside…it must be blood.

“Kili! Start biting my inner thighs, and work your way up. No kissing, no tongue, just bites. If I say harder, do it!” Fili had stopped moving, knowing she would need some time to feel what Kili was doing without the distraction of his movement. Kili was doing as she wanted, biting her harder than he wanted to, but there was something driving him.

She moaned, crying his name. When he got to her sex, trying to figure out how to possibly bite her there, he swiped once with his tongue. “No! Bite it! Suck it a little and it will stand up enough for you to get your teeth on it! Do it! Do it now!” He did as she demanded, then she yelled for Fili to start moving. She thrashed wildly, “Oh, my loves! You know how much I needed you…no one else will do what I say! Kili, fuck me now…hard!” He moved up and drove into her fast and deeply. He could feel Fili in her again, and it was building up to another orgasm very quickly. Elspeth was now gasping that she was going to come, so they stepped up their movement. And it finally ended for all of them, like brutal waves crashing on sharp, perilous rocks.

****************************

Elspeth was crying as they gently untied her, Fili’s fear that she was bleeding from him entering her so hard was justified…blood spread under her, almost too much. Kili went into the bathing chamber and started running water. Fili lifted Elspeth enough so they could pull the bloody sheet out. She was completely docile, murmuring softly how she loved them, how they never failed her, that if she couldn’t have Thorin at least she could have them. They helped her into the bath, joining her.

“El?” Kili said softly. “Can you tell us why you’re so needy for pain and abuse? We didn’t really do so much more than we usually do, but you didn’t get angry. You seem satisfied.”

“I am. It’s because you are the closest thing I have to Thorin. Thranduil and Legolas can’t do that for me. Even if you taught them exactly what to do, I don’t think it would have the same effect. I want him back. I can’t believe no one has turned up anything more. He’s _got_ to be out there, somewhere.”

Fili asked, “The night Thorin went missing, you told Lord Elrond and Lady Arwen that you were sure he was dead, that you could no longer feel him. Why are you convinced now that he still lives?”

“Because I feel him again. Maybe he’s closer. Maybe he’s recovered from whatever kept him away. Maybe he remembers me. I just know he isn’t dead.”

They were washing her gently; all the bleeding had stopped, but she had marks everywhere. It was obvious Thranduil had been biting her as well. They made her lie back and washed her snarled, dirty hair. She groaned with pleasure. Her head was one of those sexual triggers, but she was sated.

They got her out of the bath, dried her and combed out her hair. She definitely looked more like herself. Kili rummaged in drawers until he found a soft nightgown of sky blue.

Fili tried again, “You still haven’t told us why you wanted to be abused.” She smiled ruefully.

“Can’t you see? I have to make Thranduil stop loving me, or at least with less obsession than he does. When Thorin is found, it will be over between us, but I don’t want him to suffer. He has been so good to me. But I know where I belong. I can’t deny it.”

“I don’t think it’s possible for him _not_ to suffer. You are Queen of the Realm as well as his wife. How are you going to extricate yourself from all of it?”

“I was _supposed_ to be Queen of Erebor! I haven’t forgotten. Though no one can ask you to step down, either of you.”

Fili laughed. “We would welcome abdication! Running a kingdom is hard work, and not always satisfying. If we went back to our simpler lives, just making things, we would be ecstatic!”

“But we’re getting way ahead of ourselves. Thorin hasn’t been found yet. And who knows what kind of condition he’ll be in. He may not be able to resume the throne. I hope he will, but we must be realistic about this.”

“Well,” I said. “Guess it’s time to go out and face the music.” Kili looked confused

“What music? They can’t be having musicians in here while all this is going on!” Fili whacked him on the back of the head.

“Don’t do that Fili! Kili can’t help it if he doesn't always remember.’” To Kili I said, “It’s just an expression from my world. It means to face up to something you may dread, as it will change things, but you still must do it.”

We exited the bedroom. At the sight of me looking so much more normal, Thranduil and Legolas leapt up. “Oh, _a’maelamin!_   It is so good to see you!” Thranduil embraced me, so did Legolas. To Fili and Kili Thranduil said, “How did you do this?” I put a hand on his arm.

“I will tell you, but later. Have Lord Elrond and Lady Arwen arrived?”

“Yes, they are in the Council Room. Shall we go?” I shook my head.

“I need to see them alone first. You understand, don’t you _meleth nin_?” Thranduil kissed my cheek.

“Of course. Either come back here or send for us when you’re ready.”

******************************

I stepped quickly away and headed off. I wondered just how much Thranduil would grill Fili and Kili about what they had done, but they knew this was my responsibility and wouldn’t give him too much information.

Elrond and Arwen embraced me as I entered the Council Room.

“Thranduil told me you were a mess, but you don’t look it to me.” Elrond noted. “You are glowing!” Arwen giggled. He looked at her. “What?” “Fili and Kili got here before us.” It took a moment, but he finally got it. “Oh… _oh!_ ”

“Thranduil sent for you because I _was_ in a very bad state. 6 months ago, while at Erebor I found one of Thorin’s beads in the River Running, just below Laketown. A host of dwarves combed the area and found the other bead, his hair clasp and his belt. The night he disappeared, Thranduil had raiding parties out to abduct me again. He told me one of the parties captured Thorin. Why he was outside the mountain no one knew. I thought Thranduil told me the party was taking him to the Realm, but he escaped them.”

“After we found the items I demanded he tell me why things were there instead of on the eastern side of the forest. He told me he would have never had a raiding party bring Thorin to the Realm, that there would be no reason to hold him, and he would have been returned to Erebor. Legolas then admitted it was his fault, that raiding party was his charge, and he told them to bring Thorin south toward Laketown. When he signaled them to come back, Thorin had gotten away. Legolas thought Thranduil wanted Thorin out of the picture altogether, so he let everyone believe that Thorin had just disappeared.”

“Thranduil was very angry and told Legolas to join the search parties, and even after the search was called off to continue looking. That’s how he found Gandalf in the Shire. There's a theory, that possibly Thorin was drawn into Dol Goldur, like his father, and was wandering there, not in his right mind. He wanted Gandalf to tell him if it was possible, and who should go to check.”

“I would not go back to the Realm. Thranduil was upset with me, that I was still looking for Thorin, but after a month he asked me to return and I did, But I was overcome with some mad desire to be hurt, punished, I insisted this had to be done, as an apology for my hope, for my indiscretions, for causing him pain. Most of the time he appeased me, though not as much as I demanded.”

“Then Fili had to call off the search after 6 months without a single further clue, though the search parties covered a very extensive area, much more than they had done at first. I went into an almost catatonic state, refusing to get out of bed, attend to my responsibilities, eat or take care of myself. I cried and cried and didn’t speak to anyone. Thranduil couldn’t even sleep with me, I was so restless at night.”

“That’s when he got desperate to send for you, to find Gandalf, to have Fili and Kili come. None of his healers could reach me. Gandalf, who got here first, tried to penetrate the wall I had around myself. He said only Thorin could get through it. I had Fili and Kili give in to my demands for pain, and that got me out of the state I was in. They had…um…prior experience with me.”

Elrond raised an eyebrow, Arwen smiled and quickly hid it. Elrond asked:

“So since you are out of the dangerous mindset, what can we do?”

“Remember, the night Thorin disappeared, I told you I was sure he was dead, because I could no longer feel him?” Elrond nodded.

“Well, I feel him now. I just thought maybe you could tell, if what I’m feeling is real, or just more wishful thinking. Because if he does live, I will leave Thranduil and I’m afraid of what he will do.”

“Do you think he will harm you, like before?”

“Not this time. It’s more likely he will allow himself to fade and die. I think this abuse episode was my way of trying to get him to stop loving me so obsessively. It didn’t work. So now I have to tell him, but I need to know about Thorin before I do.”

“Elspeth, I must warn you. It is a great disruption. You are not just Thranduil’s wife – “ I finished it.

“Yes, I am also Queen of the Woodland Realm. But I was supposed to be Queen of Erebor!”

“All right. We will try to determine if Thorin lives. The rest we’ll have to sort out later.” He motioned to Arwen and they laid their hands on my head. I went into something like a hypnotic trance, not like suspension, but something less deep. They broke the contact and I awoke.

“You are correct…Thorin does live, but his location..."

“ _Ada_ ,” said Arwen, “I think he _is_ in Dol Guldur.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ada - Father  
> Ion Nin - My son  
> Meleth Nin - My love  
> A’maelamin - My beloved


	50. Part 6 - You Were Always Here With Me, Chapter 50 - Farewell to the Realm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth leaves with Gandalf, Fili, Kili, Elrond and Arwen, heading for Dol Guldur. She hears Thorin calling to her psychically. They search the fortress until they find a locked, chained door, behind which is Thorin. He is unresponsive at first and Elspeth fears they were too late, but he is alive. They get him out of the cell, but are pursued by Nazgûl as they run for the safety of the Golden Wood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

“Do you need us to come up with you?” Elrond asked. “I fear this will hit Thranduil hard to the point I may need to sedate _him_.” I looked stricken.

“Yes, come with me. But shouldn’t I wait until Thorin is found?”

“ _Mellon nin_ ,” said Arwen gently, “If you are determined in your course, and you must break his heart, it is better not to wait.”

“I’ve given him 10 years, more than he really deserved, considering how it was in the beginning. But I started loving him, somewhere along the way. I just can’t lie to myself anymore. This isn’t who or where I was meant to be. I need to be with my dwarf family.”

I took a deep breath. “All right, let’s go.” We climbed up the pathways to Thranduil’s office. The moment I came into the room, he knew.

“Elspeth! No, No, No! You cannot leave me now! I will die!” He looked as if he would, actually, drop dead just then. Legolas came to me, practically hissing, “You know what this will do, not just to him, but to me, to our sons, to the entire realm!”

“Yes, I know. But Lord Elrond and Lady Arwen have confirmed what I’ve been feeling is true. Thorin lives, and is very close.”

Thranduil wailed, “No! It cannot be true!”

I went to him, gathered him into my arms. “Don’t, _meleth nin!_ I must follow my heart now, and that heart has always belonged to Thorin. I have given you more than 10 years, mostly good ones. I will always love you. But I must leave now. It is time. I know this will be difficult, and I am most grieved that it has to be this way. You always knew this day might come, and I was honest with you all along."

“I’ve given you another son, so you cannot give up and despair when he needs you. Ara seems grown, but remember he’s only 12. And Nion will need you too. In a few years, Legolas will have to leave on his own quest and will be gone a very long time. For their sake, for all of their sakes, you must be strong once again. This pain shall pass, and I’m not truly gone…I will only be a day away. And when you can forgive me for this, I will still be just that far.” I kissed him and got up.

To my amazement, he stopped himself from giving in to his emotional distress. He got up, straightened to his full and formidable height, dashed away the tears. He took a step toward me and knelt. I didn’t move. He put his arms around me, for what would be the last time.

“Everything you’ve said is true, _a’maelamin_. You _have_ given me more than I ever deserved, and I will always love you for that. But I know it came at a cost, and now that must be repaid. So go, find your heart.” He kissed my forehead, rose and stepped away from me. He turned to Legolas and said, “Call a scribe. There are documents to sign.”

I said, “Call me when the papers are drawn up. I need to prepare.” And went into the bedroom. Fili and Kili followed me. “So you’re really coming home?”

“Yes. To where I’ve always belonged. After I go to Dol Guldur to find Thorin.”

“We’re coming with you. You cannot go there by yourself. I think Gandalf, Elrond and possibly Arwen will want to go, too, If there are dark forces dwelling there, you will need their power and our protection.” I pushed a chair to the tall wardrobe, climbed up and took down my weapons.

“Here, take these, please, Fili. The dagger and sword may need sharpening. They’ve been up there a very long time. Kili, take the bow and arrows.” I climbed down, with the archer’s gloves in my hand.

“This is an excellent bow, El. Did you get it in Bree? The arrows too are of high quality.”

“You told me what I needed, so I did have that made for me in Bree. The arrows are Thorin’s colors. I figured they would be easy for me to spot and retrieve. I may need you both to work with me; I’m sure I’m long out of practice.”

I was only taking the clothes I had when I arrived here. The elven robes were not suitable for Erebor, so I would leave them. Before we left the room, I opened Thranduil’s drawer.

“I want you to see this before we leave.” I took out the small silver frame, and handed it to Fili.

“This will help you understand why a lot of this happened.”

“This is you, Elspeth. What a beautiful likeness!” Kili took it from him. “Did you pose for it?”

“It isn’t me.” They look at me, questioning. “That’s Maerwen, Thranduil’s first wife.” Their jaws dropped.

“Now you see why he wouldn’t let me go before. This is the only picture he kept of her. Even Legolas never saw it until I came here.” I took the picture and carefully laid it back in its place.

“What an unbelievable resemblance!” Fili said. “It is.” Kili agreed.

I pulled my old ranger clothes from where they were buried and put them on. They still fit if a bit more loosely. I put on the brown cloak, tucked up my hair into the hat. “Do I look well traveled, dangerous, and not to be messed with? Once I have my weapons on me, that is.”

They laughed. “Oh, you look quite formidable!” said Kili.

Loosing my hair, I took the deep purple cape from the back of the wardrobe. It seemed like 100 years ago, when Thorin had it made for me, right after we came through the mirror.

“This is it, for now. They can send along anything else I miss.” I gave a last look around the room, where I had spent so many hours, both good and bad. “Let’s go.”

We returned to the office. It appeared the scribe was almost finished. The first was a document dissolving our marriage. Thranduil had already signed it. The next was a statement of abdication, that I was giving up the throne and title of Queen of the Woodland Realm, and any claim against current or future property of the Realm (crowns, heritage jewels, royal robes). I signed; he signed after me.

The last was the disposition of Aranhil’s custody. He would continue to live in the Realm, under his father’s protection until he came of age. I had unlimited rights to visit, whenever and wherever I wished. This was more than generous, since Thranduil had an earlier document giving him ironclad parental rights. This he tore up in front of me, I signed the new one.

“Thank you.” I said, tears in my eyes. “Be happy.” he answered. And I was free.

Legolas, too, had the same document drawn up for Elenion, giving me the same rights to visitation. And tore up the original. “Thank you, too.” I embraced him for the last time. He stroked my hair and whispered, “No, it’s me who thanks _you._ You’ve made the greatest and best changes in my life.” 

I didn’t have to say anything to Ara and Nion; as it so happened, they were in Erebor. Thranduil had sent a message already, telling them they could stay there and wait until I got back, or could come home; but that I would no longer be there. They could return to see me at Erebor any time they wished.

 As the six of us who were departing left, I was last in line. I turned around, raised my hand to Thranduil and Legolas: “ _Namárië_.” They repeated my action and word. And I was gone, no longer a part of this kingdom.

******************************

The party crossed over the bridge outside the doors to the Realm and turned south. There was a remnant of an old trail, which somehow Gandalf was able to pick out.  The rest of us couldn’t see it. It wasn’t easy for me; my body was sore from the pains I had forced onto myself over the past months, and I was weak from inactivity and self-starvation. But I was determined not to stop.

I made sure to eat as well as possible, and after a few days I started to feel better. Everyone kept a worried eye on me as if I would fall back into some previous state of mind, but the only thing I was focused on was Thorin. If I could get a stronger feeling of him the closer we got to Dol Guldur, the more I could trust we _would_ find him.

Six days out, the top of the ruined towers could be seen. It was in even worse decrepitude than when Galadriel had cast out Sauron. Rumor had it that from Mordor he had sent three Ringwraiths there, but none of the others had a sense of that. That night I was restless and couldn’t sleep. I joined Kili on first watch.

“Are you sure you can’t sleep, El? You really need your rest.” I sighed.

"I know, and I’ve had no trouble until tonight. I feel like I’ve been walking in a bubble all day, expecting it to burst.” I was sitting with my back into his chest, his arms around me against the night chill.

“El, I have to ask you, what if we _do_ find Thorin and he’s not like before…I mean it’s been nearly 12 years and who knows what he’s been doing, or what’s been done to him. If he’s beyond our reach, what will you do?” I stiffened against him.

“Do you mean will I stay with him? Of course I will. However long it takes to heal him. Whatever I have to do. I cannot believe that I won’t be able to get him to remember me, or you and Fili, too.”

“But if nothing works…” I shifted around to look at him then.

“What are you really asking me, Kili? Are you suggesting I’d go back to Thranduil? That’s over. Over and done with. No. I will stay at Erebor, unless there’s some reason I’m not wanted there. Is there?”

“Well, it’s just if we bring him back to Erebor and he can’t resume the throne…it might be like before. Where some will argue that you don’t belong there. Fili can’t make the changes that Thorin might have. But he has an heir now. So we’ve been thinking we could declare our marriage null so he could marry you.” I jumped up.

“No! I will not allow that! You two belong together and nothing should interfere with that! How could you even contemplate such a thing! I would rather go back to Bree and live there anonymously. I could go to Rivendell indefinitely. I could stay in New Dale…at least I’d be closer. But don’t ever, ever think something like that would be a solution!”

I had gotten too agitated, was talking too loud and now Fili had woken and come over to see what the problem was. I apologized to him.

“I’m sorry, Fili, I shouldn’t have made so much noise. So go back to sleep. It’s nothing.” He wasn’t buying it.

“I heard part of it. I know what Kili was telling you – which he shouldn’t have – “ He glared at Kili. “But we did agree that it could be a possible solution, so you _could_   stay at Erebor. It wouldn’t have to change anything…just a formality of papers. Our lives could be closer to what we all wanted.”

“Absolutely not. Unless he’s in a coma, or doesn’t want me, I _will_ marry Thorin. I can’t think of anyth-“

“ELSPETH!  ELSPETH! ELSPETH!”  I sank to my knees, clutching my head. “Oh! Oh, by the Goddess! I hear him! In my head! He’s calling me!” I concentrated as hard as I could. “I’m coming, I’m coming, my love! I hear you!  Where are you?” 

Kili and Fili were kneeling with me. “What are you hearing? Where is it coming from?”

“I don’t know…it’s in my head. I’m trying to answer him, so please…be quiet!”

I tried again, “Thorin, it’s me. I’m close. Tell me where you are.”  

“It’s dark. I don’t know.” I heard.

“Are you free to move? Are you locked in somewhere?”

“Small space. Dark.”

“Is someone with you? Someone keeping you from leaving?”

“Yes. Keeping me here…” I sobbed at this.

“Hold on, my love! We’re coming for you. We’re coming now!” 

I started running off, into the darkness. Fili and Kili caught up with me.

"No! Elspeth! You - we - can’t go off into the forest at night!" I struggled to get away from them.

"But he’s _there!_  He needs me! I have to go…let me go!” Now I had woken everyone.

"What’s the trouble?” Asked Gandalf, looking more than disturbed at the rude awakening. _Do wizards actually sleep?_

”I heard Thorin. I heard him in my head, calling me. He said he was locked up in a dark place but did not know where. He said someone was preventing him from leaving. I have to go to him!”

“We cannot go near that place until daylight,” Gandalf said. “Just a few more hours.”

“Gandalf is right,” said Elrond, “It cannot be approached at night, when we have no idea who or what is in there with Thorin.” Arwen came over to me; Kili and Fili let go, as she put an arm around me and led me gently away.

“Come, _mellon nin_. Sit with me and tell me all that you heard.” Her calming influence always helped me to organize my thoughts, not let my emotions get the better of me.

Elrond and Gandalf were deep in conversation, most likely about how to approach the ruined fortress without being seen by the Nazgûl, if they were indeed there. 

******************************

When there was just barely enough light to see the forest floor we crept up on the lower levels of Dol Guldur, where the armies of orcs, wargs and other foul creatures were bred by the dark powers. It was empty now, just chambers of waste and leavings.

“So where would they keep prisoners?”  I asked Gandalf, who should know, having been imprisoned there himself.

“I actually do not know…I was kept in a suspended cage on one of the higher levels, but that whole area was destroyed. I think we shall have to just go level by level. Let Elrond and Arwen listen before we move. See if you can hear Thorin again.”

I concentrated, and then opened my mind as best I could, “ _Thorin? Thorin, are you there?”_ No response. _“Please, my love, if you can hear me, make some sound…we are here, searching for you but don’t want to alert your captors."_

In my head I heard the faintest whisper of my name. Arwen and Elrond must have heard something too, as they indicated we should move up a level. This was more promising, as there was only a ledge running around the walls, looking down to the bottom. There were doors along this ledge, spaced quite far apart. Doors with only a tiny peephole. We split up, each group of three moving along on the opposite side, peeking into these.

Unoccupied, vacant. Not a single cell showed signs of use. We went up another level, to find the same situation. There was only one more level like it, Again, no one in any of the cells.

I tried calling to Thorin again: _Please, amrâlimê, if you hear me, tell me where you are._

“In the dark,” came the answer, just a breath. I looked to Gandalf. “He’s afraid. There must be someone or something near him.”

Gandalf closed his eyes for a few moments, opened them and said, “I believe he’s on the other side, where the easternmost towers were.” Elrond and Arwen agreed.

“He’s very weak,” said Arwen, “but I don’t think there’s anything or anyone near him. The fear must be because it’s too dark for him to see.”

Gandalf took the lead, lighting the crystal in his staff. We proceeded cautiously, as there were many areas of fallen stone and debris. In some places, there was literally no floor. Three or four times we had to detour around these, backtracking and trying another route. Finally, crossing a mostly intact causeway, we reached the other side. Then back down two levels.

We were in a short tunnel. A door stood at the end, chained and bolted - and not rusted. I ran to it, my voice only slightly above a whisper. “Thorin? Are you in there?”

There was no response. I was shaking from fear, fear that it might be too late. Fili and Kili pulled me away, allowing Gandalf to shatter the door with a touch of his staff. He went in as soon as the dust started to settle. I ran in behind him, Kili and Fili right behind me. Gandalf was kneeling, intoning words I couldn’t understand, as he passed a hand over the nearly unrecognizable person on the floor.

I gasped _. He’s so thin_ , I thought. His hair was cut off, up to the jaw line. Filthy, in even filthier rags, he looked like a concentration camp victim. Gandalf was not succeeding in awakening him. He rose, calling Elrond in, Arwen with him. They both knelt. Elrond placed a hand on Thorin’s forehead; Arwen traced the length of his body with her hand, not touching, just hovering above. There was still no response.

I turned my face into Kili’s chest and tears fell. Fili came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me, so I was surrounded by them both. “We’re too late!” I started sobbing, “Thorin!” I felt them both shaking with me, barely holding back their own sobs.

But then, I heard it in my head, a whisper, “Elspeth?” I pulled away from Kili and Fili and flung myself down, just behind Thorin’s head, so as not to interfere with whatever Elrond was doing. I laid my head on the floor, tears pooling in the dust.

“I’m here, my love. Please fight. Come back to me. I’m right here.” There was a slight movement, then a cough. Elrond took his hand away and I moved so I could look right into his eyes. I kissed him softly and his eyes barely opened. “Elspeth? It really is you?” His voice was still barely a whisper.

“Yes, my beloved. I am right here,” I looked to the elves. “Is he going to live?”

“It will take a long time for him to heal, but yes, he will live.” I burst into tears again. Elrond got up, as did Arwen. Fili and Kili knelt where Elrond had been. “Uncle Thorin?” “We’re here too. Thank _Mahal_ we found you!”

Gandalf said, “Can he be moved? We should get out of here before we’re discovered.”

With a nod Elrond asked, “Elspeth, do I have your permission to suspend him? It will be easier for us and better for him. 

“Yes, of course. Gandalf’s right, we have to get him out of here." Elrond placed his hand on Thorin again and said the words I remember hearing myself, a long time ago. He spoke to Arwen:

“Arwen, did you detect any internal injuries that we must watch for when moving him?” She smiled. 

“No, _Ada_. He is dehydrated and malnourished, bruised from kicks and punches. He was whipped, pretty severely, but those wounds aren’t fresh. His left wrist was broken and healed poorly. I believe his injuries are mostly psychological.”

Fili and Kili then picked Thorin up and got him outside, to the causeway. Gandalf went to find a way out of the fortress other than the way we had entered. Out in the light, Thorin looked even more ghastly, but I didn’t care. He would live!

Gandalf returned. “There will be a couple of rough areas, but most of this causeway is still intact, and will be the easiest way out of here, especially with Thorin needing to be carried. Kili was wrapping Thorin in one of his blankets, as Elrond warned against shock, even in suspension. “Keep him warm.”

“We are much closer to Lothlorien than either Erebor or Rivendell,” said Gandalf, “so I think it would be wise to go there. Lord Elrond can continue to tend to him, and the rest of us could use the security and comfort.” Everyone agreed to this plan. But Fili, at least, would have to return to Erebor. He had already been gone more than a week…too long for his responsibilities. But he and Kili agreed to get Thorin to Lothlorien first, then they would both go.

As we traveled west, there came a terrible sound from the ruins: the scream of a Nazgûl. It was joined by another, and another. “Oh gods! What do we do?” I froze; we couldn’t run, we were out in the open. The edge of Lothlorien was visible but we still had to cross the river. As if in answer to my question, a double line of huge rabbits dashed out of Mirkwood's   undergrowth, pulling a sled containing Radagast. Gandalf had probably put out a signal for him. This changed everything in our favor. 

Kili and Fili got Thorin onto the sled, and at a word, Radagast and the rabbits moved out at a pace I had never seen, especially from such enormous rabbits. The rest of us ran behind, though the sled was disappearing far ahead. The screams came again, closer. I asked Gandalf what form they would be in, forgetting they wouldn’t be mounted on either horses or flying beasts.

“They have no set form, as they have no beasts or coverings. But once we cross the border of Lothlorien, they cannot pursue us. So, keep running!” I was very happy to have recovered myself enough that I could!  We reached the banks of the Anduin and dove in. Fortunately, the water was calm but very cold. When we reached the other side, another scream raised the hairs on the back of my neck. A smoky form was right there, on the opposite bank. We had barely caught our breaths and were soaking wet, but we took off, further into the shelter of the forest, without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mellon nin - my friend  
> Meleth nin - my love  
> Namárië - farewell  
> A'maelamin - beloved  
> Amrâlimê - my love  
> Mahal - dwarves' name for Aulë


	51. The Golden Realm & the Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search party moves Thorin to Lothlorien, with the help of Radagast and the rabbit sled and with Nazgûl on their tail. Galadriel's healers work on Thorin with Elrond, still doubtful about healing his mental state. Elspeth looks into Galadriel's mirror and sees one possible future, where Thorin remembers nothing since leaving Ered Luin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

We hadn’t gotten far when a party of border patrol elves stopped us. The rabbit sled was nowhere in sight. “ _Mae Govannon_ , Lord Elrond, Lady Arwen, Mithrandir. Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn will receive you at Caras Galadhon,” said Haldir. Of course, who else? Haldir’s eyes went a bit wide as he regarded me. I took off my hat – a miracle it stayed on through the running – and shook out my hair.

“Oh!” he exclaimed, “You are the Lady Elspeth, of course. And these are Thorin Oakenshield’s nephews, Princes Fili and Kili. Welcome to Lothlorien.”

“Actually,” I told Haldir, “they are King and Royal Consort. With Thorin missing for so long, Fili had to assume the throne. They are also wed, but Kili didn’t want to be called Queen.”

Haldir looked both abashed and slightly apprehensive. “Brothers? I beg your pardon! How do I address them?” I laughed a little.

“I assure you, it’s common enough practice among Dwarves. And these two were bonded from the moment of Kili’s birth. They don’t stand on ceremony and may be addressed by their first names. If that's not comfortable, use their titles of King and Royal Consort. But where is Thorin? We had to let him go with Radagast, as we were pursued by three Wraiths.”

“He is inside Caras Galadhon, being tended by our healers. Come, I will take you to him.”

We were escorted into the inner circle of mallorn trees and climbed the encircling system of stairs and platforms – I believe they were called ‘flets’ – until we reached a fairly large one, covered with a white tent; not really a tent, since it seemed to be made of some fabric finer than silk, but this was where the healers worked. We let Haldir go in first to explain who we were, then were ushered in.

Thorin, still unconscious, but looking much better, as they had bathed him and had re-broken and set his wrist properly. I smoothed his shortened hair, wondering why that had been done. But it would account for why he no longer needed the beads or hairclip. I knew this was a terrible insult to any dwarf, humiliating to the extreme. Probably whoever had done it knew the significance. Another form of torture. At least it wasn’t permanent; the hair would grow back.

“How is he?” Fili asked one of the healers. She was a tall, dark-haired elleth, who replied:

“As well as can be expected. His body is strong and will heal without much difficulty, although the left wrist may be weaker than it was. But his mental state I’m afraid, is going to be a long time coming back to normal. His mind is full of darkness, terror and nightmare images. It’s best Lord Elrond put him in this state; until he is stronger he won’t be able to fight these terrible memories.”

“How long will he have to stay like this?” asked Kili.

“Only Lord Elrond will be able to answer that,” she replied.

I couldn’t take my eyes from Thorin's face. To me, this was a miracle. All these years he had been lost to me, the choices I’d had to make. _He has never even seen his son!_ I thought bitterly. I wished he would open his beautiful eyes and see me, but I knew that wouldn’t be for some time. I gently kissed him again, and the three of us went out to find the rest of our party and to meet our hosts.

Haldir was waiting for us and led us up to the highest platform, the home of Celeborn and Galadriel. They were seated at a table laden with food, along with Gandalf, Elrond and Arwen. As we approached, Galadriel smiled and indicated the three empty chairs.

“Lady Elspeth, Fili, Kili, please join us. We are pleased to have you at Lothlorien. Be assured we will give Thorin the very best care, when Lord Elrond is not attending him.”

“Our thanks for allowing us to bring him here, Lady Galadriel, Lord Celeborn,” said Fili. “It would have been impossible to carry him further.”

“And we were being chased by Nazgûl.” Kili put in.

“Where's Radagast?” I asked.

Gandalf said. “Oh, you know. He prefers to keep to the woods. Social situations are not something Radagast does well, so he took the rabbit sled and went home.”

“Too bad,” I said, “I wanted to get a better look at those rabbits. I’ve never seen any that big.”

******************************

After the meal, Galadriel asked me to accompany her. We circled down to the bottom, and walked to a small glade. I recognized it: the place of her mirror. “Would you like to look into the mirror?”

I was hesitant, lest it show me Thorin’s death, or inability to recover. But I decided there couldn’t be a worse-case scenario than I already knew, so I agreed. She filled the vessel from the small waterfall and poured water into the bowl. I stepped up onto the ledge built into the plinth and stared at the water. It rippled, an image appeared. Thorin and I in the special glade in Ered Luin, me at the Prancing Pony, arriving at Rivendell with Elrohir, Legolas and I just before he attacked me on the road, Thranduil drugging the first wine I drank. Then at the dock in Laketown, showing Thorin the letter. These all came in rapid succession. The battle, my rescue from Mirkwood, the bedroom at Erebor as it looked when I first saw it; Kili and Fili’s wedding. The night I was told I was carrying 5 children.

Then I started seeing things I hadn’t seen when they were happening, Thorin, going out of the mountain and immediately being grabbed and taken by a party of Mirkwood elves, Legolas giving them orders. They started dragging Thorin away but he fought so hard they ended up knocking him out. The raiding party that came into the royal chambers unseen, as everyone was out searching for Thorin. I was in suspension, so offered no resistance. I was put into a carriage and whisked away. Then I saw the birth of the 5, which was shocking as I hadn’t been awake and had no memory of it.

Thranduil, at the doors of the Realm, allowing Fili and Kili to take the 3 dwarf children with them in exchange for a long document – the treaty, I assumed. Finally, Thorin again, waking up and leaving the raiding party without them seeing. He seemed disoriented and was heading due east. He was captured by a small party of orcs and taken to Mordor. I almost could not stand to see any more. He was questioned, beaten, put in a cell, chained to the wall. Interrogated again, forced to labor in the early stages of construction of the Black Gates and Barad-dur. Trying to escape, whipped so badly I cried out to see it. Then working on forging weapons, attempting to escape again, whipped again.

The last thing I saw was him being put into another cell, the one at Dul Goldur. Then there was no more. Lady Galadriel said gently, “I know it was hard to see, but this is also what I suspected when I learned of his disappearance. The only place none of us could detect, not even me. I believe he managed to escape Mordor, but was so disoriented that he came west, to the southern end of Long Lake and then wandered into Mirkwood, where the Nazgûl or some other servant of the Dark Lord took him to Dol Guldur.”

“Twelve years! It was an eternity to be without him! How could it have gone on so long? Without any of us being at all aware?” I started to weep, bitterly. Galadriel put an arm around me and led me out of the glade. “Even the wisest of us cannot always see into places where evil is growing until it can no longer be hidden.”

“If you wish to look into the mirror again, I will allow it, but not for a few days. The after-effect of seeing so much at once can be extremely difficult on one’s mind."

“Will it show me a better future, do you think? I’ve had enough of the past.” She replied, “I don’t know what it will show, but it seems likely there’s little left of the past to torment you.”

She escorted me to the area where I would sleep. “You did not sleep last night and have had a stressful day. Please rest. If there’s anything you need, ring this bell and someone will attend you.”

******************************

Fili and Kili left the next morning. I wished they could stay; they were my best support, but I knew they had to go. I took the next few days to rest and try to let go of some of the stress. But my worry about how Thorin would be when he came out from the suspension was nearly unbearable. Sitting and watching him for several periods each day, I could see the outward healing; the bruises, scrapes and scratches were gone. His wrist was almost healed. He looked relaxed, peaceful. He had much more gray in his hair than when I’d last seen him, and although he remained gaunt I knew it was only because they didn’t wake him to eat. He was fed mostly liquid; sometimes the healers had to force it, just to ensure maintenance of his body. I hoped it wouldn’t be a lot longer.

After five days, Galadriel came to me at dusk and asked if I wanted to see the mirror again. I leapt up to follow her to the glade. Looking into the clear glassy surface, I saw the ruined bridge, where Thorin’s beads and other items were found. Thorin himself. He had a knife, with which he cut off his own hair, braids and a fair amount of beard, throwing everything into the river. This was shocking, as I never thought it had been self-inflicted. Why? Was he trying to alter his appearance so his captors wouldn’t recognize him? Or was he in such despair that it was an acceptance of death? But seeing this answered the question of why it was so long before this evidence turned up. It really _had_ only been a short while that these things were in the water.

The next images were difficult to watch. It showed Gandalf, Elrond, Arwen and me, with Thorin still suspended returning to Rivendell with an escort from Lothlorien. Halfway to Rivendell we were met by Glorfindel, Elladan and Elrohir to accompany us the rest of the way. There was some discussion following Elrond’s assessment of when he could try lifting the suspension. The question was whether Thorin should be taken to Erebor, so that upon awakening he would be in a familiar environment. But, as with Fili, Elrond had been away from Imladris quite a long time and was needed there.

I saw Elrond bring Thorin out of the suspension while still in Rivendell, and he knew nothing beyond the summoning to my world. He only remembered that “something strange” had happened. but didn’t know what. My heart sank. He wouldn’t know me. And upon seeing me, he shrank away, asking who this peculiar being was and why she was there. He didn’t remember the quest, so being in Imladris, among elves no less, was also unfamiliar. It seemed the only thing he knew was that he was being held captive, in a dark place, and being hurt. Those memories alone remained. He demanded to be allowed to return to Ered Luin, which is what he _did_ remember.

I couldn’t watch any more, backing away from the mirror. Galadriel reminded me that the future was not fixed, that I was only seeing one possible outcome, and there could be others. But I knew from my own studies, that an image of the future, however perceived, was often closest to what would actually occur. Thorin wasn’t going to wake up, know who he was, where he was, who I was, what we were to each other. It was not going to be ‘Happily Ever After.’

I was at a crossroad. If I did bring Thorin back to Erebor, how could he be woken if Elrond wasn’t there? The only other person who could perform that was Thranduil, and I would not, under any circumstances, request him to do so. It had only been a short time since I’d left him and the Realm behind, too soon to ask for favors. Despite the mature way he handled my leaving, I knew him well enough to know that it was a brave front, for mine and the others’ benefit. After we left for Dol Guldur he’d probably fallen apart and it would take time for that wound to heal, if ever.

The only other thing I could think to do was to have Elrond decrease, but not lift, the suspension until I could get Thorin back to Erebor, and he would awaken when he was ready, as if he had only been sedated. At least there he would have familiar faces; those of the company and he would remember Erebor, even from so long ago. And I prayed he would eventually remember me, and everything that had happened.

So, it was decided: we would travel north from Lothlorien together, separate at the mountain passes. Fili and Kili would meet me and we would bring Thorin back to Erebor with us. At least if he woke during that part of the trip, he might know them, and it wouldn’t just be me and Gandalf. And so a week later we were met by not only Kili and Fili, but Balin and Dwalin as well. I was grateful for that, especially if Thorin woke and became difficult. But he never stirred during the trip.


	52. Return to Erebor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin is brought back to Erebor without incident. Toril asks to see his father, even though he is still unconscious. Elspeth finds her crown, wedding rings and marriage beads. Fili makes an announcement to put rumors to rest, with the possibility of dissolving his and Kili's marriage to wed Elspeth as queen, if Thorin's condition makes the former plan impossible. Elspeth is furious, but Fili explains this would have to happen for her to remain in Erebor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

Once back at the Mountain, we stood in the corridor; Fili, Kili and I holding onto each other as the royal chambers were unsealed, crying quietly. Even Balin and Dwalin teared up. Thorin was laid in our bed. Gandalf went in to see if he could determine where Thorin was in the process of waking. And then my dwarf children were running over, into their fathers’ arms. I had to hold Toril back, until I could explain what was happening.

Apparently, Aranhil and Elenion had gone back to the Realm as soon as Thranduil’s message reached them that I would no longer be there. I was so proud of them, that they went to be with their fathers, to bring them what measure of comfort they could provide by their presence. Yes, I was positive about Ara becoming a healer.

I brought Tori into his room, and told him what had happened and why his father was unconscious; about the uncertainty of when he might wake and what he might be like when that happened. He understood, but his anxiousness was obvious. He asked:

“ _Amad_ , can I just see him? I wouldn’t do anything to try to wake him. Can I, please?” I relented.

“All right, Tori but remember this, also. He did not look this way when he disappeared all those years ago. His hair was much longer, with less gray and beautiful braids. His beard too had been longer, but still not as long as most. He was not so thin and frail-looking. He was a healthy, robust dwarf still in his prime, despite what he appears to be now.”

“Why did he cut it all off? We’re not supposed to do that. It’s an indignity of the worst kind.”

“I know. And I’m sure he wouldn’t have if he wasn’t in such a state of mind. But it is the least thing to worry about – it will grow back. We don’t know what he will be like once he wakes. He may not remember any of us, or anything that happened. We will have to give him lots of patience, time, and love. And hopefully, his memories will return.”

******************************

The hallway was empty, but Kili and Fili’s sitting room door was open. They were all sitting there, in front of the fireplace, except Gandalf, who was standing, smoking his pipe. We went in.

“Well? Any idea where he’s at?” I asked him. Gandalf shrugged.

“It could happen any time – an hour from now, or a day, or a week. I suspect it won’t be that long. I don’t believe he wants to continue in this state. But I have no idea what will happen when that time comes. It seems to me his mind is still clouded. There will likely be nightmares, deep mistrust of those he does not know or remember, flashbacks of what he had to withstand. But this is Thorin Oakenshield we’re speaking of, and we all know just how strong and stubborn he can be, including in this fight to return to himself.”

“Toril wants to see his father. Is it all right if we go in for just a few minutes?” Gandalf shrugged again.

“I believe you could start drilling a new mine shaft in the room and he would not yet wake.”

I put an arm around Tori and we went across, through the sitting room and into the bed chamber. Silent tears…I had been in these rooms for just a matter of days, returning from Rivendell after being held captive in the Realm, before Thorin and I had been taken, separated by Thranduil’s raiding parties. We had been so happy, so excited about our marriage, just two days away…bitterness returned to my heart. All the time lost, stolen from us, maybe never to have that connection again. For Tori’s sake, I held myself in check.

We approached the bed, that beautifully carved bed Kili and Fili had spent so much time making for us, that we had only had hours in…not even days. Thorin was in deep sleep, looking very small in that large bed. I heard Tori gasp, “He looks like an older me!”

“Yes, my love. You are every inch his son. There’s more of him in you than of me, except for your eyes. You have a combination of both. I wish you could see his…but you will eventually.”

“Do you think I could touch him, _Amad_? Gandalf said-“ he asked, cautiously.

“Yes, I know what Gandalf said. Just very, very gently.”

Tori went up to the edge of the bed and softly touched Thorin’s hair, which felt just like his own. He looked deeply into Thorin’s face, studying it. He then picked up Thorin’s hand, looking at both sides with great interest, and comparing it to his own. He kissed it, and carefully replaced it. I felt tears pricking my eyes again. Then he moved away. I went up myself, smoothed the hair on his brow and leaned over to softly kiss his lips. He actually did look like he was in a normal sleep, like he could wake at any moment. I whispered to him, ” _Amrâlimê_ , please come back to me. I’ve missed you so. I want you to meet your son. We love you and need you.”

We went out of the bed chamber; I asked Tori to go across to Fili and Kili’s room, that I would follow shortly. I sat down at the elaborate writing desk, put my head down and wept. Partly for the happiness of having Thorin back here, in our rooms, in our bed. But partly for the loss, which I may still have to bear when he finally awoke, the loss of our past, which I hoped he would remember. I idly ran my hands over the richly polished wood, realizing I’d never even sat here. I slowly opened the drawers, one by one. Empty, until I got to the left bottom one. Inside were two velvet boxes. I brought them out.

Opening the larger one, I was weeping once again, for there was my diadem, the crown I never had worn. It was exquisitely made, simple but elegant: gold twining through the filigreed silver, which represented our bond. The gold was him, the silver, me. At the center point was a stone which looked very much like a small Arkenstone. I knew it wasn’t – he had buried that accursed thing somewhere only he knew, its location to die with him, so no one would ever fall under its spell of greed and madness again.

The smaller box contained our wedding rings and marriage beads. I had never seen these, either. They were simple: his gold, mine silver, both etched with his sigil. My ring had an inscription inside, in Khudzul. I recognized my name as the first word, his as the last. I was torn between asking Fili or Kili to translate it, or putting it away, in hope that we might still wed, at which time Thorin would tell me what it said. I put it back in the box, and put them both back in the drawer. Better to hope.

******************************

Rumor spread through Erebor of Thorin’s return. There was a fair amount of confusion, enough that Fili had to make a proclamation to put a stop to the endless speculation of what would happen if, and when, Thorin awoke. With the Great Hall completely packed, he read:

“Thorin Oakenshield has been found and brought back to Erebor. He has spent years in torment at the hands of Dark Powers, which continue in the East, in Mordor, and in the remains of Dol Guldur.

"To promote his healing, Lord Elrond of Rivendell has placed him in a state of suspension, from which he will awaken sometime in the next several days."

“When Thorin wakes, the state of his mind will dictate the state of Erebor. If he is clear and can recall the events of the years before his disappearance, and if it is his desire, he will resume the kingship and I will abdicate. Toril, son of Thorin will then be named heir. If he is unable to recall the time before he was missing, I will continue to rule. But if or when those years return, the same edict will apply."

“The matter of Thorin’s intended queen, Elspeth Locke, is this: she will remain in Erebor until Thorin wakes. If it is possible, they will wed as planned, in which case, whether he assumes the throne or not, she is to be treated with the respect and acceptance with which Thorin had intended. Whether Queen or not, she is mother of Prince Toril, Prince Frerin II and Prince Kalin. If they cannot wed, and she accepts, I will dissolve my marriage to Royal Consort Kili, although he will remain as such, and wed Elspeth as my Queen. In that case, our son Frerin II, will be named heir."

“If any dwarf in Erebor has objection to this mandate, he or she will seek my counsel in private. I will tolerate no civil unrest or breakdown of our laws while we await the outcome of this situation or after.”

Fili then left the hall. Balin remained to answer any questions. I went immediately to Fili and Kili’s rooms. I was quite angry with them.

“I told you both I would not allow you to dissolve your marriage! How could you then announce that you would do that if Thorin and I could not wed?” Fili took me by the shoulders and shook me.

“Elspeth, please! This is the only way. You must have royal status or you could be forced to leave Erebor. I’m afraid being mother to the princes, in and of itself, is not enough. We don’t want you to have to live outside the mountain: you belong here, with us and our children. You know this would not change the way we live in any way. It isn’t like I would have Kili leave and you replace him in our bed. Or in my heart. Much as I, we, love you, Kili will always come first.”

“Besides,” Kili added, “we can always remarry if things change. Another ceremony would be acceptable to you, wouldn’t it, dear brother?” They kissed. “Of course, _sannadad!_ And another celebration.” Fili regarded his brother. “And another wedding night!” We all laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amad - mother  
> Amrâlimê - my love  
> Sannadad -brother of all brothers


	53. Return to Thorin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin wakes, thinking it is only two days later...what was to be his and Elspeth's wedding day. Fili and Kili join in the welcoming. Elspeth explains some of what happened, that it was now twelve years later. Thorin meets his son and his new nephews.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

Gandalf came in. “Thorin is waking.” We flew across the corridor, surrounded the bed. Thorin was thrashing, crying out unintelligible words. Gandalf went to him and placed a hand on his head, then slowly moving it down called to him. “Thorin, Thorin – wake now.” And for the first time since briefly at Dol Guldur, he opened his eyes. None of us moved, waiting. He looked at us, a look of question, and then, “Well, what on earth are you all staring at? Is the king not allowed to sleep in his own chamber without an audience?” We collectively drew in a breath…this did not tell us what he knew, beyond who he was. Who he knew.

He saw me. “My love, is something wrong? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.” He reached for my hand and pulled me close, onto the bed. “Is this not our wedding day?” I threw myself into his arms and we kissed, long and deep. And I felt those lost years fall away. The feel of him still as familiar and wanting as the first time we came together. He looked to his nephews.

“And what’s with the two of you? Thinking of joining us?” Kili and Fili exchanged a glance, and without hesitation, jumped onto the bed, embracing him, surrounding us. Gandalf had somehow disappeared from the room. Clothing flew every which way, as the four of us welcomed each other home.

*****************************

Finally, with all of us physically sated, Fili, Kili and I had to figure out how to tell Thorin that this was not just a day past what he remembered. We decided I would speak with him alone first; I would bring them in when I needed to. They first retrieved the children, to explain to them what was happening, then retired to their chambers.

“Thorin,” I started, “this is not our wedding day. It would have been, but something happened. Look at me, love. Tell me I look no different to you.” He studied my face, then dropped his eyes to my stomach. “Elspeth! You had the children! Why do I not remember this? Where are they?” I grasped his hands.

“This is all going to be difficult to understand. Do I not look older to you?” He was puzzled by the question. “Why would you?”

“ _Amrâlimê_ ,” I said, “it has been more than eleven years since we have seen each other. We were both abducted, two days before our wedding. I was taken by Thranduil, again. You were taken away from the mountain, knocked unconscious, and have been missing for all that time, until just a few weeks ago.”

“What are you talking about? No one has taken either of us anywhere.” I got off the bed, and pulled him up. He was somewhat unsteady; having not walked for some time. “Why am I so weak in the legs?” I supported him, until we came to the wardrobe. I opened it to reveal the full-length mirror.

“Look.” He stared at himself, horror growing.

“ _Mahal_ , what happened to my hair, my braids, my beard?” He was pulling at his hair, as if to force it longer. “Who did this to me? This act shall be severely punished!” I turned him to face me.

“You did it yourself, my love. But you weren’t in your right mind at the time. Come, lie down with me again. I will try to explain.” He let me go on for several minutes, until I got to the births. He looked at me, those piercing aquamarine eyes going wide, realizing the children were not born here.

“Where is my child!!??” he cried, “I must see my child!” I gripped his hands.

“Not yet. Let me tell you a little more. Fili and Kili thought Thranduil was holding both of us, so they first tried to challenge him by sending word they were calling again on Dáin’s army to attack, along with whatever forces could be raised from Erebor itself. They received the reply that you were not being held in the Realm, that they had no idea what had happened to you. I had been, and still was, in suspension.” He interrupted me then, looking like anger was just beneath the surface.

“Was that Thranduil’s doing? Was he trying to force you again?”

“No. Elrond did it when you went missing. I was so distraught, convinced you were dead, it was done to keep me from further harm – me and the babies both. Until I woke in the Realm I had no idea what was going on. I thought I had died. I realized that I was no longer pregnant, I was in terrible pain. I began remembering you were gone, and Thranduil and Legolas were right there, relieving the pain, explaining the babies had been delivered a week previous. It was difficult, but all of them survived. They told me the dwarf children had been given to Kili and Fili in exchange for a treaty that they would not attack the Realm again to take me back. The choice was me or the babies, and they chose as you or I would have.”

“And you? Did Thranduil give you a choice?”

“Yes. He told me I could return to Erebor, but ever since you disappeared it was obvious Fili could not control those dwarves who wanted me gone. I had no status. I could go to New Dale, remaining close but unable to spend any time in Erebor. I could return to Rivendell indefinitely, but I would have to go without any of the children, and would see none of them. Or I could stay there, in the Realm, mother or not to the elven babies. He promised there would be no force, no coercion, no drugging.”

“The babies were in that room, his room, where I was recovering. I found he had been sleeping there, just to be close, but never touched me. So I let him stay. And I did nurse those babies, my elven sons. I could not have done it with the other three. Once I did that, I knew I would have to stay there. But Thorin, I never gave up hope that you might still be alive, never a day went by that I didn’t think about you, and the life we had lost.”

“And after the children were three months, we started having visits, on neutral ground, so I had contact with your, Fili and Kili’s sons – yes, they were all male. And they developed fast. They are nearly twelve now, but seem twice that age.”

“So, can I see him now? My son?” He seemed to accept what I had said, but I still knew what a shock this would be, like how it was for me the first time I saw all of them together at 3 months. But much more. I went to the door of the sitting room, across the corridor, where they were gathered.

“Tori? Your father wants to see you now.” Fili and Kili got up, asking how Thorin was, dealing with everything.

“I think it will sink in once he’s laid eyes on his son. It’s the best visual truth that will convince him.”

I brought Toril across. He was nervous. “Don’t be frightened, my son. You will see.”

We went into the bed chamber. Tori froze. Thorin got up, crossing quickly to stand in front of the child he’d never seen. Toril was already taller than Thorin. For a moment, they just stared at each other. Tears were falling down Thorin’s face, and then he embraced Toril, “ _Inùdoyê!_ ” who hugged him back. “ _Adad!_ ” I was weeping now. This was something I had never dared hope for. I went to them and joined the embrace. We were finally a family.

I let go, and went to the open door, calling across to the others. They came in a rush; Thorin let go of Tori to embrace his nephews, and was introduced to their sons, who were a little shy at first. But it was obvious they were overjoyed for Tori, to finally have what they did. Thorin was speechless, looking at Frerin. He was the very image of Thorin’s own long lost brother, his namesake. He finally turned toward me, put his arms around me. “They are all so beautiful, my love! What of the others?” It surprised me that he would even ask about the elven children.

“As babies they were like a pair of angels, almost as twins. Elenion, Legolas' son: his hair and eyes have darkened. The five together are as if of another race entirely, not elvish, dwarvish or human, but something unique. We are still trying to figure out what their birthmarks might mean.”

“What birthmarks?” I called the three to me, to show Thorin the tiny marks beneath their left ears.

“The elven children also have them. Aranhil, Thranduil’s son has a heart; Elenion bears a tiny star. The only one I’ve been able to guess at with some surety is Ara…I believe he will be a healer.

******************************

We all went to the kitchens to scrounge up a makeshift meal, having missed breakfast and lunch. All of us were starving and it was hours until supper. The boys took off, as usual to find trouble. Fili asked Thorin if he wanted to discuss what was to happen, now that he was obviously capable of resuming power.

“Not on your life!” he said, “I have other matters to catch up on.” And taking hold of my arm, swept me out of the kitchens and back to our chambers. This now being the first time we had alone together since he’d woken, we were voracious. I could not get enough of his body. For Thorin it would seem like only a day ago, but for me it had been years, long years, where my lust had been satisfied between Thranduil, Legolas, and occasionally, Fili and Kili. But not with the same love and passion I had always had for Thorin. After the eighth or tenth time – not that I could remember – he finally had to force a rest.

“ _Mahal_ , what’s gotten into you?” he asked.

“You have, and not nearly enough! Don’t you realize that it’s been so long for me? You didn’t have 12 years of longing, of compromise, and despair. Not that you remember, anyway.” He regarded me, a certain amount of question in those amazing eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amrâlimê - my love  
> Mahal - dwarven name for Aulë (the Creator)  
> Adad - father  
> Inùdoyê - my son


	54. One More Chance to Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth tells Thorin everything that happened since his disappearance. It's a lot for him to swallow, but he only cares that they are together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

"Should I ask what you were doing for all that time? I have to assume some, since you were there, and not here. And how exactly did I come back from the dead?”

“Do you really want to know how it was? I was so heartbroken, the only thing that kept me from going mad was Elenion and Aranhil…that they needed me. After a time, I couldn’t stay angry with their fathers. Tauriel had left Legolas as soon as she found out. He wasn’t willing to rule after that, so he abdicated. But even though Thranduil was king again, things changed there. Eventually, even the dungeons were mostly dismantled.”

“After a few weeks I started going to Legolas, partly to try to get the rape out of my head, thinking of Nion as the result of that; partly because I needed someone to make me feel whole again. He was the logical choice. I couldn’t see Fili and Kili for long periods, and I couldn’t deal with Thranduil at that point, other than to let him stay in the room, in the bed.” Thorin didn’t say anything, which started to make me nervous.

“Are you angry? Do you want me to not talk about my time there – with them? If it’s hurting you, I won’t tell you any more.” He rolled onto his back, looking at the ceiling.

“I want you to tell me everything, as hard as it may be for me to hear it. I don’t want to be wondering what went on, so my imagination doesn’t make it worse.” I took a deep breath.

“It was a few months later, a casual conversation with Legolas gave me the knowledge that their sexual proclivities weren’t so different than dwarves. He revealed just how close he was with his father until he was of age, and beyond. By then it was becoming hard to keep letting Thranduil sleep with me without it going further.” Thorin sat up and looked at me, eyes somewhat harder than before.

“You mean you wanted to start _fucking_ the elf who separated us, not once, but twice…and the second time for as many years as it was? I don’t understand that.”

“He was, and is different from what you remember. I know it’s hard to accept, but I thought you were gone forever. It started to feel wrong to me, going to one father’s bed and refusing the other. And I can’t deny there was an attraction, even before. Thranduil had become inside how he appeared outwardly. And once I knew I wouldn’t have to hurt either of them, well…it just went on like that.”

“For how long? Both of them, over all this time. Together?” It was the same way Fili and Kili reacted. I had to give Thorin the same answer.

“Oh, so how different is it? You didn’t have a problem with Fili and Kili, did you? Or them and me? No, it didn’t happen very often. They were not that comfortable with each other. And Legolas starting leaving for long periods of time. When the children were 5, I married Thranduil.” This was the biggest shock to Thorin by far.

“How could you? After everything he did to you? To _us_?” I looked at him straight on.

“Thranduil was aware that if you were ever found alive I would likely leave him. The Realm accepted me, human as I am, as their queen. I thought it was probably the happiest I was ever going to be. Things were completely relaxed between the Realm, Erebor, New Dale and everywhere else. I was well-loved and cared for, I had all the time I wanted to spend with all of the children.”

“But ask your nephews…whenever I came here on my own I would stand at the sealed doors for long periods, weeping, touching the wood as if I could invoke you from it. And I would spend hours at your tomb, even though I knew it was empty. And when I could, I stayed with them. They shared the grief with me, which made it somewhat bearable.”

“I was here alone last autumn. I went out for a ride and ended up at the old bridge remains south of Long Lake. I saw something in the water…one of your beads. Of course, I didn’t know you threw it in there, but it was obvious it hadn’t been there long. There was another full-on search, turning up the other bead, your clasp and your belt. Even the boys participated in that search.”

“We camped at the river even though it was turner colder. I wrote to Thranduil, demanding more of an explanation of what happened the night we were taken from Erebor. He and Legolas showed up pretty quickly, and the truth was finally out. Thranduil had always denied he had anything to do with your disappearance, other than sending the raiding parties. The group that took you was Legolas’ responsibility. He told them to take you south, long enough for the others to get me back to the Realm. Why did you leave the mountain that night?”

Thorin looked confused. “What night? I don’t remember leaving the mountain.”

“The night of Fili and Kili’s wedding, when I blacked out and we found out about the 5 babies, a letter came from Legolas about Thranduil not reaching Valinor. We went on high alert. You ordered more security. I was put to bed. You left to talk to Dwalin and Nori. And never came back. When you were taken, you fought so hard they knocked you out. Once they got to where they were signaled by Legolas, you had come to and were gone. He never told us about you being knocked out, so no one suspected what really happened to you.”

“And where was I, that I couldn’t be found?” I wondered if I should really go into this, having been warned about nightmares and flashbacks, but he wanted the truth.

******************************

“You were captured by a pack of orcs and eventually taken to Mordor.” “What!” I flinched.

“You were kept there, for years. Forced to work, beaten, interrogated, whipped more than once, as you kept trying to escape. It’s a miracle you survived. Eventually, you did escape and made your way back to the south point of Long Lake. That is where you cut off your hair and beard and threw everything into the river. Then you either wandered into Mirkwood or were taken there and ended up in Dol Guldur. It was rumored that three of the Nazgûl had been sent there.”

“So how did you find out I was there?”

“Thranduil begged me to return to the Realm about a month into the search. When I got there, I went a little crazy. I wanted to be hurt, tortured almost. I wanted him to hurt me, but he couldn’t really manage it, not the way I wanted. When the search was called off, I became as if I died. I wouldn’t eat, take care of myself, speak to anyone, except to demand pain. Thranduil got so desperate he sent for Elrond and Arwen, scouts were sent to find Gandalf, and asked Fili and Kili to come. He was afraid I was dying.”

“Gandalf showed up first, with Legolas. As punishment for losing you, Legolas had been commanded to search for you, even after the 6 months was over. He heard that Thranduil was looking for Gandalf and had found him in the Shire. Gandalf said I had built a wall inside, that only you could get past. I was a mess. Legolas tried, but I only wanted pain from him, which he wouldn’t give me. Then, thankfully, Fili and Kili arrived. They knew what to do; they did what I asked, unpleasant as that had been, but it snapped me out of it. Then Elrond and Arwen arrived and confirmed what I believed – that you had somehow returned and were nearby – in Dol Guldur.”

“And Thranduil let you go?”

“He had no choice. He knew I would go no matter what he did. Handled it pretty well, too. But I’m sure that was only until we’d all left. We signed papers: our marriage was dissolved, my claim to throne and title within the Realm voided, and I had complete access to both children, even though they would continue to live under their fathers’ custody until maturity.”

“The six of us headed to Dol Guldur. The night before we reached it I couldn’t sleep, so was up talking with Kili, and you exploded into my head, calling me. They wouldn’t let me go at night, but the next day we went in and found you. I thought we were too late; you were unresponsive. But between Gandalf, Elrond and Arwen they brought you back, or stopped you from going farther. We brought you to Lothlorien because it was closer, and the Ringwraiths were on our tail by then. It was the safest place to go. While there, Galadriel let me look into her mirror, and I saw everything that happened to you.”

“After you’d healed enough, it was decided to lessen the suspension and bring you back here, to wake up in familiar surroundings, with those who love you.”

I was done. I waited. It was quiet for a long while. Then Thorin was on me, kissing my face, pushing my hair back. “I don’t care about any of it…you did what you had to. But you are mine now, Elspeth, understand? No one will ever come between us again. I love you; I will always love you.”

The tears were those of gratitude; I had another chance to live the life I had wanted, with Thorin, here in Erebor. My only remaining fears were about the coming threat, and whether I had changed canon so much that I now put all my beloved dwarves at risk. I decided I would continue to tell them, for the same reasons I had started: I didn’t want them ignorant of it, of what could possibly happen, and now I had Thorin to back me up, having seen the film trilogy.

Then there were the children, who didn’t exist in any version. What would happen to them? Would they have to fight? Would any or all of them die? They would have to be told about that war, whether or not it helped.

Thorin was becoming aroused again, and made sure I was as well, before pulling me up, past his hardness and slowly backing me, until he was deep inside me. “It feels so incredible, to have you back in me this way. But please move slowly, my love. I am sore, but if you move slowly, I will come for you…and I would be happy if you did, too.”

“Your wish is my command,” he said, with a mischievous look. “But I have a feeling you’ll be begging me to speed up before it’s over.” And, of course, he was right.


	55. Winter Solstice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin and Elspeth plan to wed on the Winter Solstice but something goes terribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

The Winter Solstice was only 2 weeks away, so Thorin and I planned to wed then; coronations would follow 3 days later. Thorin had to spend hours with Fili and Kili to get caught up with the state of the kingdom.  But he was back in bed with me, every night.

“They’ve done a remarkable job, keeping things running. So there’s been no conflict _anywhere_?” he asked, nuzzling against my neck.

“No – maybe some minor squabbles, but nothing serious. Aren’t you glad you didn’t have to step in during another difficult time? Or are you happier when there’s battles to be fought?” Reminded of my conversation about Legolas with Thranduil, I wondered if that was the case with Thorin.

 “No, _ghivashel_. I would be happy if there was never another war. But I know there will be, as you showed me.”

 I thought for a while. _How many of them would die because they don’t know?_

“Thorin, do you think we should try to explain it to some of them – I mean of the company? Just because there’s no way to know what would have been if Tolkien or someone decided to bridge the gap in the 60 years between stories. I started telling Fili and Kili about it, but there’s the children to consider now, too.”

“And what to we say to Balin and Ori, who _will_ die in Moria?” Thorin asked. “It’s not like they can be prevented from going there. I still don’t understand why Balin, at his age, would decide to take on something as difficult reclaiming it.”

“Well, it _did_ work out for the 5 years before the Balrog reappeared and orcs took it back. It probably would have been a very successful operation. I don’t know…this will affect so many more than just  you, Fili and Kili, in your own story. Maybe I should just leave it, until things start to happen.”

 He pulled me close, enough to feel his arousal; my own started answering it. “Just leave it for now; we’ll keep talking about it.” He said. “But right now, _azrali-zi!_ ” And got my mind completely off the subject.

******************************

It was finally the day. Everyone who was anyone was going to be at this wedding; hundreds of invited guests, and even more onlookers, as there was to be a processional around the main halls of Erebor once the ceremony was over.

My gown was of a pale sky blue, as a beautiful contrast to Thorin’s midnight blue, in dwarven style. My hair was elaborately braided, leaving the one length of locks in the back, into which the marriage bead would be woven in by Thorin. The Great Hall, decorated for the season was breath-taking, all greens, reds and whites. Everything and every one seemed to have glitter thrown over them, so the effect of winter snow encompassed all of Erebor. Our sons and their fathers were in the first row; _all_ of them. I could hardly expect my elven children to be there without their fathers.

I was extremely nervous about having Thranduil and Legolas there, but they greeted Thorin and I with warmth, no sign of anything under the surface. This was a great relief, as all the dignitaries were staying for the coronation, them included. Thorin was even warm with Aranhil and Elenion, embracing them as his great-nephews.

Everything was going smoothly. Thorin was already standing at the dais, Balin waiting to finally unite us. As I began the long walk from the other end of the Hall, and all turned to watch me, small sounds of approval filling the air, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, as if a chill wind blew against me. I tried to ignore it, thinking it was just nerves, but it was the exact feeling I’d had years ago, when Thorin disappeared. I stopped looking around at the guests and stared directly at Thorin.

Something was wrong. I stopped walking, and almost as I did, Thorin collapsed. Then I was running, but Elrond and Gandalf had already gotten there. As I knelt I saw the look that passed between the wizard and the elf lord.

“No! No! Thorin, get up! Don’t do this!” I had my hands on either side of his head, kissing him, desperately trying to breathe life back into him. But Elrond pulled my hands away, gripping them tightly. “I’m so sorry, Elspeth. He’s gone.”

I wrenched myself away from him and began CPR, crying and keening. Strong arms got around me and pulled me away. _This cannot be happening!_ It was Legolas who was pulling me away, as Kili, Fili and my sons replaced me, kneeling around Thorin. I could hear Toril’s wails above all else, even though Fili and Kili were hysterically crying. And then a female voice above all of them, screaming Thorin’s name. It was Dís. I didn’t even know she was there…but why wouldn’t she be? This was her only remaining brother.

Legolas was struggling to hold onto me, finally relinquishing me to his father, who laid a cool hand on my forehead and I knew only darkness.

****************************

 I came to, still crying, denying what had just happened. I was in bed, surrounded by all the elven parties: Thranduil, Legolas, Elrond, Arwen, Elladan, Elrohir, Celeborn, Galadriel. Although in shock himself, Óin was also there. Elrond spoke first:

“Elspeth, do you wish to be further sedated? You must not go into shock.”

“No! I want to know what happened!” My throat was so dry I could barely get the words out. Fresh tears were running down my already ravaged face. Arwen offered me a glass of water, which I almost couldn’t swallow.

Óin came closer, eyes red, tracks of tears along his cheeks and into his beard. In a halting, choking voice he said, “My lady. I believe Thorin was taken by a burst in his brain. I assure you he did not suffer.”

“You mean a cerebral aneurysm? An artery in his brain?”  I was only minutely aware of a slight letting go…this was natural causes. No one had poisoned Thorin, which had been my first thought. There was no one to blame for his death. A person could be perfectly healthy one minute, and drop dead in the next from an aneurysm. This didn’t make it easier to bear.

“No Lord Elrond, please don’t sedate me. I need to be able to talk to people, to Toril, Kili and Fili, Dís. If there’s a way, give me something to stop the tears, the hysteria I keep feeling will erupt out of me. If I need more, I’ll tell you.” Galadriel moved to me, kissed my brow.

“That should help; it will keep you relaxed, but not unaware. Do you want any of us to stay with you? The dwarves are doing what they must, to prepare for his funeral.”

“Just Arwen.” I said, and the rest departed, murmuring expressions of sympathy. As soon as the door closed I turned to her and clung.

“How could this happen? I feel like we were cursed; never to be together in this world!” Despite whatever Galadriel had done, tears continued to fall.

“Oh, dearest Elspeth! This was not the fault of anyone. It may be it was ill-fated from the start, but I have no doubt you would have wed if this had not happened. Thorin loved you, and you him.”  I continued to weep.

There was a soft knock. “It’s Thorin’s son,” Arwen said, “Do you wish to see him yet?”  _Tori? How did she know?_

“Yes, he needs me now. Could you leave us alone?” I said, wiping the tears away as much as I could.

“Just send for me if you wish me to return.” She kissed my forehead and went to the door. Tori ran in and threw himself on me.

“Why? Why did this happen, _amad_? I hardly got to know him!” He sobbed as if his heart would break. I gathered him in, smoothing his thick, raven hair from his face, wet with tears.

“I know, _inùdoyê_ , I know. But at least you _did_ have him, even if it wasn’t for long. He loved you so much.”  Thorin had spent all his free time with Toril, and I had no doubt he had imprinted himself onto his son.

“Sometimes things just go wrong, inside us. No one is invulnerable. Even the elves can die, though they are considered immortal. You father will be in the Halls of Mandos waiting for you, when you reach the end of your days.”

It was so unfair; Thorin had missed his entire childhood, and now he was gone again. And I had lost him, for the third time since coming here with him.

“And you too, _amad_? Will you be there, too?” This was a question for which I had no answer. Not being of this world, I had no idea what would happen when I died.

“I don’t know, Tori. I hope so.” Silent tears, from both of us.

Another knock. “Come in.” I called. Fili, Kili, Frerin and Kalin walked in slowly. They saw Toril was already with me. They all piled onto the bed. No one spoke, but we all wept. After a time, Rin and Kali pulled Tori from me. He didn’t resist, and they took him out with them.

Kili and Fili let themselves go, and I did, too. Again.

“I can’t believe we’ve really lost him this time.” I sobbed.

They had no words. “Where is your mother?” I asked. “I didn’t even know she was here.”

Fili tried to answer. “S-s-he’s helping prepare h-h-him f-f-f-“ He couldn’t get the rest out.

Kili finished, “for the funeral.”

“Are we having that today?” I asked. Fili shook his head. His braids were completely undone, as he had pulled at his hair in grief, and it whipped around his face.

“Tomorrow.” He had stopped crying, but his voice broke.

“We are going to have to be brave, my loves.” I said shakily. “We have to deal with this, and with all these guests here who wouldn’t ordinarily attend the funeral of a dwarf king. It’s going to be very, very hard to hold ourselves together, but we must.”

They nodded in agreement. “We know.”

“Go to your room and try to get some sleep if you can. Óin can give you something to help. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

“Are you sure you don’t want us to stay? Or come with us?” Kili asked.

“No, love. I need to be alone now.” They kissed my cheeks and went across to their chambers.

And with them gone, I gave in to the worst of my own grief until I had no more tears.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ghivashel - Treasure of all treasures  
> Azrali-zi - I want you  
> Amad - mother  
> Inùdoyê - my son


	56. The King is Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's funeral. Dís apologizes to Elspeth. In the spring, Aranhil and Elenion come to visit. They tell her things aren't going well in the Realm. Aranhil gives Elspeth a letter from Thranduil asking her to come. She brings this to Fili and Kili, who tell her they support whatever decision she makes. She decides to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

I did not sleep. As soon as it began to get light, I went down to the wardrobe, where I found a black dress that more or less fit me. I could find nothing for my head, so I just left my hair down. I then headed for the Great Hall. It was deserted. They had already brought him down to the tombs. To _his_ tomb, which had been empty just a short time ago.

I wound my way down, down and down, to one of the deepest levels of the mountain. The dwarves from the company, Dáin, Dís and Bilbo were standing around Thorin’s bier, heads bowed. It looked like they had stood vigil all night. As I approached, Dís came quickly over and put her arms around me. After a moment’s hesitation, I put mine around her.

“I am so, so sorry,” she said, “that I let my pride come even before my family. I should have accepted you as Thorin’s One, and now I can’t even tell him that I was wrong!”  Her voice was hoarse.

“I know.” I responded. “I accept that, on his behalf as well as my own. I _did_ love him with all my heart. And now you have grandsons and a nephew, so there _is_ still family.”

“And they are all beautiful, even the elven ones.” Inside, a small part of me had to laugh at the continued prejudice.

Fili and Kili came in, also dressed in black, looking like they hadn’t slept either. A few moments later, Toril, Frerin and Kalin joined us. Tori grabbed my hand and would not let go. We surrounded the bier, most of us weeping. Poor Bilbo looked so distraught I thought he would break down. I knew he had loved Thorin, too, but was never able to express it.

Once we had said our farewells, we went up and out, to allow others to pay their respects. There was a very long line, which had to pass and offer condolences to the family before or after they went to the tomb. When that was over, we would return to the tomb, for the closing. And after, there would be a feast, to which the wedding guests were invited to stay if they wished.

Somehow, we got through it all. The following day, the rest of the guests departed. Erebor seemed deserted, as all inhabitants dealt with the loss of their king on their own terms. Fili and Kili resumed their places as King and Royal Consort, and no one spoke against my staying there. It was a hard winter.

******************************

 As the Spring Solstice approached, Aranhil and Elenion came for a visit. Instead of going off with their brothers, they came to me first.

“How are you, _naneth_? You still look very sad,” asked Ara.

“I will be sad for a very long time, _ion nin_.” I said. “How are things in the Realm?” “Everything is the same, sad,” Nion answered. “Our fathers have been sad since you left.”

Ara snorted. “Sad doesn’t even come close. Maybe despondent, depressed, and downhearted would cover it.”

“My father hasn’t even left once except to come here.” Nion said glumly. 

“That should make you happy, Nion. That he’s there for you again.”

“No _, naneth_. It’s more like _I_ have to take care of _him_.” The sadness in Nion’s voice made me want to cry.

“Why? Is he ill?” I asked.

“Not exactly,” replied Ara. “ _Ada_ has not been taking care of the kingdom, leaving Uncle Legolas to run things. And he’s stressed himself.”

“What is your _Ada_ doing then?” Ara looked like he did not want to answer. I pressed him.

“Is he drinking too much?” Ara nodded. “They both are,” added Nion.

Aranhil looked uncertain for a moment, then pulled a message from his coat.

“I don’t know if this is the right thing to do,” he said. “But _Ada_ insisted I give it to you.”

I knew what it was going to say without reading it. Thranduil wanted me to return.

“Thank you, _ion nin_. Go find your brothers now. I’m sure they will be so happy to see you.”

Once they were gone, I cracked the familiar seal and read:

_Dearest Elspeth,_

_I realize you are still grieving, so I hope this isn’t premature. I just want to leave an open offer, that any time you wish to return to us, even if only for a temporary stay, you would be welcomed. No other agenda. We just all miss you terribly. Again, I cannot express how sorry I am for Thorin’s death. You looked so happy, so radiant, just before…_

_I know I can never be to you what he was, but remember that I still love you, and always will. Thorin may have had your heart, but you have mine. Please consider the offer.  Love, Thranduil_

Should I be angry? Should I be grateful? Should I even respond? Many thoughts ran through my head. I went across the hall; Fili and Kili were probably still working. When there was no response to my knock, I went in search of them. They were in the kitchen, wolfing down leftovers from last night’s meal.

“So is this first or second breakfast?” I teased. They looked up, startled.

“Or maybe it’s elevenses or luncheon?” They smiled, continuing to chew before answering.

“Are you saying we eat like hobbits?” smirked Kili.

“No, you eat like dwarves, which is almost the same. Less meals but more food!”

“Hungry? Want to join us?” asked Fili. “There’s plenty.”

“No thanks. I wonder what you think about this?” I handed the letter over to him. They read it together, then looked at me with those sometimes unreadable expressions.

“I guess the only real question is: do you still love him enough to go back? It’s obvious he wants you to.” Fili asked.  I looked from him to Kili, who nodded agreement.

“You were happy there, for a long time. And with what’s happened, it’s probably hard for you to stay here. Whatever you want to do, El, you know we support you.”

“I think I’ll go for a little while, when Nion and Ara are ready to leave. Test the waters, so to speak. If it’s not comfortable, I’ll be back. If I decide to stay…”

“We know,” smiled Fili. “But you’ll visit us whenever you want.”   “Of course.” I smiled back.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naneth - mother  
> Ion nin - my son  
> Ada - father


	57. Return to the Woodland Realm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth returns to the Realm and decides to stay. It feels more like home than Erebor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

Ten days later, I left with my sons. They were excited and chatty, as they knew I didn’t send a response, or send a message that I was coming.

“I can’t wait to see their faces when they see you!” exclaimed Nion. “Especially since they don’t know.”

We rode in through the back gate. The guards looked surprised. “No messengers – we want to surprise them.” Ara told them. 

It felt a little strange, coming back here. But it had only been a few months. We headed for the throne room. Ara split off to play whatever angst he wanted to put his father through before seeing me. Nion and I climbed; I stopped while still out of sight, he continued on.

“ _Ada_ , there’s someone here to see you.”

“Elenion, you know I don’t see petitioners until the afternoon.” Legolas’ voice sounded tired.

“But this isn’t a petitioner.” I began climbing the short flight of steps. “W-w-hat?” As the top of my head came into view, he came down the steps from the throne, and stopped dead.

“My Prince.” I said, curtsying, head down. Elenion was giggling. Legolas swept me off my feet, swung me around and around, and kissed me.

“Elspeth! _By the Valar_ , I never expected to see you here! How…why…?” He left me a little breathless.

“Your father sent me a letter with the boys that I should come.”

“Does he know you’re here?” Legolas was actually grinning, something he rarely did.

“No – but Ara went to do some kind of ‘preparation.’ He will no doubt be just as surprised as you are.”

“Then I’m coming with you. I want to see this!”  I stopped him for a moment.

“Is he bad? Ara made it sound like you were running the Realm, and he just was drinking.”

“That’s just about right. His interest in anything really has been non-existent. But I think you coming may change that, for the better.”

“I don’t know how long I’m staying, Legolas. I don’t want this to sound permanent, unless it is.” He nodded. “ I understand.”

******************************

As we approached the king’s chambers, Elenion was standing outside, ear to the door, smirking.

“Ara’s got him really wound up,” he said. “He said it was an emissary from the Iron Hills, and there’s been a fair amount of shouting about orders to see no one.”

“Let me go in first, with Nion. We’ll signal you.” Legolas was still grinning. “We can probably wind him up a little more.” He knocked. “I told you no!” I could hear Thranduil yell. Ara opened the door, winked at me, ushered them in.

“ _Ada_ , it would be in really poor form if you refuse to see this emissary.” Legolas said, with deadly seriousness. “They are not here to see me. It has to be the king. And last I looked, that was _you_.”

Now I heard swearing. “I’m not in any shape to entertain!” Then Legolas, forcefully:

“And you are an absolute mess. I’m going to clean you up. You can’t meet with anyone looking like _that_.” Thranduil was swearing even more. “I’m not going to and you can’t make me!”

 _Gods, is he actually drunk?_ I thought. It would be a first. An inner door slammed. Ara and Nion opened the office door and I went in. They were snickering. The arguing was still going on; they were in the bathing chamber, water was running and Thranduil was still swearing.

“Oh, get over yourself!” Legolas was shouting. “You’re acting like a spoiled elfling!”  We were all laughing now.

Ara pointed to the couch in front of the fireplace; it had a high back. “You should lie down, _naneth_. That way he won’t see you right away.” I giggled, and did as he said.

The arguing had moved out of the bathroom. Legolas was asking Thranduil what he wanted to wear.

“What difference does it make?” Thranduil said sullenly. “You want to treat me like a child, then you can pick out my clothes! And put them on me, because I won’t do it!”

“Okay,” Legolas retorted. “But you’ll be sorry.”  We had to smother our laughter so they wouldn't hear us.

Finally, the bedroom door opened. It sounded like Legolas was _pushing_ Thranduil out ahead of him.

Ara and Nion rose from the side chairs, saying to me: “We are sorry for the delay, ambassador. The King will see you now.” I waited for a few moments, then popped my head over the back of the couch.

“Your Highness.” I said, and burst out laughing. Legolas had dressed his father in the most mismatched, ill-fitting clothes he could find. His white-blond hair was still wet and uncombed, and he had the most unbecoming scowl. At first it didn’t register who he was seeing. I had rolled back down, hands covering my mouth while I tried to stop laughing, getting it down to giggles.

There was dead silence. Then a face, without a scowl but a look of incredulity, was staring down at me from over the back of the couch. “Surprise!” I managed to get out, still trying to stop the mirth.

I pulled at the strands of hair that hung over the couch back.

“Should have combed your hair, dear! Your crown won’t fit properly!” The rest of them cracked up.

Thranduil finally came around from the back and realized who it was. He picked me up and stood me on the couch, so we were almost at eye-level.

“Very clever!” He breathed and pulled me into an embrace, shaking slightly and I could tell he was either laughing or crying. I pulled hair back from his face and forced his head up. Tears.

“Glad to see me?” I asked, as I planted a firm kiss on his lips. He tightened his hold on me and I had to back off a little, just so it wouldn’t get too intense.

He backed up and addressed his sons and grandson. “You’ve had your laugh, now out! All of you!”

******************************

Once they were gone, Thranduil picked me up from the couch, then sat down with me in his lap. “Why didn’t you let me know you were coming?”

“I thought it would be better if you didn’t know. Legolas didn’t either, so we got him in the throne room first.”

“It is so good to see you, Elspeth. How are you getting on?”

“As well as you would expect. My heart aches, but I know that won’t last forever. It was Ara and Nion that made me decide to come. I asked them how things were and all they could say was ‘sad.’ They told me you weren’t doing anything except drinking, leaving Legolas to take charge.”

“After you left...things just fell apart. I might have been calm that day, but after that I couldn’t hold myself together. I’m sure you knew that.”

“Yes, I knew. But you knew I _had_ to leave. It makes me cringe when I think how I acted those last couple of months. You deserved better.”

“I took it as punishment for what I did before. I should not have stolen you from Thorin, not just once but twice. I robbed you of the years you _should_ have had with him. I was selfish and arrogant, and you won’t ever get the chance, or the years back now. I had to let you go.” I looked into his eyes.

“No one could have predicted what happened to Thorin. It could have been there all along. He could have been knocked around one time too many, whether in battle or during the years he was in the hands of Sauron. We’ll never know. I sometimes think it would have been better if we _hadn’t_ found him.” Thranduil took me off his lap and stood me on the floor in front of him. His eyes bored into mine.

“What are you saying? That you would have stayed with me?”

“Of course, silly. After all the years we spent together. I wouldn’t have kept thinking Thorin was still out there, if I hadn’t found that bead. As it was, he was almost dead when we found him. And after we got back to Erebor, I realized that I barely knew him. Not that I didn’t love him, or want to marry him, but we’d spent more time apart than together. I was happier that his son got to meet him, more than that I had gotten him back.” The look on his face was one of hope, masked by denial.

”Are you telling me you want to come back?”

“No. I’m _asking_ you if you’ll _have_ me back, for good this time.” A single tear fell down his cheek, and I gently kissed it away. “I missed you.”

“I never dared to hope for this!” He started kissing my face everywhere. “Please, Elspeth, let me take you to bed and show you how much _you_ were missed!” I smiled.

“I was hoping you’d ask, _meleth nin_.” He picked me up and carried me into the bedroom, laying me on the bed. He started stripping out of the ludicrous set of clothes, while I undid the line of buttons down the front of my riding habit. He was done first and came to help me out of the rest. And when I felt that hair veiling us, that smooth skin, the woodland scent of him, the familiar, erotic sensation of him inside me, I knew this truly _was_ home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ada - father  
> Naneth - mother  
> Meleth nin - my love


	58. Part 7 - The Years Between, Chapter 58 - Life Goes On, with Trepidation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth resumes life in the Realm, as if nothing had been disrupted. She finds activities that make her happy, and one of these brings on a long discussion with Thranduil about her own world. She bides her time until events begin to unfold about the War of the Ring. When she learns of Frodo' birth and adoption by Bilbo; and Legolas finally meets up with Aragorn, she struggles to speak about the future. And in telling Thranduil, finds that he has done something she did not expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

And so I resettled into life in the Realm. We remarried without ceremony; I was re-crowned without argument and all was as if I had never left. Legolas resumed wandering. Aranhil went to Rivendell when he turned 20 (in human years) to study healing with Elrond. Elenion remained; as he had been named heir after Legolas, his time was taken up between learning the role he might have to play should his father die, and as commander of the armies. Ara had no interest in ever taking the throne, but was expected to expand his fighting ability as well as his healing studies. None of the children were exempted from this, as all would be at risk when the War of the Ring began.

In Erebor, Fili continued as King Under the Mountain; Kili as Royal Consort. Despite having his own son, Fili named Toril as heir. Frerin would follow only if Toril had no son; he was more the warrior than any of his siblings. And Kalin, who would be next if Frerin had no son, was studying under Óin and Ori, to become both a healer and a scribe. Dwalin and their fathers made sure they continued to develop their battle skills as well. I visited at least quarterly, especially around the Winter Solstice; there was always a formal memorial service for Thorin on the date of his death. Dís had decided to stay, for which I was grateful. In a way, she replaced me as the mother-figure, especially to Toril.

I turned my own time to study both Elvish and Dwarvish language, to the herb and vegetable gardens, to expanding the kitchen’s use of native foods, adapted to recipes from my own world. The most successful of these, oddly enough, was French Toast - or as they called it,  _Français_ _Saesa_. They had the eggs and bread, but it never occurred to them to put the two together in this way. And while they had honey, I showed them how to tap the maple trees to create the syrup that went so well with the dish. The cooks jealousy guarded the secret, so guests to the Realm found excuses to return often, just to partake of the tasty treat.

I also began taking excursions into the woods. Thranduil was not happy about this, as the forest was still unsafe, despite the fact the spiders were gone. I refused an escort, but of course he had the guards who were best at keeping hidden follow me. I had discovered an area of meadow along the western edge where a large colony of rabbits made their home. It took months, but I finally got close enough where they would approach me without fear. I would bring them their favorite herbs and during the winter months I would bring caches of foods from the indoor gardens. I could not communicate with them as I had with my own, but just being around them made me happy.

When Thranduil found out about this from the guards, he would occasionally join me there, exerting his own influence over the area, so other forest creatures would come: deer, foxes, squirrels, chipmunks, and a variety of birds. It was like living in a Disney movie, but with a far more profound connection to the earth, trees and animals. And he would make love to me there, which always felt magical. It was difficult to imagine life any other way, except I always kept what I knew was to come at the forefront of my mind.

******************************

My other favorite place was the expansive flower garden that Maerwen had created. Lovingly tended by those who had been part of her household staff from so long ago, and the only memory of her that existed, save the tiny portrait and the statue which stood at the western entrance to the pathway through the woods. I would go there at night, when I would become restless with dreams of my former life, things I could never banish from my thoughts, especially the music I had loved. There was no way to replicate it; even if I had the means to teach any race of this world how to perform it, without electrical power it would never be the same. And so with it only in my mind, I would go there and dance to a rhythm only I could hear, or sit quietly and sing along with a favorite ballad and weep.

I should have known this wouldn't remain a private activity; there came a night where I was interrupted by Thranduil’s sudden appearance. It was surprising, as he rarely came near this garden, if at all. I was halfway through dancing to ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ when he startled me and I froze.

“Elspeth, what on earth are you doing?” I laughed, but felt like I’d been invaded.

“It’s nothing, really.” I knew this wouldn’t appease him. “It has to do with where I came from, one of the things I miss from my own world.”

“Can you explain it?” he asked. “I know you don’t like to talk about your time…before.”

“It’s not that I don’t like to, it’s just hard to explain. There’s so much that leads up to everything, like I can’t explain one thing without having to go back and back, and even once I get to the beginning, it would still be way out of your comprehension.”

“But this seems to make you sad, and I don’t want you to be.” He hugged me to him. “Are you sorry you came here?”  I pulled back.

“No! Never sorry! I really had nothing to stay for. I devoted so much time to finding a way to get Thorin, Fili and Kili out of harm’s way that there wasn’t much else to spend time on. But I always had my music, which I loved with a passion. It was with me all the time. My world had become an ugly place, but music always transcended everything.”

“Can you try? I realize I don’t know you, Elspeth, like I would know someone of _this_ world. I have lived for thousands of years and remember the past, all of it, like it was yesterday. You are the most important person in my life and I don’t know how you became who you are, the _you_ that I love.”  I looked at him, he was absolutely serious.

"All right. But if it starts to get overwhelming, tell me. My world was like yours, centuries past. No one is immortal. We are all human, but of different races. We come in many sizes, shapes and colors. We had to hunt, gather, fish. But then we had agriculture, where we grew much that could feed many. Most things were done by hand. Then there was what was known as the 'Industrial Revolution,' when we learned how to mechanize processes, so things could be done faster and easier than by hand. The way things are done in Erebor, in the mines and forges, are most like that. Burning fuel creates energy, energy that can move things on their own, without needing many, or less, or no people to do it. Does that make sense?"

Thranduil nodded. "I wondered why the dwarves were the ones to have such machines."

"It's because of what they do - they find jewels and metals, but to be able to craft them, or to mine more efficiently, they needed methods that were stronger than their own muscles. I'm sure it took generations of them, just to get to where they are now. They are workers. Elves are the intellectuals of your world. You record events, you create art and music, but you create little else save weapons. You are also the naturalists and conservators of the organic world; protecting plant and animal life is what you do best. It is the same in my world: we have dreamers and thinkers and artists. And then we have the workers, the doers, the facilitators. Each serve a purpose, but they must be symbiotic. Do you know what that means?"

He shook his head. "I don't know that word, but I can guess that it means everyone and everything must work together. No one would survive if one facet stops working, as we are all dependent on each other."

"Very good! This is where the idea of the 'Common Good' comes into play. That what is done by few can be used or enjoyed by all. We all have brains, some more exceptional than others. People think things up. These are called 'inventors,' and that is what they do. They see a need for something, put their minds, their intellect, to work on it. Sometimes they need help with the creation of what they dream up, as they aren't always 'makers.' So they become partners with someone who can. Sometimes, producing the creation is costly, in which case they find those who can finance the endeavor. And then it's all just trial-and-error: if one way doesn't work, they try another. They don't give up, until whatever they had dreamt of finally works."

I spoke of cars, trains, ships and planes. Thranduil had a very hard time believing in flight. He got up and paced.

"No! People cannot conquer the air! Not even elves can do that." I grabbed his hand, forcing him to sit.

"I know this is difficult to process. You just have to trust me, that this was all real in my world. Ask Fili and Kili, as they saw some of it first-hand, when I had them there. I think, over millennia, dwarves could invent all of these things, or at least be the builders."

"And elves will not? We are considered superior beings, the first-born, immortal. Why the dwarves?"

"Truth is, my love, you are _not_ superior. Only different. For whatever reason, you weren't put here to invent, only to protect what exists in the natural world. And that is just as important. Because the invention of all these things, that require energy to operate, also produce waste. When things are burned, you see and smell smoke, right? If you did that on a massive scale, you would create what's called 'pollution,' which would affect the sky, the air we breathe, the water, the ground soil. Even your own body. These are destructive forces, from too much fuel-produced energy. And that it largely responsible for the fate of my own world. It is slowly being destroyed by pollution and other man-made things. And overpopulation."

"Is there no other way to produce this 'energy?' That would not cause your world to be destroyed?"

"There are alternatives, like wind and sun. But we started first with 'fossil fuels,' a substance called 'oil,' a liquid taken from the earth itself. At first it was plentiful, but as it's consumed and not replaced, the source is drying up. These fuels run my entire world. A power call 'electricity' makes almost everything in my world operate. Without it, we'd be blind. Our world would darken. We would have to go back to fires and candles for light and heat. I explained this to Kili, but he, Fili and Thorin also got to see how it works. It's hard to visualize without examples."

"Speaking of heat, we should move inside. It's getting cold." Thranduil said.

"I thought you didn't feel cold."  He laughed.

Not me _, meleth nin_. You! Look at your skin." I was covered in goose-bumps. "You're right, let's go in."

******************************

Resettled in front of the fire, sipping wine, I continued about petroleum, petrochemicals, finally the creation of plastic and how it began to replace so many other things.

"I still don't understand how this all connects to why you were out there, dancing in a strange way, to silence?" I smiled.

"I told you this wouldn't be easy! But we're moving there. One of these plastics was called 'vinyl,' and this became the way music entered our lives, other than listening to someone perform 'live,' which is the only way you know."

I explained airwaves, transmission, wire communication, telegraph, radio, telephone. This was also hard to understand. 

"So you picked up this device and just talked? And the person on the other end was able to hear and respond, even if they were leagues away?" He was becoming so fascinated I could almost see wheels turning in his head. I went to his desk and got writing materials.

"I can illustrate some of this this a little. You'll have to excuse my lack of drawing skill! But I think it will help."

And so I drew, and explained, and eventually got to how music was recorded, and the role played by vinyl: how it went from Edison's wax cylinders to records to audiotape to disc to digital. Then how music developed to the period when I became saturated with the music of my youth, and beyond. How it spread from blues in the south of the USA to the Brits, to the California coast, the changes made. And how original it had been, how it was supported and distributed by music lovers, until corporate greed took it over.

Thranduil was completely amused by the names of bands I could remember: the weirdness of how it sounded, and having me explain what those words meant. And how the invention of electric guitars changed it all to rock'n'roll.

"So you see, I hope, why this is only in my head - something only I can hear. It's all etched firmly in my memory, and I miss the sound of it. It's so compelling: it's been said that if it makes you want to dance, fight or fuck, then it's truly rock'n'roll. It's something that hits right at your core, it's primal. There is nothing in your world that comes close, and probably never will."

"Was this what we used to hear you singing to the babies, while you nursed them or rocked them to sleep? We never could make it out, but knew it was nothing of our world."  I smiled. It was usually 'Hey, Jude' or 'Dream Weaver.' 

"Yes, one of those with the right rhythm and soothing words. There were many."

 _"Lle naa vanima_ ; you move in a way that could certainly arouse anyone who watches you. Including me." He carried me into bed. I reached for him.

"That kind of dancing was sometimes referred to as 'a vertical expression of a horizontal intention'." 

He dropped his robes and knelt over me, kissed me, the veil of hair covering us.

"Then show me your intention, _meleth nin,_ now that I've interrupted your dance."

 ******************************

A number of years later, we got word that Bilbo Baggins had adopted his young nephew Frodo; his parents had been killed in a boating incident. I knew the clock was ticking. It would still be a while before Frodo would set out on his quest, but the signs would start becoming noticeable to those alert for them.

Twelve years later, Legolas finally found Aragorn, wandering with the Dúnedain. He came home briefly, to let his father know. I debated long and hard with myself whether or not to tell him, what would happen in another 25 years, at least up to the Council. Instead, I discussed this with Thranduil. The information I had to give him leading up to that time he did not find all that surprising, as all of the Eldar were aware that the spirit of Sauron was still hiding in the east. I told him about the One Ring, that it was in Bilbo's possession all the time since the quest for Erebor. And this _did_ shock him.

"You must tell Gandalf! At the very least, if not the rest of the White Council. If that ring falls into Sauron's hands we will all be doomed. How could you keep this a secret, Elspeth!?"

"I told you, things will work the way the story intends. We cannot interfere with it, even to prevent it from doing harm. At least you now know _how_ the dwarves escaped the dungeons. Bilbo put on the ring and was invisible. So between your guards having passed out from drinking, and that he could move without being either seen or heard, escape was easy. Well, not so easy for them...have _you_ ever tried to go from the wine cellar in a barrel, all the way to the bargeman's landing?"

"No. I imagine that wasn't the most pleasant of experiences." Thranduil was holding back a smile, as this was a 'serious' discussion.

"Oh, it got even worse! Bard had to sneak them into Laketown, so he had some smugglers dump dead fish into the barrels so the dwarves were completely covered. Then, when he was able to dump them out of the barrels, his son told him their house was being watched. So he had to have them come up into his house through the toilet!" Now Thranduil was laughing outright.

"Now there's an image I doubt will ever be erased from my memory - Thorin must have been beside himself with that particular indignity!"  I was laughing myself.

"He would get absolutely murderous if anyone ever even _mentioned_ that incident! But, going back, Gandalf has always suspected Bilbo had the ring and another 20 years or so, he will find a way to prove it. And the rest will know at the Council." 

"So where is it that Legolas fits into the story? Since you're telling me instead of him."

"He is going to volunteer for that quest, the quest to destroy the One Ring. There will be a total of nine, forming a fellowship. Frodo, with three of his fellow hobbits; Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli Gloin's son, Denethor's eldest son Boromir and Gandalf." At this Thranduil quickly got up and made as if he was going to the door.

"No!" I said, as forcefully as I could. "You must not tell him!" He stopped, turned to stare at me.

"Why not? This is my _son_ we're talking about. I can't just let him run off on something as dangerous as this, not with an enemy this powerful." I went to him and gently led him back to the fireside.

"Trust me on this. Nothing will happen to Legolas. That's why I'm not sure if I should even tell him myself. He wants to go because Aragorn is going. Their relationship is very strong by then, and Legolas trusts that Aragorn knows what he's doing." Thranduil's tension eased, as I continued to reassure him.

"So you know precisely when this will happen?"

"Yes. The Council will occur in 3018, in the late autumn. But there will be trouble before. Three years prior, you will have to defend Mirkwood against invasions by Sauron's forces, as both Lothlorien and the Realm are attacked continually, until the Ring is destroyed."

"So none of this will begin to affect us for quite some time yet. Why did you feel the need to tell me about it now?" I looked straight at him.

"Because, my love, you will endure. I will not. I'm already past 100, older than most in my world. And I have no idea how much time I have left. I know Elrond slowed it down, but I would hate to die not having told those I love what lies ahead."

******************************

At this, Thranduil pulled me into his lap, and kissed me deeply. "That is not entirely true, _meleth nin._ Have you noticed any discernible changes in the way you look? Or more importantly, how you feel, physically?" I had to think about it.

"No, not really." And then something occurred to me, and I pulled away from him.

"Tell me what I'm thinking is wrong! You didn't do this!"  I didn't know whether to be angry or elated.

He pulled me back to him. "I did. Every night while you slept, and every time we've made love, I've passed some of my grace to you. You won't become immortal, like I have been until now; I will have less time, but you will have more. It may or may not even us out. But at least I know, once you've gone, that I won't have to live forever without you." He kissed me again. I was stunned into silence.

When I felt I could speak again. "But this has weakened you...not just in time lost, but in your strength. You still have battles to fight!"

"And if I should be killed in one, then you won't be all that far behind me." I couldn't believe he still wasn't getting it.

"Thranduil, haven't you forgotten something? I am _not_ from your world. Whatever happens, wherever it is you all go when you die to be reborn, I will not be there. No matter what you do, we will not be reunited!" 

"Many killed before their time are not reborn, and some _choose_ not to be reborn. I never intended to go to Valinor. Once our race is entirely gone, and I close the doors of the Realm for the last time, I will diminish here, alone until death. But I believe that somewhere, beyond life, our spirits will find each other. Not just you and I, but all who have perished."

I put my arms around his neck. " _Mela en'coiamin_ , I don't know whether to be angry with you, for doing this. But take me to bed, now; make love to me, as only you can. And no more grace; I'm sure you've given me quite enough already!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Français Saesa - French Pleasure  
> Meleth nin - my love  
> Lle naa vanima - You are beautiful  
> A’maelamin -Beloved  
> Mela en'coiamin - Love of my life


	59. The First Unpreventable Tragedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elspeth visits Fili and Kili to explain more of the future. She tells them about Thranduil's 'gift.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter after this...with a surprise ending.
> 
> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes

It was now 2989. In the spring I made a visit to Erebor. It was time to give Fili and Kili an update, as this would affect them, as well as the rest of the company. They were delighted to see me, us usual. Signs that they were no longer the youngsters I had met so long ago were apparent. Fili was now 144; Kili 139, and the weight of leadership was beginning to show, although they were still considered in their prime, for dwarves. The children (really, no longer – they were 47) were approaching the years of their adulthood. Fili could step down any time after Toril turned 50.

“Something’s going to happen, about the future, isn’t it?” Fili asked, as we settled into their sitting room.

“Yes,” I answered. “Balin is preparing to leave for Moria?”

“And Ori’s going with him,” said Kili. “Why? Are they in danger?”

“Unfortunately. They will manage to retake the kingdom, and successfully operate a mine once again. It has the richest lodes of _mithril_ in all Middle Earth. But there are also things that should not be awoken, that live in the lowest of depths of that place.”

 Fili looked stricken. “What kinds of things?”  I shook my head.

“Something worse than orcs. I won’t mention it by name. You cannot prevent them from going, but know this is the last time you will see them. In five years, this nameless beast will rise, and the orcs will re-take Moria. Balin and Ori will perish, along with all the dwarves who accompany them.”

“Why?” Kili was anguished. “Why can’t we tell them?”  Ori was a good friend, and Balin had been the primary advisor to the kings of Erebor for generations.

“You know why, love. It would alter canon. It will have to occur as part of this new story, this growing threat. It will affect the Fellowship, as they must pass through there. I can possibly tell you more, after the fact. The reason I tell you now is so you can say farewell to them. I know that will be extremely difficult. But would you rather not know, and when the word reaches you in five years or more, feel guilty that you didn’t have that last chance?”

They both shook their heads, tears beginning to roll down their faces.

“One of the hardest things _I_ have to do is to not mention this to Dwalin, Dori or Nori. They will have to deal with getting the news years later, and won’t get the chance I’m giving you. So make it count.”

They agreed, though continued to cry quietly.

“Be comforted by the fact that I know of no other losses within the company. The attack on Erebor, the one I know of, where Dáin and Brand will fall, takes place in 3019. That doesn’t mean there won’t be others, earlier than that. The Realm and Lothlorien will be attacked starting 4 years prior, and more than once. You must be sure you are prepared, as I can’t give you a more exact time period.”

“Mirkwood! But _you’ll_ be there, El!”  Kili cried. “ _You’ll_ be in harm’s way!”  I put my arms around him.

“Not to worry _, âzyunguh_. Thranduil will prevail. I will be safe.”

Fili was quieter than usual. I asked him what was wrong, beyond what I had told them.

“I don’t know if I like this. Knowing what is to come, to people I care about, and I can do nothing to prevent it.”

“Fili, how do you think it was for the 50 years I worked on finding a way to save _you_?  I was so discouraged sometimes, but I wouldn’t give up. The difference is that my saving you didn’t change much in the story – you just went on after the fact. But because of that, you could be at risk:  you, Kili, our sons and Tori.”

“Try to be assured, that overall things will work out,” I told them. I got up, stretched. “I’m ready for bed.”

“Are you going to stay with us?” Kili asked. I looked to Fili. “Do you want me to?” He nodded.

We no longer had wild sex. If we had any, it was more of comfort than lust. Thranduil more than took care of my drive. We just enjoyed being together; that had never changed.

I had suggested to them over and over that they do something with the rooms across from them, which were no longer sealed, but unused. They believed Toril would take them over when he became king. I think they just didn’t have the heart to dismantle it themselves.

“So have you decided for sure, Fili, if you’ll step down when Tori is 50?” He was curled up on my left.

“I think so. Tori will be ready by then and I’ll be ready to spend some time doing things I like, rather than things I must. I started wearing this crown long before I thought I would have to, and it _is_ a heavy weight.”

Kili, on my right, agreed, “And I’ll finally have him back, all to myself!”

“As if you’ve have a life of leisure all this time, brother! You were right there with me, through everything.”

I laughed quietly. “You’ve both done a wonderful job. I’m proud of you; Thorin was proud of you, too. You’ve earned the right to have the rest of your lives to yourselves. I know you’ll have to advise Tori, but I’m sure he’ll be able to do just as well as his father would have, too.”

******************************

“What about you, El?” Kili asked. “Obviously, your queenly duties don’t take much out of you. You still look as you did when you drew us into your world. Even after all you’ve been through, you don’t look any older.”  We had no secrets, so I wasn’t reluctant to tell them.

“I’ve been given more than what Lord Elrond did. I didn’t know until just a short time ago, but Thranduil’s been giving me his own grace all these years.” They both sat up quickly.

“Doesn’t that make him mortal? Why would he do it?”

“He wants to have as much time with me as possible. It was his choice. He told me he never intended to go to Valinor, even before. He will stay here, even after the rest of his kin and me, are gone. At least those who can and will. Legolas will even go, with Gimli.”

Now I had them going…I had refused to tell them anything about that relationship years ago, lest they say anything to their friend. But they were wiser now, and would understand why.

“So you’ll finally tell!”  They were both at full attention now.

“Okay, but still, no telling him, right?”  They each took one of my hands and kissed the palm. “We swear!”

“I told you about how Gollum escaped the Realm’s dungeons, after Gandalf and Aragorn deposit him there. So, after he escapes and Elrond calls his Council to meet, Thranduil sends Legolas to tell them about the escape. Glóin brings Gimli when he goes with some other dwarves. Elrond wanted representatives of all races at this council, so it was just by chance that’s who was there to offer to become part of the Fellowship. Legolas volunteers because Aragorn does; they have become very close over the years they wandered together. Gimli has suspicions about Legolas’ motives, so offers to go to keep an eye on him.”

“Why was there suspicion? Legolas helped us before; why wouldn’t Gimli trust him?” Fili asked.

“Remember, I told you Legolas wasn’t supposed to be in your story. The only encounter your company was to have with the Woodland elves was to be captured, imprisoned and then escape with Bilbo’s help. The only elf you were supposed to have contact with was Thranduil, and because Thorin had so much animosity, so did all of you. Glóin raised Gimli with that prejudice, a mistrust of elves. And the elves returned that enmity.”

“The Fellowship sets out from Rivendell in winter. Gandalf tries to use the mountain passes but there are horrendous snowstorms, some whipped up by Saruman. He’s angry that Gandalf escaped, and knows where he is most of the time. He knew if he made Caradhras impassable, the Fellowship would have to go through Khazad-dûm. And so they do. And that’s when Gandalf discovers Gollum is following them. They find Balin’s tomb, and Ori’s remains, still holding the Book of Days. Gandalf reads the last entries and knows what killed them and every other dwarf in the entire kingdom.”

“Gimli was unaware of Balin’s death, and grieves at the tomb. You see why Balin and Ori can’t be prevented from going, nor anyone else told in advance? The way that would change that part of the quest?”

They nodded. Fili said, “And we wouldn’t have known their fate if Gimli hadn’t seen the tomb.”

“Brace yourselves; this is going to be hard. As the Fellowship is pursued through Moria by swarms of orcs, they run over the bridge that will lead them out from the mountain, into Dimrill Dale. But there is a demon chasing them. A creature made of shadow and fire, a foe from a distant time, armed with a whip of flame. Gandalf stops halfway over the bridge to prevent this nightmare from pursuing them. He cracks the bridge with his staff and the demon falls. But he sends the whip up one more time and it wraps around Gandalf’s ankle, pulling him down into the abyss with the beast.”

Fili and Kili cannot even speak for a bit. “You’re saying…Gandalf… _dies_?” Fili gasps.

“In a way, yes. I know, it is a shock. The rest of them get out and despite their grief they move on to Lothlorien. Galadriel offers them rest and safety, looking into their minds as she speaks to them. To Gimli, who is the most despondent of all, she says, “Do not let the great emptiness of Khazad-dûm fill your heart, Gimli son of Glóin, for the world is filled with peril. And in all lands love is now mingled with grief.” Her gentle words have an effect on Gimli. He goes from thinking of her as an ‘elf-witch’ to the fairest thing he has ever seen.”

“And when the Fellowship departs, they are given gifts: cloaks, knives, rope, Legolas gets a bow, Frodo is given the Light of Earendil. And she asks Gimli what gift a dwarf would ask of the elves, and he replies, “Nothing. Except to gaze upon the Lady of the Galadhrim one last time, for she is more fair than all the jewels beneath the earth.” And then he turns away in embarrassment, mumbling about something he _would_ like. So they set off in boats for Nen Hithoel. Aragorn, Frodo and Sam in one. Boromir, Merry and Pippin in another, and Legolas and Gimli in the third.”

“Gimli then reveals that he asked Galadriel for “one hair from her golden head” and she had given him three. This is where the animosity between them eases, and over the course of the story they become close friends. So when Legolas finally sails for Valinor, Gimli goes with him: the only dwarf ever allowed entry. It was said that Galadriel had gotten dispensation for him, and he was ever considered an elf-friend. One can only speculate exactly how close the relationship is, but Legolas never marries again, never succeeds his father. The two of them travel everywhere together after the war, practically inseparable.”

“So it’s the two of _them_ who really help to unite elves and dwarves,” said Kili.

“That’s right. That’s why it couldn’t have been you and Tauriel, as the film had it. I told you before, she was invented so there was at least one woman in the film, other than Galadriel, whose appearances were brief.”

“But what about Gandalf? Kili asked. “How could they go on without him?”  I laughed.

“How did Thorin and the rest of _you_ go on without him? You went on because you had to. The Fellowship does the same thing. When they get to Nan Hithoel, they are attacked by Saruman’s army of Uruk-Hai. Frodo goes off to think about how to leave the company and go to Mordor alone. Boromir follows him, tries to take the ring, but Frodo puts it on and gets away. Aragorn finds him and understands why Frodo must go. Then there is the attack. Aragorn fights while Frodo runs off.”

“Merry and Pippin are hiding nearby, and when Frodo refuses to join them, they realize his intent. They come out of hiding and are seen by the Uruk-Hai. They create a diversion so Frodo can escape, and are chased by the Uruks. Boromir comes to protect them, but is shot by three horrid Uruk-Hai arrows. Merry and Pippin are taken captive. Aragorn, having heard Boromir’s horn comes to his aid, but it’s too late. Boromir confesses his attempt to take the ring, and Aragorn tells him he let Frodo go. Legolas and Gimli arrive just as Boromir dies."

"Frodo meanwhile gets back to the boats and takes one, intending to cross the river and head into Mordor. Sam catches up and nearly drowns trying to follow. Frodo relents and lets Sam go with him. Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli reach the shore in time to see them walking off on the opposite shore. They send Boromir’s body over the falls in one of the boats, and the three of them take off to go after Merry and Pippin. So the Fellowship has broken apart.”

I yawned, “And now my loves, I need to sleep, as do you. I’m going back to the Realm tomorrow, after I speak with Tori, Rin and Kalin.”

“But you’ll come back to tell us more, right?” asked Fili. “And to visit anyway!” said Kili.

“Of course. It’s a lot to absorb. Don’t worry, we still have a good amount of time to discuss it.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mithril - Silver steel  
> Azyunguh - Love of all loves


	60. The War of the Ring Comes and Goes; So Does Elspeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war ends. Elspeth disappears briefly. But one must discover her true nature for oneself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Thanks to anyone who stuck with the story long enough to get to the end. Is it a happy ending? Depends on how you look at it.
> 
> Disclaimer in Chapter One Notes.

Over the next decade Elspeth makes many such trips, telling those who need to know the details of what will occur. By the time the Council of Elrond takes place, Thranduil has had to repel orc armies between the Realm and Lothlorien several times. His anxiety about Legolas is still high, but believes Elspeth’s assurances that he won’t be harmed. The siege at Erebor occurs, and those forces are repelled by those who knew it was coming. Unfortunately, Dáin and Brand _are_ killed, as they were meant to in line with book-verse, but Kili, Fili and my dwarf sons survived. Kalin’s healing skills surpassed even those of Óin, and many survived who would have succumbed to their wounds.

When the Battle of Pelennor Fields occurred, Aranhil and Elenion both fought in that massive battle; Elenion joined his father and Aranhil stayed to heal the wounded. All of us were there for the wedding of Aragorn and Arwen. This was the completion of my desire to see all of the Middle Earth I had read about. Minas Tirith was as splendid as I imagined, despite the wreckage that would take years to repair.

Thranduil and Legolas argued; Legolas did not want to come back to the Realm. He explained that he and Gimli had made plans to visits forests and caves together, and had agreed to do some work in Gondor for King Aragorn. It was obvious they were reluctant to leave their friend and companion, at least for the time being.

“Don’t fret, _meleth nin_ ,” I told Thranduil. “Legolas will come when he’s done what he feels he must. At least before he decides to leave for Valinor. Nion will be coming back with us, and Ara plans to stay for a while before returning to Rivendell. I think he’s found a special elleth there, so don’t expect him to stay with us for long!”

“It’s serious, then? He mentioned it, but I didn’t think it was.”  I laughed.

“When has Ara ever been anything _but_ serious? I think it’s in the nature of healers. I think we may be attending a wedding in another year or so.”

“Do you think he intends to stay at Rivendell?”  Thranduil looked like he did when arguing with Legolas; partly angry, partly saddened at the thought he wouldn’t see his other son, either.

“Until he feels he has learned all he can from Elrond. And it depends on Nimri, too. She might not want to leave Imladris to live in the Realm. I think you’re beginning to suffer from what’s known in my world as ‘empty nest syndrome’!”

“What does that mean?” he asked.

“It’s what they call it when all the children leave home to begin their own lives, in whatever way that is. And the parents have to get used to their home being empty, and just having each other again. Many times, people split up, as it was only their children holding them together. And now they feel like strangers.”

“That is _never_ going to happen to us!” Thranduil declared, and kissed me fervently. “Not as long as you still make me want to take you to bed every time I look at you!  And that isn’t likely to change.”

“Oh, so _that’s_ why you gave me your grace, is it? As long as I still look young…” I said coyly.

“You could look your age and I would still want you. And you can never say no to me, can you?”

He had me there. And _had_ me there.

******************************

A sound of low beeping woke me. I couldn’t open my eyes; they felt like they were taped closed.

A soft male voice, somewhat familiar, calmly asking someone to get the doctor.

_Doctor? You mean a healer?_ I thought I asked this, but no sound came from my mouth. Another voice, female. Not at all familiar.

“How long has she been rousing?”  The male voice came again; why couldn’t I place it?

“Only the past 3 or 4 hours. She was mumbling something about rabbits and wolves and dwarves.”

“ _Dwarves?_ ”   “Oh, yes. Dwarves, Elves, Hobbits…you know, from Tolkien? It’s the VR program she’s been connected to while she’s been comatose.”  _Where the hell am I?_

“Ms. Locke? Can you hear me? It’s Dr. Allen. Can you wake up now?”  That unfamiliar voice.

_I don’t want to wake_. Something tells me if I wake now, things won’t be the same.

“Isn’t it the case, when they’re about to die, these hospice patients make a sort of last-ditch effort?” The more familiar voice asked.

“Yes, Eric. Sometimes, if they feel there’s something they forgot to do, or something they must say. But she’s been like this for what? Three months? And apparently there’s no family, friends; no next of kin. Just keep an eye on her. It probably won’t be long now.”

******************************

Thranduil woke with a start. Elspeth wasn’t next to him. _She must have gone to the garden to dance._

Throwing on a robe, he walked down the corridor to the library on the opposite side, next to Legolas’ room. Looking out that window, he could see her, looking like a ghost in the moonlight, in her white gown. He went down the walkways to the outside. She was gone.

He went back to their chambers, using the opposite entrance which led directly to that door thinking she’d gone back in to bed. Not there. _Where could she have gone?_

He went back to down the corridor to look out that side again, this time going into Legolas’ room, which had a balcony and offered a closer view of the garden. To his surprise, his son sat up in the bed.

_“Ada?_ What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t know you were here, _ion nin_. Why didn’t you let me know?”

“I got in very late and didn’t want to disturb you. I just wanted to see you and Elspeth. I missed you.”

“I cannot find her. Will you help me look?”  Legolas put on his own robe.

“Of course. Where would she be at this hour?”

“She sometimes goes to your mother’s flower garden, when she says dreams and memories of her world keep her awake. I saw her, but by the time I got there, she was gone.”

The two of them searched for the better part of the night. By dawn Thranduil was in a panic, and had every servant, guard, advisor and member of the court looking for her. Although no horse was missing from the stable, he sent a messenger to Erebor.

Late in the day the messenger returned, and he wasn’t alone. Fili, Kili, Toril, Frerin and Kalin were with him. Legolas met them at the gate, as they dismounted in a hurry.

“Has there been any word?” Kili asked, with a fair amount of worry in his voice. Echoed by Fili.

“Where could she have gone? Has there been any problem between her and your father?”

“No!” Legolas was defensive. “As far as I know they’ve been as happy as ever with each other. He’s out of his mind with worry.”

“Do you think she’s been kidnapped?” asked Toril.

“If so, we’ve had no word from anyone, no demands.” Legolas was leading the group to Thranduil’s office. Elenion was there with his grandfather, trying to keep him calm.

Thranduil jumped up when they entered. “So she isn’t with you…not in Erebor?” He was clearly on the verge of losing it. Kalin went to Elenion and whispered. “Should I sedate him? He looks like he’s going to start screaming.”

Nion shook his head. “Not yet. Let him talk to your father and Fili for a bit.” He proceeded to usher his brothers out.

“Please tell me you have an idea of where she might be!” Thranduil directed this to Fili and Kili. They shook their heads.

“We have not seen her since just after the royal wedding. We have been expecting her to visit, but she sent no word.” Thranduil swayed, looking like he might fall.

“ _Ada_ , I think you should lie down for a while. You’re so exhausted from running around all night and all day.” Legolas was firmly moving him toward the bedroom. Thranduil resisted.

“No! I will not stop looking for her!” Suddenly, the bedroom door opened, and Elspeth walked out.

“What is going on? I was fast asleep!” Everyone stared at everyone. Thranduil broke loose from Legolas’ grip and nearly crushed me in his arms.

“ _A’maelamin!_ ” he sobbed. “Where have you been? I thought I would die!” The outer door opened and the four young men tumbled in, with cries of “ _Amad!_ ” and “ _Naneth!_ ” they surrounded us.

Kili, Fili and Legolas surrounded me as well, until I finally had to yelp, “Stop! You’re all crushing me!” and they finally moved back slowly.

“Okay!” I breathed. “What’s happening? Why are all of you here, looking at me as if I’ve been away or something?”  They all took a breath, and let Legolas explain.

“ _Ada_ saw you in the garden last night and then you just disappeared. We’ve all been searching all night and day. The dwarves only just got here, since we sent a messenger early this morning.”

Thranduil was still holding me lightly. “But where did you go?” I looked closely at him. His relief was obvious, but I couldn’t understand why.

“I was with you, sleeping. I didn’t go anywhere.” Now he looked as confused as I felt.

"No, my love, you weren’t there when I suddenly woke. I saw you in the garden, but by the time I went down, you were gone. And no one could find you anywhere. I didn’t think you’d just gone off to Erebor, but I had to be sure. So I sent a messenger. They all came back with him. And we were just about to go searching again when you walked out of the bedroom, as if you’d been there all along.”

“I’m telling you, I _didn’t_ go anywhere!” Thranduil tightened his grip on me.

“Well, you’re here now, _mela en’coiamin._ I don’t care, as long as you don’t vanish again.”

I decided not to keep arguing with him…maybe I was sleepwalking, or maybe he’d seen someone else in the garden and thought it was me. I invited everyone to stay for dinner, and they accepted. 

******************************

Eric sighed as he pulled the sensors from her brow, turned off the monitors. Dr. Allen came in shortly to sign the death certificate.

“It’s a shame, really," she said. "She shouldn’t have stopped taking her meds; she could have had a few more years.”

“Well, I think the VR program helped ease her out of life. She was living in a place she chose, and was peaceful only until that brief moment, just before. I don’t know how well this will work for other terminal patients, but it seems to me that _her_ spirit slipped away into that world she loved so much.”

Dr. Allen smiled, a bit ruefully. “I guess it would be better…rather than just waiting in the dark to die, unaware of anything. If everyone were lucky enough to know where they wanted to be, like she did, it would be a great feat of technology. I’m glad you chose our facility for the test, Eric. I will certainly write a favorable report to your board, and hope you will all work on continuing to improve this valuable tool. End-of-life issues are frightening for everyone, and this holds such promise. There may come a day where we no longer fear dying, if we know we’ll be in a place we love, and it’s the last thing we know.”

“It had to be, at least for Elspeth Locke. She looks like she’s still in the best dream _ever_.”

 

The End

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meleth nin - my love  
> A'maelamin - my beloved  
> Mela en'coiamin - Love of my life
> 
> Sources for my Dwarvish and Elvish words & phrases:  
> \- The Dwarrow Scholar: dwarrowscholar.wordpress.com  
> \- Dwarf It: meryrose.altervista.org/html/modules.php?name=Khuzdul  
> \- Khuzdul for you and you and you!: http://khuzdul4u.tumblr.com/ Blog defunct as of 12/31/15  
> \- Walkin’ in the sky (blog): http://poplitealqueen.tumblr.com/tagged/khuzdul  
> \- Stone and Steel: stoneandsteelguildhall.com/dictionary.html#tolkien  
> \- David Salo’s Blog: http://midgardsmal  
> \- Grey Company: grey-company.org/Circle/language/phrase.htm#races  
> \- David Salo’s Blog: http://midgardsmal.com/category/elvish/  
> \- Parf Edhellen: www.elfdict.com/index.page
> 
> The premise of this ending is a strong belief I have that VR (virtual reality, for anyone who doesn't know) will become advanced to this degree. Maybe not in my own lifetime, but not that far away. People who are moving toward death will have their final consciousness tied into a world where they wanted to be - past, future, fantasy, whatever.   
> My mother died of Alzheimer's more than 15 years ago, and all I could think of was how much better it would be for her if she could live in the part of her life she still remembered - right after WWII, when all of us baby-boomers were born, and the "charmed era" I spoke of in this tale.  
> Wouldn't that be awesome!


End file.
